trouble with Jonathan is that he is an honest law abiding citizen and at some point he was bound to stuff things up by trying to do the proper thing.
There they were sitting in front of the TV fully sated by another sumptuous culinary triumph whipped by his delightful guest turned chef who, by the way, had decided to remain bra-less ... bonus! It doesn’t get much better than this.
And then it happened.
Halfway through the second bottle of wine, it came out. He just couldn't help himself.
"You know, there must be someone out there who is missing you. I wonder if maybe we should call the Police perhaps. Just to let them know that you are OK. Maybe meeting someone familiar will jog your memory."
Wednesday
The Wednesday routine consists of the following:
Wake up
Make breakfast consisting of a cup of tea and two poached eggs on toast (it being a Wednesday),
Whilst listening to the morning current affairs on ABC,
Shower,
Brush teeth,
Catch the 8:07 to Work (Of course he could drive but it’s just no fun having to share the road with the knuckle draggers that constitute the average Canberra driver),
Work,
Take lunch in the library whilst reading the latest copy of The Economist or similar authoritative journal,
Work,
Catch the 5:15 home,
Cook dinner and finally
Watch some evening TV whilst sipping on a nice glass of red.
Ah, but not this Wednesday. This Wednesday all the rules would be broken. This Wednesday would go down in history as the day Jonathan Theodore became a man! Yes, you heard me. Jonathan Theodore had SEX!!! Well, ok he'd had sex before but this was with someone else!!! (Technically a shift from a onesome to a twosome!) How different is that?!
OK, let’s be honest. It actually happened last night, too late to go on that to do list, AND yes he did have sex ... technically. But only because there is no time restriction on what qualifies as sex. Indeed an efficient operator could easily be able to get his jollies off without a significant impact on the rest of the day's routine.
In fact, if one were to take the average Aussie female at her word, the male of the species was quite able to engage in act amore and still be able to get back to watching the football in time for the ad break to end and match coverage to resume.
QUESTION: What is the Aussie male's definition of foreplay? ANSWER: "You awake?"
All it takes is entry and climax, although it is better if the two events don't happen at the same time! So yes he had sex and nothing was going to take that away from him. And there was nudity ... although it was too dark to see much ... but nudity felt so good!
Today’s routine consisted of SEX!!!!! - tick
So how did this come about?
Mostly it had to do with a large amount of very nice red wine, which she took to with great gusto requiring several trips to the cellar. Ok it wasn't actually a cellar, just a large cupboard in the hallway, but he liked the idea of having a cellar so that is what it was called.
At about the usual time she would stagger off to bed she stood up, hesitated, turned around and lunged at him a bit like a rugby player in full flight.
At first he wasn't sure whether to run, curl into foetal position hands covering his face until the threat passed, or just scream in terror! Too late! By the time the signal had left the brain to his various limbs and vocal chords, she was upon him mouth attached to his like a limpet. In time, his flailing arms came to rest on her as he gradually adopted a rather unfamiliar posture, namely wrapped around someone else.
What would you do if a gorgeous girl, whom you fancied like anything, suddenly displayed open affection to you? You would respond. Of course you would. And he did, once he realised what was going on.
She had been strangely contemplative all evening. She must have been contemplating having sex with him! Yes, my God that was it! She couldn't control her passion for him anymore! Jonathan you chick magnet!
Of course it wouldn't be Jonathan if some part of his brain didn't lodged a formal protest about taking advantage of a young, impressionable and drunk girl. However, by this time Jonathan had also drunk enough that even the moral objection lacked conviction.
So there we have it at last, sex yea!
Even in his excited state Jonathan had the presence of mind to assume that he would not receive any medals for his love making technique. However, he was consoled by the act that since she had lost her memory then she wouldn't remember anyone better to compare him with ... Bonus!
History would record that Jonathan seemed a little different at work that day. No one could put their finger on exactly what had changed, probably because they didn't really care and were far too busy trying to look busy to ask.
Thursday
The Thursday routine consists of ... oh who cares!
Try this routine on for size.
Wake up wrapped around a gorgeous naked body - tick
Decide for the first time ever not to go to work - tick
Spend the rest of the day dressed in bathrobes with owner of previously mentioned gorgeous body - tick
Actually spend a significant part of the day without bathrobes - tick
Jono (We can call him Jono now. After all sex makes you that little bit more relaxed and cool and the name should reflect that) was in seventh heaven. Somehow, after years of same old same old, life had taken an exciting twist. It was like he was finally being rewarded but for what he wasn't sure. He had been set free. There was no going back.
By his reckoning he'd had so much sex in the last few hours that he had managed to make up for all that lost time. Mind you it would be nice to be able to take a bit of a breather. Things are starting to chafe if you know what I mean. A hand slides inside his robe surveying the real estate before heading south towards ...ooh hello!
Now this is where we subtly take our leave and give the lovebirds some privacy and let them get on with getting on. For those, whose lack of imagination requires some visual representation of what these two were about to do, I can inform you that there are plenty of websites out there to satisfy your voyeuristic needs. So I'm told!
Fast forward to tomorrow morning.
Friday
Let’s dispense with the tawdry routine description shall we? You can imagine what it will be and unless you are engaging in something similar, you probably don't want to know. For what it’s worth I'm with you. Suffice to say, Jono took this day off as well and that wasn't the only thing that got off if you know what I mean. (I must apologise for that last line ... it is particularly bad. Should you end up being subjected to it, you should direct all your disappointment at the Editor. He/she should have had the presence of mind to delete it.)
Let us instead fast-forward to 12:15 where there is a disturbance in the force ... well in the library anyway. Little Emily Baker was feeling very much not at ease. Something was wrong. It was the right time. It was the right place, but something was missing. He was! Not only that but he was, or should we say wasn't, two days in a row.
There was a nagging feeling deep inside that something was wrong. As it turned out, the feeling disappeared once she ate lunch ... probably just hungry then, but she was also fearful. Fearful that the one man who she thought could mean anything to her would leave her possibly forever. This was too much to take.
What if he got another job? What if each lunchtime from now he saw another librarian? What if she was that much bolder and they ended up going out together? Oh My God! (or OMG! for those hip young things that no longer use actual words).
Deep down inside, Little Emily Baker knew what she had to do. The time for action had arrived.
Saturday (early)
Wow it had been a whole week already. How time flies when you start spending it naked. Needless to say this had been the most exciting week in Jono's life. Mind you it wouldn't take much to have been the most exciting week in Jono's life. A seat on th
e bus, ten percent off the price of cheese, maybe even a small refund on his tax return so you can image that having sex was pretty much uncontested for the number one spot!
Now he was setting new highs, exploring new ground, going where no man ... no that's probably not correct. How about where no Jonathan has gone before (well until very recently). He smiled to himself with contentment as he made breakfast. Two cups of tea and four poached eggs on toast (it being a Saturday - tick) and allowed his mind to wander a few years into the future. (Roll dream sequence ... everything goes squiggly and cue really bad harp music).
Images of a man and a woman whose lives were so much entwined that they had even started to wear the same clothes. In this case matching home knitted jumpers featuring little birds on the front ... lovely. Look at them smiling at each other as they enjoy tea in the garden they are so proud of. But wait, is that the sound of several little feet we hear running towards them? Yes, it is ... children! Two of them, each resplendent in the same homemade matching jumpers ... bless!
End dream sequence ... quick.
That was going too far even for him!
How about just being content with the love of a beautiful girl. Let's not rush things ... yet.
Saturday (a bit later)
There are times when things happen. You are right, things happen all the time but there are times when a crises point is reached and there is no return. A decision is made, an action is taken and the way back shuts behind you like a steel door. Little Emily Baker had reached that point. Somewhere deep inside her courage had been summoned and she
The girl who dropped in Page 4