by Caleb Borne
“He heard the news bulletin on the truck radio and came to make sure we’d heard. I thought it was thoughtful.”
“I suppose. It’s just that we can’t trust anyone, Katie. No one.”
“But it’s Butch. He’s done nothing but be good and protective of me my whole life. What would he have to gain by being on Colin’s side?”
“You never know what Colin may have promised him. He said himself that his parents were failing, and he couldn’t lose his job.”
“Oh, please, let’s not hyper-examine everyone’s motives. I don’t want to live in a war zone.”
“So, do you agree about selling, Katie?”
“Let me think about it a couple days. With the assassination, everything is in limbo until the funeral. Maybe some better solution will come up in the meantime. I’m just worn out from the day.”
“Come here and let me hold you until you fall asleep.”
There were no sweeter words. Michael’s chest was my refuge from everything sad and dangerous in the world. He, and the little babe in my tummy, were my whole world.
Michael
Katie was right. The world was in limbo. It was hard to imagine that a president who was beloved by so many could have been hated by those in positions of power. Perhaps his credibility threatened them. We watched the funeral together; the procession with Jackie and their two children. They were so brave, so stoic. Bobby stayed at her side and the Johnsons were always separated by a few degrees. It said so much in my mind. I could put a couple of the theories together in my own mind and they made perfect sense.
Colin had not yet reappeared. The idea of him hung over Katie and I like an advancing plague of locusts. You could hear the whir of advancing troops and he could eat us alive while we were almost powerless to stop him. He had the same army behind him who had put Kennedy in that casket being carried to the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle.
I knew I was hovering around Katie but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t put the danger out of my mind. We agreed not to tell anyone, not even her parents, for the immediate future. Most especially, we didn’t want Colin to know.
After the funeral, people slowly returned to routines. Colin showed up at the door one evening, coming in unattended and heading up to his bedroom. I didn’t look at him and he didn’t say a word. We both knew what the other was thinking.
Christmas was approaching and it was an unusually cold, snowy winter so far. I was glad we didn’t have any livestock yet. I’d planned to buy at the spring sales at Keeneland, but now that entire plan may be off the table. Katie and I talked more and more about selling and finally, we decided that was the route to take. We would put it into Bloomstein’s hands so it would be handled quietly and hopefully once sold, we could simply slip away in the night and find somewhere quiet to await the birth of our child and begin again. Granted, we wouldn’t be poor, but we’d have to live more modestly to avoid attention. Perhaps it would make for an even better life for us.
Christmas approached and we accepted an invitation to Tipperary for Christmas Day. We’d decided to announce the baby then since Katie was beginning to show and the secret would soon be out of the bag. It snowed heavily on Christmas Eve and I wasn’t in favor of going out the next morning, but Katie insisted. She held up her boots, her muff and a warm coat, along with a handful of gifts and her puppy-dog look broke through my reserve.
Tipperary had set aside its normal depressive atmosphere in favor of the holiday. Even Bella was nicer than usual, wishing me Merry Christmas and handing me a mug of mulled wine. After dinner, we opened gifts and that’s when Katie presented hers.
“Mother, Daddy… Michael and I are going to be parents.”
“Whaaaat?” Bella gasped. “When are you due?”
“Dr. Groot says around the first of June, but you can never be sure. A spring birth, just like a foal.” Katie’s happiness showed in her face.
O’Hara himself puffed up like a peacock and he began talking about teaching his grandson how to ride and hunt. Bella spoke of the granddaughter she’d dress and the Debutante ball she would have her coming out. I sat back, the silent but proud father and watched as everyone else took control of my small family. All the while, I knew it would turn out nothing close to what they envisioned because Katie, baby and I would have long disappeared into obscurity. Let them celebrate today, I thought. They will have my reality soon enough.
Later that night, Katie and I exchanged gifts in the privacy of our bedroom. She gave me a hand-knitted scarf she’d made, and it made me feel like the King of England. I gave her a necklace of emeralds and diamonds.
“It’s beautiful Michael, but where will I wear it when we blend in? To the PTA?” We laughed at that and I began kissing her. Her body, if possible, was becoming lusher as the life within her added to her curves. I was hesitant to love her, but she assured me it was perfectly fine, right up until the end. “Anyway,” she confided, “the blood flow to the baby also makes me more sensitive.” I didn’t need any more encouragement than that and lost myself in her ripe body. When I entered her, I could feel what she said was true. Her inner places sucked at my penis, as if welcoming back a lost soldier. I penetrated her softly, but with depth and love. She cried out into my shoulder as she found her peak. My release was unlike anything I’d ever experienced and I knew it was love for her and the baby that made it so. I was becoming a changed man. The Irish street urchin was soon to be a father.
We stayed home over New Year’s, eventually becoming a prisoner in our own bedroom. Colin had taken the liberty of inviting guests without asking. I was fuming, but again there was nothing I could do to stop him. They were all down in the lower level, drinking heavily as every so often a glass could be heard to shatter on the tiled floor. Occasionally someone wandered upstairs looking for the bathroom. I had put a Penny on duty redirecting them back downstairs to the bathrooms there. I’ve never been able to tolerate the smell of vomit and I wouldn’t have it in the main quarters. Someone had brought a record player and the dulcet tones of Connie Francis wafted through the house as though it were a summer beach party. Katie wasn’t feeling well, the onset of morning sickness had raised its ugly head midway between Christmas and New Year’s. At midnight the party drifted outdoors and the one time I looked, there were a half-dozen people running naked through the snow. I despised people who lacked control and perhaps that’s why I had never been a big drinker myself. I pulled the drapes tightly shot and piled pillows around Katie’s head, trying to barricade her from the noise. Finally, about 3 AM, some of the guests left, their cars fishtailing down the drive. Icy roads and drunk drivers were a bad combination but I found the ability to no longer have a conscience. Penny checked in with me at four in the morning, telling me that only Colin remained, having passed out on the pool table. She requested permission to go to bed and of course, I urged her to sleep in. The house was finally at peace although the morning presented a much different picture for Shirley as she went downstairs to clean up. I said nothing to Colin, there was no point to it. But the very next day, found me once again in Bloomstein’s office.
“I’ve brought you a New Year’s gift,” I told him. He looked up, I caught his interest. “Sell it all and let me know when to show up to sign the papers. One requirement, though. If you’re going through a real estate agent, there will be no showings. That will put Colin on the scent, which defeats the purpose of moving in the first place.”
“I couldn’t agree more. Most people around here know The Hill edit tour won’t be necessary. Leave it to me, Michael. I’ll keep in touch.”
I left his office in higher spirits, having made the decision finally. I began to consider where we would relocate. I wanted warmer weather for Katie but not as far south as Florida. As a good Irish boy, the deep South with its swamps and cypress covered trees felt as though they would choke me. I was accustomed to rolling green hills I had left behind so many years earlier and wanted that for my son. That was what caused me to choose N
orth Carolina. I ordered maps and travel brochures. Katie and I would pour over them as we sat in bed at night, in between her occasional runs to the bathroom. I felt sorry for her and spent more than one night holding cool cause to her forehead as she clutched a basin. Finally one night she asked me desperately, “Why do women ever have second children?”
“I’m guessing God takes away the memory of the misery, for certainly there are many second children; third, fourth and even more.”
“I hope you’re right. I didn’t factor this in when I was little girl dreaming about having babies.”
“Perhaps you should visit Dr. Groot. He may have something to help tame your tummy.”
“No, I don’t believe in medications while you’re pregnant. That tiny little thing inside me isn’t very strong and I will take the risk.”
“That’s one of the reasons I love you so,” I told her. As luscious as she looked, I had to quench my desire to make love to her. I knew how miserable she must be feeling and keeping my distance was the least I could do for her.
Despite Bloomstein’s assurances, there was more traffic than usual going slowly past the house. At times I had to wait for them to pass before I could pull out to go anywhere.
That, however, did not compare with the shrieks of indignant in-laws coming from Tipperary. I took Katie in my arms one night. “We have to talk.”
“Uh-oh. When they start out like that, they’re never good news.”
“Before I tell you, I want you to keep in mind that I did this for you and that’s also the reason I kept it from you.”
“This must really be good.”
“When I first met you, I learned that your father was about to lose Tipperary.”
“What? Daddy lose Tipperary? Impossible. He’d never let anyone else have it. It’s been in our family for generations.”
“Nevertheless, things happen, economies change, people outspend their income and then they find themselves where they never believed they’d be. I went to him because I wanted you. I offered to buy out the banks who were on the verge of calling in the loans.”
“Loans? On Tipperary.”
“Yes, sweetheart, they were heavily mortgaged. Your father was trying to ignore the inevitable and I believe that led him to heavier drinking and gambling. He was desperate.”
“I can hardly believe what you’re telling me.”
“I know, I understand. The truth is, I bought out the debts, which made me owner of Tipperary. It was my plan to keep it as is, to let your parents live there and your father to remain its manager. He and I agreed not to talk about it and not to let you know. He was too embarrassed and I didn’t want you to think that I’d tried to blackmail him into supporting my courting of you.”
“Oh, Michael, I can hardly believe this.”
“It’s true, sweetheart. I did tell him if he told you, his agreement with me was over. He swore he never would and now I’m telling you myself. So, along with The Hill, Tipperary will be sold.”
She was crying then and I understood why. “I know this is hard for you. I’d hoped to keep it in the family and give it to our eldest son when the time came. Colin, unfortunately, has made that impossible. I’m going to see to it that your parents are properly and comfortably settled somewhere in Florida. They will enjoy the retirement life far more there.”
“That’s generous, considering what Daddy did, but his heart is in Tipperary. I can’t believe he gave in that easily.”
“It was either sell to me or allow the banks to dissolve the farm and more than likely break it into small pieces for a housing development.”
She gasped and suddenly ran for the bathroom. I hated for her to be so upset, but the timing had never been right and given the sale, there was no way around telling her. It would give her time to help her parents find a nice place to live and to get used to the idea that home would be elsewhere.
She came back from the bath, dabbing at her mouth with a wet towel. “I’m just so miserable. Everything is bothering me. I feel like crying all the time.”
“I wish I could share the burden, sweetheart. Unfortunately, I don’t have the right equipment.”
“Do you really think we can be happy in North Carolina, Michael? We’ll be leaving Izzy and Shirley behind. How about poor Butch? What will he do?”
“I’m sure the new owners will need staff. I will leave letters of recommendation and if you insist, I can put a contingency on the sale of the house that the new owners employ them all. But they may not want to work for the new owners so it wouldn’t be fair to tie them to it.”
“I don’t know, Michael. All I can handle at the moment is carrying this baby. I’m going to leave these decisions up to you. Just try to make them with a big heart, will you?”
“Don’t I always?”
“You know, until this moment I never realized it, but you actually do. I’ve never seen you hurt anyone.”
“There, you see? Now, you turn over onto your hip and get some sleep. If the weight of the baby isn’t lying directly on your tummy, you may be more comfortable.”
“You’re learning fast, Quinn,” she muttered and I smiled but her eyes were already closed and she was gently breathing.
In the midst of all that was, I don’t think I could have been happier.
Kathleen
I had no idea that having a baby was going to be a full-time job. Maybe I was naïve or maybe I was just having a rougher time of it. I couldn’t be sure. The life growing inside me feels as if it’s robbing me of my own. When I’m not in the bathroom being sick, I’m flat on my back in the bed recovering. There are entire days when I don’t get up. Shirley, bless her heart has taken on the role of nurse, helping me bathe and bringing my meals up to me. Frequently, the only time I’m out of the bed is to sit in a side chair by the window as she changes the bedding.
Dr. Groot was coming to the house, armed with anti-nausea meds and bottles of vitamins. He lectured Izzy on the best nutrition for both mother and baby, and she complied without a complaint, even if it meant making two meals instead of one. My mother even took time away from her busy social calendar to come and visit. She’d sit in a chair near the bed and prattle on and on about all the latest gossip in her set. I’m not sure she knew that from time to time I drifted off to sleep, worn out from the sheer duration of her tales.
Michael, I knew, was worried. Each night it was the same. He insisted he would sleep in the next room so I would have unbothered rest, while I begged him to sleep with me because it was frightening to be so weak and then alone. He always ended up staying and that’s when I could finally fall asleep.
Some days Michael sat at the small writing desk in our bedroom to keep me company as he did his paperwork. January led to an equally frigid February. I listened as Michael told me that Bloomstein said things were going well and he may have a buyer for the two Kentucky properties in one package. The California house would take a little longer, but none of that mattered to me. I was worried about our moving and getting my parents settled in Florida. Mother brought it up during one of her visits.
“Katie, they’re pestering us to leave the farm. Your father isn’t happy, as you might expect. He’s dragging his feet and we haven’t gone to Florida even once to look for a new place. I’ve been asking some of my friends where they winter, but the best places are hard to get into. I’m glad for that, naturally. We don’t want riff raff as neighbors, but really, Katie, it’s becoming impossible.”
“Tell Daddy to talk to Michael, Mother. Or talk to him yourself. I just don’t have the strength.”
“That brings up another thing. The women of our family have always been good breeders. I think you’re over-reacting. You shouldn’t be in bed every day. It’s not healthy for the baby, this lack of exercise.”
“Duly noted, Mother.”
“Why not get dressed now and have coffee with me downstairs? I’m sure your Izzy woman can find a cookie or two to go with it?”
“Mother, I can fe
el myself drifting off again. I love you, but I’m going to nap now. Please go talk to Michael if you have any questions.”
“Yes, why not come with me now and we’ll talk?” It was Michael’s voice from the doorway. “Leave Katie to rest. She’s having a rough time of it.”
“Good-bye, Mother. Thank you for coming for a visit,” I told her as I turned onto my side. The baby and the weight of the fluid in his little cave made it hard for me to breathe unless I laid on my side.
I knew Mother wasn’t happy being foisted off on Michael. She couldn’t get her way with him and that infuriated her. I could hear their arguing voices as they went down the hallway. As for me, I only wanted to sleep.
That night as we went to bed, Michael brought up the subject. “I think you should know I’ve given your mother a plane ticket and set up accommodations for her in Miami. She’ll have a driver to show her around and I’m sure a realtor or two tagging along. She’s, shall we call it, frustrated, with your father and his lack of cooperation. Unless I miss my mark, I think she’s happy to get away from him for a while. Apparently, he’s drinking heavily and she’s had enough. She made sure I knew that.”
“Thank you for that. They’ve never been a good match. Not since I can remember. I think Mother’s father wanted Daddy’s money and they were of an equal standing in the community. Perhaps one of the last arranged marriages hereabout. They used to fight like a cat and dog, but now they’ve become resigned to their fate and mostly ignore each other. That’s much more peaceful to be around, believe me. I’m not the least bit surprised that Mother is looking forward to a house-hunting vacation. You did the perfect thing, Michael, thank you. You seem to have an instinct for settling things so all the parties involved are happy.
“As long as you are. Speaking of, I’ve asked Dr. Groot to stop by again tomorrow. You’re pale and I don’t like it. I want him to keep a closer eye on you.”
“You worry too much. We need to talk about our own moving plans.”