Oliver believed it was selfish that he wasn’t able to see himself spending the rest of his life with any other man except Ben. But as he watched his sister marrying her best friend, it became crystal clear that this was what he wanted most in his heart of hearts.
But it didn’t seem fair to Ben.
23
Oliver
Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Ben ran his hand over Oliver’s bare skin, down his back to his tailbone.
He was looking for something. It was weird, but Oliver felt he could almost sense what Ben was thinking from the way he touched him. It was an uncanny new experience that could be placed with the rest of the weird things they shared that made them best friends, such as the ability to finish each other’s sentences.
After the wedding, everyone went back to the cruise ship. Oliver and Ben shared a taxi. And it was during the drive back that Ben observed that Oliver looked tense, and he asked if he could give him a massage when they got back to their cabin. At first, Oliver hesitated. They no longer had to pretend to be a couple as they were on their way home, but this didn’t mean the feelings that Oliver had for Ben just disappeared.
But then, that felt silly. Before they ever pretended to be lovers, he and Ben were always doing things like massages and hugging each other; there was no reason why they had to stop just because there were feelings between them. Eventually, things would just go back to normal and they would forget what they felt for each other. But just this thought alone was enough to make Oliver feel a little ill.
Oliver welcomed the massage. Ben was correct, he was feeling a little tense, and now that their time as boyfriends was about to come to an end, Oliver felt disorientated.
Oliver closed his eyes and luxuriated in the warmth of Ben’s touch. Oliver loved Ben’s massages. The man had a gift for getting rid of the tension in his body with a few touches. He would always feel himself drifting off to sleep as a warm glow began emanating beneath his skin.
“Have I told you that you have miracle hands?” Oliver hummed.
“All the time,” Ben said. His voice was deep yet quiet, as if he didn’t want to disrupt the calm that blanketed the cabin. “The thing is, you’re the only one who seems to appreciate them.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Oliver found it hard to believe that he was the only one who recognized Ben’s talents. The man had made him feel so good over the years.
“I wish I were. Girlfriends either grew bored after a few minutes or they thought I was trying to use it as a kind of foreplay.”
Any other guy would have used a massage to lead up to something more sexual, but Ben had an innocence about him. A massage was just a massage. He seemed more focused on how Oliver felt; it was probably the same for his girlfriends. Ben’s reward was making others feel good.
“If someone can’t appreciate your massages, then that’s their loss,” Oliver said.
“Well, the course I took in sports massages hasn’t gone to waste, thanks to you.” He gently dug his fingers into Oliver’s flesh. “Now, I’ve noticed that you might be experiencing some problems in your lower back area.”
“I am,” Oliver said. He was surprised that Ben had noticed. But he should have known better; Ben was always noticing things about him. Sometimes even things that he failed to notice himself.
Suddenly, Oliver felt a piercing stab in his lower back. Oliver inhaled sharply. His muscles tensed, and he opened his eyes.
“Found it,” Ben said. “You’re all knotted up.”
Oliver exhaled. It was just like Ben to notice that he’d been hurting. As Ben massaged away, the pain began to subside. But then another problem arose. He felt himself growing hard in his boxers. It was the first time that he’d become erect from one of Ben’s massages.
He had to accept that it wasn’t going to be easy to forget about how good Ben was in bed. The man was affectionate, kind, attentive and considerate. He had a body that made Oliver drool, and he was a great kisser. He wasn’t sure he would be able to let go of the image of Ben sucking his cock.
“Oh, you’re tensing up again,” Ben said.
Oliver didn’t answer. He opened his eyes and tried to focus on the headboard. He was too busy trying not to expose that he was as hard as a steel rod. He wondered if this was how it was going to be from now on. Would they have to pretend that the sexual attraction they had for each other didn’t exist?
Oliver didn’t know. However, he was certain that he wouldn’t act on his feelings going forward. Once the cruise was over, he was going to try his hardest to separate their love lives and their friendship.
“Is everything all right?” Ben asked.
“I’m fine,” Oliver said. He screwed his eyes shut. Would he be fine if he saw Ben with another guy? Especially after knowing that he was the first guy that Ben came out to, the first to be offered to explore this whole side of Ben? A world that only women had been privy to until now?
Without a word, Oliver turned on his back and saw the questioning look on his friend’s face shift into a realization.
“Do you want me to take care of that?” Ben asked.
They would leave everything that happened between them on the island, on the cruise ship, and in their hearts. They couldn’t take the experience back home.
But they were still on the ship, and therefore, Oliver relented that this would be the last time for them to have each other. To be sensual and sexual towards each other.
“Please.” Oliver nodded. He swallowed past the lump in his throat making it impossible for him to utter another word.
He noticed how Ben’s lips were parted, how his eyes filled with desire and the rising and falling of his chest. Neither of them expected to get aroused from the massage, but they clearly had.
Oliver sat up and placed his hands on the vest beneath Ben’s shirt. As he stared into Ben’s eyes, Oliver ran his fingers up his chest until he could feel the pounding of his friend’s heart. It was thunderous.
Before either of them spoke, their lips touched. It was a light brush at first. Oliver wasn’t sure if he was the one hesitating, but as he pulled back, the feelings of doubt and fear resting within him were echoed in the eyes that stared back at him.
They were feelings that Oliver didn’t feel prepared to address at that moment; he just wanted to be held, he wanted Ben’s touch. He moved closer, this time pressing his lips on Ben.
There was so much that needed to be said. But it was so difficult to say it with words. Oliver wondered if he would ever truly be able to express how he felt. A large hand cupped the back of his head, and a strong arm encircled around his back.
Kissing Ben was usually so satisfying, but this time was different. They started off soft and gentle, but then graduated into a hungry need, craving more and more. A desperate need pooled at the pit of his stomach as a realization hit with the force of a three am alarm clock.
This was going to be their last kiss. Their last moment of passion.
So this had to count.
Oliver couldn’t bear it. He felt himself being lowered back down onto the bed. And together, they pulled his boxers down.
He gasped when Ben pressed a wet open-mouthed kiss to the soft skin of his stomach. A half-second later, he panted at the feeling of Ben’s fingers gently gripping his cock. Oliver touched Ben’s thigh that was closest to him.
He watched as Ben nuzzled his way down his body, kissing and licking his skin, paying close attention to every area. When Oliver twitched with pleasure, Ben would spend more time in that area, working on it.
When he arrived at the lower patch of hair between his legs, Ben kissed and nipped it. Oliver bit his lip. He wanted to close his eyes and lean back into the sea of pleasure that washed over him, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t, allow himself to miss Ben worshipping every inch of his cock.
Ben ducked lower and licked the stripe of precum from the head of Oliver’s erect cock. Oliver squirmed. It was almost unbelievable to see how far Ben ha
d come in his ability to pleasure Oliver. He was elegant.
Oliver furiously clutched the bedsheets, digging his nails into the flesh of his palms through the fabric.
The moment Ben’s mouth closed around his cock, Oliver wasn’t able to maintain control of himself. He twisted and released a few harsh breaths. However, he didn’t want to come. Clenching his teeth, he sat up and ran his hand through Ben’s hair. The world stopped for a few nanoseconds.
He kissed Ben, tangling his fingers in his hair. As Ben straightened up and moved into the kiss, his hard abs brushed against Oliver’s erection.
If this was going to be their last time together, Oliver wanted to be in the moment. He also wanted to make sure Ben was having the time of his life. True, Ben was a giver, but he deserved special attention.
He moved one hand to Ben’s jaw, steadying it, and then drove his tongue deeper into his mouth. A soft happy sigh escaped his best friend’s lips as they explored each other’s mouths.
With the other hand, he traced Ben’s areola, lightly pinching it. Ben pulled back for a moment, fighting for breath. The slow, sly expression on Ben’s face told Oliver that he was pushing the right buttons.
A feeling of relaxed joy and unrestrained delight rolled inside Oliver’s chest, and the laughter in Ben’s eyes settled the worry and anxiety he felt about their future.
“Come here,” Oliver said. “I want you.”
It was more of a demand than a simple statement. He needed Ben. Who cared whether he was going to date other guys in the future, or even if he chose to be done with this whole experiment and to go back to dating girls? At this moment, Oliver had him all to himself.
As Ben climbed onto the bed, Oliver undid the buttons to his trousers and drew a soft shaky breath as he saw the bulge in his underwear. Ben removed his trousers. It took all of three seconds for Oliver to hook his thumbs into the waistband on his boxers and slide them down to Ben’s thighs, caressing his buttocks in the process.
After removing Ben’s underwear, he leaned in, kissing his stomach. He smiled at the soothing sounds of appreciation that Ben made. He paused a few moments to take in the sight of Ben’s hard cock, knowing this could be the last time that he would be able to touch it.
“But what about you?” Ben asked.
Although Ben sounded concerned, Oliver heard his excitement. He grabbed hold of the cock, tugging it gently. Ben grunted, shifted on the bed, and parted his legs.
“Don’t worry about me, I want to make you feel good,” Oliver said. “You’ve been such a great boyfriend that I have to repay you.”
“It was great being your boyfriend. I didn’t expect anything to come out of it,” Ben said.
“I know,” Oliver said. He stroked Ben a few times.
A satisfied sigh escaped Ben. He let his eyes fall close and bit his lower lip.
Oliver smiled at the sight. It made his heart flutter to hear his friend moan and grunt. It didn’t take long for him to begin leaking precum. When he leaked onto Oliver’s hand, he ran the pad of his thumb down the underside of his cock, coating it and making it slippery in his hand.
To hold back any longer would have been agonizing. He moved closer to Ben’s cock; closing his eyes, he licked the head. The bittersweetness of Ben’s precum shot straight to Ben’s head, making him almost dizzy with arousal.
Oliver touched the sensitive slit of Ben’s cock with just enough pressure to make him hiss. He slid his tongue down the skin of Ben’s shaft, recognizing the earthy taste of Ben’s skin beneath the tang of precum. His oversensitive skin was warm and clean.
Oliver slid his tongue back up the shaft, reaching the head of the cock, where he delivered a gentle kiss. At the other end of the bed, Ben twisted and writhed in response.
Sealing his lips around Ben’s cock, Oliver began to suck him. He felt the precum rolling over his tongue and down his throat.
Oliver paused when he felt Ben sliding the pad of his hand along the inside of his thigh. A whimper escaped his throat as his balls tightened at the touch of Ben. He fought to control his breathing as the sensitive spot on his balls was fondled and caressed.
The heat of Ben’s mouth seemed to bear down on his cock. It took all of Oliver’s willpower to stop himself from rolling onto his back to let Ben have his way with him. Instead, he continued sucking Ben, but this time with an urgency that he never knew he possessed.
They were going to come together.
His hips drove forward, his cock moving in and out of Ben’s mouth. At the same time, he sucked Ben. They were perfectly synchronized, matching each other’s pace, until neither guy could take it any longer.
“…coming,” Oliver said, pulling his mouth from the cock. Unable to speak as the orgasm tore through him, he let out a guttural cry. Equally loud, Ben’s cry was raspy and sexy as hell as his body jerked and his legs trembled.
Warmth flowed through Oliver’s body as he began to relax, and before he could realize what was happening, Ben was pulling him into his arms. Clutching Ben’s sweat-beaded body, Oliver bit his lip as he rode the waves of undulating pleasure that washed over him.
Oliver’s senses went from a heightened awareness where every movement made by Ben seemed to be magnified one hundredfold, to him getting lost in the tiny breaths that signaled Ben was falling asleep. Even so, Ben would wait until Oliver slept before he dozed off.
Oliver closed his eyes. Everything felt good. They were wrapped together so perfectly that he could no longer tell where his body ended and where Ben’s started.
“You asleep?” Ben asked.
“Not yet,” Oliver said. Though sleep beckoned him, Oliver didn’t want to answer. He worried that this would be the last time they’d make love, hold each other naked and feel the heat from each other’s naked bodies.
“That was fucking awesome,” Ben said.
“Yeah, it was.” Oliver released a long, purposeful exhalation. “I never dreamed I could be this happy. Ever.”
“Me neither.” A tiny laugh followed.
They laid in silence for a few moments until Oliver felt that he needed to break it. He wanted to continue in the fantasy world that was Ben’s arms, but it wasn’t about what he wanted, and more about what had to be said. They were both waiting to see where they would go from here.
“I know you’re going to make someone really happy in the future. You were the best fake boyfriend.” Oliver clenched his teeth. He fought back the flood of tears that threatened to reduce him into a pool of regret, sorrow, and fear.
“I…uh…I…” Ben’s voice sounded broken as he fumbled for the right words. “Maybe we could do this when we get back?”
The thread of hope, unraveled and bare, that hung in his voice made tears roll down Oliver’s cheeks. He sniffed.
“It was good while it lasted, but it’s over.” Oliver couldn’t believe his own words, but he knew it was for the best. For once, he was putting Ben’s needs first. He was always used to being the selfish one. But Ben deserved better.
“Okay, if that’s what you want, I can respect that,” Ben said. He sounded empty.
Oliver closed his eyes, but he couldn’t sleep.
“You okay, little bro? Sip this.”
Erica handed Oliver a steaming cup of coffee and sat across the small table from him. They were in the dining hall of the cruise ship, it was five am, and aside from a few people, the place was pretty much empty. The buffet was filled with bread, fruit, and tiny blocks of hash browns, eggs, and bacon.
If Oliver didn’t have so much on his mind, he would have paid more attention to how his stomach rumbled at the sight of the appetizing breakfast. However, he had other things to think about.
“Thanks,” Oliver said. Inhaling the coffee, its aroma was pungent and rich. It invigorated his attention, pulling him through the haze of sleepiness that hung over him like a veil. There was nothing worse than feeling overcome with sleep but unable to drift off.
When he left his cabin early that morning, Ben
had been asleep. It wasn’t usual for Oliver to be awake first, but he hadn’t slept. Instead, feelings of regret and terror made him toss about in bed for hours before he decided getting to sleep was a pipe dream.
He’d been sitting in the dining room for a few minutes when he spotted Erica at the entrance. His surprise didn’t last. Growing up with Erica, he got used to the uncanny way they would pop up for each other at the right time.
“Wanna grab some pancakes? I could go for a few.” Erica yawned.
“Yeah, sure.” Oliver sipped his coffee and it burned his lip, but it was too enticing not to taste.
As they got up they grabbed maple syrup, butter, whipped cream and two plates full of pancakes. They sat back down.
“What’s eating you?” she asked.
“I’ve just made the biggest fuck-up that I’ll ever make, and I think I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.”
“What can be that bad?” she asked, but it must have been the expression on Oliver’s face that told Erica all she needed to know. “You broke up with Ben?”
“Uh-huh.” A tiny nod was all Oliver could manage as he felt his eyes grow heavy and a lump form in his throat.
“Why? You were good together. And there’s no sweeter person than Ben. He’s a country mile better than any other guy you’ve dated.”
“I know, but does that make it right that I have to be so selfish? He’s just discovered that he’s bi, which only happened because I needed him to play the role of my boyfriend. I mean, sure, he was the one who suggested that he could pretend to be my boyfriend, but it doesn’t feel right if I date him seriously.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’ve had my share of relationships. Sure, they haven’t worked out, but I’ve had them. I can’t just put myself at the front of the line.” Oliver gripped his cup. “He is the perfect guy, and I don’t think I deserve him. Mostly, I don’t want to lose my bestie once he sees all of my flaws.”
Wedding Fever Page 18