by K. A. Linde
“Come on,” Harmony said, latching on to my arm. “Let’s go see my mom.”
I reached out for Jane. “Are you coming with?”
She shook her head. “Go ahead. I have a meeting next with Christopher Michelangelo-Cortez, who is so up-and-coming. The MCZ line is out of this world. Text me later, and if I’m free, I’ll meet you at a pop-up!”
I laughed because it was just so Jane. “All right. If you’re busy, then I’ll see you at the gala tomorrow night!”
“Of course,” Jane said as if there were no other option. Then she strolled out of the room, already on her phone, probably making some other business connection.
Harmony grinned and pulled me along after her. “Okay, it’s going to take a minute to get through to my mom. As you can imagine, this is, like, her time. And it’s going to be nuts.”
Harmony guided me through the crowd and to the side of the stage nearest her mother. She was speaking to a group of industry people, and Harmony just pulled out her phone to pass the time.
“Um…where’s your Crew Influencer page?”
“My what?” I asked, glancing over her shoulder.
Crew was the hottest social media app around. Rowe had created it when he and the crew were in high school for a way for them to connect, and it had blown up. Facebook had tried to buy him out, but he’d declined, claiming he didn’t need the money.
“Your Influencer page,” Harmony gushed. She flipped her phone around, so I could see her page, which was displayed with dozens of glossy pictures of her all over the world and a running tally of comments from admirers. She currently had five-point-five million connections.
“Holy shit! Five-point-five million people follow you?” I gasped, completely losing my cool in that moment. “That’s incredible.”
Harmony shrugged one shoulder, but the smirk on her face said everything. “Thanks! It’s basically my life. And I have no idea why you don’t have one. How do you expect people to know who you are if you’re not giving them access to your life? Page Six is great and all, but this, you can curate yourself.”
“I mean, I have Crew. I just don’t have an Influencer page.”
“Well, we will fix that. Hand me your phone.”
I reluctantly passed it to her, and she went to work, setting up a page for me. She asked if she could go through my pictures and actually seemed surprised when I said yes. Perhaps she was used to people having nudes. Or being afraid to show the ugly selfies that you didn’t post online. Photography wasn’t my art form, but I usually erased anything I didn’t love.
About ten minutes later, she handed the phone back to me. “Okay. Here’s your Influencer page. I only posted three pictures, but you’ll want to update it regularly to keep your connections interested.” She showed me a few features. “I’m going to follow you now. Eep! I’m so excited for you.”
I stared down at the Influencer page in shock as I saw my numbers go from zero to one—Harmony. Then from one to three and three to ten and ten to twenty right before my eyes.
“Jesus, who is connecting with me already?”
Harmony shrugged. “People who like your picture and my friends and stuff. It’ll be great.” She glanced up. “Oh! My mom is ready.”
Harmony stepped up to Elizabeth, and I was at her side. Elizabeth looked stunning in a black pantsuit and silver statement necklace.
She embraced her daughter. “Harmony dear, what did you think?”
“Brilliant as ever,” Harmony said. “Probably the best yet.”
Elizabeth beamed. “Thank you. And you, Natalie?”
Suddenly, all eyes were on me.
I kept my best mask on my face and smiled brightly. “No one does it better. Watching it from the front row was such an experience.”
“Excellent,” Elizabeth said. “And I’ll see you at the gala tomorrow night?”
“Of course. I’m so thrilled to be wearing one of your pieces again.”
Elizabeth grinned. “Natalie, let me introduce you to Paul. He works for Vogue.”
And then it was a string of introductions. All these people who wanted to know who I was. Everyone thought I was important because Elizabeth had made me important. It was insane. And the spotlight made me a little dizzy. I could see for the first time why Katherine wanted this life. This insane socialite lifestyle where my world was built around free clothes, parties, and connections with other fashionable people. Where I made money off of looking good, knowing the right people, and posting it online for others to stare at. Exhausting but still exciting.
Finally, I ducked out of the crowd. Harmony was still speaking with people, and I wouldn’t leave without her since I still wanted to hit those pop-ups. But I needed a minute to myself. A second to breathe.
“I wondered if you’d ever get a minute alone.”
I snapped to attention like a deer caught in headlights. “Lewis, what are you doing here?”
My pulsed thumped against my neck. Fear was the first emotion. Even though I was in a room with so many other people, it felt like I was alone with him again. This was the first time I’d seen him without Penn since the breakup. And it made me uncomfortable and also sad. We’d dated not that long ago, and now, I didn’t even feel okay being near him…let alone be alone with him.
“Charlotte was walking for Elizabeth,” he said effortlessly.
Of course. I’d seen Charlotte on the runway today and at the Trinity soft opening in December. She was a tall, strong, and beautiful black woman who wore her natural hair on the runway. It was incredible to see. I’d been so wrapped up with Harmony and Jane that I hadn’t thought about the fact that Lewis would be there to watch her.
“Oh, of course. Well, you should go find her,” I said, turning to walk away.
He grasped my elbow to stop me.
I wheeled around, ready to smack that smug look off of his face. “Don’t touch me.”
“Natalie, please,” he said. His big brown eyes were pleading. He looked heartbroken. But he’d done this to himself.
“No. We’re over, Lewis. You did this.”
“It was a mistake.”
“Which part?” I asked, shaking out of his grip.
“All of it. I shouldn’t have kept the file. I shouldn’t have done any of it. I want you back. I fixed my mistake. I know that we can work this out.”
“What part of my personality makes you think that I would forgive you for what you did?”
“So you can forgive Penn for fucking over your life but not me for trying to look out for you?” he demanded.
I groaned and shook my head. “I don’t want to do this with you, Lewis. We’re over. I don’t have to justify my actions to you any longer. And you didn’t fix your mistake. All you did was try to control me again. I’m not going to be controlled ever again,” I icily told him.
“Natalie, I love you.”
“No, you don’t,” I said simply. “Please, just leave me alone.”
I tried to walk away again, but he grabbed my upper arm. Hard. Hard enough to bruise. I made a sharp noise of protest.
“Stop it, Lewis! You’re hurting me.”
“So, just like that? You’re going back to him? Even though he’s fucking toying with you? Is that why you sent him to the crew meeting? So that he could threaten me?” he growled. “I won’t be threatened.”
“Lewis, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But if you don’t let me go, I’m going to scream,” I growled. Tears stung my eyes at the pain.
He blinked as if he realized what he’d done. Then he dropped my arm as if I’d burned him. “Natalie, I’m so sorry. Oh fuck, I didn’t mean…”
“But you did,” I gasped, holding my arm.
“I don’t know what came over me.”
“You didn’t get your way,” I spat at him. “For once, there are consequences to the shit that you pulled, and you didn’t like it. Well, get fucking used to it.”
I strode away from him, keeping my head tilted high, even
as it buzzed with the surprise jolt of pain and the words he’d said. At the fucking entitled bullshit.
But also…he’d thought I’d sent Penn to a crew meeting.
What crew meeting?
Harmony waved me over just as I pulled out my phone to call Penn. I ground my teeth. A call would have to wait. I still wanted to go with Harmony. I opted for a text instead.
Did you go to a crew meeting?
Penn’s message came back almost instantly.
…yes.
Motherfucker.
When exactly were you going to tell me about this?
I was livid. And I had to keep it together. Because I was supposed to leave with Harmony to go to boutique pop-ups. This whole experience was good for who I was becoming and what I wanted to accomplish. I couldn’t exactly walk away to go yell at Penn. But fuck, all the old suspicions wormed their way back into my heart. Just like that. A snap of my fingers, and it all flooded back.
Can I call you?
No, I’m with Harmony. We’re heading to a pop-up.
Fuck, Nat. I don’t want to do this through text. I could leave campus and come to you?
Don’t bother. I’ll swing by campus when we’re done. I guess this gives you time to get your story straight.
It’s not like that. At all.
I clamped down on that old familiar rage. That black pit that I’d settled into that said, Burn it. Burn it down. Burn him down. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to hurt him, too. It just felt like I was screwing myself already.
I’ll just talk to you later.
Please don’t worry about this all afternoon. It was harmless.
The crew is NEVER harmless.
Then I stuffed my phone back down into my purse and swore to ignore him until I was done hanging out with Harmony.
“Everything all right?” she asked when I finally reached her.
“Yeah. Fine.”
“Things looked tense with Lewis.” She arched an eyebrow as we headed out of the room.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, “he’s not happy about me and Penn.”
Harmony giggled. “I would think not. But who can resist Penn Kensington, right?”
I wanted to grumble under my breath that I certainly had when he was acting like an asshole. But that wouldn’t solve anything. I needed to talk to Penn. Not bitch about him to one of his many exes.
“Pretty much,” I finally said.
“Lewis is the jealous type anyway.”
“That I noticed.”
“I was always surprised you two ended up together,” Harmony said. “That you jumped from one to the other and back.”
“It didn’t exactly happen that way.”
“It never does.” Harmony held up her hands. “Trust me. No judgment here. Penn and I have a messed up past. I get what it’s like to do stupid things for guys. The guy I was seeing before just started dating someone else. And I want to stab him and beg him back. I hate it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said reflexively. Though my mind was only half on this conversation. The rest of me wanted to dig into my bag and see what Penn had said. But I wouldn’t. I needed to calm down before I stormed uptown and unleashed on him.
“Don’t be sorry. He was kind of a jerk anyway.” Harmony smiled at me. “Here’s the boutique. God, I’m kicking myself for wearing heels again. So much freaking walking. They always say we can dress down, but I just never do.”
I let Harmony carry on as we stepped into the first pop-up. And I tried to ignore the buzz at the bottom of my bag.
Chapter 17
Natalie
After a few hours of looking at clothes, talking to designers, and chatting it up with all the people in the know, I bowed out of the next event with Harmony. I liked her. Surprisingly so, considering that she’d grown up here. But I could only handle so much of this world when I had this shit with Penn roiled up inside of me.
I stepped into the first cab and told him to take me to Columbia. I tilted my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. My feet ached like I couldn’t believe. My head felt about the same. And as much as I was ready to get this over with, I didn’t want to walk into this confrontation. Because I knew it would be something drastic.
I was glad that I’d had a few hours to cool down so that I wouldn’t immediately combust on him, but it hadn’t made me feel better. He didn’t have to tell me everything. But his friends were our downfall. They knew how to screw us up, and he was an idiot if he didn’t see that.
I’d only been on Columbia’s campus once since Penn and I got back together. He’d asked me to meet him for dinner one night when he stayed late. Usually, I spent the days working on my new book. I wasn’t going anywhere with it yet, but I was glad that I was writing after what had happened with the last manuscript.
The philosophy department was located almost directly off of the main quad near the library and a pretty impressive-looking church. My heels clicked across the brick-lined sidewalk as I approached the imposing building. I stepped inside and was still surprised that it looked like any other university I’d ever been on. Columbia had such a feel of reverence about it that it was hard to think it could look like home. I took the hallway to the elevator that opened up to the third floor. His office was a corner space with a plaque on the door that read Dr. Kensington.
I knocked once and heard a relieved sigh on the other side.
“Come in.”
With a deep breath, I turned the knob and entered Penn’s office. My eyes drifted around the cozy room covered against one wall with floor-to-ceiling books and books and more books. Penn’s desk sat at the center with an array of monitors. His steely-blue eyes met mine across the short space, and tension crackled between us. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn’t look away from that desk. From what we could do with that desk after-hours.
I stopped that train of thought and nudged the door shut behind me. That was not why I was here.
“You didn’t answer any of my texts.”
“I stopped checking them,” I said, tossing my bag down onto a chair in front of his desk.
“You shouldn’t shut me out.”
“I was busy.”
“Then let’s get it out. You’re mad because I saw the crew.”
“Yes, I’m mad,” I said carefully, bracing my hands on his desk and leaning forward. “I told you not to talk to Lewis about this. I told you that I would handle it.”
“You told me not to do anything stupid.”
“This was stupid!” I snapped back.
“It wasn’t. Lark came to see me. She called a meeting for the crew and asked me to show up, for old times’ sake. So, I did. It’s not my fault Lewis and I got into it when we were together.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You purposely went so that you could have it out with him.”
“Yes,” he agreed easily, “I did. I knew you didn’t want me to say anything to him, Natalie, but he is stalking you. I wanted him to stop. He clearly is not listening.”
“No, he’s not listening. He was at Elizabeth’s runway show and cornered me.” I instinctively rubbed my arm as the memory of his grip arrested me. “He told me he saw you.”
Penn’s eyes focused on where I touched my arm. “Why are you holding your arm?” He slid out of his chair, all cold, lethal calm. “Did he hurt you?”
“He grabbed me. It hurt. I’ll live.”
“What’s next? Is he going to hit you? And you’re here, mad at me for saying something when he’s doing this shit? Honestly, he got the least of what he deserved. I should have flattened him,” Penn growled.
“I told you to let me handle it, and you didn’t.”
“Because you shouldn’t have to! I can deal with Lewis.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were going then?” I demanded.
He sank back into his seat. “I should have told you. It was stupid.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“You hate them. With good reason. But in some
fucked up way, they’re still my friends.”
My nostrils flared. “They are not your friends! Friends don’t act like this. They don’t treat each other like this.”
“They’re the people I’ve always relied on. The ones I’ve always gone to. I’ve known them my entire life. We were inseparable for so long. And even when I wanted to get out of this world, I didn’t want to escape them because they were all I’d ever known. It makes no sense that I should feel anything at all after their shit, but I do.”
“Just because they are the only people you’ve ever known doesn’t make them friends.”
“Katherine picked me up from the airport the day my dad died,” Penn said softly. “Lewis sat with me. He didn’t say anything or try to make me feel better. But he was there all day. Lark called in Chinese that night and gave me all her egg rolls. Rowe came in late. He’d been away on business when the news broke. When he made it back to the city, he hugged me.” I met his gaze as he poured it out. “Rowe, who hates to be touched, had initiated the hug. So, they might not look like friends. It might look like all we’ve ever had together is secrets and betrayal and bullshit, but there’s more there. It’s more like family.”
I closed my eyes and stepped away. “That all makes sense. They might be your friends or even family in some sick, twisted way. But they’re also monsters.” I faced him again. “And they make you monstrous.”
“I am not going to be that person again. Is this about the fucking bet?” he groaned. “Is it always going to be about the bet?”
“It’s not the bet. It’s that all of our problems start and end with the crew!”
“Yes, yes they do,” he growled. “Like you fucking my best friend.”
“Jesus Christ, we weren’t even together. And it’s not like you didn’t bang half of the Upper East Side.”