by Linda Ladd
She heard him heave a deep sigh, but he always did that when he didn't have a pat answer. He was turning arguments over in his mind, trying them out, the way he did in court when he was grilling some poor, helpless witness on the stand. When he spoke, she was utterly astonished by his words. She turned her body and watched his face as he continued, not sure she could believe her ears.
"All right, sweetheart, if that's what you want, I'll come back here and live. I can set up a practice in Van Buren, or maybe down in Poplar Bluff. It'd be worth it to me to get you back. I mean it this time, Katie, I swear to God I do."
Something moved inside Kate, some little squirm of joy she'd thought was dead, or was it hope? She felt her mouth respond, curve a little, though she was afraid he'd change his mind before the sun went down.
"Why are you saying these things now? You like it in the city. Lord, how many times have I heard you berate everything you went through when you were a boy. Why would you agree to live here now?"
Michael resorted to his most winning self, lifting one corner of his mouth in the sexy half grin she used to love. She thought she'd gotten over that weakness, but there were times, apparently still were, when she couldn't resist him, when he became all boyish and vulnerable, and she remembered the shy, bashful kid he'd been when they'd first met in junior high. She waited, wondering what on earth had come over him to promise something so rash. He'd been acting strangely in the last six months, edgy, easily irritated, overly concerned with his work.
"I wanted to surprise you when I was sure, but I guess I'll tell you now. Maybe then you'll understand why I want us to try harder.” He leaned back on his palms but his gaze remained on her face, studying her eyes as if wanting to savor her reaction. “I think I can get us a baby, Kate. A little boy."
Kate felt herself go weak as if all her muscles had collapsed at once. They'd tried so long to have a baby, failed miserably no matter how many specialists they'd seen. For the first two years of their marriage, conceiving had been their primary concern since they'd both hit thirty, but they'd failed. She was barren, and she felt guilt flood over her, as it always did. The doctors had told her that her ovaries had just stopped producing eggs, some physiological reason caused by years of constant physical training and pushing her body to the limit. She'd stopped ovulating, unnaturally, years ago, and she hadn't even known it. Sometimes she felt that was what finally drove them apart. The constant pressure to conceive, making love by ovulation charts and basal thermometer readings. Intimacy had finally become a chore for both of them, all spontaneity and tenderness gone from their lovemaking.
"How? The adoption agencies have all turned us down because of your possession charge."
"That charge was dropped and expunged from my record, you know that. I had one of my clients in the car. The stuff was his. But this isn't through an agency. It's an unwed mother. From the Philippines. I heard about her through one of my clients."
"An unwed mother?” It occurred to Kate that Michael's term was a bit archaic for the times, but she wanted to know more. “Who is she? Why would she want to give up her baby to us?"
"I think her family's forcing her to. She's real young, but they want to make sure it goes to a good home.” He paused. “Her father's a lawyer in Manila, but over there it's a disgrace if a woman of her station gets pregnant before she's married. He and I can handle it legally. She's pregnant now and we'd get the baby as soon as it's born. It's all real hush-hush, you know, that kind of thing. They want the girl to marry some other guy, one her father picked out for her."
"My God, he can't just take her baby away from her like that, can he? That has to be illegal. If not by law, then morally. How can she bear giving up her son?"
"The girl's just turned fourteen. She made a mistake and has agreed to obey her parents. She's due soon, so we might be able to get him within the next couple of weeks. It's not definite yet, but I'm pretty sure I can work out contractual terms and make sure everything's legal."
"But, Michael, I'm not sure I could, under these circumstances. God, I feel so sorry for the mother. It's just wrong to make her give him up, like this. I can't imagine how terrible it would be..."
"Listen, Kate, the baby's going to go up for adoption, one way or another. I'm almost positive I can get him for you if you want a baby, but I don't want to hear these misgivings about the mother. It's her decision, not ours."
Kate turned her eyes from his face and stared out at the river. Michael was right. The choice was up to the girl and her family. Maybe the mother wanted to give the baby up. After all, she was just a child herself. She tried to remember when she was fourteen. She'd been running track in junior high under Coach Caputo. Hadn't had her periods too long. Good God, how young that was to become pregnant.
She perused the nearby bank where a cluster of daffodils was bobbing in the wind. She and her grandma had planted them there when she was around ten. They were spreading up the bank now, under a huge elm tree. A little boy would love it here on the river, fishing and swimming, and he'd keep Kate company when Michael was working all the time. Despite the vow he'd just made, Kate knew full well that Michael would never completely give up his career, not for her, not for anyone.
"Well, sweetheart, what do you say? Let's try to be a family this time, a real one. I swear I'll be a good father, and a good husband. I want that, too. I do, you'll see."
When Michael took her hand and lifted it to his mouth, she surprised herself by being completely unaffected. The physical part of their relationship was for the most part dead, and she wasn't sure they could ever revive feelings withered up for so long. But a baby might change things for the better; maybe if they had something so precious to share, to love, they could learn to care about each other again. A terrible thought occurred to her.
"You're sure this is completely legal, aren't you, Michael? It's not some kind of scam, is it?"
Michael gave her a look filled with injury. She wasn't sure if his reaction was real or not. “Of course, it's legal. I'm handling everything myself. We'll both have to sign the papers. It's just a private adoption, is all. They're being really careful about us, too. They want to make sure he'll be all right, that we have the money to take care of him. We've got to answer a bunch of questions, show we're responsible people. It'll take awhile since they're in Manila, but we should have everything ready by the time the kid's born."
Kate still hesitated. “You know how I feel about things, Michael. I don't want to be a part of anything that isn't completely on the up-and-up."
"For Christ's sake, you act like I'm some sort of criminal. I just represent them. I'm not one myself. Give me some credit, will you?"
Kate wanted to believe him; his eyes seemed indignant enough. “Is the baby healthy? I've heard about crack babies, and babies with AIDS. Some of the Romanian children brought over here were mentally impaired...."
"It's perfectly healthy and so is the mother. She's having regular prenatal care, I know, because I checked all this out with her doctor. They're going to send me her medical records, and I can probably get a picture of the mother, if you want one. Why are you so suspicious all of a sudden? I thought you'd be thrilled about this."
Kate stared at him, not finding it nearly so hard to understand her misgivings. She didn't try to argue with him anymore. “Let me think about it for a few days, Michael. I'm tired now, and still awfully upset about Pop. This is all so sudden. I just feel numb, I guess."
"Sure, sweetie, think about it. It's all I've been thinking about for weeks. I wanted to make sure I had a good chance at getting the baby before I mentioned him to you. Think about it, Kate. A month from now we can be living here together with our son. It's your dream, sugar. Please let me give it to you."
With that, Michael rose and helped her to her feet. She allowed him to drape an arm around her shoulders as they started back together toward Pop's log cabin. Weary of disbelieving him, she began to consider that he just might possibly be telling the truth. Wh
y else would he want a baby if he didn't want their marriage to work? Maybe it would be possible for them to redeem their relationship, if they both tried hard and compromised the way they'd done in the early months of their marriage. Maybe, though, she just wanted to trust him again, wanted to believe things could be the way they had been in the beginning. She missed that, missed being a couple, wanted their life together back, because with Pop gone, she had never felt so alone in her life.
Now, Kate thought, shaking her head, she knew Michael had been lying about Joey. She looked down at the little boy, asleep in her arms. A black-market baby, Michael had said. Oh, God, where had Joey come from if not from a good family in Manila? Who had given him up if it wasn't the unwed girl Michael had described, had shown her a picture of? Oh, God, what if it wasn't legal? What if Joey really wasn't hers at all? She couldn't bear to even think about it. She loved him so much, adored him, more than anything else in her life. She couldn't give him up, not to anyone, especially the kind of men who were after him. She'd have to find a way to keep him, a legal way; she'd have to get out of the woods and find a lawyer, find someone who could make things right again.
Anxious now to move on, she quickly gathered up the supplies she'd spread out to dry and found most of them barely damp. She stuffed them into the knapsack and slung it over her shoulders, then settled a newly contented Joey into the sling. She held the sleeping baby tightly against her for an extra moment, a new determination setting her jaw firm. No matter who Joey was or where Michael had gotten him, she wasn't going to give him up without a fight, a custody battle if need be. Right now, though, she needed to find shelter for the night, a safe, warm place where no one could sneak up on them.
Lingering a few minutes to watch the woods for any sign of her pursuers, she stood up and pushed her way out of the tunnel of bushes. Choosing a direction that slanted away from the river and south along the ridge, the way to Van Buren and the way the prophet-bearded guy hadn't gone, she forced herself to move on. Stepping carefully, she remembered all Pop's lessons about tracking deer, putting each foot down carefully between fallen branches, choosing footfalls on hard ground and rocks, so nothing was left disturbed. She'd leave no trail for the killers to follow. She straightened up as an idea formed in her mind, glancing behind again. Still no sign of the armed men. Maybe she should leave a few false trails now and then as she moved along. It wouldn't take much work, and if anyone did manage to follow her, it might buy her some time.
Chewing her bottom lip in indecision, she wondered if she should take the time to do it now. She had to assume mountain man was long gone. He'd already had the chance to accost her, and for some reason had left her alone. Her primary concern had to be the men gunning for her. The blond guy with the ponytail had murdered Michael without blinking an eye. Oh, God, how could Michael have done this to her? To himself? Had everything he'd told her about Joey been lies?
Well, she couldn't think about that yet, couldn't take time to figure out what was true and what wasn't, couldn't even take time to mourn his death. Later on, after nightfall, holed up somewhere safe, then she'd try to figure how to get out of this horror he'd brought down on their heads. Once she reached Van Buren, Gus would help her get to the bottom of it. Right now, she'd better concentrate on making it out of the woods in one piece.
Seven
AROUND NIGHTFALL Kate found a series of caves in a limestone bluff that jutted up like a stone guard two hundred yards from Current River. A trickle of fresh water cascaded down from the caverns and pooled into a tiny creek that meandered toward the riverbed. Concealing herself in the thick brush at the base of the rocks, she listened for pursuers, afraid to put herself in plain sight on the ledges.
Clutching Joey tightly in one arm, she took a deep breath and climbed the stone shelves until she was about thirty feet above the forest floor. In the still, cool late afternoon, the first dusky wave of twilight crept stealthily over the woodlands. Not even a breeze stirred in the leafy thickets below, and she felt certain her pursuers could not track her after dark. She'd be safe until morning.
Relieved she could finally rest her weary bones, she bent low and peered into the pitch-black opening of the nearest cavern. There were few black bears left roaming the Ozark foothills, but in this remote stretch of federal wilderness, they had been sighted on occasion. Kate wasn't about to disturb one in its den. Loosening her backpack, she set it down and fumbled inside for the flashlight. The bright beam swept through the darkness inside, revealing a dirt floor strewn with loose shale. The cavern was small but the ceiling high enough that she could stand upright. She bent and carried Joey inside where it was dry and habitable, with enough ventilation to start a fire.
Kate could hear a quiet tinkle of water somewhere and searched until she found the narrow crevice from which it trickled. She bent and scooped up a handful, smelling it, then tasting it with her tongue. Cold and clean. She retrieved her pack from outside, then descended to the ground with Joey to gather enough firewood to last them through the night. After several trips she got the matches from the Ziplock bag and patiently worked until she got a blaze going with some dry kindling and wadded-up paper towels. She felt like celebrating when the branches caught and she held her cold hands up to the warmth.
Thinking the hellish day would never end, she spread out a quilt, sank down and freed Joey from the sling. He'd been unbelievably good throughout the afternoon trek as she'd trudged on and on, exhausted but afraid to stop too soon. But now the poor little thing had had enough. He was hungry and tired, and tired of being good. He let her know it with a shrill wail that echoed off the stone walls until it seemed that a dozen angry babies filled the cave.
Unzipping the pocket of the sling, she got out a bottle of formula, pleased beyond all reason that she'd stuck in an extra one. Could it really have been only that morning that the Russians had burst in on them? It seemed an eternity. She shuddered, remembering the cruelty in the blond man's black eyes. Not wanting to think about the men after her or worry about how close they were, she concentrated on Joey, checking his diaper and finding it soaked.
The paper towels had dried out, so she quickly fashioned a makeshift diaper and held it together with a strip of masking tape. Joey gazed up at her while she worked, stopping his sucking once in awhile to form his mouth into a smile around the nipple, showing off his double dimples.
“Oh, Joey, how can this be happening to us?” she muttered, but her voice cracked, and she had to swallow down a fierce surge of despair.
Joey's answer was a kick and a string of gurgles and goos before he went back to sucking for all he was worth. She remembered the first day they'd gotten him, how happy she'd been, how beautiful she'd thought him. As she sat cross-legged beside the fire, with Joey nursing happily in her arms, the images flooded back, as indelible as a newsreel. She'd been painting Joey's crib that day, waiting on pins and needles for Michael to call, when the telephone rang.
"Kate, it's me."
Michael's voice was excited, not quite his own, higher pitched, nervous sounding, and she hoped, shut her eyes and prayed, that things had gone as they'd planned.
"Is everything all right?” Still anxious, she clutched the receiver more tightly, terrified the adoption had fallen through, though Michael had assured her there was little chance of anything going wrong.
"You bet it is. I've got him. He's right here with me, in the back. Sound asleep in his car seat."
"No way, Michael! You said we couldn't get him until he was at least two weeks old. I was supposed to go with you to pick him up."
"Things moved too fast for that. The birth was easy, went real well. He's big and healthy, over nine pounds at birth. The mother's parents didn't want her to get attached to him, so they went ahead and sent him out with the nurse we hired."
Again sadness for the mother touched Kate, though she was more than relieved nothing had gone wrong. “Is that all right? Did the doctor say it was okay for him to be taken on a plane so soon?
He made the flight all right, didn't he? He's not sick?"
"No, no, nothing like that, quit your worrying. The doctor didn't have a problem with it at all. He's three days old and doing great."
"Three days old! I can't believe you didn't tell me all this! I've been going crazy down here."
"Didn't want you to get your hopes up in case something did get screwed up.” The cellular phone crackled slightly, interrupting them a moment, but she heard his next words loud and clear. “He's all ours, Kate, we've got ourselves a bouncing baby boy."
Kate stared out the window over the sink, down at the deserted bait shop, fighting tears of joy. Sheer relief, gratitude, all that and so much more mingled inside her, making words impossible; the back of her throat was clogged too tight.
"Kate? You still there?"
Swallowing hard, she forced herself to answer. “Yes, yes, I'm just trying to absorb all this. When will you get here? I can't wait to see him!” Suddenly she laughed and blurted out, “I can't believe it, Michael, we've got a baby, a son, just like we always wanted! When will you be here?"
Michael's laugh was cut off with another buzz of static, then he came through clearly again, his words astonishing her. “Try five minutes. I'm on the county road right now, just above Pop's mailbox."
"No! You're lying to me! You can't be that close!"
"Oh, yes I can. Go outside on the porch. We'll be there in five minutes."
"You should've called! I'm not ready. Everything isn't exactly right yet!"
"He won't notice, believe me. Hurry up, go outside and wait. It's time to meet your new son.” The line went dead, and Kate found herself staring incredulously at the receiver in her hand, feeling shell-shocked and numb, but then she laughed with pure exhilaration. She slammed the receiver back into its cradle and went running to the front of the house.