Ashes to Ashes

by Jenny Han

  * * *

  Ashlin always asks to go to the bathroom near the end of her senior English class, which is the period right before her lunch. I know because I’ve been watching her for a few days. You’d think Mr. Malone, the teacher, would wise up or at least tell her no when he’s in the middle of discussing a passage, but he never does. I think he has a crush on her. Whenever he has the students read quietly at their desks, I’ve caught him peering over his newspaper at her. And one time, as he was walking up and down the aisles handing back a quiz, I swear I saw him peek down her shirt.

  Gross.

  Anyway, Ashlin spends a good fifteen minutes at the mirror fussing with her hair and touching up her makeup. She wants to make sure she looks her best, because the second the bell rings, she’s off to meet up with Derek at his locker so they can walk to the cafeteria together.

  She’s in love with him. I know it because of the way she acts around him, nervous. I can feel her heart beating faster whenever he’s near her, fast like a hummingbird’s. And her speaking voice gets a lot higher pitched. And because her notebooks are full of his name, doodled over and over again. Ashlin is very good at bubble letters.

  Unfortunately for her, Derek doesn’t feel the same way about her. He flirts with her and holds her hand, and he’ll sometimes carry her books for her. But I also know Derek sneaks notes to other girls in school, mainly freshmen and sophomores. He gets lots of texts from other girls too, but deletes them right away. I wasn’t sure why, but then I saw Ashlin take his phone and check it once, when he went to get a drink.

  Derek is shady. Just like Reeve.

  Which makes Ashlin and me kindred spirits in a way.

  When an emotional connection is forged with a spirit, the apparition will reveal him- or herself in his or her most vibrant state, one that is indistinguishable from the living.

  I wait in the last stall until Ashlin comes in. She pulls a paper towel from the dispenser and lays it on the sink before setting her purse down, to make sure it doesn’t get wet.

  I close my eyes and concentrate really hard. I focus on Ash’s insecurities until I can feel them inside myself. It’s like two notes, and I make myself in harmony with her. It reminds me of that first time I met Kat and Lillia; it feels like that. Like we are completely in harmony with each other.

  Then, when I open my eyes, everything around me seems brighter. The white porcelain of the toilet, the graffiti on the stall walls, the light coming through the frosted window.

  I’m visible.

  I step out of the stall, and Ashlin’s eyes move off her reflection in the mirror and onto me.

  “Oh,” I say with a smile. “Hey, Ashlin.”

  Ashlin smiles at me in the mirror. I can tell she’s trying to place me, trying to remember if she should know my name or not. “Hey there,” she says.

  I walk up to the sink next to hers. “You don’t know me, but I’m on the yearbook committee. A bunch of us were saying the other day how your senior portrait is the prettiest one of all the senior girls.”

  Ashlin turns around. “That is so sweet of you to say. I was actually choosing between that shot and another one where I’m not showing my teeth when I smile. I went back and forth for, like, weeks, but Derek said the one I picked made my hair look blonder, so.”

  “It’s true.” I make like I am going to walk out, but then I stop and turn back around. I bite on my pinky, like I’m deliberating something, and then I say, “I feel so bad for Alex. But then again, Reeve’s been violent before, so maybe it’s not surprising that he’d lash out like that when someone finally stood up to his bullying.” Ashlin opens her mouth, like she’s going to say something. But then she just nods, so I keep going. “Actually, it’s almost exactly like what happened with him and that poor girl in seventh grade. Except less tragic, obviously.” I shake my head. “No wonder Lillia doesn’t want to be with someone like that. He’s got blood on his hands.”

  She frowns and says, “What are you talking about?”

  I look over both my shoulders and then lower my voice. “Reeve bullied a girl so badly she killed herself.”

  Ashlin’s eyes widen. “What?”

  And then I give her all the gory details. I tell her everything. Ash shakes her head a few times, but I know she believes me. I can feel it.

  * * *

  After Ashlin practically sprints out of the bathroom, I spend the rest of the day watching the story spread like wildfire. Some kids say they vaguely remember hearing about that girl. Big Easy. From church, or swim lessons. But after they hear what I went through, I bet none of them will forget me.

  * * *

  When I get to Reeve’s house, he’s having a full-blown fight with his mom in the kitchen. She’s holding his fist in a bowl of ice water. I can see it’s swollen and bruised on top of the old cuts he got punching his bathroom walls.

  “You could lose your acceptance to Graydon. What do you have if you don’t get a fifth year? Nothing! All that hard work by you and Lillia will be for nothing.”

  “I’m not going to lose my acceptance.”

  “If they get wind of a three-day suspension, you think they’ll be happy?” She shakes her head. “I keep debating calling over to the Linds and apologizing on your behalf—”

  “Mom, stop, okay? It’s not a big deal.”

  She glares at him. “It is a big deal. You’ve had a rough year. Your injury, Rennie’s death, and now this,” she says, lifting his hand out of the bowl. Reeve looks away. He doesn’t want to see it. “I’m going to call Dr. Clark. I bet I still have his number.”

  “Mom!” Reeve shouts.

  At that, Reeve’s dad ambles in and digs around in the fridge. “Not this again. I’m not spending another couple hundred for some overeducated WASP to try to convince us that our son is depressed and possibly suicidal. Teen boys get into fistfights, just like seventh-grade boys want to climb on lighthouses and be little daredevil shits.” He pops open a can of beer, and both Reeve and his mom look up at the sound.

  When his dad walks out, Reeve clenches his teeth and says, “I hate him.”

  His mom puts her finger to her lips. “Reeve, please, don’t start with your father. He’s had a rough day. You know how it is when tourist season starts and the summer people come back in demanding this and that from him.”

  At that, Reeve pushes away from the table so hard the ice water bath sloshes onto the floor, and he stalks out. Mrs. Tabatsky grabs a towel and starts to cry.

  Things in the Tabatsky house are falling apart, but for me it’s all coming together.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  KAT

  I WISH I COULD GO straight to Lillia’s house and find out what the eff happened between Alex and Reeve, but that scoop will have to wait. Instead I go to the Preservation Society immediately after school. I march right into Danner’s office. I’m so mad I’m shaking.

  “Where’s my letter, Danner?”

  “Excuse me?”

  I sit down. “I want my damn letter of recommendation! I did everything you richy-riches asked for, including picking up your damn dry cleaning. Don’t you get that you’re screwing with my future?”

  “I already wrote you one, Kat. I mailed it in a few weeks ago.” She narrows her eyes. “I told them how you were a woman of great poise and promise.”

  Oh. Oh, shit. “Well, um, do you think I could possibly get another copy? Like, now?”

  Danner looks like she wants to throw me out onto the street. And honestly, I’d deserve it, for the way I just spoke to her. “Please. If I don’t get this letter, I don’t have a shot. Please don’t ruin my life because I’m a freaking idiot.”

  Danner opens her mouth, then closes it, then stands up. Grimly she says, “Let me get another piece of letterhead into the printer. I didn’t save my original, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to channel all the wonderful things I wrote about you the first time around, but I’ll try to pull something adequate together.”

  Thank freaking
God.

  Danner leaves the room, and a few minutes later old Evelyn comes shuffling in wearing some amazing silk pantsuit and kitten heels, even though she’s ancient. I love Evelyn. The feeling must be mutual, because when she sees me, she brightens like her big honkin’ diamond ring.

  “Oh, Kat, good. I didn’t realize you were working today.” She hands me a stack of papers. “Can you file these? I have no idea where they go.”

  “Sure, Evelyn.” It’s the least I can do.

  I walk out to the file cabinets in the hallway and start putting things where they belong. Press releases in the media file, contractor bids in the development files.

  A power of attorney document? No clue where that goes.

  It’s from Greenbriar Sanitarium.

  In light of current medical concerns, Erica Zane has been awarded by the state full authority to execute all decisions, financial and otherwise, for her sister, Elizabeth [Bette] Zane.

  Underneath that is a deed transfer. Mary’s house. Donated to the Jar Island Preservation Society.

  I don’t get it. That house has to be worth a mil. It’s one of the oldest on the island, and a landmark. I figured Mary’s family is well off, but not enough to give away a house like that for free.

  I’m relieved, obviously, because clearly Aunt Bette, or Aunt Elizabeth, is getting the help she needs.

  But what about Mary?

  There are other papers too, stapled to this one. I set the rest of the pile of filing on top of the cabinet and take this stack back to Danner’s office. I’m about to slide them into my bag to show Lillia, when Danner comes in.

  “What are you doing?”

  Shit. Think fast.

  “Sorry. I was filing these papers but I thought I heard my phone ring.” I stand up. “Congrats on the Zane house. I’m glad it went through.”

  Danner eyes me suspiciously. She takes the papers out of my hands and replaces them with an envelope. “Best of luck to you, Katherine.”

  Chapter Forty-Four

  LILLIA

  MILKY MORNING’S OATMEAL CUPCAKES WITH chocolate frosting are Alex’s favorite. So I have six of those, and two chocolate chip cookies. I’m standing outside his pool house, working up the courage to knock on the door. I know he’s home. His car is right out front. Maybe I should just leave the bag and go. He’s not going to want to see me right now. It’s my fault he got punched in the face.

  I set the bag on the ground, and that’s when the door opens. Alex is standing there holding a bag of frozen peas to his face. “Hey, Lil.”

  I take a deep breath and say, “Alex, I am so sorry for what happened today. You were just trying to help me, and then you got hit for it. I swear to you I wasn’t trying to pull you into anything.”

  “I know that.”

  I let out the breath. “Really?” I bend over and pick up the Milky Morning bag and hand it to him. “Here.”

  Alex takes it and looks inside. “Thanks.”

  “Of course. I really am sorry, Alex.”

  “What the hell happened with you guys?” He shakes his head. “Never mind. It’s none of my business. Thanks for stopping by, Lil.”

  I nod, and then I run back to my car. As I’m driving home, I have to force myself not to turn around and go to Reeve’s. I heard he was suspended for three days. I know he’s suffering right now too. I wish so badly that I could be the one to comfort him.

  * * *

  When I get home, Kat’s waiting for me on my front steps. Crap. I was able to avoid her at school today by hiding out in the library, but now here she is. She jumps up as soon as I reach the steps. “Why haven’t you been answering your damn phone?”

  “Sorry—”

  “Never mind that. What the hell happened today, dude? I heard Tabatsky sucker-punched Alex in the freaking face!”

  “Um . . . yeah.” I sit down on the steps, and Kat joins me. What do I say? I want to tell her the truth, but I’m afraid, because of Reeve and also because if Mary’s leaving her out of it, there’s no reason to get her involved. It’s safer for her not to know. “Reeve and I were fighting, and Alex stepped in, and then Reeve punched him.” Kat’s eyes go huge and she opens her mouth to ask another question, and I speak before she can. “Reeve and I broke up.”

  Her jaw drops. “Are you serious! Why? You guys are crazy for each other!”

  What reason can I give that she’d believe? “He . . . he cheated on me.”

  “Motherfucker!”

  I nod my head. “Yup.”

  “Who’d he cheat on you with?” she demands.

  “Just some random girl. She . . . she doesn’t live on the island. I found some texts on his phone.”

  “That’s it. I’m gonna kick his ass.” Kat starts to stand up, and I quickly grab her arm and make her sit back down.

  “Please don’t go over there, Kat,” I beg. “It’s so humiliating. I don’t ever even want to think about it again.”

  “But he can’t just play you like that, Lil—”

  “No! Swear to me you won’t say anything to Reeve, Kat. Swear it.”

  “Fine.” Kat starts chewing on her thumbnail. “You’re all right, though?”

  “Yes. I mean, I’m sad. But I just want to forget any of this ever happened.” I force a smile. “Your tan looks amazing. Did you have a good time on Tim’s boat?”

  “It was killer,” she says. “But don’t change the subject. You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes, I swear! I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s been such an awful year.” My eyes fill with tears.

  “Okay, okay. Don’t cry. I’ll change the subject.” Kat squeezes my knee. “I have something crazy to tell you about Mary.”

  I think I stop breathing.

  “It’s literally crazy. Mary’s aunt is in the loony bin!”

  “What?”

  “Dude, it’s a long story, but basically I found a power of attorney form at the Preservation Society office! Mary’s mom had her committed!”

  “Oh my gosh,” I breathe.

  “Yeah, so mystery solved. Mary’s back with her parents and away from her freaky aunt.”

  “Right,” I repeat. “Mystery solved.”

  Chapter Forty-Five

  KAT

  INSTEAD OF GOING STRAIGHT HOME after leaving Lillia’s, I drive to Mary’s house.

  As I get out of my car and walk up the path, I almost can’t believe the state of it. Mary’s house is rotting at warp speed. Strangely, it looks way worse than the last time Lillia and I came here to look for her, which was only three months ago.

  The grass in the yard is overgrown. There are mushy leaves everywhere, and it gives the whole front lawn that decaying smell. Every window in the house is dark. The mail slot in the front door is stuffed full, and the overflow is in a messy pile on the front step, waterlogged and brown and pulpy. The biggest tree in the yard must have fallen in a storm or something. It’s gone. Only a stump is left, but the perimeter bushes where it fell are crushed and aren’t growing back. I watch a bird fly from a telephone wire into a small hole in the attic vent.

  I guess I get why Mary’s mom was cool with giving the house away. There isn’t much left to save.

  It looks like that old Volvo was towed away. And in its place the Preservation Society has parked two big Dumpsters, and they are full of Mary’s family’s stuff. A floral armchair, a couch, some paintings. I’m looking for a recent photograph of Mary, but they’re all of when she was younger, when I didn’t know her. I lift up an old curtain and find a huge stack of books underneath. Weird old books with cloth covers.

  The first one is titled The Sleeping Mind: The Power of Dreams and Semiconsciousness.

  Hells yeah, that’s my jam. Underneath that are other ones, occult-type shit, spirits and whatnot. Some aren’t even in English. Real Wicca-type stuff, the kinds of books you can’t find in a regular bookstore. Bet I could make a killing off them on eBay.

  After checking over both my shoulders, I lift a co
uple of them out, the ones that haven’t been rained on and ruined. I put them into my trunk.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  MARY

  ON HIS FIRST DAY BACK after his suspension, Reeve spends an hour getting ready. Clean shave, some product in his hair, and a couple of different outfit changes before he decides on jeans, a polo, and a pair of aviators. I can tell he’s nervous, because he applies deodorant three times. I get why. No one has called him since his fight with Alex. Not one of his friends. A few times Reeve scrolled through his phone, probably to reach out, but he never went through with it.

  Before he backs his truck down the driveway, he stares into his rearview mirror and touches the puffy dark circles under his eyes.

  He hasn’t been sleeping well. I’ve made sure of that.

  When we reach the school parking lot, Reeve turns up his car stereo loud and sticks his arm out the side window, like he’s out for a springtime joyride. The weather has turned nice, and there are lots of kids hanging around the fountain. It’s been turned on again.

  I can’t help but think of that first day of school, of confident, cocky Reeve hanging with his friends, not a care in the world.

  Reeve tries to project that same attitude, but I can see the cracks. His pace is too quick. He keeps looking around, waiting for someone to see him and give him a wave or a “What’s up.” But it’s as if he’s invisible.

  Actually, worse. No one wants to see him.

  I know, because that’s how it was for me, after Reeve came to the Montessori. And I bet Reeve realizes the shift as quickly as I did. He’s a smart cookie.

  Derek and PJ are tossing a Frisbee back and forth on the lawn. Reeve sees them, hustles over, and steals the catch in midair. “We gotta take advantage of this weather and get an ultimate game going stat. Maybe after school?” Reeve cocks back the Frisbee to join in the toss, but instead of holding out a hand, both Derek and PJ walk over toward him somberly.

  “Look, I know what you guys are going to say. And you’re right,” Reeve says, holding up his hands. “Me versus Lind was never going to be a fair fight. But—”