“And we’ll leave you to do just that.” Josie winked at me. She scooped up the toddler who had more blue on her skin than a smurf, and bolted out the door, Mia hot on her heels.
“You sure you’re okay?” the other one asked.
She had short black hair with bright purple streaks. I didn’t know if that was normal for her or just part of whatever silliness this was. It was the camera though that caught my attention. It was huge. Not one of those tiny, silver pocket digital things. This has a massive, long lens on it. Obviously she took her photography seriously.
Folding my arms over my chest, I waited for Payton to say something. I was hooked on her words. Desperate to know if she was okay to be here with me. Be alone with me. It was the middle of the morning. We were both sober. There was no hiding in the dark. No alcohol pumping though our veins. This was just us. Normal adults in the harsh light of day.
Payton’s eyes darted back and forth between the photographer and me. The longer the silence remained, the more I started to sweat. I might have made the decision that I needed Payton in my life, but that didn’t mean she’d come to the same conclusion, as much as I hoped it did. There were no guarantees.
While she toyed with her decision, I stole the moment to take her in. She had that damn wedding dress on again. This time though, it didn’t look anything like it had before. It was streaked with red, blue, green and yellow. Splattered all over her. Like the colours had exploded. It wasn’t just the dress that was ruined either. There were speckles dotting her skin and my mouth watered. I wanted to lick each and every one off. Take my time doing so. My cock twitched at the idea.
“I’ll be fine.”
Payton’s confirmation came out as barely a whisper. I watched on, completely beguiled as her friend swept her into her arms, hugged her tight before planting a loud kiss on Payton’s streaked cheek.
“Yeah, Pay, you will be. I love you. I’m gonna head upstairs and wash this shit off. You…take your time.”
Payton looked panicked but remained where she was. Her eyes followed her friend out the door, and just before she vanished up the steps, she turned back and winked at Payton. Once again Payton blushed, and I’d be a lying sack of shit if I said it didn’t make her even more captivating.
“So…what’s been happening?”
“Um…” She picked at her fingers nervously. “They thought it was time I had some fun again.”
“And this is fun?” I couldn’t hide the amusement from my voice. It sure looked like fun. The whole place was trashed. It looked like a rainbow threw up in here.
“Actually, yeah. It really was.”
“I’m glad.”
“Why are you here, Beau?”
Well fuck! Didn’t that catch me off guard. When I’d jumped in the car and headed into town to see her, I knew exactly why I was coming. I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it. Now though, now I was standing in front of Payton with no words. As much as I needed to tell her why I was here, I didn’t want to scare her off. I needed her too much for that.
“Why are you in a wedding dress? Again?”
At my words, her face fell. It broke me. I felt like an ass. A bigger one than ever before. As quick as I could, I covered the distance between us and took hold of her hands. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Okay fine. I did. Not the way it came out then.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Feeling like a complete douche, I knew I had to make up for my stupidity as quick as I could. “Are you still in love with the guy who gave you the ring?”
“What ring?”
“The one that goes with that dress. The one in your drawer upstairs.”
“You went through my drawers?”
“Um…yeah.” Shit! Now I was fucked. How could I be so stupid. Oh yeah, that’s right. The sight of her boobs overflowing the ruined dress had sent all the blood in my body south.
“You do that often?”
“Only to you.”
“Oh.”
“So, is that a yes?”
“A yes to what?”
“The guy. The ring. The dress. You still caught up in that?”
“Why? Jealous?”
Ah, there was the girl I’d come to know. Sure, Payton was awkward and clumsy and a horny drunk, but she was also sexy as hell and full of sass. And that mouth. The things I wanted to do to that mouth.
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
“No, Beau. The guy, the ring, the dress that’s…it’s long over.”
“You sure?” I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to give her a chance to change her mind, but I needed to. I’d never done the relationship thing before. Never wanted to. There was something about Payton though, she had me wanting things I shouldn’t be. Hell, on the drive into town I imagined her sitting beside me in the front of my ute, her belly swollen with our son while we argued over names. I’d almost run the damn thing off the road when I realised where my mind had gone. I sure as shit wasn’t ready for all that happily ever after bullshit, and I was pretty certain Payton wasn’t either. Now I had to make sure we were on the same page. I mightn’t be ready for ’til death do us part, but I was more than ready to make this thing, whatever it was between us, exclusive. Even the idea of some other guy so much as looking at those luscious curves made me want to punch something.
“It’s been over for a long time. I just wasn’t ready to believe that I’d get another chance. I thought I got one go at getting my happy ending, and since I fucked it up so spectacularly, I just had to learn to rely on me. No one else was going to help me.”
“Payton…” Fuck, those words hurt. I wasn’t prepared for how deep her confession would cut.
“After Hayden left me a mess, crying on the floor, I lost everything. Carly—she was my best friend, but she was Hayden’s sister. Of course she had to take his side. But then when my own family blamed me and sided with him, I had no one. So I scraped myself up off the floor, packed up what was left of my life, and moved here. I didn’t want friends. I didn’t want anyone in my life.”
“Why?”
She sighed heavily and started yanking pins from her hair, letting it fall over her eyes. If I thought she couldn’t have looked any more beautiful before, then I was wrong. Watching her hair cascade down around her face, my fingers were itching to get tangled in her curls.
“If I didn’t have anyone in my life they couldn’t leave.”
“Isn’t that lonely?”
I might not have had any meaningful relationships and bounced from bed to bed, but I’d never been alone. I had friends and family. My family may have driven me crazy and lived hours away, but I’d always known if I needed them, they’d be there without question. From Payton’s tortured words, I got the feeling it wasn’t the same for her.
“Sometimes.”
“And now?”
“It’s different.”
“Good different?” I was sweating bullets. I could feel the way my muscles tensed under my shirt almost to the point it was painful.
“Yeah. Great different. Mia and Josie are insane, like truly bat shit crazy, but I love them. Not once have they judged me. As long as I have coffee, they’re happy.”
“I’m sure it’s not just the coffee.” It came out harshly. I hadn’t intended it to. I just hated the idea that Payton was making light of the situation. I’d seen those girls together, and even though it was safest to keep your distance, even I could tell they loved each other. It was the weird girly shit they did to show it. I had no doubts. So I wasn’t sure why Payton did.
“It’s not just the coffee,” she confirmed, locking her gaze with mine.
I swallowed. Hard. It was now or never.
“And you have me.” As hard as it was to get the words out, the moment they left my mouth I felt relaxed. For the first time since that damn lawyer had dropped the bombshell on me that I owned everything my family had, I felt like the
weight wasn’t going to crush me.
“Wh-what?”
“Do you want to know why I’m here this morning?”
She didn’t miss a beat. “To bear witness to yet another one of my humiliations?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. That was just an added bonus. The reason I came to see you is I wanted to talk to you.”
“Talk to me?” Payton looked genuinely confused.
“Yeah, Payton. I wanted to talk to you. You let me say whatever shit is on my mind and you don’t flinch. I need that in my life. I need you in my life.”
Her eyes went wide, and I thought she was going to run away screaming. Regret flooded me as she glanced around the room, taking in everything but me. I shouldn’t have come. I should have stopped and thought it through. I shouldn’t have come on so strong. This is why I didn’t do relationships. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.
I stepped away from her and I heard her breath catch.
“I-I…”
I didn’t want to hear it. Whatever came next, I didn’t want to know. It was one thing to be kicked out of her bed in the middle of the night, but standing there with my heart in my hands, offering myself up on a platter only to be pushed away, that was bullshit. I couldn’t do it.
“Just…just forget I said anything. I’ll, um, I’ll catch up with you later.”
I had to get out of there. I couldn’t breathe. Spinning around, my thigh collided with the corner of the stainless bench and I let go of a long, impressive list of expletives. I couldn’t be sure if it was from the pain coursing through my body or from having my heart tossed back in my face.
Stomping through the empty bakery, I knew I could never come back here. I’d have to play nice with Connor. Send him for my daily fix of pastries and coffee. Or I could just give them up. Now there was an option.
The door jingled as it slammed shut behind me, signalling the end.
Yanking open the car door, I was grabbed just as I was about to slip into my seat.
“What?” I boomed as I turned around.
I didn’t expect it to be Payton with tears streaming down her face, leaving black trails over her pale cheeks. “Stop being an ass, Beau.”
“Why? Why do you care?”
“I do care.” She hiccupped, and I’d be damned if it wasn’t the cutest thing I’d ever heard.
“You do?”
She nodded meekly, dropping her eyes.
With one finger under her chin, I tilted her head until she was looking directly at me. It destroyed me. I wish I hadn’t done it, but there was no way in hell I was backing off now. Her eyes were filled with tears and fear, and I hated myself for putting them both there. Something I was going to erase, right fucking now.
“I’m going to kiss you now, sweetheart.”
“No!”
“No?”
“You’ll get covered in this.” Payton looked down at her multi-coloured dress sadly.
I didn’t give a fuck. She could cover me in whatever the hell she wanted and I wouldn’t care. Nothing was going to stop me from kissing her. Running my hands down her arms, I glanced at my hands, which were now covered in a thick layer of multi-coloured goo. I knew exactly where those hand prints were going.
Without giving her another chance to protest or resist, I bent down, and slapped my hands on her ass, leaving hand prints there in the same moment I crushed my mouth to hers. For a second she was hesitant, but it was barely a breath. When she moaned into my mouth, my tongue darted in, taking control as her arms folded around my neck.
I don’t know how long we stood there, wrapped around each other.
“Get a room!” someone yelled.
Pulling back, I caught sight of Payton’s swollen lips and dark, lust-filled eyes. “Good idea!” I returned, before sweeping Payton off her feet.
“What…what are you doing?”
I kicked shut the door of my car and set her down on the pavement.
“Payton…” Fuck, I was nervous. If I thought everything up until this point was going to give me a coronary, then this was sure to put me six feet under. She bit her lips nervously and picked at her dress. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
I wanted to be sick. Like literally toss my cookies all over the room. I wanted to grab a hose and douse them with cold water. I wanted to flour bomb them from the first floor window. Green was not my colour, yet here I was. Jealous as hell. Don’t get me wrong, Payton deserved every little bit of happiness that came her way and more. So much more. Since the moment my douche bag brother dumped her and took off, she’d been a shell of the girl she’d once been. And I hated him for it. No matter how many times Mum had tried family counselling or explaining Hayden’s side of the story, I didn’t care. When he’d decided Payton was worthy of his time, I’d warned him. Payton wasn’t like his usual floozies. She was better. So much better. She was my best friend.
At first she’d tried to be the best of both. My friend and my brother’s girlfriend. Then somewhere along the way, it just got too hard. She’d come over to visit and I never knew if she wanted to see me or was simply killing time ’til Hayden came home. Then he popped her cherry and I stopped wanting to know. I mean, how could I have had a real conversation about boys and relationships and sex when I knew the one she was using as an example was the same boy who used to run into my room, climb into my bed beside me, fart, and then hold my head under the covers?
I’d left her with Beau down in the kitchen, hoping for the best. If he hurt her though, I was already upstairs wearing pyjamas, ready to pick up the pieces. Now, looking out the window, intruding on their private moment, I knew I wasn’t going to be needed tonight. Story of my life.
After snapping a few pictures of the happy couple making up and making out, I changed into my jeans and shirt, grabbed the memory card from the camera, my laptop, and phone, and headed out. The absolutely last place in the world I wanted to be was anywhere near the bedroom when those two finally made it upstairs. If they made it upstairs.
Snagging an apple from the bench, I headed out.
It was a beautiful day out in the sun. I walked down the end of Main Street to the deserted train station. I had no idea how often trains passed through this sleepy town, but it seemed like a beautiful quiet place to hide for a while. I doubted I’d be disturbed here.
Pushing the memory card into my laptop, I downloaded this morning’s photos and began to edit. Payton looked beautiful. Everything that I’d hoped to achieve when I’d forced her into that dress was staring back at me from the screen.
When I’d seen the pile of material lumped in the corner, I couldn’t believe she still had it. Everything else had been boxed up and couriered to Hayden with a bill. One he deserved, but still. I knew Payton had balls, she always had, but pulling that stunt was perfect. I was just surprised the dress wasn’t a part of it.
Pulling up the next bunch of photos, I sat editing. When my phone vibrated in my pocket, I ignored it. I was on a roll. No one needed me. No one, except for Payton, who I was willing to bet was busy getting busy, knew where I was. It was exactly the way I wanted it.
Playing around, I converted some to black and white, zoomed in on others, and deleted more. This was the part of my job I loved the most. Taking something so simple, a moment in time, a memory captured, and adding my own spin. The weird way I expressed something had earned me more than my fair share of awards and offers over the last couple of years. I shouldn’t resent the fact that there were rich people everywhere offering me bags full of money to take photos of their pets, their daughter’s wedding, or even their boats. For a while I’d done it too. It’d been fun, and in the moment had been too good to turn down. Right up until the Sullivan wedding. That was the beginning of the end for me.
When my phone buzzed again, I dug it out and switched it off. Some days I wish I could just switch my life off. Even if it was just for a moment. It might be easier. I heard the whistle before I spotted the train r
attling along the tracks. Wishing I had my camera handy, I tucked my laptop back in its case, found my feet, and dusted my butt off. Sitting with my knees tucked up like that hurt every time. I have no idea why I continued to do it.
For the first time since I’d arrived in town, I looked around. There was so much unrecognised beauty here. So much unappreciated perfectness. Across the other side of the tracks stood the buttercream coloured wheat silos, separated from me by an old wire fence and the tracks. Even the station itself was incredible. Despite the lack of people waiting on the platform—I was the only one—it had been freshly painted and all the ornate scrolling was clean and cobweb free. Someone obviously took care of this place.
Maybe, just maybe, instead of being the wandering gypsy I’d been for so long now, I’d sit still for a moment. Just take a time out and breathe.
The train barrelled past, not even slowing. My hair caught on the draft and went everywhere. My hair and I had a love-hate relationship. I loved it when it did what it was supposed to. I loved that I could colour it whatever my heart desired. And then I hated it when it got caught on the breeze and ended up resembling a fluffy ball.
I thought about heading back to Payton’s, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was hiding so many secrets from her, part of me regretted coming. There was so much she needed to know, so much she deserved to know, I just wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell her. Avoidance seemed like the best option. I’d be damned if I was going to ruin her day. Not today. Today she deserved to be wrapped up in happiness. Everything else could wait. The truth wasn’t going anywhere.
Digging my phone out of my pocket, I turned it on and texted my mother. It was the only thing I could do to keep her from going postal. She hated every single thing about my life. I was born into a good family with good prospects. I should have gone on to become a lawyer or a doctor or god forbid, a school teacher. Ugh! The thought of spending my day standing in front of a room filled with snot-nosed rug rats made my skin crawl. Being a photographer was barely above being a prostitute in my mother’s eyes. The fact that I hadn’t married and settled down was the last insult. We barely spoke now. Once a week I’d text her to let her know I was still alive. I’d stopped telling her where I was or what I was doing and she’d stopped asking. It was better this way.
Taking Charge (Meet the McIntyres Book 1) Page 21