by Dawn Doyle
I couldn’t see his face, but I knew it was one of the three guards, Officer Jameson, who’d held me down while the other two rammed their fists into my stomach so I couldn’t cry out, then my face until I’d blacked out. Like the cowards they were, they didn’t stop when I was down—they never did.
“I said, change your fucking clothes and leave the other ones by the door, boy,” he snapped when I didn’t move.“You know the drill. Keep to your fucking script, or you won’t be walking out of this place.” He laughed, the evil tone running down my spine until I was pissing myself with fear. There’d already been rumors of some inmates leaving in a body bag, and I didn’t want to be one of them.
All of the excuses given were lies; we all knew that, but it was impossible to speak up, terrified that we would be next, as promised.
When I didn’t move, he spoke again. “You were in a fight, remember? Your cell mate attacked you and you defended yourself. If you deviate from the story…” he tapped something against the door, and my heart raced faster than ever before.
I knew how those keys felt against my skin, scoring my flesh until blood dripped from my arms. The last wounds on my shoulders hadn’t fully healed.“Okay,” I ground out. “I’ll change.”
“That’s a good little boy,” Jameson drew out, chuckling again, then his eyes filled the gap, black, menacing, and murderous. “If you don’t want yet another year added to your sentence, then you better behave.”
As I struggled to change, I thought about his words. If I told that story, something would go wrong, but did I have a choice?
I threw my dirty clothes near the door and huddled back into the corner, trying to get as much space between me and the door as possible. I waited with anticipation, my entire body shaking uncontrollably, my stare fixed on the black painted steel in case they came through to finish what they started.
“My cell mate attacked me,” I said as I stood in front of the warden. “I defended myself—that’s all there is to it.” I tried to look at the guards who’d led me to the warden’s office for his reaction, but one eye was swollen shut. I could only see one of them, Officer Stewart, and he smirked, letting me know I’d done well.
How the fuck could I have? Did he not know about my cellmate?
“Fine,” The warden said, sliding his hand over his slicked back gray hair. He nodded his head and held his hands behind his back as he walked around his mahogany desk to stand in front of me. “Take him back, and bring his cellmate,” he demanded.
“Yes, Warden,” the other guard said, and they each took an arm and marched me out.
“Listen up, pretty boy,” Jameson said, “when we’re done here, you get time off for doing as you’re told.” He dug his fingers into my arm, but I refused to react as he gripped the fresh wounds there. “We’ll make a man out of you yet, Woodman. By the time you leave here, you won’t even think of pulling any shit to land you back inside.” He laughed, and the other guy joined in.
“Yeah,” Stewart said next to my ear, his cigarette laced breath burning my nostrils. “Cos if you do, you’ll be going somewhere that makes this place look like fucking Disneyland.”
“Where’s your cellmate?” Jameson asked, looking around. “Lunch was over an hour ago.”
My stomach rumbled when he mentioned lunch. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast the day before, and I was starving. “I don’t have one,” I said, looking between them. This was the moment I was going to die, or I wasn’t going to wake up for a long fucking time.
“What the fuck did you say?” Stewart asked, getting in my face. His black jacket was speckled with dried blood, probably mine, and the gold buttons did a shit job of hiding just what they’d been up to.
“I don’t have a cellmate,” I repeated without flinching a goddamn inch. “He was released three days ago.”
Jameson’s face paled. “You said Jones was in solitary,” he snapped, getting in Stewarts space, chest-to-chest. “How the fuck did you not know he was out?”
Stewart shrugged and shook his head quickly while I reveled in their panic. “Conroy said Jones was going to the hole, and that once Woodman had taken his turn, we would fuck him up in time to show the warden.”
“Then where the fuck is he?” Jameson yelled.
“I believe you were intentionally misinformed.” The three of us turned to see the warden surrounded by police, and my heart hammered inside my chest. “By me.”
“Warden—”
“Enough, Jameson,” the warden snapped, then gestured for the police to move. “Take these animals out of here.”
I stood in shock, frozen to the spot, unable to move, talk, or even blink as the two of the many guards that had made my life a living hell, were cuffed and led away.
“Eastyn.” The voice came from far away, and fingers clicked in my face, but the sound was coming through a thick fog as though clouds had fallen around me. “Woodman, can you hear me?”
The last thing I remembered, was hitting the ground.
The warden had suspected shit was going on, but he couldn’t prove anything. Setting them up was the only way. After that, my extended sentence was overturned and I was released.
Shay cupped my face and searched my eyes, but I didn’t know what she was looking for. “You were eighteen when you were released,” she said, and I knew she’d realized the math didn’t add up.
“I was in bad shape,” I said, resting my forehead against hers. “I turned to drugs—pills, and I didn’t care where I got them from—I’d take what I could to numb the pain.” I closed my eyes. “I was a fucking mess, Shay. I wouldn’t talk to anybody, I wouldn’t go home for days… When Caitlin found me unconscious, covered in vomit and close to death, they took me to rehab.” The first days were the worst, and it was in those first few days that I’d taken it one step further.
“I’m glad,” she whispered, “that you got the help you needed.”
I took a step back and ran my hands over the cuff on my wrist. Shay watched as I unfastened the buckle before unwrapping the strap. I pulled it free and let it drop to the floor, then held up my arm to show her what I’d done. As I’d thought, the second she saw the scar, she turned deathly white.
A two-inch long, diagonal cut had been gouged roughly into my wrist, and the scarring left behind from the way I’d hacked through made it impossible to tattoo over. No amount of ink would disguise the fact I’d tried to take my own life.
“I couldn’t cope,” I admitted. “I had no drugs to block out the memories or to keep the nightmares away, and worse, I’d been forced to relive it all by speaking to a therapist”— I lifted my eyes to hers—“Professor Chambers.”
“Your professor?”
I nodded. “She sees only the special cases, and I was one of them. I didn’t want to talk to her, but I changed my mind after I tried to kill her son.” I held my hand up when she opened her mouth. “I was in withdrawal from the drugs and already on edge. I was in a room alone, and my back was to the door. Her son walked in, and the second I heard that door open, I was back in that place. I put my hands around his neck and…” I swallowed hard, the bridge of my nose stinging again as his face flashed through my mind. “I though I’d killed him, Shay. He was lying there, and I thought he was dead. A few seconds later he started breathing and coughing, and I was so fucking relieved that I broke down. After that, I spoke to Professor Chambers one-a-week, and allowed Casey to be there, too.”
Shay gasped. “Casey? Was he in rehab too?” she asked.
I shook my head and smiled dryly. “Casey’s her son, Shay. He came to see her, and overheard her talking about my case. He was a nosy prick, and wanted to see who I was.” Shay hugged me tight and I returned it, banding my arms around her, and allowing my eyes to fall on the reminder that I almost wasn’t here. “I want to help kids like me, Shay, and Professor Chambers made that possible. I got my high school diploma while in rehab. Then, under her referral, I came here when I was nineteen—only a few weeks after leaving there.
” I tucked her loose strands behind her ears. “Then when I started to open my eyes, I saw you, Shay. I knew that being fucked up the way I was wasn’t doing me any favors, but whenever I looked at you, I wanted to do better—to be better. I knew I still had too much shit to work through, but when you kissed me at the booth…” I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and groaned, making her smile through the tears she continued to shed for me. “The moment I felt your lips on mine, I knew that once was never going to be enough.” I pressed my lips to hers in one long, soft kiss. “I’ve waited a long time for you, Shay, and now that you know what I keep hidden away, I hope you stay.”
Shay held my wrist and lifted it to her lips, kissing the deep scar. “You don’t have to hope, Eastyn, because I haven’t changed my mind. I’m sure about you, I’m sure about us, and I’m sure that I love you.”
“I love you so fucking much, baby,” I whispered, holding her close, our skin heating with the contact. Her tits pressing against me had my cock standing to attention.
“Show, not tell, remember?”
As she bit her lower lip, her hands running down my chest to my waistband, the stress of unburdening fell from my shoulders.
I gripped her narrow waist, hoisted her up, and she wrapped her legs around me. “Well, we gotta work on part two,” I said, glancing to the hot as fuck story I’d read. Shay shrieked when I playfully tossed her on the bed, and her gaze turned to hunger when I slowly stripped off my sweats. “And I know just where to start.”
Epilogue
Shay
Golden leaves blew across the ground, tumbling and swirling as the wind picked up, with more falling from the thinning branches of the small trees dotted around the green. Fall was well and truly in the air, and as I sat on our bench, waiting for the love of my life, my mind wandered to the future as it always did.
“I don’t know how you did it, Shay,” Casey said from beside me, causing me to startle. I’d forgotten he was there as I daydreamed. “You managed to do in three months what we’ve been trying to do for years.”
I narrowed my eyes as I side-glanced him. “And what’s that?”
He stared straight ahead, and I followed where he was looking. A couple of young women were walking in our direction, a smile spreading across their faces when they saw Casey staring. “You tamed him and his demons.”
“Taming Eastyn wasn’t my doing,” I replied but my heart warmed at his words. And as kind as they were, I knew they weren’t completely true. Eastyn had poured everything out to me, what he’d been through at the hands of the guards in the detention center, and the year of self destruction that followed. Once he’d finished, he’d seemed lighter as though a great weight had fallen from his burdened shoulders. “He did that all by himself. But, quietening the memories that haunt him is something I’m determined to do.”
However, the nightmare that followed our talk was something I’d never forget. Eastyn crying in his sleep, calling out for help, and then sobbing because he’d mistakenly attacked Casey, was one of the most heartbreaking things I’d ever heard. I’d held him close while he’d trembled, talking gently to him, assuring him he was safe, until the dreams had passed.
I’d come to learn that this type of trauma could stay with someone for life, but Eastyn was determined to fight against it.
And so was I—for him.
“You’re doing a great job so far,” Casey said, breaking my thoughts and gesturing to where Eastyn would be coming out at any minute. “He’s different now, and I’m glad he has you.”
“Thank you, Casey, you’re sweet.”
He beamed. “You’re welcome, Shay,” he said, nudging me with his elbow, then cocked his head to the side.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked when he continued to stare.
Casey squeezed my hand. “Sorry, it’s just… Sometimes, you remind me a little of someone,” he replied, turning away. He rested his elbows on his denim-covered knees, and pressed his chin against his overlapping fists.
I smiled when I didn’t automatically think of washing my hands. Touching wasn’t as much of a problem for me anymore, and I had Eastyn to thank for that. “Anyone I know?” I hoped he didn’t say Elise or Lara. I hadn’t spoken to Elise since the incident in the food hall; she’d kept a wide berth from me since I’d struck her. Lara, however, had continued to make amends between us. It was nice to have another woman to talk to again, but after the way she’d treated me, our friendship was strictly on campus only, for now. I didn’t care what the other girls were up to. They were never my friends to begin with, and even though they smiled at me when our paths crossed, and I politely returned it, conversations were never struck up between us.
Casey blew out a long breath. “Somebody from high school,” he mumbled.
“Oh?”
He sat back and lifted his left foot over his right knee, then spread his arms over the back of the bench. “Have you ever had somebody you couldn’t get out of your head?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, and now he’s my boyfriend.” As if just saying those words could conjure him, Eastyn appeared on the other side of the green and headed over to us. My heart thundered in my chest with every step he took toward me. His navy T-shirt stretched over his taught pecs, and his sweats… God, how I loved how they fitted him, and the imprint of his cock under the fabric had me glued to the area.
He grinned as though he knew exactly what I was thinking.
“I did too,” Casey said, cutting into my filthy thoughts of Eastyn peeling his clothes off, and watching his body flex as he moved. “I liked a girl, pretty much obsessed over her, actually. When I finally got the balls to ask her out, she disappeared.”
“She what?” I asked, still not turning to him, and guilt pricked in my stomach for not giving him my full attention.
“I don’t know. All I heard was that her mom had passed away, and with her sister being AWOL, she was sent to live with relatives out of state. I haven’t seen her since.”
“And you still think about her?” I asked. “They’re some strong feelings, Casey.”
And ones I could write about.
Since Eastyn had read the contents of the binder, I’d taken the plunge and allowed my English Professor to read it. I was still waiting on its return; she’d had it for over a month.
He nodded and huffed a breath. “Stupid, huh? It’s been seven years, Shay, and I still wonder if she had any idea how much I liked her.”
“Well, I’m sure if she knew you, she’d like you back.”
He cocked a brow and his mouth turned up in a little smirk. “You think so?”
“I know so.” I patted his knee. “I think she would take one look at you and be swept off of her feet.”
Casey stood just as the young women walked by, their attention firmly on him. “Yeah, I gotta find her first,” he mumbled. “And since I don’t know where she went, it’s impossible. But, pining over someone I’m never going to see again isn’t going to get me anywhere.” He held his arms out toward the two blondes. “Hey, ladies.” Just before he reached them, he looked over his shoulder. “Thanks for being there for him.”
I beamed. “The pleasure is all mine.”
Casey pumped his brows and grinned. “I doubt it.”
“Hey, what are you saying to my woman?” Eastyn asked. He picked me up and kissed me hard, making my knees weaken as usual.
“Nothing that she doesn’t already know,” Casey replied, then winked at me. “See ya later, love birds.”
Eastyn glared as Casey walked away with a woman under each arm, but spoke to me. “Is he giving you a hard time?” he asked, but his smile contradicted his tone.
“No,” I replied, laughing. Casey had come clean about the ‘cruel to be kind’ reverse psychology when he’d beat down my door six months ago. I needed it at the time, even though his harsh words were the truth. “But he’s under the impression I tamed you.”
“Well, they don’t call me Beast for nothing,” he said,
then attacked my neck, making me squeal. “Which gives me an idea.”
“Oh?” I tipped my head to the side.
He nodded. “Oh. Yeah,” he drew out, his tone low with a sexy growl. “And you’re gonna love it—trust me.” And I did, implicitly. His hand ran down my arm and he lifted my wrist where I’d added my own black cuff. Tears sprung to my eyes when kissed the sensitive skin, then pressed his forehead against mine. “You know this means you’re stuck with me.”
“You don’t hear me complaining,” I replied then pressed my lips to his. “How did it go?” He’d spent the past hour talking to Professor Chambers, the monthly session she’d insisted he kept up with her.
“Good. She said I should keep doing what I’m doing because it’s helping.”
I lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck, and his snaked around my waist, pulling me against his growing erection. “And what are you doing?” I purred, knowing exactly where this was going.
He licked his lips, and stared down at me with his green eyes, his pupils growing larger by the second. “You, and I will be in a few minutes.”
“Then what are you waiting for?” I asked, sliding my hands down his body, making sure to take in every bump and ridge on the way down. “The clock is ticking.”
Eastyn chuckled sexily, and the sound vibrated into me, making my nipples pinch and an ache to form between my legs. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He took my hand and led me across campus to his dorm, locking the door behind us before he spun me around, pushed my long skirt up to my waist and took me against the wall, unable to wait until we’d undressed. But after, when we’d come down, he took his time to love every inch of me, and I welcomed it.
And as we lay in each other’s arms, breathing heavily, the sounds of our satisfied pants the only thing in the air, I lifted my head and watched Eastyn as a smile crept across his face. But, behind that smile lay a man that was still broken, and no matter what or how long it took, I was going to do my best to put his pieces back together, just like he’d done for me.