Princess in Exile

by Bernadette Rowley

  As Vard stood and removed his breeches, swearing at the buttons that would not obey his fingers, a picture flashed into his head of two wolves mating, and he froze. That hadn’t happened before. What did it mean? But Alecia chose that moment to moan and arch her hips again and he fell upon her, forcing her legs wider and plunging his sex into her, lost in the rhythm of life, reducing the act of love to one of basic animal instinct. He bent to suck her nipples, one after the other, thrusting into her after he tasted each breast and repeating the process over and over. Alecia must have felt the raw animal lust too, because she thrust up at him just as hard and screamed his name the moment his seed burst within her. He collapsed onto her body, the sweat of their exertion mixing with the molten heat of their union.

  Despite the base nature of their coupling, Vard felt a deep closeness with Alecia, not wanting to sever the attachment in that moment for fear they would never again recapture it. He stayed inside her and shifted a little so he could observe her. She looked up at him, the shadow of fear in her eyes as it often had been lately.

  “What’s the matter?” he said.

  She frowned. “You took me like an animal. I don’t know if I liked it.”

  Vard laughed. “Oh, you liked it. Your reactions were very much unlike the princess you are, but that’s acceptable when you couple with your mate.”

  “We did it like animals, Vard. I feel dirty.”

  “Are you saying you didn’t wish for sex?”

  Alecia hesitated. “No, I… I’m not sure what I wanted, only that you initiated it and I was swept up in the act.”

  “You screamed my name as you climaxed. I felt you tighten around me. Don’t tell me you took no pleasure.”

  Now Vard was angry. He felt his sex swell where it lay within her and her eyes opened wide as she felt it too. He rose over her again and his head dipped, his teeth grasping her neck below her left ear. He thrust deeper into her. Alecia groaned, arching her head back to expose her neck and his teeth gripped her skin tighter as he thrust again.

  Her body stiffened and she cried out. “You’re hurting me, Vard. Please, stop.”

  He froze, looking down upon her as she lay naked and shivering, her blonde hair a tangled mess, the musky scent of their coupling swirling between them. The animal within him wanted to ignore her plea but the pain and fear in her lilac eyes forced him away. He rolled off her and stood, looking down at her.

  “What just happened, Alecia?”

  “You were hurting me.” She stood up and gathered her clothes, holding them before her like a shield. “I’m going to wash,” she said, putting snow into a pan and pouring boiling water over it. “I’d appreciate some privacy.”

  Vard stared at her bare back for a long moment, questions arising but none he was willing to voice. She needed space so he’d give it to her. Alecia had a quick temper, but she always saw reason in the end. This time would be no different. He stalked from the clearing, already forming the hawk in his mind. A juicy rabbit for breakfast would make her feel better; food in the stomach always did.

  Alecia followed Vard through the forest on her old nag and for once the forbidding environment was the last thing on her mind. She had washed and they’d breakfasted, before pushing on through the forest. The meal had been tense, with no words spoken unless needed. She was sick with fear. Vard had frightened her, again. Yes, he had stopped when she asked him, so there had been no forcing of the sexual act upon her, but what had come over him this morning? He had always been tender. Passionate, yes, but not rough. He had been like an animal, like the wolf of yesterday.

  She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm her racing heart, but memories flashed into her mind of Vard looming over her, nipping and sucking her breasts and thrusting into her until he climaxed, almost snarling her name. Where was the tender Vard who had taught her about love? Had he somehow slipped further from control during his time with Leth? Might there come a time when he couldn’t stop? When she would be completely at his mercy? She shook her head, the questions making her skull ache.

  Vard sat stiff in the saddle, his mind far away. Even so, a part of him observed the forest through which they rode. It was unchanged from their last visit, the trees bunched close, and mist and fog hugging the canopy, tendrils drifting down toward the travelers. They each rode wrapped in their own world, Vard dreading the time when they would stop, and he must face her.

  Alecia acted almost as though he had raped her, when he knew… he knew… she had wanted their coupling as much as he. All those weeks of denial, the frustration building day by day, had resulted in neither of them having proper control over their actions. But he had stopped when asked, so why did she treat him like the enemy now? Perhaps he had been caught up in the animal act, but he was sure Alecia had no reason to hate him. His free hand punched his thigh in anger. All he wished for was to protect her, and if he had hurt her in this way...

  The hairs on the back of his neck stirred and he had the feeling of being watched. He stopped Swift and dismounted, handing the reins to Alecia.

  “Stay here with the horses. I’m going to scout our back trail.”

  “Why?”

  “I want to lay a false track to discourage pursuit.”

  Alarm flared in her eyes. “You think the Sis Lenweri still chase us?”

  “I don’t know but it would be wise to assume so. I don’t want you to worry. All will be well.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think it will.”

  Vard gazed up at her beautiful lilac eyes and feared he’d never again see love shining from them. Better that than dead lilac eyes. He resisted the urge to stroke her hand. “I won’t be away long.” He turned and stalked back up the track.

  Vard back-tracked to a small stream, removing the evidence of their passing as he went. He waded up the watercourse to strike a false trail further into the bush, then transformed into the hawk and flew back to Alecia. Her eyes were upon him as he regained human form. He dropped from the low branch, running his fingers through his hair to straighten the wind-tousled strands, and walked to his horse. “No sign of pursuit and I’ve laid another trail. I’ll continue to do so until we reach safety.” He didn’t mention his concern that, were Leth following, very little would stop the sorcerer from finding them.

  “I’ll never grow accustomed to your animal forms,” she said, a frown on her brow and her eyes clouded with doubt.

  He shrugged and climbed upon his horse, pulling his reins from her fingers as he did so. “Let’s gallop for a while and we may clear this forest before dark.” He spurred Swift forward, flicking a glance back to ensure Alecia followed.

  They broke through the trees on the fringe of the forest at dusk that day. Alecia gazed up at the deep gray clouds clinging to the mountains before her and shivered. There would be snowfall that night, unless she was mistaken. Dark and foreboding though the forest might have been, it provided a degree of protection against the elements, and at this moment anything was preferable to facing a blizzard. She glanced at Vard. He caught her eye and frowned but she clucked to her horse and pushed on into the stony foothills of the Usetar Mountains.

  A blizzard did indeed strike that night but Vard managed to find a shallow cave on the leeward side of the storm. They huddled together for warmth in front of a pitiful excuse for a fire. Alecia sat, wrapped in misery, heartsick that she should again feel the fear of Vard’s true self. Yes, she had succumbed to it when she first uncovered his secret but had thought herself long past those feelings. Now she wondered how she had ever believed it could be right between them, that they might have a future? She had been naïve, so much in love, that she hadn’t allowed herself to admit to the danger. But now it wasn’t only her life but her child’s. So far, she had escaped harm but now it seemed there must come a day when her luck, and Vard’s tenuous control, would fail.

  Soon after dinner, Vard suggested they retire for the night. At least in sleep Alecia hoped she could escape the gut-wrenching ten
sion that cloaked her companionship with him. She was mistaken. Dreams plagued her and she relived the primitive intercourse that Vard had inflicted upon her, but magnified in its violence and lust.

  She awoke before dawn, a scream on her lips that echoed within the cave and radiated out over the white landscape. A calloused hand clamped over her mouth and she struggled against the pressure, her heart raging in her chest like a savage animal’s. Fury swept over her as she realized it was Vard.

  “Get your hands off me!”

  He recoiled as if stung. “It was the only way I could think to keep you quiet.”

  She wiped her lips with the back of her hand, swallowing the terror that still threatened to undo her. Eyes darting around the shallow cave and across the snow-covered hills, she desperately tried to bring herself back to reality, back to the nightmare of yesterday.

  Vard’s eyes still dwelt upon her. “You don’t have to be this way,” he said, quietly. “We must work together if we’re to reach safety.”

  “You should have thought of that before you…” Her voice ended on a sob.

  “I didn’t mean to frighten you, Alecia. You must believe me. I can’t live my life knowing you think I hurt you intentionally.”

  “Then you admit hurting me?”

  “I stopped when you asked me. We were both caught up in the moment. You know I desire you, more than anyone I’ve ever had in my life. All the weeks of frustration. . .”

  Her chin came up. “Excuses.”

  “I’ve said sorry.” He stood and began scraping snow into a pot. “I’ll start breakfast.”

  She watched as he prepared the meal, the stubborn set to his mouth signaling eloquently that the matter was far from a resolution.

  The next week or so brought more of the same – Vard stubbornly defending his actions, insisting he was sorry, and Alecia cold and fearful of the future. It made her sad to her very core and she rode, her arm cradled across her stomach, as if to console the child within.

  The week passed with Alecia knowing few blessings other than the shelter of a cave over her head most nights. She knew Vard transformed into the wolf to find these shelters, even though he tried to hide the fact from her. He had a certain look after the transformation, his eyes golden, wild and not quite human. The one night they didn’t look for a cave was their stop at the Barans. The farm was deserted, the animals gone, and the doors closed against the winter. Alecia took comfort in seeing the farmhouse and outbuildings secured, as this wouldn’t have been the case if the Barans had been driven out or ambushed.

  “Perhaps they moved to Brightcastle,” she said, as they roamed through the farmhouse, looking for food. There was little left, another reason for optimism. Their departure had been planned.

  Vard said nothing but set about building a fire with the dry wood stored in the woodshed. Once the fire was laid, Alecia prepared a meal of rabbit stew with the last of their provisions. Tomorrow they would go hungry unless Vard caught more game. After the meal, she sat back in Mistress Baran’s rocking chair, staring at the fire and dreaming of how her babe would look. Would the child be a son with dark hair and sea green eyes, or a daughter with blonde hair and a startled lilac gaze?

  Vard sat on the floor with his back to the wall, slightly to the rear of Alecia so he could observe her without her noticing. She was so beautiful, desirable no matter what she wore. Her long legs stretched toward the fire drew his attention to what rested between them, out of sight but very much in his mind. The ripe mounds of her breasts heated his loins as they rose and fell with her breathing. And the way the firelight played across her face softened the hard light that had entered her violet orbs this last week. His loins ached to have her, to make her his again, to mate and satiate the need that rose within.

  He gritted his teeth and looked away, desperate to bring his feelings back under control. He couldn’t risk scaring her again. Already too much harm had been caused by a few unguarded moments. But she didn’t hate him, not yet. He still saw love in that gaze when she thought he wasn’t looking, still saw wistfulness, and that could only mean he had another chance to mend their love. But as much as he wished to restore their relationship, he didn’t know if he dared. His control rode a knife edge, wavering between man and beast, especially when it came to his feelings for Alecia. Might it not be best to leave her while there was this rift between them? At least now she wouldn’t fight his departure.

  He shook his head in denial as he had a hundred times since stepping beyond the bounds of human love into animal lust. What was happening to him? Alecia was the one good thing in his life, and he’d found a way to hurt her. Without speaking, he reached for his blanket, wrapped himself in it and turned his back on temptation.

  It was the coldest day yet and they had no food left. Alecia’s stomach growled as she loaded her bow on the saddle and tied her saddlebags in place. She walked back to the door of the farmhouse and closed it, then mounted and rode out of the farmyard with Vard. They took a broad trail through open woodland, and the wind sliced across their path and cut through their cloaks. Alecia rode with a sense of deep foreboding. They were only a day away from the Andra’s farm and there was every chance that Vard would leave her there. What would she do if he abandoned her? Equally, this wary companionship their relationship had sunk to couldn’t last. She didn’t want to say goodbye and yet she hated the anxiety that filled her at the thought he might hurt her and her child. Alecia couldn’t regain the optimism she had always felt; that their love could conquer anything.

  She watched his back as he rode ahead of her, just far enough that conversation was impossible but not so far that he couldn’t respond if there were trouble. Broad shoulders were accentuated by the gray cloak he wore, and everything about his posture spoke of confidence and capability. Well, almost everything. Alecia thought she could detect just a slight hunch to those shoulders, as if he were aware of the thoughts of the woman behind him and knew they accused him.

  Alecia swallowed to release the lump in her throat. She was as afraid to be with Vard as she was petrified to leave him. He wouldn’t admit his wrongdoing and she wasn’t even certain it had been wrong. Her lack of experience wouldn’t let her decide, but, before Amitania, her life with Vard had shown her nothing of the man who frightened her with his violent love-making. Could she blame Leth’s influence? Was this part of some elaborate plan to separate them so he could use her for his own schemes? Divide and conquer?

  A fluttering in her abdomen disturbed her thoughts and it took a moment for Alecia to realize the sensation was the movement of her babe in its warm cocoon. She laid her hand protectively over her stomach, but the contact with her babe brought her sadness instead of joy. She imagined herself cast adrift in a hostile world with a child. Perhaps her father would take her back, even though she’d obviously be soiled goods. He could pass the child off as that of a mistress, and Alecia would be protected from the wagging tongues of the kingdom. He might even name her child his heir if it were a boy. Her gut twisted at the thought, the feeling so wrong she knew, even before her babe was born, she could never disown him.

  They traveled thus for most of the day, speaking only when needed, each locked in a cold and silent world of their own. There was no sign of any other travelers, but the small prints of hares abounded in the area. As night began to close in, Vard found another shallow cave and Alecia set up their campsite while he stalked into the forest. She frowned as she watched him leave and then turned to prepare the fire for the fresh meat he’d bring back.

  As she toiled, she had the feeling of eyes upon her but could discern nothing when she scanned the forest. Through the sparse trees, she could see for a hundred yards in every direction. An animal squealed and the sound was cut short, the hairs on the back of her neck rising. When she turned from the fire again, the wolf stood gazing at her, golden eyes aglow, two freshly dead hares dangling from his jaws.

  She gasped and fell on her backside, eyes riveted to the huge black creature.
Thick red blood dripped to the snow beneath his jaws, but all Alecia could contemplate were those teeth in her throat, should he swap rabbit for princess.

  “Please, Vard,” she said, scrabbling backward in the snow past the fire pit. He watched her and took a step forward, a low growl rumbling in his neck.

  “Oh, Goddess protect me.” Her voice scraped past a throat tight with terror.

  The wolf took another pace toward the fire pit and dropped the hares, his eyes never leaving her face. His lip curled again showing sharp canines and he seemed to lean backward, tensed as if to spring for her throat. She wanted to close her eyes to block the dreadful picture but was transfixed by the terrible promise in Vard’s feral gaze.

  She thought of her child whose life would be lost along with hers. “Please Vard, it’s me, Alecia.” What could she say to him to trigger the human within the wolf? Her frantic mind searched for and discarded people from Vard’s past both recent and long ago: Leth, his cousin Frel, her father, Lord Finus – she shivered at the thought of the last even through her terror of Vard. She was loath to mention any name that might trigger an attack rather than bring Vard back to her. Finally, she realized her mistake.

  Prey. She was behaving like prey: cowering, prone, her soft belly exposed. Perhaps if she convinced Vard she wasn’t vulnerable, he would back off. She levered herself slowly up into a seated position and the wolf backed up a step. Moving inch by inch, muscle by muscle, she rose to a crouch, then slowly to stand, never taking her eyes from the beast. He backed up further, stopped snarling, and stood gazing at her. What next? It was still an impasse, but Alecia felt she had strengthened her position. Now to get Vard back. It was a risk, but she took a step toward him, her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest. She desperately hoped he couldn’t hear it, or he’d know she was still prey.