All I’ve wanted was to be a mother. Never did I ever dream it would be so hard to have kids. And the most frustrating part is that my doctors can’t tell me why we have infertility issues. I’m just one of the unlucky women who deal with it. Without Brian’s support, I don’t know how I’d get through the heartbreak. I also know how lucky we are to have Hayley. She truly is a blessing and I thank God for her everyday.
Brian cups my cheek with one hand, rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. “Hey,” he says, dropping a chaste kiss to my lips. “Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. If this round doesn’t work, then let’s move onto IVF, or stop all treatments if that’s what you want. We have the best fucking daughter ever, and if she’s all we ever have, then our life will still be perfect.”
“I know she’s perfect. I just feel like a failure as a woman, a wife. Why can’t my body just cooperate and give us babies?” I say as a few tears break free and slide down my face.
“Kinley.” Brian’s commanding voice has me looking up into his eyes. The ones so full of love for me, the ones that melt when he sees our daughter. “I love you with every cell of my body and then some, but there is one thing you need to know. You have and never will be a failure as my wife. You and that little girl in the next room over are the best things to have ever happened to me, and if the two of you are all I ever get to have, I can die a happy and blessed man. I don’t need to have a house full of kids to make me happy. Would I embrace that life and love the shit out of a house full of kids? You can bet your ass I would, but I don’t need it to make my life complete.” He wipes at the tears sliding down my cheeks.
“I’m ready!” Hayley singsongs as she waltzes back into our room. I look over at her and can’t help but break out into a smile. She’s got her Eagles jersey, a pair of black leggings, and a pink tutu on. “Mommy, why’s you crying?” she asks, noticing my tears.
“Because I had an ouchie, but Daddy kissed it and made it all better,” I tell her, wiping away my last tear. I’ve tried to keep my sadness and stress away from her as we’ve dealt with the fertility treatments the last few months. “How about you go out to the living room and play on your iPad for a few minutes while Daddy and I get dressed?”
“Okay, Mommy,” she says, twirling around in a circle. “Loves you.”
She skips out of our room, down the hall and then the stairs.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” I tell Brian.
“Can I join you?” he asks, bouncing his eyebrows at me.
“Sure, but we’ve got to be quick. The iPad will only keep her attention for so long before she comes looking for us. And no funny business,” I tell him, tossing him a serious look. The smirk that fills his lips has my resolve cracking and a smile filling my own.
“I love you,” he tells me as he pulls me into his arms once again.
“I love you more.” I push up onto my tiptoes so I can plant a kiss on his jaw. Intimate moments like these make me fall in love with this man all over again.
I step out of his grasp and walk the few feet into our master bathroom. I drop my pajamas into the laundry hamper and reach in to turn on the water. I wait a few seconds before stepping under the spray—thank God for the on-demand hot water system we had the builder install—and immediately relax under the hot water as it hits my skin.
“Mmhmm,” Brian moans from behind me as he joins me in the shower. He slides his hands around my sides, bringing them up to cup my breasts, and places his lips against my neck. “Hello, Momma.”
“I told you no funny business,” I say as I lean back into his hard chest. I don’t stop him from massaging my breasts, but that’s because it actually feels good and is helping with the soreness I’ve been dealing with the last couple of days.
“No funny business,” he confirms as he continues to massage my breasts.
I stand, leaning against him for another minute or so, before I break our contact and reach for my shampoo. I’d gladly stand here all day with my husband’s hands all over me and enjoy his perfect body, but knowing that Hayley might waltz in here at any moment keeps me focused on getting ready this morning. Brian follows suit and reaches for his soap. I watch as he lathers up his body while I wash my hair. It really isn’t fair how good this man looks, how defined his muscles are, but then I remember I have unlimited access to him, and how lucky I am that he’s all mine.
“Did you get enough to eat, sweetheart?” Brian asks Hayley as he pulls her onto his lap in the booth we’re sitting in.
“I’s all full, Daddy.” She caresses his cheek with her little hand. “Can we go to the park today?” she asks him, with puppy dog eyes.
“I think we can make that happen,” he tells her, looking over at me. “What do you say, Momma?”
“That sounds like a great idea.”
“Yay!” She cheers from his lap. “Daddy, will you go down the slide with me?” she pleads, those puppy dog eyes coming out once again. Little does she know she doesn’t even need them with Brian. She’s had him wrapped around her little finger since the moment she took her first breath. I don’t think the man knows how to tell her no. He better learn how to before she’s a teenager, or else I’m scared for the future.
“Of course, baby girl,” he tells her, kissing the top of her head.
“I’m not a baby, Daddy. I’s a big girl now,” she corrects him.
“You’ll always be my baby girl, so get used to it, kid,” he tells her, tickling her side and causing her to squirm on his lap.
“Da-a-a-d-d-y.” She laughs and gasps for air as she wiggles in his lap, getting louder and louder as their little charade continues.
“What?” he asks her, trying his best to act all innocent.
“You’s were tickling me,” she tells him, all serious, or as seriously as a four-year-old could possibly get, now that he’s stopped.
“Are you sure?” he asks her, pretending not to know what she’s talking about.
“I’m positive.”
“Well then. How about we hit the road and go find that park you wanted to go to,” he suggests.
I follow behind the two of them as they slide out of their side of the booth. Brian reaches out a hand to me to help me stand up, then links our fingers together as we walk up to the register. He hands the lady at the register our check, along with his card, and quickly takes care of paying while Hayley and I stand next to him.
“Momma,” Hayley says, and I crouch down to her level. For only being four years old, she’s fairly tall for her age, thanks to her genetics from Brian. It won’t surprise me if she’s taller than me before she even hits her teen years.
“Yes, baby?”
“I’s loves you.”
“I love you, too, big girl.”
“I’s happy Daddy got to have breakfast with us today. I’ve missed him.”
“Me too, and he’s missed us. But now Daddy gets to spend lots of time with us, so no more missing him for a few more months. How does that sound?” I ask her. She’s still a little too young to understand his job and work schedule. She just knows Brian is away from us a lot for work and when he is home, he’s busy at the rink. She loves going and watching him play. She goes to every game with me and loves watching from the family suite. She loves it even more when I take her down to the ice level during warm-ups and she gets to see him up close.
“All right, are you two ready to hit the road?” Brian asks, sweeping down and scooping Hayley up into his arms.
“Ready!” she exclaims.
Chapter Six
Bridget
“Good morning, Mom,” my daughter, Julia, greets as I walk into the kitchen. It’s nice to have her close by once again. I can’t believe my little girl is all grown up, a college graduate, and is now back home and about to start her first big adult job as a physical therapist.
“Morning, how are you this morning?” I ask her as I pour myself a cup of coffee.
“Good. I need to hit up the mall and pick up a
few business casual outfits, as well as some scrubs. My yoga pants and sweatshirt uniform from school isn’t going to cut it after next week.”
“Do you want some company?”
“If you want. Otherwise, I was thinking of texting Jill to see if she wanted to meet up.”
“Well, if she can’t go with you, then let me know and we can make a day of it.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll let you know what she says. Even if she can go, you’re welcome to tag along.”
“Mornin’,” Matt greets Julia and me as he enters the kitchen, heading straight for the coffee maker.
“Good morning, Dad.”
“I’ve got to head into the rink, my new goalie is arriving today,” Matt tells me. He took a job with the Eagles organization two years ago as their goalie coach, and has been excelling in the position.
“What time do you think you’ll be home?”
“Late afternoon. I’ll text you once I’ve got a better idea on the time. I don’t plan on working him too hard with everything else going on this week, but I need to at least talk to him and get a plan set up for this summer.”
“Just keep me posted, so I can make a plan for dinner.”
“Where are Jason and Jack?” he asks about our boys.
“I haven’t seen them yet this morning. I’m guessing they’re still sleeping.”
“When you see them, can you tell them they’re welcome to stop down at the rink if they want to get on the ice today. With the win last night, none of the guys will be on the ice, I’m sure.”
“I’ll pass the message on,” I tell Matt as he stops to kiss me goodbye. “Have a good day, don’t work the new kid too hard,” I call out to his retreating back.
“Ah, where’s the fun in that?” he tosses over his shoulder, a smile on his face.
I love that my easygoing husband is back. The first couple of years after he retired were tough. He missed playing the game. He tried a stint as a broadcaster, but it just wasn’t his forte and he was pretty miserable. He didn’t know what exactly to do with his life. When the Eagles’ previous goalie coach retired, and Jacob Martin, the Eagles head coach, called him up, asking if he was interested in the job, he jumped right on the offer and hasn’t looked back since. Being that a handful of his closest friends were all still on the team, he felt like he returned home. Which, in a way, he did.
“Jill is going to meet me down at the mall, but if you want to come along, as well, you can,” Julia tells me as she sets her iPhone down on the counter.
“That’s okay, you go and enjoy your day with Jill. Should I plan on you for dinner?”
“I’ll text you later, I’m not sure yet. We might end up going out with some other friends who are all back in town.”
“Sounds good. Have fun today,” I tell her as she hops off the bar stool and heads down the hall to her room.
“I’m jumping in the shower before I head out,” Julia calls over her shoulder to me. “So, if you change your mind about going, you know where to find me.”
“Thanks, sweetie.” I refill my coffee cup and head out onto the deck. The sun is out, and it isn’t ungodly hot yet, so I’m able to sit outside and enjoy the peacefulness of the morning. With all three of my kids home for a bit, it’s nice to find a few minutes of quiet to have to myself.
Chapter Seven
Beckett
“Hello, I’m Beckett Karlson. I’m supposed to meet Matt Soaps here today,” I tell the lady behind the desk in the offices of the Eagles organization.
“Please take a seat and I’ll call down to his office,” the older woman tells me.
I do as instructed, slipping my phone out of my pocket before I take a seat. I pull up the group text with my siblings and scroll back over forty or so messages that I missed from earlier. Our parents’ thirty-fifth anniversary is this summer and my sisters are in major planning mode, putting together a surprise party for them back in my hometown in Sweden. They weren’t too happy with me when I informed them I didn’t think I’d be able to make it for the party due to the Eagles wanting me to come into town to work with the goalie coach.
I’d been playing with their AHL affiliate in Champaign, Illinois the past two seasons. I got called up once, earlier this season, but rode the bench when their main goalie, Tyler Jacobson, was injured. Their back-up goalie, Brett Cousins, started the three games I was here, but it was still amazing to be on the NHL team roster. Now, with Cousins having been traded, his spot on the roster has opened up and I got the call to come and work with the coach, to see if I can make the official roster come next season. I’ve got the next few months to focus on training and becoming the best damn goalie I can be.
“Beckett, so nice to see you again,” Daniel Johnson, the team’s general manager, greets me as he walks into the foyer area.
“Mr. Johnson, so good to see you again, as well. Nice win last night. I’m a little surprised to see you here so early.”
“I leave the big partying up to the young ones, but I’ll agree with you, it was quite the game last night. Follow me and I’ll take you down to Matt’s office,” he says, gesturing for me to follow him. “Rita, can you please get Beckett here a pass for the doors. He’ll need full player access.”
“Right away, sir,” she tells him as she grabs a badge from a desk drawer and inserts it into a machine. A few seconds later, she’s handing the badge to me. “This will get you into anywhere in the arena. If you have any issues with it, come see me and I’ll get it fixed for you.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” I tell her before I follow Daniel out of the office and down to the hall lined with coaches’ offices, meeting rooms, treatment rooms, and the various locker rooms.
“Soaps, you in here?” Daniel hollers, knocking on a door that’s cracked open.
“Yep, come on in,” he calls out from inside. “Becks!” He stands up as we enter the room. “You made it,” he says, looking at his watch. “Earlier than I was expecting you. How was your drive over?”
“Good to see you again,” I say, reaching out to shake his offered hand. “Drive was good. I drove here this morning.”
“Good to hear. Did you get things worked out for a place to stay while you’re in town this summer?”
“Yep, Jonathan Camps still had an empty room in his apartment that he was willing to let me rent for the summer. I didn’t think showing up there this morning would be a great idea, so I’ll get ahold of him once we’re done here today. Figured he might still be celebrating from the win last night,” I say on a chuckle.
“Smart move. Knowing him, he’s probably still out partying or sleeping in a bathtub somewhere,” Matt replies.
“If you don’t need me for anything, I’ve got a lot to get to up in the office,” Daniel says to Matt.
“We’re good, let me know if I’m needed for anything.”
With Daniel gone, Matt turns back to me. “What do you say we get changed and hit the ice. My boys might be stopping by soon to get in some ice time. We can take advantage of having them here to practice some drills.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll head out to my car and grab my bags. What locker room should I use?”
“The main one is fine. Follow me and we can go find you an empty spot.”
I follow him out of his office and down the hall into the Eagles’ main locker room. It is eerily quiet with no other players filling it.
“Hey, Soaps,” someone calls out from one of the rooms that connects directly into the locker room.
“Hey, Marcus, what locker bay do you have empty that Beckett can use?”
Marcus walks out, meeting us in the middle of the open locker bay. “Hey, good to see you again, man,” he says in greeting, holding his hand out for me to shake.
“Thanks, glad to be here this summer,” I tell him honestly.
“I’ve got a spot for you over here.” He points to the end of the row. “I’ve already stocked you with tape and I’ve got some practice jerseys in my room if you need them. When y
ou get your gear in here, we can take a look at your skates and get you some new blades, if needed.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” I tell him. “I’ll go grab my bags and be back shortly.”
“Just poke your head into my office once you’re changed and ready to hit the ice. I’ve got some things to finish up,” Matt says.
“Will do,” I tell him before we both walk out of the locker room. He heads to his office and I continue down the hall and out to the parking lot. I grab my two bags—one filled with all my gear and the other filled with my sticks, and make my way back into the rink.
Once back in the locker room, I unpack my bag and set everything out how I like it in my locker. I grab my skates and take them into the room where Marcus is.
“Hey, man, here’re my skates. Do you mind checking the blades out?”
“Absolutely. Hand them over,” he says. He looks them over and swaps out the blades before handing them back to me. “These new ones should be good to go. They’re a new blade I’ve only had in for the last couple of weeks, and both Tyler and Brett liked them better than the other ones. So, try them out and let me know what you think. If you don’t like the feel of them, I can swap them out anytime.”
“Thanks, man,” I tell him, taking a seat on a chair in his office to slip my skates on. I lace them up and test them out, standing up on the new blades. “They feel good so far. I’ll let you know how they are out on the ice.”
I head out and finish getting ready to hit the ice. Once I’m ready to go, I pop my head into Matt’s office. I find him in his office, along with two teenage boys, who I assume are his kids.
“I’m ready, Coach.”
“Beckett, let me introduce you to my boys. This here is Jason. He’s just finished up his sophomore year at the University of Denver and plays for their team, and this is my youngest son, Jack. He’s been playing in the Juniors on a team in Des Moines, Iowa this past season. He’s also headed to Denver in the fall to play.”
The First Intermission Page 4