“Oh.” I nod once. “Yeah, sure.”
He comes inside and scans the room, taking everything in. The last time he was here, it was the middle of the night and I don’t think he bothered looking around much. “Can I sit down?”
“Sure.” I point to the pink velvet chair that’s at my desk.
Making a face, he pulls it out and settles in, his mouth curving upward. “This is soft.”
“It’s velvet,” I tell him.
“And it’s comfortable. I was gonna make fun of your pink chair, but it’s pretty cool, Callahan.”
I’m not in the mood for his jokes, or the way he avoids our problems. Ignoring them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They’re still there, and he was an asshole toward me last night. He needs to apologize.
“What do you want, Ash?” I sound short, full of impatience, because I am.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry for how I talked to you.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his gaze intense as it locks with mine. “I was a jerk, and I shouldn’t have taken the condoms from Jake.”
“I told him. That you snuck into his room and took them,” I say, wanting him to know I’m not hiding anything. Unlike him.
He seems to hide everything.
“You told him?” Ash shakes his head, then rests his face in his hands for a moment, before he looks at me once more. “Was he pissed?”
“Furious. But then he thought it was lame, that you took the condoms. He also said if you ever sneak into his room again, he’s going to kick your ass.” I hesitate, wondering if I should tell him about the other stuff Jake said.
“I don’t blame him,” Ash says, heaving a big sigh. “I need to go apologize to him too.”
Huh. This new Ash is certainly a surprise. A good one.
“That would probably go a long way.” Or maybe not. Jake is jealous of Ash, and I don’t understand why. “He mentioned some—other stuff to me.”
“Like what?” Ash looks genuinely confused.
“Like how you sell prescription pills to people at school.” I just blurt it out, and I can tell by the look on his face that I shocked him. “Why, Ash? Why would you do that? It’s so risky. You could end up in jail if you get caught.”
He jumps to his feet and starts pacing my room, running his fingers through his hair again and again. “I was trying to stop.” He doesn’t bother denying, and deep down, I’m relieved. “That night, when I got into the fight with my mom and Don, I was so tired of doing it. At first, I started stealing them from her and selling them to my friends for a little extra money. Then Mom caught me, and realized I had a good thing going. So she used me. She said it was less risky if I was the one selling the pills, considering I’m a juvenile and I’d get less time if I got caught. They’d throw me in juvie or whatever, and it would be over. Not on my permanent record.”
I cannot believe this woman. Seriously, she is the worst mother ever.
“But I’m only a couple of months away from eighteen. Football is important to me. And I know no one really believes it, but I get decent grades. The last thing I need is to get caught selling pills to my friends. I’d lose all chances of getting into a D-1 school,” he says, pausing in his pacing to look at me. “Not like I have a chance to get in one, but I have dreams, you know? So I told her I wanted to stop. I couldn’t do it anymore. She said I didn’t have a choice. I had to keep selling. We needed that money to live, and she made me feel guilty for giving up on it. For giving up on her.”
God, I want to go to him so badly, but I remain seated on my bed, waiting for him to finish. He needs to get this story out first. And once he does, we need to figure out what to do next. My parents should know this.
They can help him.
“I left school early that day because I forgot my bag with my gear at home. I walk inside the apartment to find both Don and Mom bagging up pills for me to sell. I was pissed, because now the asshole is in on it too, you know? They were both telling me I needed to drop off a few orders before practice, and I said I didn’t have the time, which was the truth. I can’t be late. I needed to get to practice and they told me no. I didn’t have a choice. I had a job to do. We start yelling back and forth, one thing led to another and…” His voice drifts and he points at his healing face. “This is what happened.”
“So it had nothing to do with a stolen pack of cigarettes.”
“Nope.” He grimaces. “Sorry I lied. I’m always giving you shit for lying to me, Callahan, and here I am, keeping the biggest secret around.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?” I ask, my voice soft, my heart breaking for him. I’m not even mad about the lie. I get it.
“Because you would’ve freaked the fuck out. I know you. I know you better than you think. You’re a good girl. You follow the rules, you have your friends, you’re a freaking cheerleader and in student council, you get good grades. Your parents love you. Everything’s clean and good in your world, and I’m not. I’m the furthest thing from that. I’m a drug-dealing piece of shit who won’t amount to anything,” he explains.
“Don’t say that.” I slide off the bed and go where he is, so I’m standing right in front of him. “You’re not a piece of shit. You just need someone to show you that you don’t have to live like that.”
He smiles, though there’s nothing warm or sweet about it. It’s almost like a baring of teeth. “You going to be the one who shows me how to live?”
“I want to be, if you’ll let me.” I lean toward him, wishing I could touch him, but I’m waiting for him to make the first move.
“You sound like your mom.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“She’s all gung ho, ready to help me, eager with her offers. And I want her help. I need her and your dad, but they don’t know about this. The drug thing.” His expression falters, and he blinks. Hard. Like he might be fighting away tears. “They won’t help me once they find out. I know they won’t.”
“They will.” Unable to resist, I grab hold of his hands and clutch them in mine. His fingers are icy cold, and I swear they’re shaking. “If you tell them what you just told me, I know they will help you. You want to change, Ash, and that’s half the battle.”
“Yeah,” he croaks, squeezing my hands in return. “Okay. Will you go with me when I tell them?”
“Of course.”
“Can we go now? I want to get this off my chest, before we go see Adney tomorrow,” he admits, his voice low. He hangs his head, studying our connected hands, and a shuddering breath leaves me. He lets go, reaching to cup my cheek, and when he lifts my face, I part my lips, waiting for his kiss.
It’s gentle. Sweet. No passion, no tongue, just pure emotion pouring from his lips to mine. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispers. “I don’t deserve any of this.”
“You do,” I reaffirm, my free hand sliding into the hair at his nape. “I’ll help you. We’ll all help you.”
“It could get ugly.” He pulls away a little. “My mom will say whatever makes herself look good. She’s a liar.”
“Just stand by your truth.” I release my hold on his hair and take a step backward, letting go of his other hand. “You are telling me the truth, right?”
His pitch-dark gaze never leaves mine as he nods slowly. “Yeah. I am.”
“Then that’s all that matters.” I take his hand once more. “Let’s go talk to my parents.”
Thirty-Three
Ash
Autumn sat beside me when I told my sordid tale to her parents. Her dad, my coach, my idol, appeared completely blown away when I talked about dealing pills, his eyes wide and unblinking, his lips parted in shock. Her mom’s gaze was full of sympathy, but also understanding. That woman just gets me, which is sort of scary.
We were in Drew’s office for little over an hour as we tried to strategize my next move. We still plan on meeting with Adney, but that’s not scheduled until nine tomorrow morning. Before that, we’re going to the county deputy�
��s office.
That’s going to suck. But I have to come clean and tell them the truth. I have proof. Shit, I have a prescription bottle of Oxycontin with my mom’s name on it in my backpack because yes, I’m that idiot who’s still wandering around with pills. At least they aren’t in baggies—that would get me an automatic arrest.
“We’ll get you through this,” Drew says, Fable nodding in agreement. “As long as you tell the truth, you should be okay.”
I want to believe them. But what I’m doing is illegal. I could end up in big trouble.
Huge.
Once the meeting is over, we all exit his office, Drew and Fable heading to the kitchen so they can start dinner together like it’s just another normal night for the Callahan family. I guess Drew’s going to grill hamburgers and Fable’s going to make a salad and frozen french fries. Nothing fancy, but at least it’s a semi-homecooked meal. More than my mom’s ever given me these last few years since Dad died.
“Let’s go talk outside,” Autumn tells me as she takes my hand and leads me through the back door on the other side of the house, the one closest to my room. I’ve never snuck out of this house, though it would be so easy with that door nearby.
But I don’t want to. I want to stay here. I like it here.
I don’t want to fuck things up.
Autumn takes me to an area that’s on the far side of the house, close to the front yard. There’s a giant tree providing plenty of shade, with various flowers planted along the pathway, their heads bobbing and weaving with the gentle breeze. There’s a bench beneath the tree and Autumn sits on it, pulling me down beside her, and I stare at her in wonderment for a while, until she laughs uncomfortably.
“Is there something on my face?” She touches her nose, her cheek.
“No,” I murmur, wishing I could kiss her, but I’m going to use restraint. “Why are you so nice to me?”
Autumn frowns, her delicate brows furrowing. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been a complete asshole to you since the first day we met.” I think back to that day. Me lighting matches, telling her that jackass only wanted to get a pussy shot from her. I rocked her world by talking so bluntly, I saw it in the way her eyes widened, her perfect pink lips parting in surprise when I said those words. I bet no one had ever talked to precious Autumn Callahan like that before.
Felt kind of good, shocking her. Made me want to do it again. Made me addicted to her. The fact that she’s beautiful didn’t hurt. Only made it worse, really. I like how short she is, all cute and compact while I tower over her. Her body is amazing. Her tits look great in just about everything she wears, though I could tell those first couple of years in high school she always tried to hide them. She came into herself by junior year. She was a lot stronger, a lot braver. Even more beautiful.
And she belonged to someone else. A wimp who had no idea what to do with her. I always knew what to do with her, knew just what to do to make her feel. I said all the right words, told her how I felt, and she still rejected me.
Repeatedly.
I did the same thing to her, I suppose. When I was younger, I wasn’t serious. Not about Autumn, not about anything. I just wanted to toy with her. Kiss her, fuck her, be done with her. That had been my plan the night of the homecoming dance, and I thought I had her there for a minute.
As usual, she ran away.
Proving she’s smarter than I first gave her credit for.
“You were a complete asshole,” she agrees, her sweet voice pulling me from my thoughts. “I think I’m attracted to assholes.”
“What about Ben?” I torture myself when I ask about him. I hate thinking of him with his hands on her. Kissing her. I didn’t believe her when she told me they never did it, because come on. Why wouldn’t Ben Murray fuck her as fast as possible?
But she was telling me the truth. I still can’t believe that she is all mine. Completely mine. If I have my way, I’ll be inside her at least once by the end of next week. I know I shouldn’t be plotting and planning ways to sneak into her room, when my entire life could go up in flames tomorrow morning, but threats never really worked on me. Meaning I’m the stupid one who’s willing to risk it all for a piece of ass.
But it’s not just a piece of ass when it comes to Autumn. She’s so much more than that.
I think I’m falling in love with her. If I even know what love actually is…
“Ben was who I thought I should be with. He’s kind, he’s polite. He was a good boyfriend to me. Supportive. Comes from a good family.” She turns to look at me, her green eyes glittering. “He bored me. There was no spark.”
Reaching out, I play with a strand of her hair, twisting it around my finger again and again. “We got spark.”
“We have lots of spark,” she agrees with a faint smile.
“I wish we could spark it up right now,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. It’s been nothing but heavy bullshit for the entire weekend. I’m over it.
“I wish we could too.” I start to say something, but she presses her fingers against my mouth, silencing me. “But not yet. We need to get through the next few days first.”
She’s right, and I hate that. I’d drag her back to my room right now if she’d let me. Strip her naked and kiss her everywhere. Use one of those condoms I stole from her brother—who the hell is he fucking anyway? God, who knows? Who really cares?
Not me.
I think back to the last time I had Autumn naked, when I licked her pussy and drove her wild. Her thighs clamped so tight around my head when she was coming, it was like getting squeezed by a vise.
It was hot as fuck.
I kiss her fingers and she smiles. Doesn’t pull away when I lightly grab hold of her wrist and continue to kiss her there. Her eyes darken when I flick my tongue out and lick her index finger, then her middle finger. By the time I get to her ring finger, she’s squirming and I’m pulling her in closer so I can drop a kiss on her puffy mouth. I know there are cameras out here, so I need to watch myself, but damn I can’t get enough of her taste. The way her tongue tangles with mine, the little moans and whimpers that sound in her throat. She gets off on me so easily. I bet if I slipped my hand beneath her shorts, under her panties, I’d find her soaking wet.
All for me.
“Okay.” She tears her lips away from mine, both of us breathing heavily. “We need to stop.”
I pull her in for one last kiss, on her neck, just behind her ear. She shivers. “I never want to stop when I’m with you.”
She clutches my shoulders, tilting her head back so I can kiss her there again, forgetting all about my one last kiss promise. “I don’t either. But we have to.”
She shoves at my shoulders, proving she’s stronger than she looks, and I go scooting backward across the bench. “Damn, woman.”
“I throw girls into the air on an almost daily basis,” she reminds me. “I’m stronger than I look.”
In so many ways, I want to tell her, but I keep my lips shut. I sound like a sentimental ass, saying stuff like that.
“You ready to go back to school tomorrow?” she asks, her eyes wide, her lips swollen from my kisses. I know she’s trying to change the subject, to steer me away from thinking about getting her naked, but her question only reminds me of the one thing I’m trying to forget.
Fucking Rylie and her pregnancy story.
If that shit is true, I’m doomed. Fucked beyond measure.
Can’t think about it now. Not while I’m sitting here with the girl I care about more than anything else in this world. Forget Rylie, forget all the bullshit. I need to focus on Autumn.
Autumn. I need to call her by her name more. But it’s kind of fun, how I never do it. I think it drives her nuts.
“I’m ready to go to practice tomorrow,” I say, and that’s the truth. I miss football. I don’t want Jake to permanently take my place either, so I need to get back to it.
Autumn rolls her eyes. “Of course you are.”
<
br /> “Hey, that’s what I’m known for. And that’s the only thing that’s going to get me out of here,” I remind her.
“I know. You’re right. And you’re a pretty great football player.” She leans in and drops a quick kiss on my cheek.
“You want to wear my jersey on Friday?” I ask. This is serious stuff. I have never let anyone wear my jersey on game day before. Not even Rylie, though I know she was dying to. Still, it didn’t feel quite right, letting her wear my number. Six. My favorite number since I was assigned it for my soccer jersey when I was six. Made sense to my first grader brain that I got that number, and it stuck as my favorite.
Autumn’s face brightens, her eyes dancing as she nods enthusiastically. “I would love to.”
“Consider it yours. I’ll bring one of my spares home. I leave it in my locker.” So it doesn’t end up stinking like cigarettes or old, musty food. God, I hated living with my mom so damn much. If I never have to go back there again, I’ll be satisfied.
She’s grinning now. To the point that I can almost see her back teeth. “You just called it home.”
Reaching out, I play with her hair again. It’s dark. Silky soft. Everything about her is perfect. Perfect for me. “That’s because it’s like my home now.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she says, her voice lowering to whisper. “Despite the circumstances that you brought you to me, I’m glad it happened.”
“I’m glad it did too,” I whisper back.
Her smile fades. “Do you think we’re moving too fast?”
I slowly shake my head. “We’ve been circling around each other for almost four years. I say it’s about damn time this is happening.”
She laughs, and it’s this great, big sound that hits me right in the chest. Smack in the middle of my heart. Damn, this girl.
She will be my undoing.
Thirty-Four
Autumn
It’s surprising how normal everything feels when Ash returns to school. My parents go with him to the sheriff substation first thing Monday morning, and though I normally take Ava and Jake with me every day, I also take Beck to school, so Mom doesn’t have to worry about it. After meeting with the deputy and Ash telling them about his mom’s illegal business, they meet with Mrs. Adney, who is able to help them start the ball rolling to get Ash in my family’s temporary care.
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