by Layne, Ivy
Breakfast I could do. “Eggs? Toast?”
Thankfully, Petra nodded. I settled her into my chair at the bar, suddenly aware how high it was off the hardwood floor. I slid my plate of half-finished eggs and slice of toast in front of her and she tucked in.
The food was cold, but she ate with such appetite and lack of complaint I had to wonder when Maxwell had last fed her.
When she was halfway finished, my phone beeped with a text.
Griffen's on his way up with Petra’s bag.
So, she did have a bag. That was something. Griffen let himself in, a good thing since I was Petra’s seatbelt for the tall chair at the kitchen bar where she was eating. She needed a high chair. Another thing to put on the list.
I hoped Lily was coming with us. I knew Petra needed clothes and pull-ups or diapers or whatever she was wearing. Hopefully, Lily would be able to tell me the difference. A high chair. What else?
Griffen stopped in front of us, his green eyes soft as they landed on Petra. In a low voice, he said, “She’s the spitting image of Maxwell and the rest of them, isn't she?”
“She is,” I agreed. “Is that her bag?”
“What there is of it,” he said, handing me a beat-up gym bag, disdain for Maxwell heavy in his voice.
As I unzipped the bag and rooted through it, Griffen went on, “I heard from Lily. She and Adam are going to come with us. We'll swing by and pick them up on the way.”
I looked up in relief. “That would be great. Doesn't Adam have kindergarten?”
“Lily said he can miss a day. She thought he’d want to meet Petra, and Petra might feel better with another little kid around.”
“Good thinking,” I mumbled, sorting through Petra’s meager possessions.
There wasn't much. A few changes of clothes, most of them well-worn, and half of a package of pull-ups size 2T – 3T. I took a quick picture of the package with my phone so I’d know what to get at the store. Checking the tags in the clothes, I found they were a mix between 2T and 3T.
When Petra was done eating, I coaxed her into trying on both sizes, quickly determining that the 2T was a close fit and the 3T was better, if a little too big. I added to the list I’d started on my phone. There weren’t any shoes in the bag, and she hadn't been wearing any the night before.
I added shoes. We’d figure out her size at the store. She also had nothing in the way of grooming supplies. No hairbrush, no ponytail holders or barrettes. No toothbrush or toothpaste. I added those, too, and gave Petra's hair a quick brush with my own, glad that despite its length her hair wasn't too tangled and felt clean. At least Maxwell had bathed her recently.
Thinking about the way she’d devoured the cold eggs, I wondered if she’d been eating enough. The idea that she hadn’t, that Maxwell hadn’t been taking care of her basic needs—I didn’t want to think about it.
Was she slight because that was her natural build or because she was hungry? When things settled down, we’d have to find her a pediatrician. On our way out the door I grabbed a small orange and some soft granola bars from the pantry in case she got hungry again.
In the garage we piled into Knox's SUV, Griffen explaining, “We don't have a car seat for her, but Knox has a booster for Adam. That’ll have to do until we can buy her the kind she needs at the store.”
I added Car Seat to the list. Once we were settled, Petra clutching my hand, Griffen pulled out on the street, sending me a quick look through the rearview mirror. “You okay with all this?”
“Weirdly, yeah,” I said honestly. “I mean, surprised. Worried for Cooper. He’s, it’s—” I glanced at Petra, who was staring out the window. I wasn’t going to say Maxwell’s name in front of her. I didn’t need to.
“You still mad at him?”
“At Cooper? Nope, not mad at Cooper.”
“Yeah, I get you.” Griffen knew exactly who I was mad at, and it wasn’t Cooper. Now I had a whole new reason I could happily kill Maxwell.
Chapter Thirty
Alice
It was a short drive to Knox's house. I hadn't been there since the day Tsepov had blown up the garage with Adam and me in the basement. Most of the house had escaped damage, a good thing since it was a work of art. In a million years I never would have guessed big, tough, silent Knox would have a house that looked like a fairy-tale cottage.
With its steeply peaked roof, diamond-paned windows, and flower boxes overflowing with blooms, Knox’s house was too gorgeous to be real.
Fortunately, only the garage had been damaged, and Knox was using the repairs as an excuse to turn the two-car garage into three, with a bonus room above and an extra guest room on the back, tucked behind the kitchen. It sounded like Knox and Lily were already making plans to expand their ready-made family.
Lily and Adam opened the front door as soon as we pulled to a stop, Adam holding Lily’s hand and tugging her along, the sun gleaming off his white-blonde hair. He looked nothing like his mother with her cloud of dark curls and tawny brown skin, but the bond between them was unmistakable even from a distance. Lily smiled down at her son and said something, probably telling him to slow down.
Using the extra booster seat she’d brought with her, Lily got Adam settled in the backseat, asking me, “You okay sitting between these two?”
“I’m good.” Squeezing Petra’s hand, I said, “This is Lily and her son, Adam. Guys, this is Petra.”
Lily gave Petra a warm smile and said hello before closing Adam’s door and getting in the front seat.
Adam leaned around me to catch Petra’s eye. “I'm Adam.” Petra said nothing, her face serious, her eyes wide. Adam was undaunted. Lily's boy had a sunny disposition and he’d never met a friend he didn't like.
Looking at me, he said, “Hi, Alice!” before leaning forward further to get a good look at Petra. “I'm five. I'm in kindergarten now. How old are you? Do you go to school?”
Petra’s hand squeezed mine as she pressed into my side, getting closer to Adam while keeping me between them. Scared but curious. Rubbing my thumb over her fingers in comfort, I said, “It's okay, honey. Adam is a friend of Cooper's. Of your brother’s.”
Petra looked at me and back at Adam, still uncertain. “Can you show him how old you are?” I prompted. Another long look at me, another hesitant look at Adam, and she transferred her stuffed rabbit to her lap before holding up three fingers.
Adam grinned and started to tell her all about kindergarten, his enthusiasm undiminished by her lack of verbal response. Her eyes were bright with interest despite her silence. Brave girl. This must be overwhelming, on her own with so many new people, but Petra was hanging in there.
Everything was fine as I grabbed a cart built for two kids and settled Adam and Petra side-by-side. I must have looked taken aback when Lily grabbed a second shopping cart. She grinned and shook her head. “You're going to need it.”
When I thought about my list, I realized she was right. A high chair and two car seats—one for Cooper's car and one for mine—would fill a cart and a half on their own, and Petra needed everything.
We started at the front of the store, stocking up on sippy cups and a plastic dish set, then bath toys and no-tears shampoo, a thermometer, hairbrush and toothbrush—pretty much everything we’d need to keep a toddler fed and clean.
Next up were high chairs. I was grateful Lily was with us when she grabbed a circular plastic mat and tossed it in the cart, explaining, “It helps keep the floor clean. She's not a baby, so you might not need it but…”
Adam broke off his chattering to Petra to give me a very adult look. “You'll need it. I loved to throw food when I was three.”
Lily bit her lip to hold back the laugh. Adam was taking his role as Petra's companion seriously, gracefully accepting her offer of the stuffed bunny and examining it closely, nodding in approval before handing it back and telling her
it was really cool.
Petra was quiet, smiling hesitantly at Adam here and there, but not speaking. When she wasn't looking at Adam, her eyes were fixed on me. I didn't think anything of it until I stepped away from the cart, going around the corner at the end of the aisle in search of the upgraded version of the high chair I liked.
The second I disappeared from Petra's view, a high-pitched shriek filled our corner of the store, the sound rising to an ear-grating crescendo before fading as she gasped in breath for another scream.
I forgot all about high chairs and bolted back to the cart. Petra wailed her heart out, tears streaking her cheeks. Griffen and Lily tried to comfort her, but she batted their hands away, shrieking in panicked fear.
“Petra,” I cried, reaching for her, “Petra, honey, it's okay. Everything's okay.”
Her hands locked onto mine and she lunged for me, the seatbelt of the cart jerking her back. Lily fumbled for the snap, opening it just in time for Petra to throw herself into my arms so hard she almost knocked me over.
Her arms locked around me, her wet face pressed into my neck, her body shuddering under my hands. I rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back, crooning, “It's okay, honey. It's okay.”
After endless minutes of weeping, she quieted. I craned my head to look into her teary eyes. “Did you get scared because you couldn't see me?”
She nodded, sobs still hiccupping in her chest. Tears pricked my eyes and I dropped my head to press a kiss to her hair.
“Okay, honey, okay. I won’t leave you. I promise. Everything's going to be okay. I won’t leave you.”
I pressed the side of my cheek to the top of her head, the tears that prickled my eyes falling hot against my cheeks, my heart breaking. She'd been so composed, so quiet, I hadn't realized how scared she was.
It was a good thing Maxwell was locked in the holding room because if he was in front of me I would have torn him to pieces.
I'm sure he'd swear he'd done his best by Petra, but this was his fault. He’d dragged her all over the globe, running from the man who’d killed her mother, and then he’d ditched her at the first opportunity. He’d had plenty of time that morning to ask about his daughter, but Cooper hadn’t gotten so much as a short text to see if she’d slept well. Nothing.
I didn’t know exactly how Cooper and I were going to work a toddler into our lives, but I would not be one more person who abandoned this little girl.
I don't know how long I stood there rocking Petra in my arms, waiting for her sobs to quiet. I was aware of Griffen and Lily taking the cart to the front of the store, returning with an empty one, leaving and coming back as they filled it with various odds and ends. A few packages of pull-ups. The high chair I’d been looking for.
When Petra was quiet, her little body limp in my arms, I moved to set her back in the seat of the cart beside Adam. The moment her feet hit the plastic she tensed and began to wail again.
“Okay, honey. Okay, Petra. You want me to carry you?”
She lifted her face to look up at me, those ice-blue eyes so like Cooper's swimming with tears, shadowed with deeply-held fear. My chest burned with impotent fury at Maxwell. At Tsepov for taking Petra’s mother. A toddler shouldn't know fear like this, shouldn't be terrified she’d be abandoned.
I smoothed Petra's hair back off her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I'll carry you, honey. I won’t put you down, I promise.”
As much as I meant my vow to carry Petra, I regretted it ten minutes later. Her little body sat in my arms like a lead weight, straining muscles I didn’t know I had. I shifted her from one hip to the other, wincing a little. Lily caught the movement out of the corner of her eye.
“Arms killing you?”
I shook my head and lied. “I’m good.”
Her eyes narrowed for a second. “Stay there.” She disappeared back toward the section where we'd already grabbed an umbrella stroller. I watched her doubtfully. If Petra wouldn’t let me put her in the cart I didn't think she’d tolerate a stroller.
Lily returned, walking so fast she was almost at a jog, her arms laden with bundles of cardboard-wrapped fabric. She lay them out across the shelf beside me. Baby carriers.
“You're brilliant,” I breathed. “I'm so glad you came with us.”
Lily smiled. “Me too. She's probably close to the top weight limit for some of these, but even if she can't use it for too much longer it's worth it.” She quickly read the backs of the carriers she’d grabbed, choosing one and tearing off the packaging.
“Stand still,” she said. “It's been a while since I put one of these on, but if you hold her just like that I can strap it around you. This one was my favorite when Adam was her age. He'd snuggle right in and fall asleep.” Turning to Adam she said, “Do you remember?”
Adam bounced a little in the cart. “It can go on your back too, Alice. It's fun for walks for when my legs used to get tired. And it has a hood thing you can pull up so your head’s in the shade.”
Lily moved around me, looping the straps over my arms, buckling the carrier around my waist, and pulling the whole thing tight. Finally, she said, “Okay, move your arms and let's see how this thing fits.”
I did as she said and Petra settled into the carrier in the same position I'd been holding her—her head against my shoulder, her knees on either side of my ribs. Now, instead of pulling my arms from their sockets, the carrier distributed her weight over my shoulders and around my waist. Petra raised her face, her dark eyebrows knitted together.
“You okay?” Brushing her hair off her face, I cupped her cheek in my hand. She looked uncertain for a moment before giving me a tentative nod.
“Bubba. Bubba.” She reached an arm out, grasping.
Lily, Griffen, and I looked at each other in confusion. Adam knew exactly what Petra wanted and leaned down to pick up the rabbit she’d dropped, handing it to her with a cheerful, “Here you go, Petra.”
Petra grabbed her Bubba and tucked the stuffed rabbit under her chin, giving Adam a shy, grateful smile.
My heart pounded with adrenaline as we carried on with our shopping expedition, Petra cradled against me, calm now that there was no chance I'd walk away and leave her behind.
What the hell was happening? How did I end up with a toddler strapped to my body when twenty-four hours before I’d had no clue she existed?
More than that, why the hell did I want to keep her exactly where she was?
I had no business getting attached. None. She was Cooper’s sister. Maxwell’s daughter. Petra was nothing to me.
Everything inside me rebelled at that thought. Petra was Cooper’s baby sister. It didn’t matter that he’d never laid eyes on her until last night. She was his family and she needed him. She needed us. I had every reason to get attached. If she was Cooper’s, she was mine.
My head was spinning, arguments for and against Petra raging in my mind as I carefully chose toys and books, rubbing her back as we moved from aisle to aisle.
Cooper and I were brand new. There wasn’t room for a child in our relationship.
We weren’t new at all. We’d known each other almost a decade, had been friends for years.
My brain wanted to pick apart the Petra problem, to find a reasonable and logical solution.
My heart didn’t care about reason and logic. My heart wanted to keep this little girl wrapped in my arms where she was safe, to hold her and love her until that fathomless fear of being abandoned was gone from her eyes.
My heart wanted to do battle with anyone who might harm her, wanted to kill Maxwell for his obvious neglect. My heart wanted to do right by the young woman who’d been Petra’s mother and wasn’t here to see her daughter grow up.
My brain wasn’t sure what was going on, but my heart had already decided. I was keeping Cooper, and together, we were keeping Petra. I could only hope Cooper was on bo
ard.
You know he is, my heart whispered, far more confident than my brain.
Lily watched us quietly, taking in the way Petra clung to me with innocent trust. As we tried different sizes of shoes on her feet, Lily murmured, “She’s going to be okay, Alice. You’re both going to be okay.”
I wanted to believe her. Not just for me. For Petra. For Cooper. Head spinning with too much change too fast, I turned my attention to a smocked dress in hot pink embroidered with daisies. I might not know what I was doing with a toddler, but I knew fashion, and that dress was ridiculously adorable. It wasn’t fair that the girl’s department was three times the size of the boy’s, but I wasn’t going to complain. I was going to take advantage.
Beside me, Lily said, “I need a little girl just for all these cute clothes.”
“I know, right?” I held up a package of daisy-shaped barrettes next to Petra’s dark hair. She spotted them and reached out, taking them from my hand for a closer look.
“Do you like them?” I asked gently.
Petra rubbed her finger over the bright flower on the barrette. “Pretty.”
Good enough for me. The dress and barrettes went in the cart. Adam made a sound of disgust. I caught him and Griffen rolling their eyes, bored now that we were looking at girl’s clothes.
I stuck my tongue out at Adam and made a face. “Hold tight, cowboy, we’ll go back to the toy section in a few minutes, but I need to do some damage here first.”
Hoping Cooper wouldn’t mind what I was doing to his credit card, I shopped to my heart’s content. New clothes and toys wouldn’t fix the hole in Petra’s heart, but they wouldn’t hurt either. She’d need this stuff no matter what, and if shopping helped me put my topsy-turvy world to rights, just for a little while, I’d take it. I needed all the help I could get.
Chapter Thirty-One
Cooper
My father sauntered into the conference room and splayed out in the chair at the foot of the table, as relaxed as a guy meeting buddies for a beer after work. The two armed guards who’d escorted him might not have existed for all the attention he gave them.