But nothing in my life actually felt right.
I woke up. Mindlessly showered, dressed, and made coffee. Then I drove to work on auto-pilot and worked my ass off to stay distracted. But five o’clock rolled around every evening, and when it did, all bets were off. I was a fucking mess.
Not only did I hate the situation I was in, but my bunny hated me for leaving Auggie. He knew where we needed to be, and he was determined to get us back there. I hadn’t shifted once since moving because I wasn’t sure I’d be strong enough to shift back if he decided to go rogue and hop all the way back to Auggie. It was the first time in my life I regretted having to share myself with someone else. My pain was intense enough. Feeling it doubled was too much to bear.
Since the moment I pulled out onto the road and Auggie disappeared from my rearview mirror, an ache had been welling up inside me. It started in my chest and extended out to every finger and toe. Even my eyes felt gritty from rubbing them so much. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was allergic to my new town.
But I did know better, and I knew exactly what was wrong with me. Alphas weren’t meant to be separated from their mates for any length of time, and certainly not by any significant distance. With every mile that I drove farther away from Auggie, the invisible tether he’d unconsciously wrapped around my heart grew tighter and tighter.
Most of the time, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to take another breath. And when I wasn’t gasping for the relief that only proximity to Auggie could provide, I was trying like hell to forget about it. That seemed like the only way I’d be able to survive without it. For a few days it worked. I even passed the one-week milestone without picking up my phone and calling just to hear his voice.
But by the time time a second week was closing in on me, I knew I couldn’t last without some professional help. So I called in the only professional I knew that might be able to help.
The phone rang four times before he answered. “Doc, here. Can I put you on hold for a minute?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” He seemed busy, and I felt bad for intruding on his time, but I was at the end of my rope. If he couldn’t help, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.
Several minutes passed before he picked up the phone and sighed into it. “Sorry about that. What can I do for you?”
“Doc, hi. It’s Jase, uh, August’s friend.” I realized he barely knew me and probably wouldn’t be able to place me by voice alone. “Is this a good time?”
“Jase, of course. I’m glad you called.”
“You are?” That seemed weird. Maybe he didn’t know I’d left town and needed to talk to Auggie about something. “Um, I’m not staying with August anymore. I moved to the coast a couple weeks ago.”
“Oh, I know all about that.” He chuckled softly. “I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long. You must be a stubborn one.”
What the hell did that mean? “I’m sorry, but I don’t follow…”
“Just come home, Jase. We both know that’s what you need. Staying away any longer is just unnecessary torture for both of you.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed back the sudden rush of emotion I felt. “He’s not doing well either?”
Doc scoffed at my idiocy. “Of course not. His mate left him. What do you think he’s feeling right now?”
If it was anything like the pain I was in, I’d never want to inflict that on my worst enemy...much less the man I loved. Dammit, why did I have to go there? I’d been doing so good. Well, trying to do good. “I want to, Doc. So badly. But I can’t. The sheriff basically kicked me out of town and made it clear I wasn’t welcome to come back.”
“Screw the sheriff. That miserable old coot wouldn’t know a happy couple if it bit him in the ass, and if he keeps up his power plays, he’s gonna be out anyway. He thinks he knows things he doesn’t, and it’ll be his end if he doesn’t watch it.” Doc just somehow managed to say a whole lot without saying anything, not that it mattered. He was giving me the advice I longed for but was too scared to even think about on my own. “Just get back here, pronto.”
“Are you sure?” I thought about how hard it was to leave Auggie. I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it again if he didn’t want me back. “Auggie has so much going on. He doesn’t need me in his way, mooching off him.”
“You know computers?” Doc clearly wasn’t good at taking no for an answer.
“Yeah, why?” Please don’t ask me to explain how email works.
“I just upgraded my CRM to some fancy program that meets HIPAA requirements, but it takes me forever to input all my patient files from my paper notes to the damn computer. If you don’t mind reading chicken scratch, you can work for me as a data entry clerk for now, and we’ll talk about a promotion to office manager once that project is finished.”
“Seriously?” I didn’t know what to say. It was so much to process, but there was only one possible response. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”
I hated to leave my new boss high and dry, but I couldn’t go on like I had been. And now that I knew I could go back to Auggie and I had a job lined up, the twenty minutes it took to pack up and let my landlord know I was leaving felt like an eternity.
Every minute I was away from Auggie was an eternity. But by morning, I’d be pulling into his driveway and hopefully starting the real eternity I had always dreamed of living.
21
August
“Daisy, you have to move already.” Every step I took, there was a pig in my way. Every last one. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into her, but she was going to trip me if she kept it up.
“Please?” I looked at her with my most pathetic droopy eyes, and by some miracle, it worked.
She got out of my way, kicking up her front leg as if waving me forward.
“You’re a strange pig, Daisy. I love ya, but you’re a strange one.”
I was finishing up morning chores—only it was already afternoon. This pregnancy thing was kicking my butt.
Pregnancy. I was pregnant. That still hadn’t completely settled into my consciousness. It was the last thing I expected Doc to tell me when I ran into him, and a week later, I was still not altogether sure I fully believed it. We’d been so careful except that one time...and even then we were mostly careful.
I could hear my biology teacher’s nasally voice ringing in my mind. And remember, class, pulling out is not an effective form of birth control. Apparently, Mrs. Livingston had been right.
And I couldn’t even be upset that I was pregnant. I always wanted a family, and while I never expected it to happen when I had no husband, no medical insurance, a tenuous employment situation, and living in a community where I knew exactly two people and one was a child...
No, everything about my situation was wrong—except it felt right.
I walked through the gate to feed and water the horses, hoping to be done for a short while after that was taken care of. But, just like everything else, it took far longer than it should have, and I was ready for a nap by the time I walked out of the barn. I stopped long enough to pet the new lamb which was named Lamb, then closed up the gate behind me. I wasn’t as creative as Grams in the naming department, that was for sure.
“Hello?” Xander called out to me, but I couldn’t tell where he was.
I jogged out to the front of the house and found him standing there with a gorgeous, if not skinny, mixed-breed dog.
“Hey, Xander. What’s up?” I wiped my hands on my knees and held one out to the dog who stepped forward and walked around me to Daisy. They both circled around each other until the dog rolled onto his back as if to submit—to a pig.
“Your dog likes Daisy, I think.”
“Yeah, Boxer and Daisy are friends although the pig can be a little bossy if you ask me.” He spoke directly to her, and I could see a bit of Grams in the boy.
That made me smile. “So what brings you here?” I asked, still watching the dog and pig in amazement.
“I have a favor to ask. Well, you kinda offered
, or at least I think you did...” He was looking at the ground.
“Okay, sure.” Whatever it was that had him too scared to ask had to be important enough that I would find a way to do it.
He looked up at me wide-eyed. “You know what I want to ask?”
“No, but it seems like it’s important.” I took a step in the direction of the house. “Let’s get some tea and cookies, and you can tell me what you need.”
“Are they in the tin?” he asked, already walking inside after giving the dog a brief whistle to follow him. “They taste better that way.”
“Yeah, they're in the tin, but I didn’t make them.” They were the last of the chocolate chip cookies Jase made after finding Grams’s recipe stuck in a drawer. He said he thought they would make me smile. And they did. Now they just sat there because they were too precious to eat even though I knew that made zero sense. “They aren’t even from a package.”
He sat on the kitchen stool as I put the kettle on and opened the tin. “Jase made them. They’re Grams’s recipe.”
“These are my favorite.” He snatched one up and took a big bite. “No, you can’t have one, Boxer.”
The dog sat there staring up at him with big puppy eyes.
“Chocolate is bad for dogs.”
“How about some cheese?” I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a few slices. The poor thing obviously needed food.
“He likes cheese.” The dog looked to Xander who gave him a nod and then took a step closer to me, only to get cut off by Daisy.
“Daisy, cut that out.” I took a huge step over the pig and held the cheese out to Boxer.
He ate it in one bite.
“That’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. Can Boxer live here for a while?” He pulled out a few crumpled bills from his pocket. They were all ones from what I could see. “I can pay for his boarding.”
“Will you get in trouble with your dad?” Not that I thought his father should be near any living creature, but pissing him off didn’t sound like a great idea either.
“When he left, he told me he hated that dog.” Xander rubbed the dog’s head and leaned down, kissing the top of it sweetly. “And I figure he’ll be back today or tomorrow, so it’s safer for Boxer to be here.” He was so matter-of-fact about his shitty situation.
All I wanted to do was go over there and beat the tar out of the man, but then something about his words hit me. “Where is your dad?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care. But he usually isn’t gone more than a week, and tomorrow is a week. I made this money over the winter from shoveling, so I thought maybe…”
“Of course he can stay.”
Xander looked up at me, his face brightening up as the kettle whistled.
“You can too, if you want.” I didn’t want to push, but he was way too young to be home alone, even if being alone was better that being with that horrid man.
“I think he’ll be back tomorrow.” He grabbed another cookie.
“Okay, but the offer stands. I have a spare room.” I finished making the tea then slid his cup over to him. I wished I knew the right thing to say, the right thing to do. I needed to call Doc. He knew things I didn’t, and he had pretty much told me it would all work out.
At the time, I let it go, but that was no longer enough information. I needed to know how things would work out. This poor boy needed a better life than he currently had.
“I’ll think about it.” He nibbled some more. “Can I see Bunny after we’re done?”
“No. He moved with Jase. They were kind of a package deal.”
Xander’s shoulders drooped. “I miss him.”
“I do too.” More than I cared to admit.
22
August
“He comes with me!” Xander’s father barked, his hands shaking, wrapped around his rifle. I knew he was drunk when he first came up the drive. Boxer started flipping out, Daisy ran around in circles, and Henrietta was hissing like nobody’s business. Thankfully, Xander listened when I told him to run away and hide.
I still wasn’t sure what the fuck this man wanted, but nothing about this was good. Nothing.
“He’s not here,” I repeated the lie for the fifth time. I just needed him to leave so I could call for help. I hated the idea that Sheriff Martin was my beacon of hope, but I didn’t have any other options. I tried calling Doc’s number as soon as this guy got here, but he never answered.
I’d envisioned him so many times as I worried about what was happening at their house. I pictured him as an older Xander with cold eyes and a haggard appearance. Standing before me was a man with zero resemblance to the boy, his hair a deep red and his eyes were cold and blue unlike Xander’s rich brown.
I’d nailed the haggard part. He had been drinking for enough years that his nose had that bluish tinge that announced his addiction for all to see.
“That shit dog of his is here,” he barked at me and the dog barked back.
“Boxer, go.” By some miracle, he did as he was told. I just hoped he wasn’t going straight to Xander. I had two people to keep safe, and leading the asshole to the one would be far from helpful.
“Good. Let that mutt get that bastard.” The man’s finger settled on the trigger for the first time since he arrived.
“If he shows up, I’ll send him home.” I took a tiny step to the side. I’d been doing that as often as I could, hoping to get some cover by my car if it came to that. Not that it would help for long. He had a gun, and I had nothing except my need to protect Xander and my baby.
“I’m not leaving without him. Ten years.” Spit flew from his mouth with every word. “Ten years I’ve been dealing with that little shit, and he’s not even—” His rant was cut off by the sound of a car coming up the drive. Not just a car. Jase’s car.
Jase was here.
No, no, no, no, no! Too many people were already in danger. I didn’t need to add another one.
He slowed down as he approached the house only to speed up again when Xander’s father turned to face him, raising his gun. The click of the trigger made me act without thinking. I lunged at the man in an attempt to stop him from shooting Jase. Unfortunately, I tripped over Daisy and landed flat on my face as the car screeched to a halt. The gun went off and a storm of cursing ensued.
So much cursing.
By the time I got up, Jase was out of the car and the man was on the ground with Jase’s foot on him. Thankfully, the gun was in Jase’s hand.
Jase saved us.
“Tell me you’re okay,” Jase yelled out to me as I pushed myself up on my knees.
I wasn’t okay. My face was wet with what I suspected to be blood, my left eye was not fully opening, and my knee was on fire. But given all that could’ve happened, I was better than I might’ve been.
“I’m fine.” I tried to stand but failed as a siren echoed in the air, getting closer by the second. “Did you call the sheriff?” I pushed myself up again, this time making it to my feet. Based on the gasp that reached my ears, I looked at least as awful as I felt.
“August, I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.” Xander ran to me from the barn.
“Stay back,” I yelled at the same time his father shouted at him that it was all his fault—every last thing.
“I told you to leave.” Sheriff Martin appeared and immediately started in on Jase as he climbed out of his car. Wait, there wasn’t just one extra car. There were two.
Doc was here. But why? How?
“Good thing he came. He saved our lives.” Xander sidled up to me and handed me his hoodie.
I used it to stop the flow of blood.
“Dad’s drunk and—”
“You’re not my kid, you vile thing.” The man was cut off, yelping in pain. If I were to guess, it was because Jase added a little bit of extra pressure to his spine. Good.
“Pipe down, Clarence.” Doc brushed past the man and went straight over to Jase. “I called the sheriff because I could hear things getting out of
hand, and Jase wasn’t even here yet.”
“But how did you...?” I thought back to the call I’d placed to Doc. Maybe he did answer after all.
He held up his phone. “You never responded when I answered.”
“That doesn’t explain why he has a gun, one of our citizens is on the ground, and August's face looks like that.” The sheriff didn’t seem pleased by any of this, but Doc, then I, explained the situation, including how Daisy inadvertently saved the day by tripping me just a second ahead of the gun going off.
“This right, Clarence?”
“It’s all bullshit. They kidnapped the boy. I was saving his no-good ass and look how I get repaid.”
The sheriff held his hand out for the gun, and Jase reluctantly handed it to him then released the man from his foot hold as a second cruiser drove up the drive. Deputy Ron. Thank fuck. I didn’t know why, but things felt like they might be okay now.
“The boy?” Doc said knowingly. “Not your boy.”
“That vermin’s not mine. His mother, the whore, went to hunt the bastard down. Turns out he died in the sandbox, which was a better way to go than I was gonna give him.” Evil. The man was pure evil.
Xander leaned into me, his body shaking. Poor thing just learned his dad was not his dad, which even though he was horrible, had to sting. And thirty seconds later, he learned his biological father died serving our country and that the father he had grown up with had planned to murder him. That was a lot to take in.
“Sounds like I need to bring you in, Clarence. You know—rules.” The sheriff gave me a pointed look. “And you need to follow me and make a statement—both of you. Shit, all of you. Great, I’m gonna miss supper because of stupid domestic bullshit.” He held the door open for Clarence to climb in the back seat of his cruiser with no cuffs or anything. He would probably walk out of the jail just as quickly as he walked in.
“Come with me, kid.” Sheriff Martin pointed for Xander to climb in the back with his dad. Fuck that.
Some Bunny To Love: River’s Edge Shifters #1 Page 8