“Is the door still open?” he asks.
I nod, my hair rubbing against his chest. “Yeah.”
“You should go shut it.”
“I should leave.”
“I don’t want you to go.” His hands slide down my back, resting lightly on my butt. “Where’s your friend?”
“Sleeping in my bed.”
“Does she know where you’re at?” When I lift my head to frown at him with confusion, he explains himself further. “Will she freak out if you’re not in the bed if she happens to wake up?”
“Oh. No. I doubt it.” She’d probably figure out exactly where I’m at.
“Then go shut the door, Callahan. And lock it, too.”
I shouldn’t. If I leave, everything will stay the same. But if I stay, if I get up and lock that door and come back to bed with Ash, everything could change.
Everything.
“Please stay,” he whispers in my ear just before he kisses it, his big hands smoothing over my backside, making me tingle.
Again, it’s the please that does it. How can I resist?
I pull out of his arms and make my way over to the door, closing it carefully. Softly. I turn the lock as slow as possible so it doesn’t make any noise, and then I go back to the bed. Ash scoots over and tosses the covers back, patting the now empty space invitingly. I crawl in with him and snuggle close to his warm, hard body, sighing when he pulls the covers over both of us. I rest my hand on his belly and figure out quick that he is totally naked.
“Ash.” My hand springs away from his stomach, and he chuckles, grabbing my hand and placing it right back where it was. “You don’t have any clothes on.”
“I know.” His voice is dark, devilish. As if he enjoys shocking me, which he probably does. “Thought I might surprise you if you did happen to come by tonight.”
“Well, it worked. You’ve completely taken me by surprise.” I raise my hand higher, not ready to touch him in that area just yet. I don’t want to move too fast, though that seems to be the way we operate lately.
Well. We either move too fast or not nearly fast enough. It’s like we can’t make up our minds.
“I have another surprise for you too.” He lifts my chin and kisses me, his lips insistent, stealing my thoughts, my breath. When he breaks the kiss, he reaches over to the bedside table and pulls the drawer open, rummaging around before he finds what he wants. “Look what I’ve got.”
He waves a condom packet in my face.
“Where did you get this?” I try to snatch it from his fingers, but he moves too fast, raising his arm out of my reach.
“Your brother’s room.” His voice and his face are smug.
“You stole it from Jake?” And why the hell does my brother have condoms?
Oh God.
I don’t want to know.
“Yeah. I snuck into his room earlier, when you were all still downstairs in the kitchen.” Ash nods with satisfaction. “They were in his bedside table. He has a giant box of them.”
I need bleach to scrub my ears with after hearing this.
“So I figured he wouldn’t care if I snagged a couple,” Ash finishes.
The idea doesn’t settle well, that he went into my brother’s room uninvited and stole the condoms from his bedside table. What a violation of privacy. What if he snuck in there again and stole other things? Things of actual value? “You probably shouldn’t have done that,” I tell him.
“What do you mean? Not like he cares. Besides, your family is loaded. He can go buy another economy-sized box of condoms like it’s no big deal. He doesn’t have to worry about money. Nothing but the best for the Callahans, right?” The mocking tone in Ash’s voice rings clear.
And it pisses me off.
I pull away from him and sit up. “You’re being really rude right now.”
“And you’re being really sensitive right now,” Ash throws right back at me.
“You shouldn’t have stolen those condoms from my brother. This is the same exact thing that got you in trouble before, with your mom and her boyfriend,” I remind him. “You stole a pack of cigarettes from Don, and he beat you up for it.”
“He just used the stolen smokes as an excuse,” Ash starts, but I interrupt him.
“You did steal them, though, right?”
He looks away from me. “Yeah.” His voice is scratchy.
“Okay, well, you just stole from my brother now too. Yeah, you took condoms, big deal. But you can’t keep doing that, Ash.”
“You really think your brother is going to rat me out that I stole his rubbers? Give me a break,” he mutters.
“No, but it doesn’t look good to me.” I rest my hand on my chest. “Me, Ash. You’re stealing, and it’s not cool. You keep stealing. And you’re going to end up getting in real trouble if you don’t stop.”
He sits up as well, running a hand through his hair as he contemplates me. His lips are parted, his eyes narrowed, and he looks thoroughly irritated.
Fine. I’m thoroughly irritated too.
“You’d rather sit here and argue with me about stealing some stupid condoms than use one of them.” I think he’s asking me a question, but it sounds more like a statement.
And no, I’m definitely not using that condom with him tonight. The mood has been ruined.
“It’s the point that you stole, Ash. You think after what happened to you, you wouldn’t do that,” I say softly.
“What the hell do you know about what happened to me?” Ash glares at me, then stretches his arm out, pointing at the door. “You should go.”
My mouth drops open. “What?”
“If I’m such a disappointment to you, then you better leave, Callahan. You’re only proving my point.”
I scramble out of the bed, angry. Sad. A swirl of emotions moves through me, settling heavy on my chest. “What point are you talking about?”
“That I’m not good enough for you.” He waves his hand at the door. “Leave. Hurry, before I touch you with my dirty, stealing hands.”
I run to the door and fumble with the lock, the tears streaming down my cheeks before I even realize I’m crying. I’m finally able to open the door and I run out of his room, fully expecting to hear him laughing as I go, but I hear nothing.
Just silence.
I’m hustling through the kitchen when the light comes on, momentarily blinding me. I blink against the brightness, rubbing at my still tear filled eyes and dread socks me right in the gut when I hear my mother’s voice.
“Autumn! Are you okay?”
Thank God it wasn’t Dad.
Sniffing, I turn my back to her. “I’m fine. Just grabbing something to drink real quick.”
“Really? Where is it?”
I stand up straighter, praying she doesn’t want to look at me. I don’t want her to see my face, or the tears running down my cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“Your drink?”
“Oh. I just drank water out of the tap. With a cup.” I hunch my shoulders, hoping she doesn’t look in the sink for that nonexistent cup I’m talking about.
“Autumn.” Mom approaches, and then her hand settles heavily on my shoulder. “You weren’t trying to sneak out, were you?”
“N-no.” I shake my head, my back still to her, the tears coming anew.
“Where’s Kaya?”
“Sleeping.”
“Where’s Ash?”
I hang my head. “I don’t know. Probably in his room.”
“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”
It’s killing me that she’s asking that. I don’t want to lie to her, but nothing happened. I may be angry at Ash, but I’m not going to get him kicked out of this house. Even if I have to avoid him until we graduate high school, I’ll do what’s best for him.
I’m either that kind, or that stupid.
“I’m not lying, Mom. Do you mind if I go back to bed now?” I quickly glance back at her, guilt swamping me when I see the concerned look on her fac
e. I look away, fighting fresh tears yet again.
She gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Good night. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I suck my tears up and head back to my room, where I slip quietly into my bed. Kaya is sleeping on the other side of the mattress, and when I pull the comforter over me, she doesn’t even move. She’s dead to the world.
I wish I could be so lucky. I’d rather sleep and forget my earlier argument with Ash ever happened. Maybe it was all a dream—or a nightmare—and I’ll wake up in the morning realizing that I never snuck out to meet Ash. We didn’t get mad at each other. And Mom didn’t catch me crying in the kitchen.
But I know the truth. It happened, and we’re going to have to face each other tomorrow, whether we like it or not.
You’re Playing with Matches
And I Have a Paper Heart
(The Mayfair)
Thirty-One
Ash
I toss and turn all night, unable to think of anything else but me telling Autumn to leave my room and the look of total devastation on her pretty face before she ran out.
I am an undisputed asshole. I always have been, and I always will be. What happened last night just confirmed it. Didn’t help that Mom kept texting me throughout the day, along with Rylie, irritating me more and more with each notification. Neither of them would leave me alone, and I took my frustration out on Autumn.
Meaning yep, I’m definitely an asshole.
Giving up on sleep completely at around five in the morning, I grab my phone and check my notifications. I’ve got all kinds of Snaps from various people wondering if I’m dead or alive—valid question. I’m in a group chat via direct messages on Instagram with most of the players from the varsity football team and they’re all talking about how great Jake played, and whether I’m going to bother showing up to practice or not come Monday after school.
Well, well, well. Aren’t they in for a fucking surprise?
Mom texted me, a bunch of whiny please come back type messages, but I ignore every single one of them. She doesn’t mean it.
She never does.
Rylie texted me yet again too. Angry shit that only seems to get worse when I ignore her. I don’t know how to handle her, and I feel like I’ve handled some crazy girls in my lifetime. But this one? She’s fucking unhinged.
Deciding I’m safe to send a text since it’s five in the damn morning, I type out a response and send it.
Rylie. Get it through your head. We’re through. I don’t want to be with you. Stop texting me all day and night. I’m over it. I’m over YOU. Keep this shit up and I’m fucking blocking you.
I hope she leaves me alone. If not, I will block her everywhere.
I’m scrolling through Instagram, bored out of my mind, pissed at myself for hurting the one good thing in my life, when I get a text notification from Rylie the psycho.
You can’t just ignore me! I told you I needed to talk to you, but since you won’t meet me anywhere or answer my calls, I guess I’ll just tell you now.
I’m just about to block her number, as in my finger is literally hovering over the button that says Block this Caller when I get the next message.
I’M PREGNANT AND IT’S YOURS.
The phone slips out of my fingers, falling onto the mattress with a soft thud. What the hell? She’s gotta be fucking with me. I grab my phone and start typing.
I don’t believe you.
Her response is quick.
I have proof.
Proof of what?
That I’m pregnant.
My heart thunders in my chest as I wait for her so-called proof. She sends a photo, and at first I can’t tell what the hell it is, until I realize it’s one of those ultrasound things.
That’s our baby.
Squinting, I study the photo. It doesn’t look anything like a baby. It looks like a bean.
I count back in my head, thinking to when we first hooked up. The very beginning of August, maybe? Nah, more like mid-August, right before school started. It was a hot night, and I was feeling lonely, hanging out at the lake with a bunch of people from school, watching as they all coupled up and I had no one. She appeared out of nowhere, all alone and wearing a crop top that showed off her tits and flat stomach, and the shortest denim shorts that gave me a flash of her ass cheeks every time she turned around. Next thing I knew she was sucking my dick out behind a grove of pine trees and we ended up having sex.
Pretty sure I used a condom too.
Well???? Do you have anything to say???
What am I supposed to say? Gee, yay can’t wait! Let’s get married!
I don’t think so.
Instead, I tell her, I don’t believe you.
It’s yours, Asher. I know it.
We had sex for the first time not even a month ago, I reply, anger making me see red. I feel like she’s trying to trick me. I don’t understand why.
One time is all it takes is her response.
Then she sends a baby face emoji.
This time I toss my phone and it hits the floor with a loud thunk. I run my hands through my hair, tugging on it until it starts to hurt, and I appreciate the pain. At least it makes me feel something.
Why is everyone piling up on me, trying to tear me down? I don’t fucking get it. What did I do to deserve this? I just want to live my life in peace. Get through my senior year and get the fuck out of this town. I might even leave now, if everything with the Callahan family goes to shit.
That thought alone almost breaks my hard-as-steel heart.
I ignore my phone, though I can hear all the text notifications coming through as Rylie continuously sends me messages. I throw myself down on the bed and turn on my side, facing the wall, my back to my phone. Fuck this. I don’t need anyone.
Anyone.
Somehow I fall asleep, and have disturbing dreams. Rylie showing up at school with a stroller, not just one but two babies crying uncontrollably inside it. Autumn running away when she spots me and Rylie with the babies, and me chasing after her all while Rylie is screaming NO! in a voice that reminds me of a monster.
Don’t need a professional analysis to understand what that’s all about.
I wake up around nine and hear a bunch of voices coming from the kitchen. I lie there and listen to them, their joyful chatter and laughter making my heart clench. This house is nothing like mine. It’s big and airy and filled with happiness. There’s no TV blaring all the time, always on to the point that you don’t even notice it anymore. Not a bunch of yelling either, or dirty dishes in the sink, the smell of cigarettes lingering in the hazy air. This family actually gets along, they talk things out, they respect each other. Normally this sort of thing would irritate the crap out of me. I’d think it was a bunch of Mickey Mouse horseshit.
But being here, living with this family, seeing how they treat each other, makes me yearn for this kind of life. Yearn for something I know deep down will never be mine. I lost that when my dad died, and even before, when he was alive, things weren’t that great. They fought a lot. Mom was drinking even back then, and Dad gave up trying to help her.
She didn’t want help. She still doesn’t.
I stay in bed all morning, drifting in and out of sleep, when there’s a rapid knocking on my door and it’s pushed open to reveal Fable Callahan standing there with a giant smile on her pretty face. She’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt, no makeup, her long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail, and I swear she could pass for someone my age. I don’t know how old she is, but I’ve seen stuff on the internet and back in the day, Fable was hot AF. She’s still pretty hot. A total MILF if I’m being real, but I can’t think like that because this is Autumn’s mom and she’s the girl I care about.
Fucked that up, though. Yet again. So that’s done.
“Are you going to hide out in here all day or what?” Fable asks way too cheerfully.
“I don’t feel so good.” I run a hand through my hair and tug the comforter up so i
t covers me to my chin. The careful way Fable’s watching me makes me feel exposed. “Didn’t sleep good last night.”
“Oh really.” Fable raises a brow, her gaze sweeping the room before it settles on the floor. “I think you dropped your phone.”
“You can leave it there,” I start, but too late, the phone is in Fable’s hands and the screen lights up when she touches it.
Revealing the long list of texts from Rylie.
“Looks like someone is desperate to talk to you.” Fable hands me my phone and I take it from her, tucking it under the comforter where I don’t have to see it.
“She’s no one.”
“Girlfriend?”
Hell no. “I don’t have one.”
“Not even Autumn?”
I meet her gaze, her expression dangerously neutral. I wonder if she’s trying to trap me. That’s all my mom ever does. Drops hints and tries to play nice, and when I open up or tell her something, bam! She comes at me, yelling and screaming and carrying on. Calling me a piece of shit like my dad.
Sucks.
“Not even Autumn,” I tell her truthfully. “She’s mad at me.”
Damn. Didn’t mean to be that truthful.
“Oh? What did you do?” Fable doesn’t even bother asking if Autumn did something to me. I guess that’s only natural, that she’s defending her daughter.
Or she knows that all of us guys are stupid and we mess things up all the time.
“Something dumb.” No way am I going to admit what happened. I’d get myself, Autumn and Jake in trouble.
“You don’t want to tell me?”
“Not really.” I swallow hard, embarrassment hitting me hard. And shame. I’m ashamed of my actions last night. How I talked to Autumn, what I did. She was right. I shouldn’t have gone into Jake’s room uninvited and stolen his condoms. It sounds stupid because it is, but I bet I could’ve asked him, hey buddy, got any condoms I can use? And he would’ve given me some, no hesitation.
But I didn’t. No way I can give them back either.
“No problem.” She grabs the back of the chair that sits in front of the desk and flips it around, plopping her butt right in it. “What else is going on?”
Close to Me Page 23