by K. A. Linde
As soon as we left this sanctuary, we’d have to deal with that world out there again. Which I knew and hated and wished weren’t true. But Penn had told me time and time again that, once you were in on the Upper East Side, there was no out. He was proof of that. And while Katherine was trying to drag me out of the Upper East Side by my silvery-white hair, I wasn’t here to play nice. I was here to make sure she never hurt anyone ever again.
That meant…the real world had to come into this perfect place earlier than I would have liked.
“I could get used to this,” Penn muttered groggily. A yawn broke on the last word, and he rolled over to get a look at me. “Morning.”
Despite my dark thoughts, a smile broke across my features at his sleepy greeting. “Good morning.”
His hands slipped around my waist, pulling me flush with him. “Last night wasn’t a dream.”
“That would have been quite a vivid dream.”
“They’ve been vivid before,” he confessed.
“Oh?”
“Not like last night, but usually, I’m fucking some sense into you.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t think it works that way.”
“Think it did last night.”
I made a disbelieving sound. Men!
He pressed a kiss into my hair. “Don’t move. I’m going to take Totle out, and when I get back, I want to return to this discussion.”
“You are unbelievable.”
He hopped out of bed, revealing the taut contours of his impressive ass. I bit down on my lip at the sight. God, that body.
“I think you told me that last night, too, but in a slightly different context.” He winked at me and then patted the bed near Totle’s head. “Come on, Aristotle. Get up, you lazy beast. I have plans for the sex fiend in my bed and want to hurry back.”
I snorted as Totle’s little head popped up out of the covers, and he trotted toward Penn, who was tugging on clothes to brave the January chill.
“Ten minutes,” he assured before disappearing from the room.
I flopped back on the bed.
January. A new year. A new me. A new us.
So absolutely optimistic.
I was going to have to tell him. I’d put it off long enough. And I wasn’t looking forward to what was to come. Because I had plans, and I didn’t know how he was going to respond. But he was the linchpin. So much of this rested on his shoulders. I could do it without him. I could. The means would be uglier, more volatile.
And then there was the matter of trust. Trusting him with my body. Trusting him with my safety. Those were different than simply trusting him. Believing that, in the end, he wouldn’t fuck me over. Just because we could fuck didn’t prove anything.
My phone buzzed on the nightstand, bringing me out of my thoughts. I checked the text from Amy.
Ready to head to the apartment whenever you are. How did last night go?
I’ll text when I’m leaving Penn’s place.
I take that to mean…very well? ;)
Oh, yeah!
How’d he take the news?
Pray for me. I’m about to tell him.
Fuck. You need more than prayers.
I laughed and set the phone back down on the nightstand. She wasn’t wrong.
With a sigh, I pushed myself to my feet. My body was sore in all the best ways. I stretched my arms overhead and then stole a pair of sweats and a gray-and-blue Columbia T-shirt from Penn’s drawers before heading into the bathroom. I was just pulling the tee on when Penn came back into the bedroom. I could hear Totle eating in the other room.
“This was not what I told you. Those are clothes.” He wrapped his arms around my waist. “And you should not be in them.”
“Busy day, Dr. Kensington. I’m going to need to borrow these.”
“And where exactly are you going?”
I took a deep breath and then slowly released it. “I have to empty out my apartment.”
His jaw tightened. “Because of Lewis? Did he force you out?”
“No, but I don’t feel comfortable, let alone safe, there any longer. I don’t like the idea that he can see when I get to my apartment. That he knows my every move.” I shuddered as real fear licked down my spine. “I haven’t even been back. I’ve been staying with Amy at Enzo’s place. She’s meeting me there to help.”
“I can go, too,” he said quickly.
“All right. I’m just glad that I got out of my lease. Who knew that threatening to expose the security footage would be enough for a broken lease?”
“Jesus, Nat. You didn’t have to do this on your own. Why didn’t you let me deal with Lewis?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head before looking back up at him. “I don’t know. I just…had to do all of this. I was still so mad after what happened. Mad at Lewis and Katherine and this world …” I bit my lip again before admitting, “You.”
“Me?” he asked softly. “But I was trying to help.”
I nodded. “This time.” I think. Though I didn’t say it.
I didn’t say that Lewis’s words had gotten in my head. That I didn’t know Penn’s true motivations behind getting that file that had revealed Lewis’s actions. I didn’t know if he’d manufactured any of it. And I hated having those feelings, but the truth was that Penn had brought me into this world. He’d put the bet on me. He’d tried to break up my relationship with Lewis, no matter what I’d said. Those pesky trust issues couldn’t just disintegrate.
“Nat, you do know that I was trying to help, right?”
“Look, we have history, Penn. While I want to think you had all the best intentions, the truth is…no one in this society has perfectly pure intentions. And I didn’t know who to believe or what to think. So, it wasn’t even possible for me to accept help. Not from you. Not from anyone.”
“Okay,” he said after a minute. His hands were still balled into fists at his sides. “While that’s all true, I want you to know that you are not alone. And you should not have to single-handedly deal with your stalker.”
“Yeah,” I muttered, “about that.”
“What?” His blue eyes searched mine in earnest as if he could see the deep lines of hurt inside me. “What did he do?”
And the fact that he’d automatically known that Lewis had done something worse, something else to destroy me, only made my vehemence solidify. These people. These fucking mongrels ruling from their gilded thrones. I would pull them down piece by piece, so they could never hurt me or anyone else. Ever again.
“Because it always escalates, doesn’t it?” I muttered with my jaw clenched.
“Unfortunately.”
“He put his weight behind Warren Publishing. They rejected my manuscript and in so many words said I was blacklisted. Because, even though Bet On It has been selling like hotcakes since my name was revealed in the paper, the tell-all looks bad for them. Oh, and my literary fiction is fucked because I’m a whore, thanks to Katherine.”
“Jesus Christ, Natalie. When did this happen?” Penn looked like he was on the verge of marching down to Lewis’s apartment and finishing what he’d started the night of Katherine’s wedding.
“Thursday,” I whispered hoarsely.
Penn paced away from me, cursing violently under his breath. “I’m going to murder him.”
“I don’t think even you can get away with that.”
“He’s fucking with your life, Natalie. How are you so calm?”
I laughed a soft, brittle thing. “You think this is calm? This is the reason I didn’t want to talk last night, because I knew how you’d react. That you’d storm out of here and beat the shit out of Lewis. Not to say that he doesn’t deserve it. But it’ll hurt you and not him. So, it’s kind of pointless.”
His beautiful features were contorted in pain and anger when he looked back at me again. “He shouldn’t get away with this.”
“But he has.”
“Fuck,” he spat.
“They all get awa
y with it. All of you,” I said pointedly. “You always have. You always will. It’s how it fucking works.”
“Natalie, this is not how it’s supposed to work.”
“Tell me about it,” I said bitterly.
“Let me talk to him. Maybe I can make him see his error.”
I rolled my eyes. “Talking doesn’t work. And he’s not going to listen to you after we fucked in his hotel room. That’s seared into his mind. You might be linked by history and secrets, but I don’t think that applies here.”
“It might.” I could see him scheming. “If I get the crew together…”
“Penn, that’s not going to be enough. The only way it’ll be enough is if there are consequences to actions,” I told him flatly. “If the people that the Upper East Side stomps on don’t scurry into the shadows and disappear.”
His gaze shifted back to mine, clarity forming there. “That’s why you’re back.”
“Lewis once told me that, if I walked away every time Katherine wanted me to, then she won. How is this any different?”
“You’re choosing this.”
“What I’m choosing is to stop running. I want the people of the Upper East Side to stop hurting others,” I told him. “And I want you to help me. You helped build this world. You helped create the rules. And you said that you’d help me learn them.”
Penn looked skeptical. “You can’t want to actually be in this world.”
“It’s too late, Penn. I’m already in.” I kept my eyes leveled on him. My head held aloft. “You dragged me in it, and then Lewis dragged me back.”
Penn’s face only darkened further at the mention of Lewis. Or maybe at what he’d done. “This isn’t what I meant with that offer to help you.”
I huffed. “What exactly did you mean when you said you’d help me survive this world if you could?”
Penn didn’t respond immediately. He just walked toward the balcony and looked over the world he’d ruled for so long. The one he claimed he wanted to escape and yet never let their hooks out of him. The city that owned him.
“It was different then. When I thought…you and Lewis…”
“It’s not different. If I leave, they win. Again. Just like everyone else they’ve hurt and discarded.”
His words were pained when he finally answered, “I don’t want to see you on this path.”
I sighed in frustration and disgust. “It was you who put me on it,” I snapped at him. “And you’re still living it. No matter how many times you claim that you’re going to get out.”
“I am trying to get out.”
“And how is that working out?”
A muscle flickered in his jaw as he faced me once more. “Poorly.”
“So, you’re in this life. I’m in this life. Help me. Teach me.”
“I can’t. I can’t do that.”
I shook my head and reached for my phone. Real anger suffused me. I’d thought that, once he saw my point, he’d agree. That he’d see the damage that they’d done and that I needed his help and he’d give in. But he was being adamant.
“Katherine ruined our relationship. She toyed with me. Lewis kept us apart. He stalked me. They’ve both destroyed my career. And they show no remorse. I can’t even imagine what they’ve done to you over the years. Let alone to everyone else in their warpath,” I said with barely contained fury. “And you just want to let them win. Again. I guess that tells me everything that I need to know.”
I stormed to the elevator, jamming my finger down on the button. Penn was hot on my heels, reaching out to stop me.
“Don’t go,” he begged. “Not like this. Not after last night.”
“You want me but only the parts of me that you can control. You don’t want the Natalie who fits into your world. I’m not that doe-eyed young girl anymore. You wrecked her. You slayed her innocence. I won’t be half of anything anymore.”
Then I wrenched my arm out of his grip and stepped into the elevator.
Chapter 6
Penn
The elevator closed in my face.
“Fuck,” I growled into my now-empty apartment.
I fisted my hands into my hair and tugged on the strands in frustration. Goddamn it! That hadn’t been how that conversation was supposed to go. That hadn’t been how this fucking morning was supposed to go. Not after last night. How fucking incredible last night had been.
Just … where had this Natalie come from?
This vengeful angel set out to prove herself.
When she had first messaged me to let me know that she was coming back into the city for New Year’s Eve, I’d been surprised that she wanted to meet at a party of all places. After what Katherine and Lewis had done, I’d thought she’d still be broken. Still beaten down, eating straight out of a tub of icing. Not in the city, looking like an exotic, sensual phoenix rising up out of the ashes.
After finding out the extent of what had gone down this week, I understood where she was coming from. We had fucked with her life and won. We always won. It was the way a world filled with unending wealth and privilege worked.
But she was coming out swinging.
On one hand, she hadn’t deserved to get kicked to the curb. But that didn’t mean that learning to be more like the enemy was the answer to all of this. She was too good. Too kind and honest and…everything. This world would rip that right out of her if she stayed in it.
I knew first-fucking-hand.
It was a dangerous road she was walking on.
And while I wanted her in my life, I wanted a way for us to be together without the Upper East Side bullshit between us. That was what I should have done all along.
I still thought there was a chance for us. I just…had to convince her of that.
Totle trotted out of the back bedroom with his head cocked to the side, as if to say, Where’d she go?
“Excellent question, buddy. I have to get her back.”
I pressed the elevator button and then dashed around my apartment, pulling on shoes, grabbing my jacket, and then realizing in horror that Natalie had left my house in nothing but a T-shirt. I grabbed a second jacket just as the elevator doors opened.
My foot tapped impatiently on the short ride to the bottom floor. She might have taken a cab and then had no need for the jacket. But knowing Natalie, her anger would have fueled her straight into Central Park. Especially since her apartment was nearly directly across the park from mine. And without another book contract, she probably wouldn’t want to spend the money.
I jogged across Fifth Avenue and into the park, taking the direct route. My eyes scanned the park, looking for the only person insane enough to be out in a T-shirt this time of year.
I knew that she wouldn’t have let me say anything else when she was that upset. But that didn’t mean I was comfortable with her going out in the cold like this. Let alone going back to her apartment when there was a chance that Lewis could be watching the surveillance footage. There was no fucking way I was letting him near her ever again. No fucking way.
She might be pissed at me for telling her no, but I’d put her safety first. We could figure out the rest.
A breath of relief escaped me, puffing a cloud of white in front of my face, as I saw Natalie’s shivering form stumbling across the park.
“Natalie!” I called out to her.
She turned around with a look of surprise on her beautiful face. Her lips were already leaning more toward blue than pink, and she ran her hands up and down her arms. But a small smile touched her features as I approached her.
I held the jacket up and swung it around her shoulders.
“Hey,” she muttered.
“You ran out too fast,” I said softly. “I couldn’t let you walk outside in just a T-shirt.”
“Thanks. I can’t feel my fingers now,” she said, stuffing her hands into the oversize pockets of my jacket. “And…I shouldn’t have stormed out.”
I shot her a lopsided grin, flashing my dimples. It was good t
o hear her admit that. The cold must have knocked some of the oomph out of her fire.
“I’m glad that I caught up to you. At first, I didn’t know if you’d grabbed a cab.”
“Nah. Didn’t even think about it until I started to freeze.” Her eyes dropped to the ground and then came back to mine. “I should have controlled my temper. I took my problems out on you when you aren’t even the crux of them.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” I told her.
She just nodded, as if accepting that we were past her anger. “I’m guessing the dash out here didn’t change your mind?”
I shook my head once. We were going to figure out what the best way was to be in each other’s lives. But I couldn’t see how helping her learn the games us Upper East Siders had been playing since birth would be the right answer.
“No, but I don’t want you to go to your apartment alone. Even if Amy is there, it doesn’t feel safe to me. Especially since you just told me what Lewis did. I wouldn’t put it past him to do something worse.”
“Great,” she grumbled as we fell into step toward her apartment.
I thought she might tell me not to come with her if I didn’t agree with her, but the thought that Lewis might do something else must have been enough incentive to let me tag along. I’d be happy when she was finally out of that fucking apartment. Natalie might not want me to say anything to Lewis, but he had it coming.
“I wish you’d told me what he’d done.”
She shrugged helplessly. “I was overwhelmed. I could barely tell Amy the truth, and she’s my best friend. I thought, if I didn’t talk about it, then maybe the end of my career wasn’t real.”
“It’s not the end of your career,” I assured her.
She gave me a disbelieving look. “You should have heard my agent.”