Jeremy dropped anchor when they were in the middle of nowhere. They were out of shipping lanes and away from other boats. The moon had risen and the sky stretched forever, enveloping them both in the night.
His body still pulsed from making love to Bella, and he wanted her again. He wanted to take her down to his bed and have her again and again until she forgot every name except his.
But first he wanted to ask her to stay with him.
She’d gone down to the master stateroom a few minutes earlier to touch up her makeup. He hoped she reapplied that slick lip gloss. He was looking forward to kissing it off again.
He went into the galley and readied their meal, then took out the presents he’d purchased for her, setting them in the different areas where he needed them.
He took a deep breath. He was a little nervous about her reaction no matter how well he thought he’d planned for it. He wanted her in his life for a long time. This was what he needed. What they both needed.
He opened the bottle of wine and left it to breathe and then checked the drawer where he’d left the paperwork he’d need later if she agreed to his proposition.
“What’s that?”
He shut the drawer and turned to look at her. She’d taken her hair down and it hung in waves over her shoulders. She had reapplied her lip gloss and her dress was refastened. In the center of the V-neck he noticed a mark he’d left on her.
He took a box off the counter. “This is for you.”
She glanced again at the drawer but took the gift and let the other matter drop. He poured her a glass of wine, then leaned one hip against the counter and just watched her.
“You’re making me nervous.”
He shrugged, taking a sip of his wine. “I like looking at you.”
“I like having you look at me,” she said, a hint of shyness in her voice.
“How can you be shy with me after all we’ve done together?” he asked, coming over to stand next to her.
“I don’t know. It’s different when we’re together. I forget about everything else.”
“Good. Now open your present so we can have dinner.”
She opened it. He heard the gasp of surprise in her voice and he was pleased. He took the diamond and sapphire pendant necklace from the box.
“Hold your hair up,” he said.
She lifted her hair and he fastened the necklace. Keeping his hands on her neck, he leaned down and kissed her. He wanted to find a way to tell her everything that was inside him even though he knew he couldn’t.
He lifted his head slowly and took her arm, escorting her to the dining area. He picked up the gift-wrapped box by her seat.
“Open this one while I’m getting our dinner.”
“Jeremy, you spoil me.”
“It’s about time someone did,” he said. He ached for her past and her childhood. The way it had been torn away from her. He wanted to make sure that she had a safe cocoon for the rest of her life. That she never again had to face financial insecurity or worry about being left alone.
That’s why his plan would work for both of them. It was a safe way for them to be together and not have to worry about the unexpected things that life sometimes threw at them.
He dished up their food and brought the plates over to the table. She’d opened the second present, a bracelet that matched the necklace he’d just given her.
She fastened it around her wrist and glanced up at him. There was so much hope in her eyes that it was almost painful to glimpse it.
He knew he had to do this right. He couldn’t screw this up for her. Her trust was a precious gift and he didn’t want to abuse it.
“Thank you for the bracelet, Jeremy. I wish I had something to give you.”
“You already did.”
“Sex?”
“No, Bella. So much more than that. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that ‘the only true gift is a portion of yourself.’ You’ve given me a gift that I can never reciprocate. Bringing me into the circle of your friends. Welcoming me into your life and into your bed.”
Tears glittered in her eyes and he thought, yes, this was right. For once he was doing what he needed to do. He wasn’t betting on charm to get him through, but speaking straight from his gut.
“That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“It’s only the truth.”
The conversation ranged over many topics as they ate, and soon Jeremy was clearing the dishes away. He brought out a fruit-and-cheese tray with a small box nestled on it.
He handed her the box after he seated himself.
“I have something I want to ask you, Bella. But first please open this last present.”
Bella held her breath as she opened the box. She could hardly concentrate on the gift, wanting instead to know what he was going to ask her. Would it be to marry him?
After brunch last Sunday with his family, she suspected he had something permanent in mind for the two of them. And she wanted that. She’d already made up her mind to ask him to move in with her after their contract was up.
“Bella, open the box,” he said.
She did and found a pair of teardrop earrings that matched the necklace and bracelet he’d already given her. Jeremy was at his most romantic tonight. And she couldn’t help falling more deeply in love with him.
He was everything she’d ever wanted in a man. Caring, attentive, supportive and the kind of lover every woman dreamed of having. She glanced up to find him watching her. She removed the silver hoop earrings she had on and put on the ones that matched her necklace and bracelet.
Was a matching ring soon to follow?
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, honey.”
She didn’t want to rush him but he didn’t say anything else, and finally she couldn’t stand it any longer. “You said you had a question.”
“I do. I’m not sure how to ask it.”
“Whatever it is, just ask.”
He leaned forward. “Do you remember when we met?”
How could she forget? Her secret crush noticing her at a party where she was working, taking the time to talk to her and flirt with her and then offering her something that could never be repaid. “Yes.”
“From that moment, you’ve been like an obsession for me. The last three and a half years I’ve been consumed with thoughts of you.”
“Oh, Jeremy,” she said, unable to keep her emotions from her voice. It was like he had glimpsed inside her heart and knew what she felt for him. “Me, too.”
He smiled at her then. It was a sweet expression and not one she’d ever seen before on his fierce face.
“Obsessions aren’t healthy things because they are all or nothing. Our relationship was nothing at first, just a piece of paper that was kept in a file. But then it became…well, I think you’ll agree it became more than either of us ever anticipated.”
She’d never been a man’s obsession before and was flattered he’d thought about her so much. It made her feel a lot less vulnerable. It reminded her that Jeremy was invested in this relationship, too.
“I’d definitely agree to that,” she said. She’d never expected to fall so completely in love with Jeremy. In the beginning she might have even intended to use him to get back into the crowd that had once been her own, but that had quickly faded. She wanted him, and it didn’t matter if he was part of her old social set or not.
“I was hoping that you’d feel this way, Jeremy. For the last few weeks I’ve been dreading this day. Knowing that it would mean an end to our contracted time together.”
He reached across the space between them and took her hands in his. She liked the way his big hands enfolded hers.
“Me, too. I’ve been thinking our situation over. Trying to come up with a new relationship that would suit us both.”
“Anything where we can be together will work with me. I don’t think I can take living apart now. You really have become so much a part of my life.”
&nb
sp; “I hoped you would say that.”
He tugged her to her feet, drawing her to him. He led her upstairs. He hit a button and low-level lighting illuminated the deck. She saw that there were a bunch of pillows on the bench where they’d made love earlier.
“What are we doing up here?”
“I wanted to hold you in my arms,” he said. He pushed a button and music came from the speakers. Not pop music, but Ella Fitzgerald, her evocative voice singing about love and heartbreak in a way that made Bella believe that the woman had experienced them. She rested her head on Jeremy’s shoulder as he danced them around the deck.
In this moment everything felt perfect. The anticipation of his question hung between them, sweetening the moment. For the last few months she’d been so aware of the contract and the expiration date of their relationship, and now she felt something so magical she could scarcely comprehend that this moment was here.
When the song ended he pushed a button and the music stopped. He led her toward the railing of the boat and turned her in his arms so they both faced the distant horizon. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back into the cradle of his body. He surrounded her completely.
She took it all in—the moonlight on the water, the softly blowing salt-scented breeze. The rocking motion of the boat and the heat of the man standing behind her.
He took a deep breath. “This is so much harder than I thought it would be.”
Suddenly she was afraid. But she took a deep breath and turned in his arms. “Whatever it is, Jeremy, if it involves the two of us staying together, then my answer is going to be yes.”
He crushed her to him in a hug that made her feel like he’d never let her go. “I’m so glad to hear that. I’ve had a new contract drawn up and it is more generous than our last agreement.”
She pulled back to look at him. “What kind of contract? I thought we’d moved beyond needing some legal paperwork between us.”
“Honey, I want to make sure that you’re protected. That you have everything you’ve ever wanted.”
That sounded so nice that she cautioned herself from letting her temper get the better of her. Maybe it was some kind of prenuptial agreement. The kind that Kell had been talking about these last few months. “Do you have the contract with you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Let me see it.”
Bella heard Jeremy talking and knew he was saying something important, but for the life of her she couldn’t understand what the heck it was. She followed him down the gangplank back to the dining room where the remains of their dessert still sat on the table.
The last five minutes had been so bizarre she was sure she’d entered some kind of twilight zone. He seemed normal, but maybe there’d been some kind of break in the time-space continuum that had put her in an alternate universe where the man she loved would offer her a contract to stay with him.
“Here’s the contract,” he said, handing her a folder with a thick sheaf of papers inside.
She took the folder from him and drifted over to the table. Sitting down, she opened it up and saw the words at the top that stopped her. This was the same shell agreement as the original mistress contract she’d signed three years ago.
Anger began a slow churning deep inside her and she used that anger to help stem the tears that wanted to flow. How could he have completely missed the point?
“I think you’ll agree that the new contract is more generous than the first one was. I’ve recently started doing business with an international firm that I think will net you a lot of new contacts. I’ve offered that as well as an exclusive arrangement with my company to be our only party planner.”
“Please don’t say anything else,” she said, forcing the words out in a reasonable tone. But inside she was screaming and she didn’t think she was going to stop for a long time. This evening that had been picture-perfect had shattered into a million little pieces. Pieces that cut deeper than she would have thought they could. And hurt so badly she didn’t feel like she was going to recover.
But she’d deal with that later. She just wanted to keep it together until she could get away and be by herself so she could lick her wounds in private.
Once again she’d fallen for an illusion. Something she knew didn’t exist for her. She wasn’t one of those women who was meant to have a stable, happy future. She was meant to live one day at time.
“Bella? What’s the matter, honey?”
She glanced up at him and realized that he meant this to be in both of their best interests.
She took a deep breath and fought to find the words she needed. “Why do you still want a contract?”
“It’s the only way to make sure we’re both protected. I know that you need financial security and I need…”
“What do you need?”
He shrugged and looked away from her.
“Jeremy, I don’t want to be your mistress anymore.”
“Is it that you doubt the business I can generate for you? I can add an addendum that guarantees at least a million dollars a year in new business for the length of the contract.”
She shook her head and got to her feet. “I think you should take me home.”
“Not yet. Talk to me, Bella. I’m willing to sweeten the deal.”
Was he really? Was he just afraid to admit he cared for her without knowing where she stood? For a minute she stood there, undecided, afraid to take a chance. But then she remembered that life was precarious and changed on a dime. And this might really be her only chance at love.
“I don’t want you for your contacts or the amount of business you can generate. I want you for you.”
He frowned at her and rubbed the back of his neck. Crossing to the bar he poured himself a shot of whiskey and downed it in one gulp.
“Jeremy, don’t you feel anything for me?”
“Obsession,” he said, the one word bit out between drinks as he refilled his glass again.
His earlier words circled in her mind. She’d thought he was joking, but saw now that he viewed her as something unhealthy for him and his life. Less than worthy, she thought. Still not worthy of someone in that social set.
“You’re an obsession for me, Bella. This is the only way I know how to control our relationship. I have to know the parameters.”
“Why would you want that? We could have a really great relationship. The kind that most people only dream of. Why can’t you see that?”
“These last six months haven’t been realistic,” he said. “We have the illusion of a relationship. Because we both know that it can’t end until the contract runs out.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Do you really think that what I feel for you is some byproduct of the contract?”
He shrugged. “I don’t want to analyze it too closely. Whatever you feel for me…whatever you tell yourself, that’s all immaterial to the contract. I think we’ve both proven that we’re trustworthy.”
She felt tears stinging her eyes and this time had no anger to assuage them. She tried to say something else, but her mouth trembled and she couldn’t make herself talk.
She’d thought she’d been hurt in all the ways a person could be. That her heart had been thoroughly broken. But until this minute, when she stood in front of the man she’d given her heart to and heard him describe her as contractually trustworthy, she realized she hadn’t known how deeply love could hurt.
“I can’t believe I fell in love with you.”
“You aren’t really in love with me,” he said. “It’s obsession, honey.”
“I think I know the difference between love and obsession, Jeremy.”
He didn’t say anything else and finally she couldn’t stand the silence between them for another second. “Please take me back to shore. I want to go home.”
Twelve
Bella ignored the phone and her friends and concentrated only on business. But at the end of two weeks, even though she was utterly exhausted, she still
couldn’t sleep through the night. She’d gotten used to Jeremy’s presence in her bed and in her life, and she missed him.
Even though he was a huge jackass with some stupid ideas about her and their relationship, she still missed him. That really ticked her off because it made her feel like an idiot. But in the middle of the night, when she stared out her window at the waning moon, she couldn’t help but remember their last night together and how perfect it had been. Until he’d brought out the contract.
Her lack of sleep made her cranky at the office. Randall and Shelley had insisted she go home early. So here she was in the middle of the afternoon, sitting on her porch on the glider, Jack Johnson playing on her iPod and a cup of blueberry tea at her side.
She was putting together a bid for another event at the Norton and wanted to double-check the images from the last event. She absolutely refused to think of Chihuly glass ceilings or the exquisite sculpture that was now in her backyard.
She uploaded a batch of pictures from her digital camera, forgetting that she’d used it the night of Jeremy’s thirty-fifth birthday until the images starting popping up on her computer screen.
She stared at them. At him. At the picture she’d snapped of him with Kell, both men looking intense and serious just standing in a corner talking.
“Jeremy,” she said, hearing the heartache in her own voice.
She cropped the picture down so that it was just him. Soon his face filled her screen and she traced his eyebrows and the sun lines around his eyes. God, she missed him.
Maybe she should go back to him. Swallow her pride and say yes to his contract. Except she knew she could never be happy as his mistress. She wanted to be his wife. That was the truth of it.
She wished she’d had a friend who could have offered her a bit of advice at the beginning of the original mistress contract—don’t fall in love.
“Too late.”
Lucinda had called her twice. Each time the messages had been short and to the point, just saying that she was there for Bella.
Her doorbell rang and she minimized the screen she’d been working on, setting her computer on the glider seat before going to answer the door.
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