by Iris RIvers
“Yes,” she admitted.
She nearly jumped when Kai placed a hand on her waist, tenderly pulling her body close to his. His fingers dragged the shirt up, pulling it over her body with ease. Underneath, Lara did not wear a bra.
For the first time, Lara stood fully topless before him. She felt goosebumps tread along her skin, shivering as Kai clenched his jaw.
He turned away from her, fast and impatiently. A blush spread across his cheeks. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“Wait,” Lara said, reaching to grasp his hand. Kai turned, looking down to where her fingers touched his palm. “Stay,” she whispered.
His softened eyes dragged up slowly to meet her gaze. She watched as he thought, as he attempted to convince himself to leave. Instead of replying, he nodded—a careful nod, almost fearful.
Lara helped Kai pull his own soiled shirt above his head. She looked to his scar, inhaling suddenly as her fingers grazed his wounded skin. A bandage no longer covered it, revealing the mark wholly.
I did this to him.
Kai grabbed Lara’s wrist, pulling her fingers from his chest to his face—to his smooth cheeks. “You will be scarred on me for the rest of eternity.”
Kai removed Lara’s pants next, sliding them down her long legs. She did the same for him, bending down to pull the pants from his ankles.
His lip trembled as Lara stood before him, her lips parted and cheeks pink.
“What?” she asked carefully.
He shook his head. “You’re beautiful.”
They were completely bare as Kai took Lara’s hand and led her to the tub. He stepped in first, hissing silently at the heat of the water. Sitting down, back to the faucet, he looked at Lara expectantly.
With a trembling breath, Lara stepped into the bath. When she was fully sitting, her backside facing him, Kai inhaled loudly, frowning in concern.
“Lara,” he said, his hand reaching to touch her back.
Lara moved away like he’d hurt her. She’d forgotten what her back bore; the secrets that permanently lined her skin.
“No,” Lara breathed, tears falling from her eyes. “Kai, don’t.”
But Kai had already seen them; already gasped at the marks on her back, gifts from her mother.
“Who did this?” Kai asked. Lara could sense the anger beneath his tone, hot and heavy.
Lara said nothing. Tears continued to fall from her shut eyes, streaking across her cheeks like vicious rivers.
“Lara,” Kai said her name again—softer this time, a mere whisper. “Please. Tell me who did this.”
“Seo-Yun,” Lara said, so quietly that she hadn’t heard herself speak. “My mother.”
Kai sucked in a breath. Silence filtered the air, ghostly and cruel. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Kai shook his head. “Why are you apolog—”
“They’re ugly,” Lara said suddenly. “I’m sorry you had to see them. I never wanted to show that part of me.”
He brought his lips to her skin, to the angry scars that hugged her flesh. A tear fell from his eye, dripping down Lara’s back. “They’re not ugly,” Kai said, lips hovering above her reddened flesh. “Lara, my sweet Lara. Every part of you is beautiful. How could you think that about yourself?” His words felt like a rose petal across her skin, soft and alive.
Alive, because Kai wasn’t dead, and neither was she.
“I’m sorry she hurt you,” Kai whispered. “I know no amount of words will erase what she did, but I’m still sorry. I wish I could take it away. These scars. Your pain. Everything.”
Lara turned slowly, facing Kai. Tears fell from both of their eyes, acknowledging the weight of the moment. “I will never hurt you,” Kai said. “Not again.”
Sounds of moving water filled the room, ringing in the pair’s eardrums. Lara felt weightless, like she’d been lifted from the sky and now hovered above her body, looking down silently. She saw Kai before her, looking just as he had looked when they’d first met.
Beautiful. Enticing. A boy—only a boy.
Lara remembered all of the times she had felt trapped—all of the times she’d been silently weeping, alive but also dead, killed by her own misery. She’d thought then that there was no way she’d feel that again—not when Kai was here, looking at her the way he’d always looked at her. With heat in his eyes but also wonder.
Wonder for the girl he’d challenged; wonder for the girl he’d defied.
Lara brought her hand to his, feeling his wet skin. His hand was warm, a beating entity beneath her palm. It was redefining—the way she touched him. It was a reminder of the past, of what had happened between them.
Kai nodded slowly, an acceptance. An understanding.
Lara drew a shaky breath in, feeling a thousand things build inside her heart, shoving and pushing at the confines. A hand squeezed her lungs, suffocating her.
“Please love me,” she breathed. Her words were an appeal, an agonizing plea.
“I do,” Kai said, his bottom lip quivering. “I so desperately do, Lara.” Another sob broke from Lara’s chest, triggered by Kai’s confession.
Had anyone told her that before?
“How?” she asked. “How can you love me, when I’m so broken?”
Kai brought a hand to her face, wiping away the tears. “We both are,” he said. He took her hand, bringing it to his beating heart. “But look how you’ve mended me, Lara. I told you before, my heart beat out of hatred. But now? Now, it beats out of love—love for you.”
Kai took her other hand and brought it to Lara’s chest, so she could feel her own heart beating recklessly from beneath her moistened skin. “Do you feel that? Do you feel how it beats in time with mine? We are one. We always have been. If this is broken to you, then I never want to be fixed. I want to feel this way for the rest of time.”
Lara glanced at Kai’s full lips, at the septum ring in his nose. “I love you too,” she admitted. “So much it hurts. It’s killing me.” And it was the truth––bare and unscathing, a leash let free from her caging heart. With every thought, every emotion, every piece of her being, she loved him.
Wholly and unforgivingly. Painfully and exquisitely.
Kai leaned in close, mixing his breath with her own. “Let it kill us,” he said. “For I will die no other way than by your side.”
Then he kissed her, closing the gap between their quivering lips. Lara breathed into his mouth, more tears falling from her eyes as he cupped her jaw. It had been so long—too long—since they had touched each other like this, with a passion so raw and excruciating that it shocked them both.
This wasn’t like their other kiss. The one in the church had been angry and heavy—a battle of lips and teeth and tongues.
This kiss was a confession—an acceptance between their beautifully anchored souls.
It was an admission of love—the peace after a storm finished, the world quiet and calm.
“Lara,” Kai murmured. “I need—”
“Yes,” Lara said. “Yes, Kai.”
They stood from the bath, shivering against the cold. Kai held her close, still kissing her lips, and moved them to his bed. His sheets were still dirty, coated with the smell of blood and sweat, but neither of them cared.
Lara fell on her back, Kai above her, and pulled his head close. He kissed her fervently, and she kissed back with twice as much force, her breaths hot against the softness of Kai’s body. Kai brought a hand to her breast, kneading the skin, and Lara squeezed her eyes shut, whispering his name over and over, until he stopped, kissing her where his hand had been.
His hand trailed higher, to the outline of her neck, thumb resting on the outside of her jaw, and she grabbed it, moving it to wrap around her throat. He squeezed lightly, a brutal reminder of what their past had been, and moved his lips down further, kissing her hips reverently.
As his kisses moved between her legs, his grip on her neck tightened. Lara arched her back, whispering incoherent words.
And then
he stopped again, grinning against her skin as he looked up to meet her gaze.
“Kai,” Lara said, her voice barely recognizable. “Please.”
He obliged with deliberate care.
When stars had fluttered beneath her shut eyes, Lara grabbed Kai’s face, pulling it up to her own, and flipped him over, leaving him beneath her shaking body. Her thumb traced the faint line on his neck where she had cut him. She kissed him there, erasing the memory. “I love you,” she whispered.
Kai stared into her eyes, into the stars shining from within. “I’ve always loved you,” he confessed. “I just didn’t know it.”
They kissed as Kai reached into his nightstand, pulling out a shining wrapper.
“Lara,” he pleaded as he kissed her neck, peeling it open. “Lara, Lara, Lara.”
“Kai,” she said in return. “My Kai. Always my Kai.
They were two stars, two planets colliding in a shared universe, their orbits shattering—ripping apart. Their skin lit up, glowing as they rose and fell together, their quiet voices filling the room—filling their hearts.
And then, they were melded; joined and united to the soils of this earth like an unbreakable force.
I will love you forever.
EVELYN PACKED HER BAG, shoving all she needed to survive into its body: clothes, money, toiletries, and a few other things she had blindly pushed in.
Heather snored on her bed, face pushed into her pillow as drool fell from her open mouth. She wouldn’t be missed.
Evelyn crept out of the dorm, the sun barely risen in the sky. She’d wanted to leave earlier but hadn’t woken until now—around 6:30 a.m.
No one stopped her as she entered the streets; no one said a word as she headed to the nearest bus stop, gripping her bag tightly.
The bus driver smiled as Evelyn handed her a yellowed ticket, listing her destination. A few people filled the seats—some sleeping, others on their phones. She chose the seat in the very back, the entire row empty. The seat was warm, as if someone had been sitting there just a moment before.
The bus moved, driving out into the street. People walked along the sidewalk, avoiding each other, lost in their own world.
Evelyn shut her eyes.
Goodbye, New York City.
KADEN CLUTCHED THE boarding pass in her hand like a lifeline.
She handed it to the flight attendant, watching as it scanned underneath a laser. The attendant smiled, handing the pass back to her and ushering forward the next person in line.
Kaden took a deep breath as she stepped into the cold hangar, her suitcase gliding on the carpeted floors. She placed a hand on the plane door, a silly thing her adoptive mother had always done when boarding planes. Stepping inside, Kaden already felt suffocated. It was too cramped for her long, slender limbs. No room for air.
She slid across the narrow aisle, finding her seat number. It was near the second exit door—the middle seat. Kaden sighed.
She clutched the handle of her suitcase as she pulled it over her head, reaching for the container above.
“Here, I got that,” a man said from beside her. He was middle-aged, white, and ugly. Her lips sneered in distaste.
Kaden glared at his extended hand. “I never asked for your help.”
The man laughed as if she’d made a joke. Kaden didn’t smile. “I know,” he said, “but a pretty girl like you shouldn’t be lifting heavy things.”
“A pretty girl like me can do whatever she likes. Go away.”
The man frowned, grumbling incoherent things as he walked back to his seat.
Kaden rolled her eyes, pushing her luggage into the cabin and slamming the door shut. She slipped into her seat, already revolted by the sticky leather and unwashed trays.
This, Kaden thought, leaning her head back against her seat cushion, is going to be a long flight.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.” ––Graham Greene
This time, when Lara woke, her eyes burned against the sun that poured from Kai’s bedroom windows.
She yawned, extending her arms and letting the sun sink into her skin, then turned her head, eyes meeting Kai’s dreaming face, soft snores rising and falling from his chest. Her heart swelled. She had never seen Kai look so peaceful, as though all of his nightmares had disappeared in one night.
I was his nightmare once.
He had an arm wrapped protectively around Lara’s waist, as if he’d thought she’d run from him during the night, escape from their new-found love and fused limbs. Lara brought a tender finger to his lips, lightly tracing it across his skin. He shifted in his sleep but did not wake. Lara kissed his nose, then quietly slipped out of the bed.
She was completely bare, she realized. The memories of last night flooded her mind, making her blush underneath the joyous sun. Lara went into Kai’s closet, grabbing a clean shirt and pulling it over her head. It hung loosely around her hips, the material soft and thin.
Leaving his bedroom, Lara looked around Kai’s apartment, noticing things she hadn’t seen upon entering. She ventured out into his living room, eyeing towering bookshelves, cluttered counters, and ruffled couches.
His apartment was so impossibly him.
Dusting her finger on his bookshelves, Lara looked to the many posters that he’d taped to his wall. They ranged from new to vintage—some even political. Lara smiled when she saw a fuck capitalism magnet stuck to his fridge.
She walked over and sat on his couch, feeling the soft cushion against her skin, and sighed.
She was happy, she realized. For the first time in a very long time, she was happy.
When she stood from the couch, she noticed something shiny and soft reflect from the floor. Lara moved to grab it, only to come across a piece of ribbon, the color of pale candy and melting skies.
“I was supposed to give that to you,” Kai said from behind her, his voice rough from sleep. Lara turned. He had thrown on a pair of sweats, but his chest remained silky and bare.
He moved to where Lara stood. “I even came over to give it to you, but Alexander was there.” He spat the name like it was poison.
Lara said nothing, remembering the exact night Kai was talking about. It was the first time they’d seen one another after she’d taken an attempt at his life. The sight of him had been so brutal—so intense—that Lara could still remember the painful way her heart had quivered.
“You can give it to me now,” she said softly.
Wordlessly, Kai took the silk from her hands. He didn’t hesitate as he turned Lara around, hands flying to hair that she’d forgotten to pull from underneath his shirt. He soothed her hair with his hand, drawing it into a low ponytail. The silk tied perfectly around the strands, collecting the pieces like a bunch of flowers. He leaned his chin downward, skin hovering over the flesh of her neck. Lara craned it sideways, allowing him access to her skin.
Kai kissed her softly, tempting her, drawing her into his urges. “What are you going to do about him?” he asked, lips still roaming the side of her neck. Lara knew he was talking about Alexander.
“Nothing,” she answered. “I was just using him anyway.” At her response, Kai laughed, the sound rumbling into the pit of her core. She turned around, linking her arms around his neck.
“Of course you were,” he said, traces of the laugh still in his tone. His own arms wrapped around her waist, caressing her spine.
“Hey, Alexa!” Kai yelled, smiling brightly. “Play ‘My Girl’ by The Temptations.”
Lara laughed as the music began to play. “I love this song,” she said softly.
A wicked look gleamed in his eyes. “Care to dance?
Lara bowed, lifting Kai’s shirt as one would lift a plush dress. “I would love to.”
He took her hand, lifting it above their heads and spun her quickly. They danced across Kai’s cold floor, their movements turning random and un
choreographed. Lara bounced across the room, her hands lifted in the air.
“My girl,” Kai sang aloud, reaching for Lara’s arms. They fell into a hug, laughing breathlessly as the song ended. Sunshine warmed their faces and lit up the room.
Lara stopped, suddenly remembering the thing she’d hidden in her pocket. “I’ll be right back,” she said, already pulling away from Kai’s arms and rushing to his bathroom. She searched the floor for her jeans, eventually finding them beneath her shirt. She reached down, hastily tugging at the pockets.
Dianne’s necklace fell with a clang to the floor. Lara grabbed it, turning the pendant over in her hand.
If I give this to him, she thought, will it ruin what we have between us? Will it serve as a cold reminder of who I am? Of what I’ve done?
But Lara couldn’t afford to lie to Kai once more. He knew all her truths—her decayed past and wilting present.
He knew she was in Lithe—that she was still a murderer, no matter the confession they had shared last night, underneath stolen kisses and hushed touches.
Clutching the metal in her hand, Lara returned to the living room. Kai stood in the middle, waiting for her patiently.
“Before I give this to you,” Lara started, “I need you to tell me you understand. That you know who I am and what I do.”
Kai pulled his brows together. “What is—”
“Tell me,” she demanded, yet her voice was still soft.
“Okay,” said Kai. “Yes, of course I know.”
Lara opened her palm to him, displaying the locket. “This was your mother’s. Lithe took it from her body after they’d killed her.”
Kai said nothing. He grabbed the necklace from her hand, lifting it by the chain. It swayed in the air like a pendulum—slow and steady.
“Where did you find this?” he said finally.
“The bell tower,” Lara answered.
He read the engraving that lined the pendant, holding the chain like it was about to disappear from his fingers. “Dianne Reeves.”
“Do you want to know?” Lara asked. “What happened to her? To your parents?” A stupid question—of course he wanted to know.