“So to speak,” Mia added.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You flicked the bean while he laid in bed beside you and did nothing?” Zoe asked, shock written all over her face.
“What was I was supposed to do? I was horny as fuck and no one wanted to give me a hand.”
Derek’s booming laughter echoed off the walls. Nate’s cheeks stained with embarrassment but he didn’t back down. Not a step.
“Dude! What the fuck did you do?”
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to lie completely still, your balls aching, while a woman lies beside you squirming and moaning? I thought my dick was going to explode on its own.”
“So you didn’t join the fun?” Mia tossed out bravely.
“No.”
“That why you’re such a pain in the ass this morning?” Zoe asked, seemingly unconcerned with people’s feelings. “You didn’t get any last night!”
To me Zoe was an enigma. She came and went, in and out of our lives. From what I knew, she’d bought out Mia’s Melbourne gym and settled there. Whenever something was on, something to be celebrated, she’d appear. But it wasn’t to see Mia. From the moment she passed over the rickety old bridge she was glued to Derek’s side. And what intrigued me the most was Mia didn’t seem to bat an eyelid. I didn’t know the full story and I wasn’t about to ask, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was put doubts in Mia’s mind about Derek’s ability to stay faithful, but it was just so odd. She let her husband-to-be have this girl as his best man and attach herself to him like a barnacle. I wish I was a better person to say I’d be able to handle it with the same grace as Mia showed, but I didn’t think I could.
“Zoe…” Derek’s voice was full of warning.
“What? I know you did. I heard Mia squealing like a banshee this morning.”
“Oh shit!” Mia banged her head against the table. Hard.
“Go Mia! Didn’t think you had it in you.”
“Had what?” Josie encouraged her.
“Well, it seems like Mia here doesn’t like it soft and slow. At least that’s what I figured from all the begging. ‘Harder and faster. More Derek.’”
“And on that note, who needs more coffee? Or breakfast?” Derek cut in.
Glancing around, I wished I fit in. I know I did a bit, but I didn’t have the shared history that they did. I was jealous as hell. To have friends you could just be your uncensored, unfiltered self with, I could only imagine how liberating it would be. Even when I lived in the city, I’d bitten my tongue on so many things I was amazed I hadn’t completely bitten it off. I was so used to playing it safe and forcing myself to fit into the mould everyone expected me to I didn’t even know who the real Payton was. Not really. For the first time though, I wanted to.
“What if I whip up some pancakes?”
“You can do that?” Nate asked as he slipped into the booth beside Josie, dropping a kiss against her temple.
“My bakery. Why the hell not?”
“I knew I liked you for a reason.”
Finding my feet, I walked over, locked the door, and flipped the sign. I wasn’t opening today. Everyone I knew was already inside. Everyone I wanted was inside. No one else was coming in and ruining the moment.
“Right. Pancakes. I’m on it. Can you guys grab plates and cutlery? Coffee machine is on. Help yourself,” I called out as I headed into the back room.
“Hey Payton?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t think this means we’re letting you out of dishing the dirt on who crawled out of your bed this morning.”
Shit! I’d hoped I’d dodged that bullet. Well, I did. For a minute. I heard them start chattering and Matilda’s giggles as I grabbed a bowl and whipped up a triple batch of my favourite fluffy buttermilk pancakes.
This is why I baked. Even though I should have a million thoughts running around my head, the moment the wooden spoon touched the flour, I had none. I was instantly swept up in my cooking and a calmness enveloped me.
Twenty minutes and three trips upstairs later, we all sat down to maple syrup-covered pancakes, scones with fresh cream and homemade raspberry jam, and hot coffee. When I placed the plate stacked high with fluffy pancakes, including a Matilda sized pancake, I decided I’d gone overboard. There was no way six people could devour that much food. I was wrong. I didn’t realise how hungry I was until I took my first bite. It was delicious. The carbs soaked up the lingering alcohol in my system and I started to feel better. All I needed now was a hot shower, a long nap in the sun, and I’d be right to go again. Well, not go again, but I’d at least resemble a human again.
The chatter around the table was filled with wedding decorations, party favours, and what songs were and weren’t acceptable.
“No, Derek! We are not having Baby got Back as our bridal waltz song.”
“Come on, Mia. You know he loves big butts,” Zoe teased.
“Well, too bad. I’m putting my foot down. No fricken way is it happening. Choose again.”
“Fine.” Derek pretended to pout and stuffed another forkful in his mouth. I didn’t miss the wink he shot in my direction.
He was winding her up and loving every minute of it. What Mia didn’t know and everyone else did, was that Derek already had their song picked. He’d been working on an epic surprise for weeks. He was going to knock Mia on her tiny little ass when he pulled it off. All we had to do was keep it quiet. I found myself wondering if Josie was going to be able to do that. I wasn’t convinced.
Pushing my plate away, I rubbed my bloated belly. I was done. With the sun streaming through the windows hitting my back, all I wanted was to stretch out like a kitten and purr. Naps were something I didn’t get to indulge in too often, but they were my favourite thing in the world. I always felt so good afterward. So refreshed and alive. I actually considered kicking my friends out so I could get on with it.
“So…Payton…”
Oh shit! Suddenly my full belly wasn’t just full of breakfast but also a swarm of butterflies taking flight.
“Yeah…” I heard my voice waver.
“What’s this about someone crawling out your window this morning?” Derek enquired with more than just casual curiosity.
I’d hoped I’d get away with not having this conversation. Hell, I’d prayed for it. But if I did, it wouldn’t be my life. “No one crawled out my window. Besides, have you seen my windows? I’m not exactly on the ground floor.”
“Well, yeah.”
“Oh, cut the crap, Payton. How the hell did you end up with Beau McIntyre in your bed last night?”
“He wasn’t in my bed…”
“Oooh! Where was he? Let me guess…he was in the shower.”
“Nah, he’s more a couch kinda guy.”
“Nope, I’ve got it! Against the wall.”
“Stop!” I couldn’t take it. I had two options, neither of which really appealed. Confess my sins and let them torture me with the truth, or, let them continue their guessing game and try not to cringe. “Actually, we didn’t even make it upstairs. The bakery…”
“Ew!” Mia complained, dropping her knife and fork with a clatter and lifting her arms from the table like she’d touched something gooey. The look on her face was priceless.
“So, are you two like together now?”
“And I think that’s our cue to leave.”
Nate kissed Josie tenderly before scooping a sleeping Matilda out of her arms. He might come across as a bad ass tattooed biker, but it was all fake. He was a primary school teacher who was more in love with that little terror in his arms than anyone could imagine. Matilda might not be his by blood, yet it didn’t seem to be an issue. Nate was her dad. She had no choice in it. Either did Josie. The only difference was Josie hadn’t clued in on it yet. Although I teased her about the diamond on her finger, I knew it was only a matter of time. We all did. Over coffee one morning on his way to work, Nate had asked me what I thought of him combining a marriage proposal and an offer to
adopt Matilda in the same moment. I thought it was perfect. Even though I knew it was coming, I was looking forward to seeing how it all played out.
“You off too?” Mia pouted as Derek and Zoe rose.
“Yeah. We’re going to head over and see Jenna for a bit.”
“Okay then. I’ll meet you at home.”
“You bet your big butt I will!” Derek teased with a devilish wink.
Mia grabbed a chunk of the unfinished scone from her plate and tossed it at him. “My butt’s not big!”
Everyone except Mia laughed as they headed out the door, leaving the three of us in silence. Thanks to the food, or maybe it was the company, it seemed like the hangovers had lifted. At least a little.
“Right! Now they’re gone. Payton, spill it. Are you and Beau together?”
“No. It was just a one-night thing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, Josie, I am. It’s all I wanted.”
Well, didn’t that earn me some peculiar glances. “But…why?”
“Yeah. Why? Wasn’t he any good? I mean, does he even know how to use it?” The words spewed unfiltered from Josie’s mouth and now I knew why the others had scrambled. They’d seen this coming a mile away and bolted.
“Yes! Okay, he was great. Best I’ve ever had. Happy now?”
“Yes, thank you, I am. But why aren’t you?”
“Why aren’t I what?” Seriously, all this back and forth was giving me whiplash. It was hard enough arguing with one person, but these two were relentless in their tag teaming attack.
“Why aren’t you happy about it?”
“I am.”
“You don’t look happy.”
“Then why was it just a one-night thing? Did he say that? Or did you?”
“Neither of us said it. We didn’t have to. We both just knew it.”
“Right.”
Silence fell across the table and I found myself thinking. That was always dangerous. He did get that it was just a one-night thing, didn’t he? But he did say he’d call! “Shit!”
“What?”
“See, this is why I don’t date! Too much drama.”
Mia and Josie exchanged sad looks. I wish I hadn’t seen them, but I did, and I couldn’t unsee them no matter how much I wanted to. “What? Just spit out whatever it is you’re dying to say.”
Mia shrugged and Josie spoke up. “Payton, if he was good to you and made you smile, laugh, and more importantly, he made you see stars, why end that? Why not just see where it goes?”
“My God!” My frustrations bubbled over. I think it was the combination of lack of sleep, the lingering effects of the hangover, and the head full of jumbled thoughts that made me snap. “I don’t want a boyfriend. I know you guys have the perfect guy, and you’re all happy and everywhere you go you see happy little unicorns prancing around farting glitter. That’s not going to happen to me. I don’t get a happy ending. I don’t get Prince Charming riding in on a white horse, sweeping me off my feet. That’s just not in the cards for me. Okay?”
“Okay, Payton.” Mia looked at me like a scolded puppy. I watched as she collected her things and slid out of the booth, while Josie sat frozen, her mouth hanging open, more than a little dumbfounded.
I’d never felt so miserable in my life. I knew all they wanted was for me to be happy. For me to have what they had. It just wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t an option.
“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been a bitch…”
“We shouldn’t have pushed.”
“Just know that from what Derek tells me, Beau’s a great guy. He’s not the manwhore you think he is. I’d be expecting a call, if I were you.” Mia reached up on her tippy toes and kissed my cheek. “I’ll give you a call in a bit.”
With that she was gone, leaving Josie and I alone. Sliding into the vacant seat, I looked at the mountain of dishes between us and started stacking. I was delaying. I knew it and Josie knew it. When she started helping and we reached for the same plate, we both dropped it like it was burning our hands.
“Have you got something against Beau, or just men in general? I mean, every time the guy comes in here you fall all over yourself. Your flirting game is terrible, Payton, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He just keeps coming back every chance he’s got. Did you even know he lives almost half an hour out of town?” I didn’t need to answer. My stunned face must have given me away. “Thought so. What sort of guy drives half an hour each way just for a coffee? I mean, its good coffee, don’t get me wrong, but an hour round trip? He’s coming for more than a cup.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. So, you going to answer me? Is it Beau or guys in general?”
“In general.” The admission tasted like bile on my tongue. I’d hoped by moving my life here and leaving the past in the city, I’d never have to reveal it. It could always remain my dirty little secret. I should have known that secrets never stay that way. They always come out. Eventually. “Look I’ve been burned…”
“We all have! Look at me, Payton. Sure, I’ve got Nate now, and he’s wonderful, but don’t for a minute think I’ve had it easy. I mean, Nate loves Matilda, and I have no doubt he would take a bullet for her, but when it comes down to it, he’s not her father. I have a past too. We all do. I look into the face of mine every single day. And that’s something I have to live with. The difference between you and me, Payton, is I’m not hiding mine. Not anymore. I have Nate and Mia and Derek and you to help me deal with it. Let us help you.”
“It’s not that easy!”
“Nothing worth having ever is. Ask yourself this, do you want to end up a lonely old woman in a bakery?”
“No.” That one was easy. I might not know what I did want, but I knew what I didn’t.
“So, you need to ask yourself, are you going to give Beau a chance? And if not Beau, someone else?”
The silence fell across us. Needing a second to think, I grabbed a stack of plates and carried them into the kitchen. She knew it was coming even before I did. That was the only logical explanation why she was sitting there with a shit-eating grin on her face. One I wanted to slap off her.
“I don’t want to rely on someone, okay? I did that. I gave him my whole world. He gave me a diamond and made promises of forever. Look where it got me!” Waving my arms around me. “I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, barely keeping my heating on, but at least I’m doing it! And I’m doing it my way. I might fuck it up and I might fail, but at least no one can take it from me. I’m not going there again.”
“Payton…” There was pity in her tone but it did nothing except harden my resolve.
“I need a man as much as I need an electric blanket. Sure, they’re warm and useful every now and again, but at the end of the day, they use more electricity than they’re worth. Then in summer, I’ll regret the space they take up. It’s not worth giving myself up again just to have some guy throw it all away. It doesn’t matter if he’s Beau McIntyre or Chris Hemsworth.”
“I’m sorry.” Josie’s shoulders fell forward.
I hadn’t meant to dump all my shit on her, though that’s exactly what I’d done. This is why I liked to be alone. If I had time to process everything, I could bury it deep down in the bottom of my stomach and pretend it never happened. Pretend that one night with the incredibly talented Beau McIntyre didn’t make me rethink my whole argument. I hadn’t had the time and this was the result. An outburst and a confession I’d never intended to make.
“No, Josie. I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear my bullshit sob story.”
Josie stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder before turning to me, “Yeah, Payton, I do. And one day, I hope you’ll tell me about the asshole who tried to ruin such an amazing person. He only tried, Payton. He didn’t win. ’Cause the awesome person you are isn’t ruined at all. A bit bruised, but not ruined. Never ruined. And when you’re ready to tell me about him, we can go kick his ass…together.” She squeezed me in a hug, one I needed more tha
n I realised, and stepped out the door.
For a long moment I stood there alone in my little bakery, my mind whirling. This was all I had. And right up until now, I hadn’t once questioned that it was enough. Now though, now I was questioning everything.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Connor bellowed as he jumped off the porch towards my ute.
Even though I expected this reaction, I wasn’t ready for it. I’d thought by the time I drove out here I’d know what to say. How to explain. How to make him understand what I’d learnt. Instead I’d spent the whole drive dreaming about licking chocolate frosting from every delectable curve of Payton’s body. Now all I had to show for it was a raging hard on that wouldn’t die and one very pissed off sibling demanding explanations I didn’t have.
“Calm down already. Geez! I’m here.”
“I’ve been waiting for you since yesterday afternoon, Beau. You could have at least called if you weren’t coming home.”
“Seriously, Connor! Can you hear yourself? You sound like a pissed off wife.”
“Good!”
“Good?”
“You need the practice if you think some woman’s ever going to put up with all your bullshit.”
Jumping from the ute, I grabbed my coffee and jacket before coming around to meet Connor. He was mighty pissed, standing there in his dirty, worn jeans, ripped navy hoodie, and muddy boots. Guilt flushed through me. I should have been here, working right beside him, covered in mud and shit. Instead I’d put myself first. Again. Even though I needed it and knew it was for the best, seeing how hard he’d been working already this morning did nothing to ease the guilt.
He spied the cup in my hand and his eyes widened. I saw his jaw tick and his fists clench at his side. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You’ve been getting coffee? You think that’s more important than saving this place? Your caffeine addiction? Fuck me, Beau, you really are an asshole, you know?”
Taking Charge (Meet the McIntyres Book 1) Page 12