Inside Voices

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Inside Voices Page 18

by Sarah Davis


  Army nodded once. Eelyn looked unsettled.

  Penny continued, “I haven’t had any dreams lately about the scarred bear or the Shadowed Man.”

  The next day, Penny awoke early to pots and pans rattling and the delicious smells of bacon permeating her room.

  Mom has returned, real breakfast, thought Lucy.

  Penny’s stomach rumbled in agreement. The morning staple of toast could not match her mother’s cooking. Both girls giggled at the thought of “bread for toast.”

  You are very lucky with a friend like Noah, thought Lucy. He is also so very, very easy on the eyes.

  Penny threw a shirt at her sister.

  Luckily, she exited her room in her pajamas, t-shirt and sweatpants, but even those felt insufficient when she saw Noah sitting at the table.

  Her mother looked her over. “Sleep well?”

  “Yes. Making a lot of noise considering it is 6:00 a.m.”

  Noah grinned a Cheshire cat grin. “It’s eight. Your mother wanted to let you sleep, so I stayed late to show her how we mix up Fjord’s formula.”

  “Oh,” she said as she sat across the table from him. “Well, thank you.”

  Eelyn placed the food on the table. Penny was so excited to be greeted with bacon, scrambled eggs, and cheesy hash browns with fried onions, she didn’t think about speaking until she had her fill. In fact, no one spoke until every morsel was gone from their loaded plates.

  Sheesh, save me some bacon, you bunch of pigs! Lucy mentally shouted to her sister. So glad you all waited for me.

  Mother needs to get to work, Lu. Plus, you hardly ever eat with the family. Why would we expect a change?

  “Very good, Eelyn,” Noah said. “Don’t tell my aunt, but you make a mean breakfast. She may try to hire you part-time.”

  Penny also complimented her mother.

  Eelyn smiled. “Thanks guys. Just wanted a good meal before going back to work. Your aunt tried starving me with her current no-carb diet. I cannot emotionally survive without bread, cereal and potatoes. Seriously. Anyway, Penny, I made a few changes to your formula—vitamins mostly. I called a few colleagues who work at different zoos for some tips. And before you ask, no, I did not say we were currently housing a cub illegally.”

  Penny grimaced.

  “I said it was for my own information as working with the research team spiked my curiosity on the cubs. They said they would send me more information. I hope to have it in my email inbox this morning.”

  She rose from the table, checked her phone, and grabbed her coat. “Okay, kids. I am off to work. Sam is outside. He is giving me a ride so Penny can use the truck. Penny, I thank you in advance for cleaning up the kitchen. Noah, until next time. Be good.” She gave Penny a hug and left.

  Penny shooed Noah out the door, stating she was fully capable of cleaning up after her mother. She had loads of practice. She then placed a few strips of bacon and two slices of toast that survived on a plate and took them to her sister in their room.

  Penny bowed upon entering the room. “Here you go, my lady,” she said. “Breakfast is served.”

  Why, I do declare. You are such a sweet-hearted beauty, Lucy thought with a southern drawl. She coughed and continued in a more normal thinking projection, please set it over on the dresser. I will get it when I get dressed.

  “Need any help, Lu?” Penny thought Lucy looked good today, if only a bit pale.

  I’m good. You are dismissed. Lucy made a grand sweeping gesture with her arm, directing Penny back out into the house. Penny laughed as she retreated.

  Later that afternoon, Army stopped by to be taught the secrets of cub feeding. Penny obliged. It was about time for Fjord to eat. He asked a few questions, clarifying what was proper and expected. She showed him how to hold the cub, propping him upright against the towel. Then he demanded she give him the bundle and get ready for practice.

  “What?” she asked with surprise.

  “Practice. You remember offering to help with wrestling? We can’t have you just up and not show for the rest of the season. You have other responsibilities. And…people talk. Now go!” His raised voice startled the cub for an instant. Fjord whimpered, but he quickly rediscovered the nipple on his bottle.

  Penny hurriedly changed and ran out the door, heart pumping in excitement. She could get out of the house! Noah greeted her with his crooked smirk as she took her place beside him on the mats during warm-up. The wrestlers and the coach all expressed their happiness at her return with exuberant competitiveness, performing their improved techniques more accurately than she could following a lengthy time off from exercise.

  When Penny returned home, she found supper ready and waiting with Eelyn and Lucy spending time with Edgar. He had finally come out of his shell and was talking with their mother. Lucy reclined on the couch with Blue warming her legs. Penny was sore and happy. During their meal, Eelyn brought Penny up to speed on the state of Bianca. As usual, it was eventful. Two new boyfriends since her divorce. The most recent one was a biker.

  “Oh, I saw Liam. Ran into him at the spa you two used to go to. Ivy something. Anyway, he was very talkative. Wants to come visit us. Misses you dearly. Apparently hasn’t talked to you much lately?”

  Penny shook her head. “It has been several…awhile. Boy, I need to call him.”

  “Yes, he seemed to not know much about what you have going on. Wrestling. Self-defense classes. Noah. I didn’t tell him much about the women.”

  Dark thoughts bubbled up between them, their expressions troubled. The third deceased woman’s autopsy revealed she had died prior to the bear mauling at her cabin. There were no additional clues to tie the three together, but officials thought it enough to announce the suspicions of a serial killer. Penny tried to shake off the bleak reflections.

  “Well, then, he doesn’t listen to me, because I am sure I told him about wrestling and Noah. About the whole crew. But that doesn’t surprise me. He is a bit self-centered.”

  “Hmmm, I would say more distractible. His attention wanders. You know, like focus, focus, focus…squirrel! I felt like he didn’t even hear the end of our conversation. He asked about coming up around Christmas. I don’t have a problem with that. It would almost be like old times.” A sad look crossed her mother’s face.

  After supper and the cub’s feeding, during which Fjord didn’t eat his full amount, she tried reaching Liam via video conferencing. He answered on the first ring.

  “Hey, lady! Long time no see! Your mom get back? She tell you we ran into each other? Chewed you out for not calling me more often, yeah right?” She realized she missed his big goofy grin.

  “Hi! How goes it in the land of sunshine and glamour?”

  What followed was a nice talk about his school, his current love interest, and his parents. Their conversation eventually steered toward Blue, who lay on the floor chewing on a new chew toy, the squeaking encouraging Edgar to mimic the noise.

  Liam couldn’t believe how large he had grown when Penny pointed the camera on the chewing canine. “He looks so much like a…wolf,” he said over the din of squeaking. Penny walked into her bedroom where it was quieter with the door closed. She left it open a crack. The squeaking halted, and Blue nosed his way in through the crack, evidentially wanting to listen in on the conversation about him.

  Penny smiled. “Except for his eyes, of course. Wolves do not have blue eyes. You should see the sire. Hey, you really planning on a trip up here?”

  “If I can find tickets I can afford. I’m not a professional, yeah right? Not like you.”

  “Sure, that’s why I fly all over vacationing. Due to my extremely high wages.” She did not make much with an intern’s salary. The cheap house rent and use of Army’s vehicles was a blessing. That and monies invested from a settlement over the high school incident and her father’s life insurance… Before her thoughts could tread down darker paths, she said, “Well, you are welcome to come anytime. Just give a heads up, you know.”

  Du
ring the next several feedings, Fjord continued to eat less and less. Penny thought that he didn’t care for the new bottle her mother supplied.

  He became listless, and Penny did a quick exam. His temperature was 105°F, and his lungs sounded different. She called her mother at the clinic, then Noah for moral support and a ride. After packing the cub in blankets, Penny and Noah set out to the veterinary clinic.

  Eelyn examined the tiny bear, drew blood, and placed him in a neonatal incubator. She turned on oxygen and began gathering needed supplies. Penny ran the blood through the machine that would check for infection and organ function. Noah stepped in and assisted Eelyn when asked. Eelyn declared Fjord had pneumonia and that his prognosis wasn’t good.

  “I’ll do what I can, honey. He’s going to need to stay here, though. Both Vincent and Sam are away this week and next, so we can wheel the incubator into the office and keep him out of sight.” Eelyn placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “We can hope.”

  Over the next few hours, Eelyn drained fluid from the cub’s chest, started him on antibiotics and anti-inflammatories to fight the infection and bring his fever down. He lost his suckle reflex, a bad sign, so Penny watched over him, reaching in through the side to stroke his soft coat. Noah and Penny stayed the night watching over the bear, giving the medications and fluids that Eelyn prescribed. Noah easily dozed on one of the leather desk chairs, but Penny couldn’t tear her eyes from the ailing cub. He seemed to wither with each passing hour.

  In the morning, when Eelyn arrived with Lucy in tow, Noah rubbed Penny’s back as they stood looking over the incubator.

  “Come on, you need to get some rest. Your mother is here and will take care of him,” Noah said soothingly.

  “I just—” Penny palmed the tears that slid freely down her cheeks “—don’t…he was doing so well. I don’t want him to die.”

  Noah pulled her into him, wrapping his arms firmly around her. She curled into him, holding her face. In that moment, they bonded more firmly in their shared pain. When her tears subsided, her awareness of the warmth and hard planes of Noah’s body holding her securely grew. She reluctantly pulled away. As she did, the memory of his heat clung to her.

  “Sorry, Noah. I, ah, your shirt is all wet,” Penny said, her ears warming, and her heartbeat escalated.

  Noah eyed his shirt, smoothing the wrinkles. “That’s alright. It will dry.” He coughed. “Looking at him isn’t going to help anything. Let’s go.” Noah put a hand on her lower back and steered her out of the room.

  The next few days were touch and go for the little white bear cub. He perked up after the first ten hours and then relapsed into listlessness before her.

  “It’s because of the bottle I was using, isn’t it?” Penny asked her mother. The guilt ate away at her, becoming unbearable.

  “I can’t say for sure. Aspiration pneumonia can occur with even the correct set-up. You did the best you could, honey.” Eelyn smoothed Penny’s long hair back from her face. “Don’t give up yet. He’s still breathing.”

  Not very well.

  “Besides,” Eelyn continued, “not long after you and your sister were born, you both were hospitalized with pneumonia. You each had an incubator, just like this. But you two fussed and fussed until the doctors finally placed you together in the same incubator. There were tubes coming out of your nose, mouth, stuck in your arms and legs, but you settled down. Your father and I never gave up hope. And neither should you. It’s an unpleasant fact that what will be, will be. We just do the best we can and have faith.”

  Day four. I feel a change, Penny.

  Penny rose for the morning, readied herself quickly and drove into town. She felt a change, too. Her connection with Fjord was stronger. Although her mother knew she was on her way, she did not meet her at the front door like normal. Linda waved her back to the office, indicating Army was there with Dr. Osborn.

  Penny’s heartbeat increased when she opened the door. The vacant incubator stood open. Army and Eelyn turned to face her; she did not see the bear cub in their hands. Disappointment surged as she took their startled expressions to mean the worst. She couldn’t understand it; the connection she sensed was stronger. Unwilling to digest what it could mean, she almost turned and fled. Then she saw her mother’s face beaming.

  “He’s made a turn for the better! I just started to feed him. Do you want to take over?” Eelyn gestured with the bottle.

  Taking the bottle her mother had been holding, Army reached behind Eelyn and withdrew a basket from the desktop. Inside wiggled Fjord, nosing around in the blanket folds.

  “His fever broke last night, and he took some food from the bottle. I didn’t want to wake you if it was a false alarm.” Eelyn handed Penny the bottle, and she sat at the offered chair.

  After Fjord’s miraculous recovery, the days, or rather the lengthening nights, began to blend together with the reestablished routine. The endless nights would last until January 21, and Penny tried to make a mantra of, “it will only be sixty-five nights.”

  Army continued to fly home from teaching in Anchorage every weekend and sometimes during the week between lectures so that he could check up on his business in the north, which included now a growing polar bear cub. Between him and Eelyn, they offered their free time to allow Penny to continue her guitar lessons, assist Noah with maintenance at the airplane hangar, and just take a break. Noah took over care of the dogs, and Penny helped whenever she could. She found enough time between feedings to keep up with the incoming research data and work on composing the research paper with Army. Since feeding times occurred roughly every even hour and since she could easily sense when he was waking even across the few miles into town, Penny started slipping to the gym after the 6:00 a.m. feeding so that she could resume running.

  Just before Thanksgiving and day twenty-four of life with Fjord, he opened his eyes to take in the vision of his momma bear and his world. His eyes shone a brilliant blue, a tad darker than Blue’s eyes. As he became more active, Penny needed to be very careful about where she would set him when she required free hands. She filed down the tips of his claws to reduce the scratches on her hands. They didn’t bother her, but she didn’t want them to trigger any stares. Once he became larger, she was certain something more would need to be done.

  Although he couldn’t walk yet, he was scooting around well enough and weighed in at a whole three pounds. He made more noises, grunting and varied cries. The hair on the tip of his left ear did not develop; as his skin tone changed from pink to black, the tip shriveled. The black end curled in on itself. During a physical exam at home, Eelyn diagnosed frostbite. Fjord stayed inside the house, apart from when he was sick, as keeping a consistent ambient temperature was top priority during his early months.

  Will be easy to identify him from other bears, Lucy echoed Penny’s own thoughts.

  Still going to chip him, though.

  Yeah, like you will ever let him go out into the wild. Like he would be able to, being raised by humans.

  Penny sighed at her sister’s pessimistic but accurate sentiment.

  As he began teething, Penny purchased human baby teething rings and froze them for him to chew on. Noah whittled a wooden ring for him, the skill shown with such a simple object both surprising and impressing to Penny. He also brought her a pair of fingerless, long sleeve arm warmers. His kindness never ceased to amaze Penny.

  “So, my scratches aren’t as hidden as I thought?” she asked him.

  “Well, while his little paws do not contact me quite as often as they do you, they still are sharp. I saw these and thought they may come in handy for you.”

  The gloves were thick, tightly woven coverings with vibrant reds and greens breaking up the black color, like the aurora.

  “See, lights out,” he said.

  “Thank you, Noah. For this and all the other gifts. And your help with Fjord. You are amazing.”

  “Oh, I try.”

  Penny recognized her own craving for h
is nearness. Peering back at her, she saw a hunger reflected in his eyes. His expression deepened, and his lips parted as his gaze traveled her face. And abruptly panic tightened around her heart. Fear of rejection. Of mistaking his actions. And she stepped away where she could breathe easier.

  New Girl

  In the weeks leading up to the end of the year, Fjord continued to double in size each week. He was active and cuddly, and Penny could barely get enough of him.

  Noah’s self-defense classes began to focus on the varied techniques one would use to compete in the athletic challenges scheduled between Christmas and New Year’s Day – the Inuit Eskimo Games. The games were challenges designed to imitate what one needed to survive the harsh climate. Several Native Alaskans who were participating in the World Eskimo Olympics in Fairbanks graciously stopped by the Wednesday night class to give demonstrations. Penny thought that Noah might be more focused on his own competition in the local games, but she withheld judgment, happy to share in the experience.

  Other members of the class offered up stories, as was traditional. And although Penny had picked up a book on Native Alaskan folklore, after Noah had mentioned shamanism, none of the tales were ones she recognized from books. That Christmas was one of the happier in recent years, thanks to the warmth of the Volkovs. Noah finagled Penny into attending some of the week-long games. Between feedings, cleanings, and sanitation of bottles and food dishes (now that they had transitioned him to soft food), and more cleanings in addition to her exercise routine, guitar playing, and obviously work, less of her time was spent helping with the regularly scheduled activities like wrestling and self-defense class. Penny began to wonder if this was what a stay-at-home mother would feel like.

  January snuck in quietly and by the months end, Fjord began walking, although it would be more accurate to say he stumbled and tumbled. His full coat now making him look like an overly large, fuzzy caterpillar most times. Penny attempted to help the little cub until Army saw what she was doing and told her to let the cub figure it out on his own. Penny submitted to his wisdom—at least while he was watching her. It was too difficult not to help.

 

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