Ben paused to consider how to answer. “My heart has always belonged one hundred percent to Oliver. I’ve always had feelings for him. He’s the first guy that I wanted to date.”
“Is this the first time that you’ve been hot tubbing with Brendan?” Oliver asked. It was obvious to Ben that the question was meant to change the subject and save his skin.
Erica turned to Brendan and cracked a smile. “No. And we had a fantastic time in Tahoe. Didn’t we?”
“Mmm, as I recall, you lose all control if I tickle you in the tub,” Brendan grinned.
“Don’t you dare!” Erica commanded through a face-splitting grin. “If you make me scream, Brendan, I’ll never forgive you.”
Even though she warned Brendan not to tickle her, she sounded more playful than irritated. He seemed eager to test the limits of Erica’s forgiveness. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, Erica with her eyebrow raised and a smile teasing her lips. Brendan’s lips were slightly parted. He moved a little closer and linked fingers as if they were about to wrestle.
If Ben didn’t know better, he could have sworn they were about to kiss. But they both remembered their audience.
Erica turned to look at Ben, her eyes darting back and forth between him and Oliver. She cleared her throat and returned her attention back to Brendan.
Brendan let her go. He faced Ben and Oliver, but not before pinching Erica.
Part of Ben wondered what he and Oliver would be like in public as an actual couple — if they were in a hot tub feeling aroused. Would they display their affection as openly as Erica and Brendan?
“Okay, I won’t tickle you then,” Brendan said. “Happy?”
“You bet your sweet bippy,” Erica said. She turned to Oliver. “It wasn’t his tickling that drove me wild. It was the bubbles.”
“And skinny-dipping in the lake,” Brendan added.
“There was that too,” Erica said.
“I think they might allow skinny-dipping on one of the secluded beaches on the Cayman Islands,” Ben said.
“Seriously?” Erica asked, seemingly delighted to hear this.
“You bet your sweet bippy,” Oliver said. “We both needed this vacation, didn’t we?”
“Oh yeah. You’re usually so swamped by work that you barely have time to come up for air,” Ben said.
“It’s definitely nice to have a change of pace,” Oliver said. “I literally can’t think of anything I’d like to do more than lie on the beach.”
“Me neither,” Ben said.
“I don’t know,” Erica said, giggling. “Sex on the beach.”
Ben grinned, flushing as he thought about sex with Oliver on the beach. He sheepishly looked over at Oliver. He was also blushing.
“Erica,” Brendan said.
“Maybe someone has sipped a little too much Champagne,” Oliver said. “Does your fiancé find you as sassy as I do when you’re tipsy?”
“Way, way more than sassy,” Brendan teased.
“What? You’re two hot guys. We’re all adults here,” Erica said. “Come on.”
“We don’t kiss and tell,” Oliver said. “But I can tell you that neither of us is into public sex.”
“Okay, there’s gonna be a lot of fun things to do, and you’ll have plenty of time to do your own thing,” Erica said.
They all continued talking. Oliver protested as Erica regaled them with stories of how he was afraid of swimming in the deep end until one day she carried him from one end of the pool to the other. When Erica finished the story, she and Oliver began to dispute the details.
Tilting his head toward the sky, Ben leaned back into the bubbly water and relaxed. After a few more drinks, Erica and Brendan retreated back to their cabin, leaving Ben and Oliver alone.
“It’s always nice to see you chilled out,” Ben said. “Sometimes you work so hard that I’m worried that you might forget how to do it.”
Oliver made a show of appearing relaxed. His arms curved behind him on the edge of the hot tub, and he let out a contented sigh.
“Trust me, I’ll never be too tense to relax,” Oliver said. Leaning back, his head tilted upwards, drawing Ben’s attention to his dark stubbled jaw. “And we both needed the change of pace.”
As Ben admired him, he realized that it was the first time that he’d seen stubble on Oliver. He wondered how he’d failed to notice the change. Oliver was synonymous with clean-shaven.
“I like the stubble,” Ben said.
“You do? It’s nice not to make the effort sometimes,” Oliver said.
“You look good even without making an effort,” Ben said.
“Thanks.”
They relaxed for a moment, silent.
“I don’t want this to end,” Ben said.
“You mean tubbing?” Oliver asked.
“Yeah,” Ben said.
“I know what you mean. I could literally stay in here forever.” Oliver hummed, his eyes closed. “And this part of the ship is so peaceful, I’m definitely gonna miss this when we get back.”
“Me too,” Ben agreed; however, a moment of tension crept in, and he couldn’t shake it. He wasn’t going to miss tubbing — they could go hot tubbing anytime. If he were honest with himself, he was going to miss Oliver. He ignored his thoughts and refused to indulge in something that was an impossibility.
“But we should get out soon,” Oliver said. He sat up.
“Wait…I…” Ben said. The words stalled in his throat. Doubt and uncertainty fogged over him.
He reached over and touched Oliver’s shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean that I was going to miss tubbing. I meant, it’s cool and everything, but that’s not what I was talking about.”
Surprised registered in Oliver’s expression as he waited for Ben to continue. Perhaps, too, a little concern.
Ben noticed the look and figured that Oliver must have been reacting to the quiet desperation that he couldn’t keep out of his voice. It didn’t match the mood. The truth was that Ben’s feelings didn’t match anything that he’d felt for Oliver previously. It was uncharted territory.
And for a sliver of a second, he was unsure whether he should open up to Oliver.
“I’m gonna really miss being your boyfriend,” Ben admitted. “I know that I’m going to have days when some random, stupid piece of my brain convinces me that I’ll never feel this good again.”
He spoke without taking a breath.
Oliver moved closer. “Trust me, you will.”
“Even if I were to date again, I’m afraid that I won’t ever be able to recreate this feeling with a girl. And I’m afraid that after we get back to everyday life, this new feeling will be gone. Forever.” Ben sucked in a breath.
Oliver looked at him, eyes brimming with a soft sadness, his sentiments mingling with Ben’s own. Seconds passed before he straightened and smiled. He released a sigh and switched gears. “Erica put you on the spot earlier,” he said.
“How do you mean?” Ben asked.
“When she asked you about being gay,” Oliver said. “I wasn’t sure how you were going to answer.”
“You did save me, though,” Ben said. “Thanks for changing the subject.”
“Aww, so am I your hero now?” Oliver said, his tone playful.
“You’re my number one hero,” Ben said. “Thanks to you, Erica didn’t probe too deeply.”
“Even so, it doesn’t feel right lying to her,” Oliver said. “I’d definitely have to tell her when this is all over. I know she’ll be a little disappointed that I haven’t found the right guy yet. Plus, she’ll probably give me a tongue lashing for lying to her, but I know she’ll understand.”
“You have a great sister.”
Silence settled between them. Ben was wondering why they hadn’t got out of the tub yet, or why no one had come over to the area and interrupted them.
“If we’re supposed to be a couple, we might need to look more like a couple,” Oliver said after a few moments o
f silence. He added, “I’m not talking about kissing or anything like that.”
“I know, dude,” Ben said. He laughed at Oliver’s panic-stricken tone. “So, what are you talking about, then?”
“I don’t know…just to act more affectionate…” Oliver trailed off and seemed to be having trouble meeting Ben’s eyes.
“Do you mean like this?”
Ben had a sudden impulse to hold Oliver. And without thinking, he curled an arm around Oliver’s waist and moved his fingers across his firm abs. He held his breath in anticipation, and his heart pounded for Oliver.
“Yes, exactly like this,” Oliver sighed. He leaned back, guiding Ben’s hand that roamed across his belly.
“This is nice,” Ben murmured into Oliver’s skin.
Oliver made a low, needy sound and nestled in Ben’s lap.
The beating of Ben’s heart couldn’t hope to contain the pleasant thrill — or very possibly something much, much more — heating through him. Oliver pressed down on his crotch now, and goodness, if it didn’t yank his cock to attention.
What a god damned feeling!
“Are you…?” Oliver trailed off. His breathing grew deeper.
Oliver could feel his erection, Ben thought. There was no way he wouldn’t notice the hard thing pushing through Ben’s swim trunks. It was impossible to miss. Ben wasn’t sure what to say, but his mind raced through a thousand thoughts as he shakily touched Oliver’s stomach.
How could he be such an idiot? Was this too much? Ben wondered. He didn’t want to force himself on his best friend.
“I’m sorry…I should have warned you.” Ben said, wanting to erase the pummeling embarrassment at his mistake.
“I was going to ask if you were okay with this?” Oliver said.
“Oh,” Ben exclaimed. Relief washed over him. “Yes. I’m very okay with this.”
They stayed in the tub for another five minutes before returning back to their cabin.
10
Ben
Ben rested his head against the plush lining of the booth in the spacious, half-empty, cinema. Oliver sat beside him and stretched his legs out. The IMAX played Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, which was a movie that neither of them had seen.
The night after they went hot tubbing with Erica and Brendan had definitely taken on a dreamlike trend. The quiet comfort of unhurried touching didn’t seem to make either man feel awkward; in fact, it brought them even closer. Leaving the tub, Ben felt really good, and that night they shared the same bed without either guy making a topic out of it.
When Oliver suggested they should catch a movie the next day, Ben thought it sounded like a brilliant idea. Movie night at Oliver’s apartment was often a great way to power down after a stressful day at work. But deadlines or projects were always looming, which made it difficult to unwind. The cruise was different. It allowed them to have space from work and more time for each other.
Ben loved the IMAX cinema. It was the first time he and Oliver had been to a cinema with a waitress. And during the movie, Ben flagged her down to get another Coke.
From the moment he entered the cinema, Ben felt like an excited ten-year-old as he and Oliver took their seats in front of the big screen. He hugged a family-sized popcorn with one arm and hugged Oliver with the other.
Every now and then he would glance at Oliver as the trailers were rolling, but his attention seemed fixed onto the big screen. Oliver wore his shirt open, and Ben’s throat ached at the sight of his chest, particularly his stomach. He was glad that he’d managed to make Oliver feel more confident when he complimented him about looking in shape.
Smiling at his best friend’s cuteness, Ben allowed himself a few more glances and resisted the urge to act on his impulse to kiss him. And like a man drowning, he panicked as he searched for a way to distract himself from leaning over and kissing Oliver.
“How did you fall in love with old horror movies?” he asked.
A hint of a smile was just visible in the dark auditorium. “My mom loved classic movies. I must have picked it up from her. She even gave me and Erica middle names after her favorite characters. My full name is Oliver Dravot Campbell after Sean Connery’s character in The Man who would be King. Erica’s middle name Anna is in honor of the main character in The King and I.”
“Wow. Oliver Dravot Campbell,” Ben whispered. Leaning across, he kissed Oliver’s cheek. He added, “I like learning new things about you.”
The opening credits started to roll, and they both went back to focus on the movie. When Ben heard a tiny, happy sigh come from Oliver, he felt like the luckiest man alive. Making his best friend happy made his heart swell.
The small crowd surged out of the theater, and Ben conversed with Oliver in the hubbub, walking hand-in-hand.
Ben had never questioned whether he was gay or not. He could appreciate a guy’s body, but he never found himself wanting to date a guy. But if he gave it more thought, the same thing could be said about his relationship with women. He’d never thought dating women, but his friends and family automatically assumed that he was straight. Ben just never questioned his sexuality.
After the movie, they had lunch with Erica and Brendan. As they made their way to Sid’s Place, Ben caught guys and girls drooling over Oliver’s assets, which, to his surprise, left Ben feeling a sharp jab in his stomach. He’d catch a guy or girl looking back at Oliver with a smile, and there was the sharp jab again.
It happened a few more times before he realized that he was jealous. It left him shocked. Surprised. Ben never thought he’d ever be jealous, possessive or insecure when it came to Oliver. Yet, he couldn’t ignore what he was feeling as people checked out his boyfriend.
“How do I look?” Oliver asked. “Do you think I should change before lunch? We’re going to the mall afterward.”
Ben did his best to focus on the question. “You don’t need to change, dude. You look fine!”
Truthfully, he looked more than fine. He looked amazing. It was as if ever since they came on the cruise, Ben was constantly being wowed by Oliver. He loved everything that came with acting as a couple.
But jealousy wasn’t something he wanted to feel. An iota of jealousy could be unhealthy for a relationship. Plus, he wondered if he was pushing the fake boyfriend thing way too hard.
After last night, though, he wasn’t sure what to expect anymore. He was beyond comfortable holding Oliver in his arms. Could he give in to the sexual tension and take things a step further? Ben recalled the feel of Oliver’s body against his as they laid in bed that night. The delicious friction of their bodies when one of them shifted in bed.
He needed to remember they weren’t in an actual relationship and that he was straight. If he were gay or bi, how much different would Oliver’s body be from any of the girls he’d been within the past? He would have to deal with another erection, which wasn’t exactly alien territory, except that he’d be pleasuring another man instead of himself.
When they got to the bar, Brendan waved them over. He and Erica were seated at the far end of the room. Ben made his way to the back of the bar, his eyes fixed on Oliver’s butt as he led the way.
Stop perving on him! Ben chastised himself. He couldn’t coherently articulate how inappropriate it was for him to get a hard-on from looking at Oliver’s ass. And thinking about squeezing it while they were about to have lunch with Erica and Brendan was just plain wrong.
He frowned at the thought of Oliver naked. It was strange that he felt aroused by Oliver. Sharing a bed with Oliver made it difficult to get sexual relief. The last thing Ben needed was to be caught in the act of touching himself in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning.
Would Oliver be okay if he caught him playing with himself in their bed? There was a chance that this could put them in an uncomfortable situation. Even though they were playing a fake couple, at times he found that he had to remind himself that all of this wasn’t real. And that he wasn’t gay, no matter how attractive
Oliver looked.
His thoughts were interrupted when Sid arrived with their drinks. As Oliver took a sip of his drink, Ben looked at his sun-kissed collarbone and his long throat as he swallowed. Ben was already feeling aroused and needy, but getting turned on so easily wasn’t cool.
Something needed to be done.
11
Oliver
“I’m gonna jump in the shower,” Oliver said.
“Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” Ben said. “I know you’ll be my lucky charm.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. I might be able to tell you to quit while you’re ahead.” Oliver stripped down to his boxers without feeling self-conscious.
His dad and Brendan wanted to drag Ben to the casino. Oliver had been invited too, but it was midnight and he was feeling worn-out after the long day they had. This meant that he even declined Erica’s invitation to meet their mom for a few drinks.
“Fine. I won’t be long,” Ben promised. “I hope you’re still awake when I get back.”
“I hope so too! Maybe we could count all the money you’re gonna win!” Oliver joked. “And if I’m asleep, you know I’ll be fine if you woke me up with a million dollars.”
“I’ll tell you what, if I bring back one million in winnings, I’ll shower you in it!” Ben laughed. “How about that?”
“Sounds like a great idea,” Oliver said. “If you win over a million, we could turn the cabin into Scrooge McDuck’s money bin!”
Their banter was abruptly interrupted by a loud knock and a deep voice. “We’re heading upstairs. See you in five?” Oliver’s dad said through the door.
“No problem, I won’t be a minute,” Ben said. He turned back to Oliver. “That’s my cue.”
“You’ve been summoned.” Oliver smiled. It was remarkable to see how his dad had taken to Ben. He was already treating Ben like one of the family, as an additional son that he never had. Oliver understood why they got along so well; both men loved sports, his dad enjoyed telling anecdotes, Ben was a good listener and exuded a masculinity that Oliver lacked.
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