by Iris RIvers
Was it sorrow? Remorse?
“Miles and Dianne,” Ana muttered, her finger tracing idly along the page. “Ah, found them.”
Sage, whose head had been bowed deep in thought, looked up. “You found them in there? That’s not good.”
“What is that?” Lara asked, leaning forward to get a better look.
“That,” Violet scoffed, “is The Book of Betrayal.”
“Book of Betrayal?”
“It has the name of every single person that’s betrayed Lithe’s secrets,” Lilah clarified. “Previous members; their spouses and friends. Everyone. The first name is dated back to 1946.”
Far from Anabelle, Elizabeth, and Lillian’s reign, Lara noted. The three girls had started Lithe in 1929, but what happened after them? Who led their legacy? Lara made a mental note to ask Evelyn later.
“Lithe’s own women betrayed... themselves?”
“Some of them,” Evelyn said.
Mia, whose head lay against Irene’s shoulder, clicked her tongue. “Telling anyone about us is forbidden. It’s in the Enchiridion. Some of the previous members were just—”
“Rule breakers,” Irene interrupted.
“And they never took it seriously. Never took us seriously,” Mia finished, without skipping a beat.
The complications of Lara’s mind began to unwind. “You kill the betrayer, but you don’t stop there. The accomplices—anyone who knows, who heard—goes down with them.”
“Sly girl,” someone commented.
“That means that—” Lara’s hand shook. Kai’s mother had been a member of Lithe. Kai’s mother had betrayed them. On purpose? By accident?
Kai’s mother was someone Lara was beginning to become, and Kai didn’t know.
Kai did not know that his worst enemy, his amoral betrayer, was more akin to his own flesh and bones than he’d known.
How horribly ironic.
A small gasp escaped Lara’s lips, a shiver running down her spine. Evelyn looked at her, brows pushing downward in worry—in realization.
“We killed them,” Ana said, her eyes on The Book of Betrayal. “It says here that Dianne told Miles, who then wanted to go to the police.”
Sometimes I wonder if it was you who killed my parents.
Did she not, if at least by association?
Ana closed the book, dust flying from the yellowed pages, then moved back to her seat as the girls fell into a solemn silence, unspoken thoughts flying between the thirteen of them. The air was cold.
“Do you know what this means, Lara?” Sana asked, her knees pulled close to her chest.
Evelyn stood from her chair, moving to an isolated window. She stood for a long time, staring at the stars like they held the answer to the world’s unsolved mysteries. Her breath fogged the pane as she spoke, her voice distant and ardent. “Kai is an accomplice.”
The reality hit Lara like a gunshot. She brought a hand to her chest, expecting to find blood pouring from her trembling heart. She felt the wound so clearly, so painfully; like her heart had been carved open, beating visibly in the darkness of the bell tower. She grasped the soft material of her shirt. No wound. No unraveling stitches.
Evelyn turned, her glossy eyes meeting Lara’s gaze. “You need to kill him. You need to kill Kai.”
The room stilled, all eyes swerving to face Evelyn, almost all surprised that it was her who had given the order and not Ana. They looked to Ana too, but she remained stoic, her painted nails tapping the wood of her chair.
You need to kill Kai.
“No,” Lara breathed. “We don’t even know if he’s going to go to the police about you guys. I won’t just kill him.”
Ana’s nails stopped tapping. “You guys? Are you suddenly not a part of Lithe?”
“I didn’t say—”
“Don’t you hate him anyways?’ Ana said slowly. “I’d assume it wouldn’t be an issue.”
“Who told you that?” Lara asked.
“Does it matter?” she said. “If you hate him as you say, you’ll kill him easily.”
Lara moved her hair from her neck, the sensation of the strands feeling more like a parasitic bug crawling along her skin than her usual smooth hair.
Kill Kai, kill Kai, kill Kai.
“When?” Lara asked, rubbing her sweaty palms.
Ana cocked her head in thought, eyes blinking.
“The recital,” Evelyn interjected. “The last scene, your character kills his. Instead of a prop blade, we’ll give you a real one.”
Lara was suddenly afraid, suddenly terrified. Trying to imagine his blood coating her shaking fingers, his chest slowing, was incredibly easy—scarily easy.
Hadn’t she thought about this before? Hadn’t she wanted this?
Lara wondered what his last words would be as she stood above him, murder weapon in hand. Would Kai curse her? Would he forgive her? Both seemed horribly unbearable.
Despite the abhorrence she’d continuously maintained toward Kai, she hesitated.
Why? Why, why, why?
I want this, she wanted to yell. I should want this!
So why were Lara’s hands beginning to sweat? Why were her bones violently trembling at the thought? Her apprehension scared her.
What is this awful feeling filling my heart?
“Lara?” coaxed Evelyn.
No one spoke; no one moved.
“I’ll do it,” Lara whispered.
She had no other choice.
CHAPTER FOUR
“At some point in the life of every scapegoat, the clock will strike the midnight hour, the masks will come off, and the aggression of family will reveal itself.” ––M. Wakefield
October 2017
Evelyn, Lowri, and Kayla stood with their backs to the bell, facing the other girls of Lithe.
While Evelyn stood still, her hands pushed inside the pockets of her hoodie, Lowri and Kayla both shifted on their feet, a thin layer of sweat gleaming on their foreheads. It wasn’t that Evelyn wasn’t nervous—because she was—she simply wanted to remain composed in front of the girls.
Evelyn didn’t want them to think her a coward, because she was far from that. She was a thorn amongst petals, a meteor crashing against the glaciers of Earth.
She was Evelyn Wade, and Wades did not show weakness.
Beside her, Lowri stood biting her nails, her freckles prominent like specks of mud.
“Stop doing that,” Evelyn whispered, leaning into Lowri’s ear. Lowri dropped her hands immediately.
“Sorry,” Lowri whispered back. “I’m just really scared. Aren’t you?”
Evelyn bit her lip, unable to believe that enough votes had been cast toward Lowri. She was so... delicate. Small. Evelyn thought, if she were to put a finger to Lowri’s skin, she’d wince at the sensation, no matter how light the touch was.
Is her skin made of glass, or her heart? Perhaps both. Perhaps Lowri was entirely too fragile to be here in the first place.
Yet, if Evelyn was here, she supposed anyone could be.
Lowri pulled her hair into a bun, red strands pooling from the hair tie like blood. Evelyn pitied her; being a red-head was not something easily endurable. Lowri turned her round eyes back to Evelyn, waiting for an answer.
“I am,” Evelyn answered honestly. Wades were also not liars. “But I’m more determined than afraid. I’m determined to win.”
Lowri put her hands behind her back, saying nothing.
Evelyn turned her gaze back to the girls, some chattering amongst themselves, others quiet. One sat in the corner, her hair covered by an oversized hoodie. She leaned against the wall, completely alone, and stared right into Evelyn’s eyes.
It was Ana, Evelyn realized. She didn’t break the gaze, and neither did Ana. Her eyes were bright like stars, yet had a stilling depth to them. Pools of ink sat within them, but still, despite the uneasiness they caused, Evelyn didn’t look away. The corner of Ana’s mouth quirked upward, her brow raised.
Ana would make a good le
ader, Evelyn thought. Better than me, even.
Bella, one of their current leaders, rose from the stairs, causing Evelyn to break her stare. Upon Bella’s arrival, the two remaining leaders, Juli and Ayesha, followed suit.
“Sorry we’re late,” Juli said, moving to the front of the congested room.
“No, we’re not,” Bella replied indolently, earning a snicker from Ayesha.
“The trial begins tonight,” said Juli, her voice deafening, “with three of our members: Lowri, Evelyn, and Kayla. Once they’re finished, we’ll have our next leader. Our next descendant.” Everyone began to cheer.
“Girls,” said Bella, “you are tasked with the murder of a man. The rules are easy: the first to kill him wins.” A pause. Bella smirked, a sinister look coating the blue of her eyes. “Sabotages are acceptable.”
“The man’s name,” Ayesha started, “is Liam Murphy.”
“Cassie, his wife, reported him to us,” Juli explained. “He abuses her constantly. Horribly.”
“Her entire face was bruised when we met her,” Ayesha sneered. “Purple and blue and swollen.”
Evelyn sucked in a breath.
“We begin tonight,” announced Bella. “But, of course, we have the challenges.” Bella turned and grabbed a hat from underneath her chair. It was overflowing with small, folded notes. Evelyn watched as a few fell to the floor, the handwriting across each sharp and visible.
Bella moved toward the three girls, a smile pulling her plump lips.
“Challenges?” Kayla muttered. “What challenges?”
“Each note in this hat consists of a drawback that will set back or harm your hunt. They’re not all the same, meaning some may be harder than others, or they won’t affect you at all,” Bella said, pushing the hat to Kayla. “Close your eyes and pick one,” she instructed.
Kayla wiped her forehead, her eyes flickering shut. She reached a shaky hand into the hat and gingerly plucked out a note.
“Don’t read it yet,” Juli said. Kayla shut her eyes, folding the paper between her fingers.
Bella moved a step to the right. Lowri stood before her, visibly shaken. Her skin was pale—too pale—and her eyes seemed distant. Evelyn was sure she was going to pass out.
“Go on,” Bella said. “Pick one.”
Lowri closed her eyes and, in one sharp movement, she grabbed a note from the pile.
Bella took another step, her eyes meeting Evelyn’s unwavering gaze. Evelyn strongly held a confident face, yet she still couldn’t help but feel anxious. She hoped for no challenge at all or, at least, something painless. Her eyes shut quickly as she felt the weight of the remaining girls staring at her with expectation—Ana’s gaze stronger than the rest.
Evelyn took a deep breath and moved her hand into the hat. The notes shifted uncomfortably against her skin, but she pushed deeper, feeling around the hat for the note that felt the safest. She grabbed one by its corner—its paper somehow softer than the rest—and hid it behind her palm.
“You may all look,” Bella ordered, taking a step away from the girls.
Lowri gasped beside Evelyn. Kayla made no noise.
“Say them aloud,” a Lithe girl said. “We’re curious.”
Kayla’s eyes nervously darted between the girls and her note. “I have to kill him somewhere... public.” A few girls gasped; others chuckled.
“I was hoping someone would get that one,” Ayesha said, smirking.
“What do you mean public?” Kayla asked.
“People have to be around,” Ana interjected. Evelyn met her eyes once again. “The risk of being seen increases. That’s what’s fun about it.” A grotesque smile broke out on Ana’s face.
Kayla tried to argue, but Bella clicked her tongue. She fell silent.
“Go ahead, Lowri,” said Bella.
Her hands shook as she held the paper to her face, squinting to understand what it bore. She turned it to the crowd. It was blank. Evelyn looked around in confusion.
“You’re lucky,” Juli said. “No challenge.”
Lowri smiled, her teeth gleaming in the dull light of the tower, and relief washed over her fretting features. Evelyn clenched her fists, crescents indenting the palms of her hands.
“Are there any other blank ones?” Evelyn asked, hopeful.
“No,” Bella said. “That’s the only one.”
The truth was upsetting. Lowri now had the upper hand. She had never been strong competition to Evelyn, but now, with nothing holding her back, she seemed to have a chance.
“Evelyn,” Juli said, looking to the note in her hand.
Evelyn didn’t want to read hers, but she had no choice. The paper was unbearably white compared to the darkness of the bell tower. She began to read, “No weapon may be used.”
No weapon? Most of the girls laughed, clapping slowly.
This couldn’t be fair. How was she meant to kill him? With her bare hands? It seemed impossible.
Evelyn wanted to speak up, to attempt to change her challenge, but she refused to be seen as afraid—as weak. So she remained silent, crumpling the small paper in her right hand.
“That’s all,” Juli said, looking around. “Good luck, and we’ll see you soon.”
And then it began.
December 2019
THE COLORS OF THE OUTSIDE blended together, clouding into single spots of unidentifiable shapes. The trees turned into pools of green water; the buildings into sheets of ice and bowls of cupcake batter.
Lara was on her way to her childhood home. After receiving a call from Seo-Yun the night before, she’d ordered an overpriced Uber to Brooklyn. Her mother had invited her over for the day; she was sure to mention that her father would be there as well, which was unusual.
So, in hopes of seeing her dad, Lara decided to agree to Seo-Yun’s request.
“Is this it?” the driver asked, pulling onto her street.
Lara nodded. “Here is fine.”
The car halted and Lara muttered a thank you as she stepped out. The tall building she’d lived in her whole life suddenly seemed unfamiliar, daunting. Had she truly spent her childhood here? In this cage made of glass?
Did the cold, unforgiving glass raise me? Shape me into who I am today?
Lara moved slowly toward the door, but before she reached it, a doorman pushed it open. He squared his jaw, smiling as Lara passed by him.
“Lara Blake? Is that really you?” a lady behind the reception counter yelled.
Lara looked at her, feeling the beginning of a headache. She hadn’t stepped into this building in a very long time, and she seemed to have forgotten that everyone here knew of her and her family.
The Blakes were influential people. Seo-Yun and Michael had made sure of that.
“Yes,” Lara said dully, “in the flesh.”
“It’s great to see you!” she shrieked in response. Lara sped past her joyous face, impatiently clicking the elevator button in consonance with her heartbeat.
As she waited for the door to open, another doorman met her side. “Do you need any help with your bags, miss?” he asked.
Lara snapped her face toward him. “Does it look like I have any bags?”
His jaw went slack. “I apologize—”
The elevator doors opened, and Lara stepped inside, tapping her fingers against the metal rail lining the walls. “Goodbye,” she said.
The elevator traveled up, up to the top floor.
The doors slid open. Her home was unchanged. As she stepped out of the elevator, her platform boots tapping against the cold marble floor, she listened for voices—for her parents’ voices.
Nothing.
“Hello?” Lara called out, heading toward the kitchen. It was empty. Lara approached the fridge, pulling its doors open. Also empty. This was unsurprising, for the Blakes had chefs that cooked all of their meals. Lara wondered if her parents even knew how to turn on the stove.
“Lara,” Seo-Yun said, shocking Lara in the silence. “Hello.”
La
ra turned around. “Where’s Dad?”
Her mother pulled her phone from her pocket, notifications sounding from the device. “Oh,” she said, refusing to meet Lara’s eyes, “didn’t I tell you? He isn’t coming.”
“What?” Lara exclaimed. “You said he would be here.”
But didn’t Lara already know to never trust her mother? She must’ve forgotten.
“I did, didn’t I?” Seo-Yun said, looking up from her phone. Her face was devoid of emotion—nothing was there, not even guilt.
Lara was angry—incredibly angry. “So why am I here, Mom? Why did you ask me to come?”
“I wanted to see you,” she stated, her fingers twitching.
Lara laughed. “You don’t need to lie. When have you ever wanted to see me? When?”
The air chilled as Lara’s rage intensified; the noises from the street dulled as Seo-Yun’s chest slowly rose and fell. Lara watched her mother think, contemplate her next words.
“I’ll order some pizza,” she said finally.
“Answer me!” Lara yelled. Had she ever screamed so loudly at her mother without being punished? She didn’t think so.
She couldn’t help it though. The pain that had been building inside her chest suddenly seemed all too much; it suddenly seemed excruciating and unbearable and worse than before.
How had Lara been able to handle this—this neglect? She brought her shaking hand to her chest, pushing it deep into her skin, feeling the beat of her heart and the filling of her lungs. It was proof that she was alive, existing here, in this moment, but was she really?
Could one truly be alive while experiencing this much pain?
Was that why Kai never seemed to be alive?
“I deserve,” Lara gritted out, “to know.”
“Know what,” her mother began, sighing, “Lara?”
“Do you even love me?” Lara whispered. Seo-Yun’s eyes widened. She opened her mouth, then quickly closed it again. “Do you?” Lara repeated, her throat suddenly dry, suddenly burning. Her vision blurred.
“Are the scars filling my back marks of love?” Lara asked. Her heart throbbed as hot tears bled from her open eyes. She didn’t wipe them away. “Were my nights spent in the closet meant to remind me of how much you care about me?”