Wren was right all along. We were just going along for the ride and the ride was coming to an end.
Not that it really mattered to me.
We had a show in San Francisco in two days and life would be right back to normal again.
Without the worry of a marriage.
The black car drove and I thought about what I wanted for the backstage setup in San Fran. I was thinking some big pools of Jell-O. And naked women. Definitely. Or maybe clothed women. No. Women in cut off shirts. And they’d have to wrestle to tear the shirts off each other. The winner would get to suck my cock.
And the loser…
She’d get to suck my cock too.
Because with me there were no winners or losers.
Just Line Whores.
“Excuse me, Jay?” the driver asked.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want the flowers now or when we arrive?”
“When we get there,” I said. “I’m going to hang back and wait.”
“You got it. I’ll shut up now.”
“Hey, are you married?” I asked.
“Going on ten years,” the driver said.
“How do you know it’s worth it?”
The driver smiled. “I could have the worst day of my life. We could be fighting like crazy. We could say things we don’t mean. We could… whatever example I’m painting here… but when we sit down, she always puts her feet on me. That’s how I know.”
“Something that simple?”
“I like to keep life simple,” he said.
“Good to know.”
I looked out the window and swallowed hard.
I had fallen in love with her.
With Wren.
I knew that in my heart.
But she blamed me for her grandmother’s death.
As though I somehow cast a spell to tell Grams to pass away while Wren was in Seattle.
Then again, who was I to get mad at her for getting mad at me?
She had every right to be mad at me.
And I had every right to show up to the funeral.
It was a quiet and small service for Grams.
I didn’t want to make a scene so I stood at the black car.
When I saw Wren, my heart twisted like a wet rag, spilling emotion all over the inside of me in a way I never thought could happen.
I was a rock star… but I guess I was also human.
She wore a black dress with her hair pulled back. She wore black sunglasses and I could see that she was crying.
It was painful to stand there and not be able to comfort her.
I just wanted to walk up to her, grab her and hug her. I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay. I wanted her to know that Grams was proud of her and that she…
What the fuck do I know? I met Grams once. And Wren was just a fantasy at that point.
I stood with flowers in my hand.
And I waited.
The service ended and the handful of people that were there hugged Wren.
Wren smiled at everyone and nodded.
Fighting through the pain to show grace.
It made me love her even more.
When it was just down to Wren and her three friends, I decided to make my move.
I knew about her friends.
The one - Nia - was the one who set up the meeting with the paparazzi that I crashed to save Wren’s ass.
I moved through the cemetery slowly, waiting to be seen by Wren.
It was Nia who saw me first.
She pointed and when Wren looked at me, she froze.
She slowly reached for her sunglasses and lifted them up.
I approached the grave and there was something so symbolic about it that it bothered me. Grams was gone. Mine and Wren’s marriage was being called out for what it was. Fake. Wren had her friends. I had nobody.
When I stopped walking, I nodded. “Just wanted to pay my respects to her.”
Wren nodded. “Thank you for coming. I appreciate it.”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
“Should we go?” Nia asked.
“Can I have minute with Wren?” I asked.
“I’m just going to say it,” her one friend said. “I want a rock star at my funeral. I mean, can Grams be any more of a badass?”
I smiled. “I’ll see what I can arrange.”
“Lola, stop talking,” Wren said. “Actually, you three take off. Let me talk to Jay alone.”
“You sure?” her other friend asked.
“Yeah, Audrey, I’m good,” Wren said.
Nia, Lola, and Audrey.
They slowly moved away and I crouched down and gently tossed the flowers to the black casket in the grave.
I stared for a few seconds and shook my head.
Death was just… there. All the time. No matter the age, it was still sad to see.
“Thanks for the talk,” I whispered.
I stood up and Wren moved toward me. “Can we walk away from this? I’m getting freaked out now.”
“Let’s go,” I said.
I had the urge to grab her hand but I didn’t.
We walked side by side through the cemetery.
“How are you holding up?” I asked.
“Not sure,” she said. “It’s quiet. It’s hard. Audrey has been staying with me. Bethany too. She took time off to be with me.”
“Wow,” I said.
“She’s such an amazing person. I can’t believe I’m losing her too.”
“She’s still a friend, right?”
“I suppose,” Wren said. “But it’s not the same. She was like family. They all were in a sense. Now it’s all gone. Grams isn’t suffering anymore, which is good. But the whole thing just… I don’t know. Everything was taken away so fast. And now all the nurses are off to watch someone new die.”
“Hey,” I said. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Don’t tell me how to feel, Jay,” she said.
“Right,” I said. “Well, I’m sorry. For everything, Wren.” I moved in front of her and stopped walking. “Everything you said was true. I thought I was helping you but I was just being what everyone else in your life has been. Telling you what to do. How to do it. That’s not right. That’s not fair either. I’ll never forgive myself for what happened. That you weren’t there like you wanted to be.”
“You showed up finally.”
“I was listening to you, Wren. You were pretty clear back in Seattle…”
“I messed that up,” Wren said. “What I said. The way I jumped at you.”
“No,” I said. “Don’t backtrack, sweetheart. You were right. I was wrong. Let me have this one.”
Wren swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay. Can’t change what’s done.”
“Yes, we can,” I said. “Everything can be changed, Wren. I just wanted to see you. I appreciated Grams. I know I only met her once, but I could see everything about you in her. The wildness in her eyes. The way she laughed. The way she flirted. That’s the same fire I saw in you the night we got married. Could I have just offered to buy you a drink and get your number? Sure. But marriage made it crazier.”
“It was my idea, right?” Wren asked with a smile.
“Yeah, it was. And I can’t say no to someone as beautiful as you,” I said. I reached up and touched her chin. “I’ll leave you be now. If there’s anything you need, text me. I’m not joking either. Anything I can’t do personally, I will arrange through Toby. I just want you to be happy, Wren.”
“Jay…”
I leaned down and brushed my lips to hers.
Then I walked away.
As I turned, I grabbed the divorce papers from my back pocket and hid them.
I had planned on giving them to Wren but I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t face her when it happened.
Never in my life did I run from a fight. Never in my life did I back down. Never in my life did I give up.
I opened the door to the car and got back inside.
I tossed the papers next to me.
I refused to look back at Wren.
“Where to now?” the driver asked.
“You better take me to the beach house or else I’m going to make a really bad decision. Or ten.”
The car started to move.
I reached under the seat and grabbed the flask I had hidden there earlier.
The whiskey wasn’t going to chase Wren away.
But it could numb my love for her.
22
WREN
I stood at the bedroom door and couldn’t do it.
I would never open the door again.
Ever.
Seeing the room empty was one time too many.
It was two in the morning and I had to be at work by seven.
I didn’t care.
That’s what coffee was for.
I’d float my way through the day like I did yesterday.
I shouldn’t have been working but I needed the distraction.
“Wren?”
I gasped and spun around.
“Audrey…”
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know what time it is?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Do you want to go into the room? I’ll go with you.”
“No.”
“Okay. What are we doing then?”
“I want to sell the house,” I said. “I don’t want to live here anymore. I want out.”
“Then pack a bag. We’ll leave right now. We’ll get a hotel. Then tomorrow you can come live with me.”
I smiled. “You’re a good friend. You just jump right in to help me.”
“It’s what we do for each other, Wren. Stop looking so deep into things.”
“Sorry.”
Audrey put her hand out and I took it.
She pulled me into the kitchen and made us each a cup of tea.
“Talk to me,” she said.
“I don’t want to be here anymore. This house, I mean. I want my own thing again. But if I sell this place, it’s like letting her go for good.”
“Wren, I’m sorry to say this, but she’s gone. And if she’s up in heaven looking down on you, she’s going to be pissed that you’re acting like this. And that you blew it with Jay.”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“What happened at the funeral?”
“Nothing.”
“Right. Nothing.”
“He has the paperwork,” I said. “It’s up to him.”
“You’re going to base your life off paperwork?”
“I don’t know, Audrey,” I said. “It’s confusing. Okay? I have no idea what to think or feel.”
“Trust yourself, Wren,” Audrey said. “You’re so caught up on a love story… or what you think a love story is… and one is passing you by.”
“Jay is not a love story,” I said. I smiled. “He’s a cheap porno.”
“So then enjoy your cheap porno,” Audrey said.
“I did.”
“Can I be a bitch?”
“Of course.”
Audrey sipped her tea. “You’re thinking to yourself that if you didn’t go to Seattle Grams would still be alive.”
“So?”
“That’s not…” Audrey sighed. “You’re stealing her moment now, Wren. It was her moment to go. Do you think she really wanted to die looking at you or you looking at her?”
“Probably not.”
“So then what’s wrong? You gave her the best life possible. You did everything you said you were going to do for her. And when she knew you were happy, she let go. That’s not sad. That’s not tragic. That’s beautiful. Is it heartbreaking? Of course it is.”
I looked around and stood up. “I need to sell this house.”
“Really? You’re just going to ignore me?”
“I’m not ignoring you. I heard you. I just feel how I feel. And to figure out what you’re saying, I need to sell this house.”
“Okay,” Audrey said. “You’re calling off work and we’re selling this house. Tomorrow. I know a friend of a friend who’s a realtor.”
“Good,” I said. “It’s time to move on. Right?”
Audrey didn’t respond.
I hated that she didn’t respond.
It made me tear up.
I missed Grams.
I missed Jay.
I got dressed after my third cup of coffee and then poured the fourth cup.
The doorbell rang and I took a deep breath.
If I decided not to sell the house that was okay too. But at the very least I could meet with Audrey’s friend of a friend and see what could be done.
Audrey and I spent all night looking at apartments for me too.
Everything from a swanky high-rise to a quiet and secluded rent-to-own bungalow looking thing.
I had a few places in mind.
So I was going to meet with Audrey’s friend of a friend and then go apartment hunting. All the while skipping work, but not so much since I still had my email and I was going to take some time to get through a few contracts.
Everything was in motion.
The grief was raw in my heart still. And that was good. I needed it there.
I wasn’t going to just one day forget about Grams or not miss her.
The doorbell rang again.
I hurried to the door and opened it.
“Sorry, I was-”
I stopped talking.
“Toby?” I asked.
“Sorry, Wren,” he said. “Have to give you these in person.”
Toby handed me papers.
I knew what they were.
They were the divorce papers.
I looked at Toby and he pursed his lips tight.
“If you need anything else, please come to me. I’d like to keep this out of the press as much as possible. For your sake more than Jay’s. I know it was hard when this all happened.”
I flipped through the paperwork and felt my heart sinking.
I saw Jay’s initials. And then his name.
Written out clear as day.
“He signed it,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” Toby said. “And please tell me this isn’t a ploy for money. If money is going to be involved in any way at all, I need to know now.”
I looked at Toby and shook my head. “It was never about money. Ever. I would never do that. That’s not who I am.”
“Good. I’m sorry I had to say that. Take care, Wren. Look at it this way. You’re free now. I wish I could be so lucky to get away from Jay.”
He smiled.
I didn’t smile.
Toby took the silent hint and he walked away.
I shut the door and studied the papers over and over.
That was it then.
I signed them. He signed them.
We were… done.
That night in Vegas… everything after…
It was officially all over now.
“I can sell this in a week,” Jasmine said.
Her perfume stung my eyes and she dressed like a woman with purpose.
“It’s not in stellar condition but it’ll do,” she said. “No offense. But I don’t pull punches. It’s a good starter home. Or good for what you used it for.”
She opened Grams’s door and I stepped back.
My throat closed.
“Oh, this is a nice room too. Yeah, this place is okay. It’s perfect for someone sick of apartment life but can’t really dive into that expensive LA style. I love it. I want it.”
She shut the door and looked at me.
I hurried to smile.
“What do you think, Wren?” Audrey asked from behind me.
“I want to sell,” I said. “I can’t live here anymore.”
“Now, here’s the deal,” Jasmine said. “I need you out of here today. Pack up and go. For good. I’m going to bring in my crew and stage this place like it’s a fucking palace. It’s all about the ill
usion. I’ll get this thing in a bidding war by tomorrow night.”
“Okay…”
“Is that a problem?” Jasmine asked.
“Give her a second to think,” Audrey said.
“No,” I said. “I’m in. All in. Let’s go. I’m out of here.”
“Perfect,” Jasmine said. “Let me go make some calls and I’ll get this going.”
She hurried away.
“Are you okay with this?” Audrey asked.
“More than okay,” I said. “I’m going to find a new place to live today.”
“Wren…”
“What?”
“You’re going from zero to sixty here.”
“You wanted me to.”
“Only if you want to.”
“I do,” I said. “I swear on my life, I do.”
I went to the bedroom to start packing.
Audrey had to leave for a little bit to go home. Which was fine.
Jasmine left too, dead set on selling the house in a week.
That left me alone in the house, which actually felt right for once.
I didn’t feel at home. But I felt comfortable.
“I love you, Grams,” I said. “It’s time. It was your time. Now it’s my time. Except I’m going to live. I’m going to figure this all out. I never do this… and I never will again… but if you can give me some sign that this is… you know… this is right…”
The doorbell rang.
I gasped.
That was really weird.
I moved from the bedroom to the front door.
When I opened it…
“Jay.”
He stood with a guitar and started to play.
I covered my mouth and started to smile.
He cleared his throat.
“I have no idea how to write a song,” he said. “So I’m just… I’m just going with it…”
I nodded.
He kept playing.
He looked nervous.
Now there was something to see on Jay.
“I met this girl in Vegas, outside a club. She wore a dress and her eyes were as wild as her voice. Ready to take a swing, I put my heart on the line. A right hook and knockout punch, we ended up at a wedding chapel. I held her hand and said I’d love her for the rest of my life. We laughed. But I meant it…”
Jay kept strumming the guitar.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t rhyme.”
“I know,” he said. “Just… let me figure it out.”
A FILTHY Marriage (Filthy Line Book 4) Page 20