Curtis raced out the back door. Working together, Joe and Clancy managed to get Laurel into her coat and on her feet. In tandem, they moved her to the back door. When Curtis put the Honda in park, he jumped out and came to their aid. Laurel was weaker than a kitten. I suspected she’d been pretending to be fine for as long as she could, and she’d run out of steam. Joe had wrapped his left arm around her waist and was holding her right arm over his shoulder, keeping her upright.
Curtis took one look at her and swept her off her feet, literally. Laurel’s knees were a split-second from buckling. That smart intervention allowed Joe to run around the car and open the passenger side door.
In short order, Laurel was on her way to Urgent Care. Clancy and I stood in the doorway, watching them drive away. Curtis waved to his friend from the bottom step of our stoop. Even though the temperatures were frigid, the three of us stood sentinel, staring after the Honda as it pulled into traffic.
Curtis spoke first. “That girl was skin and bones. I have a hunch she’s going to be spending a couple of days in the hospital.”
“I think you’re right,” Clancy said with a sigh.
CHAPTER 19
My cell phone rang a short time later. I recognized Jennifer Moore’s number, and my heart skipped a beat. Did this mean Anya had decided not to come home? Swallowing hard, I answered.
“I’m on my way with lunch for you.”
“Have you picked up the food yet? Would you mind grabbing lunch for Clancy and our cleaner, too?”
Of course she didn’t mind. I texted her our orders. In record time, Jennifer came through our front door. She carried a brown paper shopping bag from St. Louis Bread Co. Her elegant dark-wash jeans were tucked into tall designer boots, and her long leather coat fluttered as she hurried into the warmth. Even though she was dressed casually, for Jennifer at least, she looked put together in an effortless sort of way. In full makeup, she looked stunning with smoky eyes that matched her gray wool sweater and a gray and blue scarf wrapped around her neck. I helped her set up napkins and drinks on our table in the back before inviting Clancy and Curtis to join us.
“Is Anya okay?” Clancy asked, before I could.
“Yes,” said Jennifer in a voice that didn’t invite further discussion. I could tell by the brusque way she had answered that she had a lot on her mind.
Clancy picked up on Jennifer’s mood, too. “Good. Glad to hear Anya is all right.”
“What do I owe you?” I asked Jennifer.
“Nothing. I have a favor to ask that’ll more than cover the cost of the meals.”
“Let’s go eat in my office.” The door had scarcely closed when I asked, “How’s Anya really?” I set my green tea on the desktop and ignored the streak of condensation that puddled around the plastic cup’s base.
“Like I said, she’s fine. I actually came by to talk with you about the royals’ visit.”
“Okay. Let me guess. Now you want me to wear that polar bear costume and dive into a pool of sub-zero water. Is that it?”
“Not hardly. I was wondering if you had any cute items we could have the kids make. Or any ideas of what the kids could do while waiting for the royal family to show up.”
This must be the favor I was trading for our lunches. I eagerly agreed to help. “That should be easy enough. How many kids?”
“Eight. All age five and under.”
“Sure, I can put together a project.” I had more of the toilet paper roll animals in mind. I could make up extras on Saturday when the croppers were making theirs.
But then I got this mental picture of me in a polar bear costume. How could I help the kids with their projects if I was wearing a huge, fuzzy pair of white mittens? I said as much to Jennifer.
“Oh. I forgot to tell you. You’ve cleared security, and the polar bear costume is out. It’s a non-starter.”
“The costume is out? Did it get washed again and shrink some more?”
She turned pink with embarrassment. “Um, something like that. I happened to mention the costume to the person at the zoo who’s coordinating the whole event. Animal costumes are not allowed at the zoo.”
“Really? You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope. There are too many predators. Just the sight of an animal costume like our polar bear would get them riled up. Someone might get hurt.”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded at her. “Hurt? As in eaten? That someone would have been little old me.”
She turned redder than a clown’s rubber nose. “Uh, yes. It could have been you.”
CHAPTER 20
After Jennifer left, the rest of the day seemed to drag. I counted the minutes until I could pick up Anya. My mouth was dry and my heart thumped in my chest as I took my spot in the carpool lane. When I rolled to a stop, she didn’t glance up from her iPhone. Instead, she kept her head down as she hurried to the passenger side of my old BMW. First she threw in her backpack. Next her purse. Finally she plopped down in the passenger side seat. The leather under her crackled in the cold.
“Hi, honey. I’m glad to see you. Did you have a good day?” I aimed for a mid-point between cheerful and serious. I didn’t want to sound too yippee-skippee.
“It was all right.”
“Would you like to go to Bread Co.?” Even though it would be my second Bread Co. meal of the day that was fine by me. This was the huge carrot I could dangle in front of my child. She loves eating Bread Co. food, and she’s usually hungry right after school. Going there would be a treat.
Instead of answering, she let one shoulder lift and drop in a noncommittal way.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” I said. Making a sharp turn out of the parking lot, I headed south to the closest restaurant, a location without a drive-thru window. I had calculated that going inside would force Anya to speak to me. At the very least, she would need to order her food and sit with me.
Fortunately my plan worked. Once we took our places in line, Anya’s posture loosened up considerably. She placed a huge order, a turkey sandwich with two pieces of cheddar cheese, a side salad, an iced green tea, a bowl of vegetable soup, and two muffies. One was pumpkin and the other chocolate chip.
I ordered half a turkey sandwich and a bowl of the vegetable soup along with another iced green tea. As an afterthought, I added six muffies of my own.
“You choose where we sit.” I grabbed an identification number for the table and waited.
Anya scanned the place. She noticed two schoolmates sitting in a booth, huddled over their iPhones. Immediately across from them was an occupied booth. Its inhabitants were clearing their own table to leave.
“That one.” Anya jerked her chin toward the group that was departing. Without waiting for someone to wipe it down, we claimed it. Opening my purse, I found a wipe and ran it over the table top.
“You’re big on protecting me from germs, but you didn’t protect me from a freak.” Anya’s eyes were as cold as her grandmother’s had been. The venom in my child’s voice took me aback.
“Did Brawny ever act inappropriately with you?”
“That’s hardly the question.”
I shook my head as the waiter delivered soup for Anya and me. After he left, I leaned closer to Anya. “Yes, indeed it is the question, and it’s a very important one.”
“No. It didn’t act inappropriately with me.”
Okay, that was off the table. Although I had trusted Jennifer Moore to ask that all important question, it was my duty to follow up. Studying Anya, I remembered pledges I’d made to myself when she was born. I would not lie to my child. I would respect her feelings and emotions. I wouldn’t try to change her mind just because her stance was inconvenient to me.
“Actually, you’re more right than you know. Brawny is an ‘it.’ She was born intersex, a mix of both sexes. In some ways, her condition is like having a birth defect.” There. I had said it. Although it sounded crude and harsh, I’d told my child the truth. I knew that I had Anya’s full attention because she said nothi
ng. Suddenly her soup fascinated her. I knew why. Anya has always been curious by nature, and she’s always been interested in biology. This whole intersex thing was right up her alley.
“Are you joking?” she squeaked. “I read about that! Stevie sent me all kids of links.”
“I’m totally serious. You can ask her about it. I did a little research, too. It’s not that uncommon. Back in the old days, doctors would take it upon themselves to ‘correct’ kids born this way. As you could imagine, it was often disastrous. They treated the combination of sex organs by chopping off what they didn’t think fit.”
Anya blushed and then turned pale. “That’s horrible. What if you were really a boy and then…?”
Now I had Anya’s attention. “Right. Or in Brawny’s case, she was really a girl at heart. She never felt comfortable as a man. Of course, boy babies were more desirable than girls, so the doctor made a socially biased choice.”
I paused, “None of this gets to the root of your discomfort or mine. Or Detweiler’s. We felt like she tricked us.”
Again my daughter’s mobile face changed yet again. She went from fascinated to angry. “That’s right. You should have told me.”
“I couldn’t tell you what I didn’t know.”
“She should have told us.”
“I agree. I also thought maybe Lorraine should have told us. I think she’d argue that she was protecting Erik, and there’s a bit of truth to that.”
“But they both lied to us. Lies of omission is what that’s called.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
We ate quietly, each consumed by our own thoughts. Finally, I reached out and took her hand. “I’ve missed you terribly. I understand that you needed time, and that you were—are—angry. Detweiler and I were angry, too. I am glad that the Moores are such good friends to us. Having a place to go when you’re feeling upset is important, and I respect you for realizing you needed space.”
She shrugged that off.
“Erik has been missing you. Seymour has walked around looking for you. Gracie is depressed. We’ll all be happy to have you back.”
“Yeah.” Anya sighed. “I’ll be happy to be back, too.” A tear rolled down her face. “You really did miss me?”
“Of course I did. I felt like my heart was breaking. It was like getting the flu. I hurt all over. I thought of you all the time. I wanted to cry.”
She moved to my side of the booth and hugged me. “I’m not sure how I feel. I’m sad and angry, and it’s not like I’m all right with what Brawny did.”
“That’s fair enough,” I said, hugging her and thanking God that she was in my arms. “You have a right to your feelings. All I ask is that you are polite to her. She is sorry that she wasn’t forthcoming with us, and she is willing to talk with you, but she knows enough to give you space.”
Anya moved to her side of the bench. I toyed with a piece of lettuce. “Anya, Detweiler and I really went back and forth over whether to keep her or not. In the end, we decided that she really does have our best interests at heart. She would do anything, even lay down her life, to protect our family. We also decided that she’s a good, decent person who was dealt an unlucky break from birth. I’ve tried to imagine how I would have reacted if one of my children was born with the sort of confusing signals that Brawny’s body had. That couldn’t have been an easy choice for her parents. And it sure couldn’t have been easy for her.”
“Maybe.” Anya gave a little “eh” motion of her head.
I clamped my mouth shut rather than to rush in and defend Brawny. Anya would come around in her own time…or not.
“Of course you couldn’t fire her. She’s too important. What would poor little Erik do?” Anya’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Is that what you think? That we’d put Erik’s welfare first? Above yours?”
Looking down, she drew a word on the tabletop with the tip of a finger. “Maybe.” After what seemed like forever, she stared up at me. This time, she didn’t make any attempt to hide her tears. “You love him a lot don’t you? And Ty, too? I’m the odd kid out. The one without a dad.”
If my heart hurt before, it exploded into a zillion pieces right now. “You have two fathers. George Lowenstein and Chad Detweiler. Do you honestly think I could love you less than the others? When you were my first child? When I fought so hard to keep you after George died? When I’ve known you the longest? Honey, I have two sisters. I understand how it can seem that the other kids get more love. With the boys being little, they have different needs. More on-the-spot needs. But you’ll always be the darling child who made me a mother. I can’t imagine my life without you!”
“Really? Truly? Honestly?”
“Really, truly, honestly.” I grabbed two of the coarse napkins and wiped my face. She did the same.
“But Brawny didn’t have any right to fool us. To make us think she was something she isn’t.”
I thought about correcting Anya. Brawny was a woman at heart. Sure, she didn’t have all the right equipment, but you could say the same of any woman who had a hysterectomy, couldn’t you? What made a woman a woman? Or a man a man? That was the question at the root of all this.
And it was a question far too complicated for me to answer.
CHAPTER 21
On the way home, Anya told me about the project she was doing at school, a research paper on an animal at the St. Louis Zoo. She had chosen to learn more about Emperor Penguins. She didn’t have a particular reason why they appealed to her, they just did.
“I totally love penguins. Isn’t it cool I get to write a report on them?”
“How is your research coming?”
“It’s been hard. Did you know there aren’t many books out there about penguins? I was surprised because they are fascinating. I found a book on Amazon, but it only has one page on Emperor Penguins. Is that sad or what?”
I reached over and took her hand as I drove. “Really? Only one page? That’s the pits. Tell me about penguins.”
“My favorite, absolutely, are the Emperor Penguins. They are the largest bird, but they are flightless. They average 45” tall and can weigh as much as 100 pounds. They live in the harshest conditions ever, out on the open ice in Antarctica. In fact, they don’t have any shelter but each other. The temperatures can drop to 40º below zero. To stay warm and to warn off predators, they huddle together.”
“I wonder how they decide who’s on the outside and who’s warm and toasty inside?” I had been on the outside, and I knew what a cold, unforgiving place that could be.
“Beats me. The mother lays one egg, and then she takes off for two months. Can you believe that? Two whole months the dad sits on the egg. While he’s incubating the egg, she travels to the sea, often a trek of more than 50 miles. Once she’s in the water, she feeds on fish, squid, and krill, a type of crustacean. When she comes back, she relieves her mate, who may have lost as much as 25 pounds, because he doesn’t eat the whole time she’s gone. While she feeds the baby, he goes off and eats. Even though they aren’t marsupials, like possums, the females do have a breeding pouch. The little one is tucked inside for a while, but mainly, the parents take turns feeding and caring for the baby.”
“That’s all very interesting, Anya.”
“They aren’t scared of people because they rarely come in contact with us. There was one incident where six men were trying to capture one male penguin. Guess what happened?”
“I couldn’t hazard a guess. You tell me.” I turned off of 40 onto the artery that would take us into Webster Groves. My daughter’s excitement mingled with my joy at having her back. I felt my spirits soar.
“The penguin knocked the men over and tossed them around. Do you remember those toys I had that couldn’t be knocked down? Weebles? Penguins are shaped like Weebles. They’re hard to knock down, and they are very strong. They can dive 900 feet, swim 25 miles per hour, and stay under water for 20 minutes.”
“Did they ever capture the penguin?”
“That is pretty amusing, isn’t it? Sounds to me like you need to write a comprehensive book about penguins.”
“Maybe.” She regarded me with those denim blue eyes so much like Sheila and George’s. “I would need to do more research.”
“Do you have a plan?”
“Yes, I do.” She lifted her chin. “I want to shadow a zookeeper.”
“All right, and how will you get to do that?”
“I don’t know. Do you have any ideas?” Her eyes narrowed speculatively, as if judging my worth.
“You might start by phoning the zoo and telling them about your project. Tell them that you’d like to do more research. Ask if you can come and shadow a zookeeper. Provide references before they ask. Our vet might be a good place to start.”
“You’re pretty smart, Mom,” she said this as we pulled into the garage.
After turning off the car, I reached over and grabbed her in a hug. Her stiff body relaxed as she accepted and returned the affection. “So are you, sweetheart. So are you.”
CHAPTER 22
We barely made it into the house when Erik squealed, “Annie!” He threw himself into her arms.
“Anya! So good to see you.” Brawny’s smile was genuine and her eyes were moist.
In return, Anya said a tentative, “Hello,” to Brawny. I considered whether to ask Anya to apologize for her bad behavior, but a tiny shake of the nanny’s head stopped me. Perhaps Brawny was right. Perhaps it was better to let things take their natural course.
Gracie trotted around the corner. The big dog actually nudged Erik to one side so she could plant her paws on Anya’s shoulders and lick my daughter’s face.
After all the greetings, Anya raced upstairs with her backpack over her shoulder.
Would she stay in her room? Avoid Brawny? I hoped not.
After I’d fed Ty, I’d dragged out two board games and ordered a sausage and mushroom pizza, Anya’s favorite. That brought her downstairs in a hurry, although Erik whined, “I want fish sticks.” Brawny had already heated up the oven. She whispered in my ear, “The wee tyke has taken quite a fancy to them. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, too. I don’t know why.”
Fatal, Family, Album Page 17