by Eric Vall
Then Cayla’s low chuckle drifted my way, and the porcelain beauty draped herself against me while she bid the two lords a good morning.
“Are you ready to go home, my lord?” the princess purred as she turned her blue eyes on me.
The sultry way Cayla said the words “my lord” made the two noblemen’s brows shoot straight up to their hairlines, but when the princess meowed in my ear before sauntering back toward the others, both of them began chuckling at their boots, and I knew without a doubt they’d stayed at the tavern.
So, I mumbled an incoherent goodbye before I abruptly turned away.
“Nice axe,” Aurora admired, and as I held it out for them to see, I honestly felt like a Viking already.
“Have any of your ogre sisters ever gotten you an axe to decapitate your enemies with?” I asked with a cocky grin.
“No, Mason,” Shoshanne giggled. “You’re the lucky one.”
“That’s right,” I sighed. “I’ve never been one for decapitating, but … I’m gonna have to start. This axe is too beautiful to let go to waste. And so heavy! Look at the bevels on those bits, too. This baby could cut through the damn train!”
“Let’s go home,” Cayla laughed. “You can play with your axe in the training hall.”
“Good idea,” I agreed, and I propped my new weapon up on my shoulder as I offered the woman my arm.
Then we made our way into the lanes of Falmount, and my women smiled the whole way while the mages greeted us or stopped to chat with Aurora and the others. I scoured my surroundings for any signs of a deadly battle while I updated the mages who came asking about our troops, but aside from the usual blood stains, there wasn’t much damage overall. The battlements in the market looked good, the homes were in great shape, and none of the mages seemed to care in the slightest that our town got hit with more crazy shit than any place in Illaria.
In the distance, Big Guy and Bom Two were sharing the patrol while they worked their way around the perimeter in opposite directions, and I could hear the healers securing chains to their operating tables as we neared the mansion. Then my moat finally came into view, and I couldn’t resist picking up the pace before I bellycrawled my way to the edge so I could greet my water spawn.
My women laughed at the sight, but we didn’t let that ruin the moment for us.
“Daddy’s home,” I cooed.
My eels snapped at the edges of the moat while I dangled my fingers just out of reach, and I grinned from ear to ear at their vicious teeth and beady little eyes.
“Missed you, too,” I chuckled. “Did you eat any possessed creatures for me while I was gone?”
“Mason, do you hear as much giggling as I do?” Aurora asked.
“I don’t think it can be called a giggle with eels,” I mused. “It’s more of a happy hiss, but I’ve noticed they do it louder when I’m around, and I think it means they like me the most. Don’t take it personally, though, we’ve really bonded over the last--”
“Not your eels,” the half-elf sighed. “I mean from the house.”
“Oh,” I muttered, and I propped myself up to listen.
Then I narrowed my eyes because there really was an inordinate amount of giggling going on, and it was coming from my mansion.
“Oh, dear,” Deya mumbled, and the look on her face confirmed my suspicions.
It took me three seconds to jump up from beside my moat, grab my axe, and storm over the bridge, and my women hurried behind me as I threw the front door open and followed the giggles to my training hall.
That’s when I found Dragir with ten of my lady Defenders, and all of them were nakedly lounging on piles of decadent pillows.
Most of the women nibbled on fresh fruit and cheese like they owned the place, but Dragir had four particularly busty mages tucked around him while they fed him and covered him with giggly kisses.
What. The. Fuck.
Chapter 22
“Dude!” I scoffed. “No orgies in my fucking training hall!”
The mages screeched when they saw me and my axe in the archway, and I’d never seen women so mortifyingly red in my life. Pillows and fruit went flying as they scrambled to find their Defender gear, but half of them gave up and sprinted past me with only a pillow to cover their lady bits.
I studiously averted my gaze as they whimpered apologies, and Dragir let out a heavy sigh as he watched them all go.
My own women were laughing heartily from behind my back through all of this, but when Shoshanne mentioned seeing the spice lady among the bare asses streaking by, their laughter got even more hysterical.
Deya and I were not amused, though, and the two of us glared at Dragir, who glared right back from his pillowy throne.
“That was not a house rule,” Dragir informed me. “You said nothing about orgies.”
“It’s implied!” I belted.
“I cannot believe you would behave this way in someone else’s home,” Deya scolded.
“As if this heathen man of yours did not do the same at House Quyn,” Dragir snorted as he gestured lazily at me.
“Hey, I fucked my women by your waterfall like a decent person,” I shot back.
Dragir cocked a brow. “You are very tense. Did the trip not go well?”
I ground my jaw, and I was about to order the man to get his naked ass off my pillows when a piercing screech shattered my eardrums.
“He flailed our penis!” Cayla shrieked.
My other women gasped with fury, but I couldn’t even see straight at the moment while I clutched at my ears.
“Can we save screeching like that for life and death situations?” I whimpered.
Then Cayla grabbed my head and turned it toward the far corner. “It is life or death! He killed it!”
My first reflex was to laugh as I considered the six-foot penis that was only balls and rubble now, but I managed to rein it in since my women looked ready to skin Deya’s brother.
“Target practice,” Dragir said with a shrug.
“That was not a target!” Cayla snapped. “It was our penis, and you killed it!”
“Let’s try to calm down,” I suggested as I held the princess back. “It was only a penis statue after all, and--”
“Mason, fix it!” Aurora demanded.
I bit my lip. “Do we really need to? I only built it as a joke, and I don’t think our mansion really needs a six-foot long penis in it … ”
“But it was the best part of our mansion,” Shoshanne countered. “We love the penis you made us.”
“It was almost as perfect as your penis,” Cayla said as she puckered her lips sadly.
My women all nodded in agreement, and when they turned four of the most pathetic pouts toward me, I let out a sigh of defeat.
“Fine. I’ll save the penis.”
Squeals of delight echoed around the training hall as my women leapt up to kiss me, and while I summoned my Terra powers, they sent haughty scowls at Dragir.
Then they all ran across the hall to fawn over their restored penis like it was a shrine, and I turned my back on the silver-haired elf as I headed for the kitchen.
“Alfred!” I called. “Alfred, please tell me you’re alive.”
“Alive and well, sir,” the butler said as he entered the kitchen from the hall, and he looked as prim as ever with Dragir’s clothes freshly pressed in his arms.
“Oh, thank the gods,” I sighed. “It is so good to see you.”
“You as well, sir,” Alfred said with a bow. “I hope your duties for the Order of the Elementa have been carried out without difficulty.”
“Yeah, it went great, actually, but is everything alright here?” I checked. “Is my sex jungle untainted? Are my weapons all accounted for? Is anyone dead?”
“Don’t worry, sir, all is well,” the butler assured me. “Your sex jungle has been barricaded ever since your departure by order of Grand Master Dragir, and--”
“Did he tell you to call him that?” I asked flatly.
“Yes, sir.”
“Very little,” Alfred admitted. “The penis statue was unfortunately destroyed, as I believe you know, but Grand Master Dragir prefers to spend most of his time with his women. Your personal stock of Rosh is intact, and you will be pleased to hear Grand Master Dragir joined with your local troops to fend off both attacks that occurred. Since Ruela has been entirely in his care, I have had ample free time as well, so I cleaned every surface of your home and polished the ladies’ cages.”
“Damn, you didn’t have to do all that,” I said with a frown. “I told you to enjoy yourself a bit.”
“Yes, sir, I have taken up knitting,” the butler replied.
“Oh.” I nodded. “That sounds fun.”
Alfred bowed his head in agreement.
“Well, I guess it all worked out, then,” I decided. “Any updates for me?”
“Several letters have been delivered since your departure, sir,” Alfred reported. “I arranged them on the dining table for you in alphabetical order. Another chest of gold was brought over from Serin yesterday, and it is now stacked away with the others. Ten dwarven maces arrived on the morning train compliments of the Elders of Aurum, however, your racks are full, so I have placed them on your workshop table to be mounted at your earliest convenience.”
I grinned. “Thank you, Alfred. I really appreciate you keeping everything in order for me. My women missed you a lot, too. They even skipped breakfast because they prefer your cooking, but you don’t have to rush to--”
“I will attend to the ladies’ needs immediately, sir,” Alfred said with a dutiful nod. “Shall I dispose of the pillows in the training hall?”
“Yes, please burn them all,” I muttered, and Dragir snorted from the doorway as he strolled in to retrieve his clothes while still buck naked.
“Very well, sir,” the butler replied. “I see your sword is smattered with blood. If you and your ladies would care to deposit your weaponry on the counter, I will make sure it’s all cleaned within the day.”
“Thank you,” I chuckled. “We’ll do that, but maybe give Deya’s Halcyan dagger a double scrub. She used the hell out of that thing.”
Alfred bowed. “Certainly, sir.”
I brushed past Dragir while he dressed himself in my kitchen of all places, and I was scanning the long line of parchment on the table when the silver-haired elf joined me.
“Deya was attacked?”
“No, she butchered my assassin,” I muttered as I traded my axe for a note from my scout, Malika.
“Did she?” Dragir asked, and I could tell he was impressed to hear it. “I did not know she was so handy with a blade.”
“Yeah, we’ve been training her for a while now. She could probably kick your ass for me if I asked her to.”
“You are so hostile,” the elf pointed out with a furrowed brow. “What did I do?”
“Wiped your ass and the asses of ten Defenders all over my house,” I mumbled while I moved on to a letter from the general in Fraling. “Oh, wait … nine Defenders plus the one woman my generals are dogging after.”
“Ahhh, I see what this is,” Dragir said, and when I looked over, he had a smug grin on his face. “You are upset because I have more women than you.”
I tossed the letter on the table. “Did you sleep with all those women just to one up me?”
“Not at all,” the elf said with an innocent shrug, “but it is interesting that I have obtained twice as many women as you in only three days. This is more impressive.”
“Yeah, I’m having a child with your sister,” I reminded him. “Would you be impressed if I went after ten women in three days?”
“No,” Dragir mumbled. “I am merely pointing out that it can be done. By me.”
“Well done, man,” I laughed as I turned back to the letters.
Dragir grinned. “Thank you. So, how was your trip with only five women?”
“Great,” I chuckled. “Your shipments arrived right on time, all the posts are covered, Deya’s safe, and I met a really hot cannibal.”
“A cannibal?” Dragir asked with a curious tone. “What is this cannibal like?”
“Beautiful, unpredictable, stacked, and ripped.”
“You brought her back with you, yes?”
“No, she’s my buddy’s mom,” I sighed as I grabbed a note from Dorinick. “Plus, she has chiseled teeth and keeps her men leashed, so that kinda killed it for me.”
“Hmm,” Dragir mused.
I could tell none of these points killed it for him, but Dorinick’s update pulled all of my attention away from the elf as my brow furrowed.
“That doesn’t sound good,” I muttered.
Dragir came over. “What is it?”
“I have a dwarven general scouting the Master’s fortress in the foothills,” I replied. “He says the grounds have been empty for days. No new troops being brought in, and none going out.”
“We killed several of his creatures here in the last few days,” the elf told me. “Perhaps his numbers are depleting.”
“I don’t know … he’s increased his attacks in that time, too. Mostly in the southern parts of Illaria, and from the reports my generals have sent, it sounds like he’s using more violent soldiers on them. He wouldn’t send all his best fighters out at once, though, if we were making that big of a dent in his numbers.”
Dragir nodded in agreement. “Then he is drawing your troops away. You said this fortress is north of Nalnora, and the bloodiest battles are south.”
“Sounds like that’s what he’s doing, but it doesn’t explain how deserted the place looks,” I said as I glanced over. “When I went to his headquarters, bodies were being dragged in by the dozens for branding. He’s been sending his mages out to capture hundreds more, too.”
“It could be that he’s utilizing this new element to transport the new recruits,” Dragir pointed out. “Have you had any luck familiarizing yourself with it?”
“None,” I sighed. “The one chance I had ended up being a trap. I got an idea about trying to sense rune magic through my magery, though, I just haven’t tested my theory yet.”
“Well, I destroyed four portals in your woods while you were away,” the elf reported. “However, I have not been able to locate more without the Master’s troops leading me to them. I have tried several times a day with no success.”
“Shit,” I cursed. “This element is gonna cost us this war if I can’t find a way to counter it.”
I tossed Dorinick’s letter aside while I rifled through the others, and when I found one from Barnik, I tore the wax seal open. The Aer Mage had sent a letter to Rainard two days ago, but all that letter said was I should visit the Oculus as soon as possible. The letter delivered to the mansion was much more detailed, though, and my heart leapt as I quickly read through Barnik’s update.
“The men I have working on the Elven Scrolls have finally made some headway,” I muttered. “Apparently, they’ve devised a system for translating a good portion of the text, but they haven’t found any mention of specific elements.”
“They can read ancient Elvish?” Dragir gasped, and his serpentine eyes were wide when I looked over. “Then that is all you need.”
“Maybe,” I allowed. “I only have some of the Elven Scrolls, so there’s no telling whether the information I can get my hands on has anything to do with this new element, but the fact they haven’t found direct mention of elements doesn’t sound too promising.”
“Of course they have not,” the elf scoffed. “No elf would leave something as sacred out in the open for just anyone to divulge. The ancients knew how valuable their discoveries were. Even centuries later, when rune magic was banned, every elf in Nalnora still understood the importance of concealing this knowledge. We were taught to code all elemental works, just as the ancients had.”
I turned to the elf. “Do you know the code the ancients used?”
“I cannot say without looking at the docum
ents,” Dragir admitted, “but if it is anything like the more modern approach, I would recognize it.”
“Come with me,” I said at once, and the two of us quickly left the dining hall and headed for the door.
My women saw us passing by the training hall, though, and they hollered to bring me back.
“We’re in a hurry,” I told them as I backtracked. “I’ve gotta check in with Barnik at the Oculus.”
“But we wanted to show you something,” Aurora said hastily “Please? We were waiting until we got home, and we’re so excited.”
“Okay, real quick,” I agreed, and I joined them in the training hall while Dragir waited in the archway.
My women looked giddy as they instructed me to stand against the wall, and Aurora walked to the center of the hall while the others lined up beside me. I could tell by the scent of pine in the air that the half-elf had burned up Dragir’s pillows for Alfred, but as she took a steadying breath, the scent became stronger while the air surged with static energy.
“Ready?” Aurora asked, and I nodded.
Then the Ignis Mage closed her eyes, but she didn’t raise her palms like she usually did when she wielded her magic. Instead, she remained perfectly still like I did when I was in my metal guru state, and after a moment, I heard the crackling of flames.
I furrowed my brow as I looked around, but then I saw a line of fire forming along three edges of the room, and they crawled along the walls until they met with each other. A smile twitched at my lips as I realized Aurora still hadn’t moved a muscle, and I was already impressed, but her demo didn’t stop there. The flames grew while they spread across the floor, and as they gradually closed in around the half-elf, she opened her eyes. I was about to tell her how proud I was when a devilish smile spread across her face, and before the flames had even reached her, Aurora’s boots ignited.
Then her legs began to burn as her fire worked its way up her bare thighs, and while I watched in shock, my half-elf was consumed in flames.
The entire extensive hall crackled in a massive inferno now as the walls began to ignite, too, and Aurora remained like a fiery pillar while I stared with my jaw unhinged. The heat was stifling as the mass of flames surrounding me made my adrenaline surge, and I raked my eyes over the sea of fire my Ignis Mage had created without lifting a finger.