“I panicked. I had only transformed once before and was so spooked by the experience I told no one. I didn’t understand what I was. I thought I was a monster, the monster from Frel’s stories, the freak of the family. Poor Frel, he should’ve known better than to befriend me.” Memory of his cousin’s shredded flesh flashed through his mind and he hid his face in his hands. “For hours, I sat there shaking. Finally it grew dark and the creatures of the forest began to sniff around, the scavengers. I knew I had to remove Frel’s body so I took it back to my home and left it on the doorstep. Then I ran. Deep into the forest, never intending to return, not knowing what I had become.”
“Vard,” Alecia said, her voice barely a whisper, “you’re not a monster. You know what you are now and will master your gift.”
“Gift! Father found Frel’s body the next morning and knew what had befallen him - and me. He buried Frel and said nothing to his brother. Frel’s family still believes he and I perished in the forest.” Vard’s voice broke. “Father came looking for me, not knowing what he’d find. I’ll always love him for that. He found me in a cave, miles away, and kept me hidden while he tried to teach me my heritage, but he wasn’t a Defender himself and his father hadn’t shared much with him before he died. There was little he could do to help but he gave me the amber stone, which had belonged to my grandfather. With the stone, I learned how to control the transformation to a degree. Eventually, I was able to visit Father in his cabin and I’d come at night to see him. He became increasingly withdrawn until one night he didn’t answer. The cabin was empty and I haven’t seen him since.”
Alecia felt numb at the reality that was Vard’s past. The slaughter of his cousin, the self-loathing, the pain of deceit that had been shared by his father. Imagine the guilt of covering up something as tragic as the slaughter of a nephew! Each sentence had revealed a hurt even greater than the last.
“I don’t know how you live with the pain,” she said, her voice merely a whisper in the room.
“I have no choice, dearest, but I hope you can now understand why I’m so afraid of hurting you.”
She nodded, still lost in the story of a young man taken over by the beast within.
“We must get you moved from here,” he said, lifting her off Leth’s bed. Pain shot through her left shoulder and she gritted her teeth to stop from crying out as Vard carried her back to her room. She was sick to the stomach by the time he deposited her on her bed. He pulled the furs up and adjusted her pillows. His gold-green eyes studied her.
“You’ve gone pale. I’m sorry,” he said, smoothing the hair from her face. “I’ll see if I can find a draught for the pain.”
Alecia’s heart broke that he could blame himself in any way. This was all her fault. “Don’t be sorry, beloved. I’d be grateful for a sleeping potion.” She feared nightmares without something. Vard’s story had upset her and she knew she would see visions of torn flesh should she be allowed to sleep naturally.
He stared at her for a moment longer, his expression bleak, before brushing her cheek with his fingers and leaving the room.
She sighed and settled back on the pillows, the throbbing in her shoulder a painful reminder of her stupid brush with death. She had learned nothing and now Leth knew almost everything, perhaps already did know everything. She had no knowledge of whether he was skilled enough to discern a pregnancy. If he knew, she was in danger twice over. Leth would use the babe to further his ambitions somehow, and Vard would leave her if he suspected his presence endangered a child. Or would he? Perhaps knowing he was a father would tie him to her side. What father wouldn’t stay to care for his child?
A father who thought the child and the mother would be better off without him. A father who put the safety of his family first. Vard was such a man.
Alecia closed her eyes as she waited for the potion, praying there was still a child within her womb for Vard to love.
Chapter 10
Vard slammed his fist down on the stone edge of the parade ground fountain and a section of the coping crumbled. The late morning sun bounced off the shards of stone as they floated in the water before sinking.
“Damn Leth! The bastard is leading me on.” He closed his eyes, gripping the amber stone on the leather cord around his neck. When would he achieve control? He was no further along one month after arriving in Amitania than he had been at the beginning. Lessons with Leth had been sporadic and when they occurred, the sorcerer insisted Vard not use his amulet to aid his control. But what if the amber stone was essential for his Defender skills? His grandfather had been in possession of the talisman so perhaps Vard’s gift required a focus such as this. All he knew was that he had made almost no headway while his frustration grew daily.
The sorcerer also refused to confirm or deny that healing was a part of the defender gift though Vard suspected he had some talent there. He felt an affinity for sick and injured people. Alecia had needed something constructive to do once she recovered and had volunteered her services at the hospital. She visited every day and had taken him on several tours of the infirmary. Vard thought he could see auras around the ill that corresponded to their sickness. Crimson for inflammation, blue for diseases of the mind, yellow if there was disease of the belly, infection showed as green and fractures of the bones were a sickly combination of purple, crimson and green.
He had tried laying his hands on the heads of the infirm and concentrating on their ills but so far nothing had occurred beyond strange looks. It amused Alecia, but she readily admitted Vard’s talent might be useful for diagnosing complaints. When Vard questioned Leth, he had been evasive, and he never let Vard witness any of the healing he undertook unless it was with potions.
Vard felt a growing need to be away from the city of crumbling stone. His training of the soldiers was progressing well. Many had fashioned longbows and learned how to shoot them. Swordplay was rapidly becoming the contest of the day, but the one resident who had declined to fight Vard was Leth himself. The fact that he couldn’t gauge Leth’s fighting prowess nagged at Vard. He knew little more about Leth than he had the first day.
The sorcerer had an agenda all of his own, that was obvious. And those plans included Alecia. To add more mystery to the situation, Leth was often away for days at a time and on each return, the smiles he granted Vard were more smug, those to Alecia more calculating. Yes, they needed to be free of Leth’s influence as soon as he could arrange it.
Alecia approached, fear swamping her favorite lavender perfume. Vard’s heart thumped an answering rhythm as he greeted her. “What’s the matter?” he said, taking her hands in his.
“That’s Ramón’s horse,” she said, her wide eyes following a black gelding as he was led past by a Lenweri soldier. A spike of jealousy struck Vard at the mention of the man who had recently lusted after the princess. Squire Ramón Zorba worked for Prince Zialni and had been the last person they saw before fleeing Brightcastle. Vard would be happy if he never set eyes on the man again but, if Alecia’s tone was anything to go by, she still cared deeply for Zorba.
The black horse had his ears back and as Vard watched, he struck at the elf, teeth bared, just missing his handler’s arm.
“Perhaps it is.” Vard turned back to her.
“I tell you, it’s his,” she said, her voice low and urgent. “Arrow is a bad-tempered beast. How else does a Sis Lenweri come to have his mount unless it was taken in battle? I must know if Ramón is well.”
Vard frowned. “He might have sold it, or even if he has battled the Lenweri, many horses bolt and are captured by the enemy. It doesn’t mean the squire was hurt or killed.”
“But it might!” Alecia started past him, heading to where the horse had disappeared into the stable.
“Stay away from it,” Vard muttered beneath his breath. “No good will come of you asking about that horse. They won’t tell you where he came from or what happened to his rider. Just leave it alone.” She had that stubborn set to her mouth that spelled trouble.
“Please.”
She stiffened and Vard prepared for an argument, but then her shoulders slumped. “You’re right, I suppose. We must tread warily. But I’d give anything to know how the elves came by that horse. Ramón would lose his right hand before he’d let Arrow be taken. I can’t help but fear for him.”
“There’s nothing you can do for him now,” Vard said, struggling to keep his voice level. “You look tired. Have a rest and I’ll meet you for dinner. There are matters to which I must attend.”
Alecia kissed his cheek and left without further argument. She did look tired, and increasingly so with every day. She worked too hard in the hospital. There was always someone to care for, and growing numbers of soldiers with battle wounds. But it wasn’t only the hospital that caused Alecia’s tiredness. Vard suspected she lay awake at night, worrying. He had taken to sleeping in his own bed, afraid he’d transform in his sleep and hurt her. The enchantment had worn off the amulet and any anger, frustration, fear or arousal could push him over the edge. Only it was worse now because Leth had increased the irritation and rage building inside him. He suspected he was being used, and that Leth was deliberately goading him toward a situation where he could be dispensed with; when he had completed the training of the army, of course!
Vard shook his head. This state of affairs was intolerable but he couldn’t see what to do about it. The arrival of Ramón’s horse did confirm one thing. Kingdom men were coming up against dark elves in battle, or at least skirmishes, and Vard was almost certain his training was aiding their cause.
Chapter 11
Alecia waited for Vard in her chamber. Their meal had been delivered and lay cooling. Wind through the crack of a window that wouldn’t close made her shiver. Vard was always late for meals now and she hated the growing distance between them. They hadn’t slept together for over three weeks and desire raged through her whenever she saw him or thought of him. If they didn’t couple soon, she’d explode. Perhaps it was her pregnancy that made her so eager for him. Alecia smiled at the thought of the babe within. She was so lucky she hadn’t lost her precious cargo after the injury six weeks ago.
She turned as Vard entered the room. He had removed his tunic and washed his face and hands. He looked tired. Perhaps his sleep was as broken as hers?
“The dinner cools, beloved,” she said, walking to him and kissing him full on the lips, pressing her body to his. She felt him stir and then he gently pushed her away.
He sat, so she followed his lead.
“I missed you at luncheon,” she said.
“I ate with the soldiers. How was your day?”
She sighed. They sounded so stiff and formal. She had never dreamed it would be like this between them. “Hospital duties, as usual, though I did have an interesting conversation with a young soldier today. He told me of the raid that resulted in his brother’s death. This boy participated as well. It was an ambush on a small convoy heading east toward Wildecoast.”
Vard looked up, suddenly interested. “When?”
“Around six weeks ago. Their troop was scattered, and it has taken over a month for him to make his way back here. He told of a golden-haired man on a black horse who was the leader of this convoy, and of a woman traveling in a carriage. It has to be Ramón.” Alecia suddenly felt homesick for Brightcastle even though there was nothing for her back there. But Ramón would always be dear to her. He simply had to be alive and well. “Why do you suppose he was traveling to Wildecoast with winter threatening?”
Vard frowned. “I think there’s something I should tell you. It may have no relation to your news, but perhaps it will.”
Alecia’s heart started to pound. Oh Goddess, what is he about to tell me? She clutched his hand across the table. “Is he dead?”
“I’ve no news of Ramón. This pertains more to your father.” He paused as if searching for words.
“Tell me, Vard!”
He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “Your father has advertised for a bride. It may well be the squire is involved in this in some way.”
Alecia’s stomach knotted. “Father is to marry?”
“He may already be married by now.”
“And how do you know this?”
“Hetty told me.”
“But you saw her nearly two months ago. Did you not think to tell me?”
Vard remained silent.
He had not told her that her father was to marry? That he was to dishonor the memory of his first wife by replacing her? “Why didn’t you tell me?” she repeated.
“I decided not to because I didn’t want you returning to Brightcastle to ‘fix’ things. Hetty advised you should stay away as well.”
“You should’ve told me.”
“Perhaps.”
“I’m not some weak girl to be pampered and cared for by her man. I deserved the truth.”
“You’re right. I should’ve told you, but I knew it would hurt you to think of your mother being replaced, and by a younger woman. He seeks an heir.”
“Of course it hurts to think of Mama being replaced, but it hurts more to know you lied to me. What else have you withheld?”
Vard’s gaze slid away.
“There is something else!” Alecia stood and her chair fell backward. She leaned over the table, her hands bunched into fists at her side. “What is it?”
He met her eyes. “Finus.”
Alecia’s gut knotted and she felt giddy. But she must face this news. Better to know than to wonder. “What of him?”
“Hetty believes he was mortally wounded the night we fled the castle, even though palace rumors tell of a recovery. Your friend says it’s a matter of time before the lord is dead. He may already be bones in the grave.”
Relief flooded her. How good it felt not to have that shadow looming over her. She righted her chair and sat, her mind whirling through the consequences of all she had learned. “I’m free to return.”
“You can’t be sure Finus is dead.”
“I must know, Vard. I must know it all: Ramón, my new stepmother, my people. I must know how they all fare. It’s my responsibility.”
Vard’s gaze was hard upon her but she refused to back down.
“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” he said, “because you would throw caution to the wind and charge back to Brightcastle to right all the wrongs. It’s what led you into disaster last time.”
“That disaster brought us together!”
“You know what I mean!”
“Do I?”
“You haven’t changed, Alecia. Need I remind you that your meddling has nearly killed you at least twice? You have no care for your own safety.”
“I’ve heard enough! You can’t protect me from the world and you must not lie to me for any reason.” The thought of the child within gave her a sharp stab of guilt but she plowed on. “You don’t sleep with me anymore. You seem to want no intimate contact, and now I find you’re withholding information about my family. You have no right.”
Vard stood. “I have every right. While you’re with me you’re my responsibility.”
“I’m my own woman and have my own duty – to my people. You can’t protect me from that. Swear you’ll tell all in future.” She refused to listen to the voice that told her she wanted it all her own way; to pick and choose what Vard needed to know while she demanded to know it all. But it was her babe and its future at stake. That was different. An innocent child must be protected, and if she told Vard the truth, her child might never have the chance to know his father.
“I can’t do that, and you won’t change my mind no matter how you argue. I kept that information from you for your own good and will do so again if I must.” He paused, his eyes wounded, his jaw tight. He gave her a small bow. “I’m tired and so will take my leave. I wish you a restful night.”
Alecia stared at Vard’s retreating form, unable to believe he had rebuffed her. He had changed from the loving man of two months ago, and it had all begun with their
arrival in Amitania. Perhaps he was right and Leth was only using Vard to steer him toward certain disaster. How were they ever to escape Leth’s clutches and what would be their fate if they did? Change was afoot in the kingdom and Alecia had her part to play, but not from the ruins of Amitania. Somehow, she must rise above this and resume her rightful place. But to do that, she must know more. It seemed Vard wouldn’t help her in that particular endeavor.
Two weeks after Vard gave Alecia the news of her father and Finus, he stood watching the Sis Lenweri longbow men going through their drills. He had to admire their skill after only two months of training, but they were a strong people with uncannily long vision so perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising.
Leth appeared at his elbow. “I came to advise you I’ll be leaving tonight and gone for several days, Anton. Make good use of your time while I’m away.”
Vard stopped himself from showing his surprise by the barest margin. Damn, the man could sneak up on him as no other could.
His mentor smiled the oily smile that made Vard’s gut boil.
Vard frowned. Why tell him this time? “I always use my time wisely, Alen Leth.” He wouldn’t ask the purpose of this trip. It would do no good. He opened his mouth to broach the subject of Leth’s mentorship, then thought better of it. If Leth knew Vard was discontent, he might keep closer watch on them. “Have a good trip.”
Leth nodded and swept away in a flurry of black and silver robes. Vard watched him go, musing on the deep and convoluted mind of his mentor. He snorted in disgust. The man was no one’s teacher. He waited until the sorcerer was clear of the training ground then stalked after him in search of Alecia.
Alecia squeezed cool water from the cloth and lay it back on the forehead of the soldier she tended. “Rest easy, soldier. It’s but a scratch. You’ll heal in no time.” She hid her frown from the young elf. Too many had died of “scratches” lately. If only she could discern the ill that caused the deaths… But so far they had always occurred when Lord Leth was absent, and it seemed he was the only one who might understand what was happening and how they could be healed.
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