Lexie stood dry-eyed, staring at the window for a long time, but no one could be seen. Flames were licking up out of the void of the roof. Then the rafters fell in with a terrible crash, sending showers of sparks towards the sky and the crowd sighed in a terrible requiem. As she walked away without speaking, the people parted in front of her like a sea.
She went to Brunton’s to break the terrible news to Rosie, who listened in silence and then sank down to her knees beside her spinning frame with her hands over her eyes, sobbing as if her heart would break. The strength that had sustained her through so many tribulations was exhausted. She had nothing left with which to combat the loss of her only child.
‘Why did she go in? Why did she go in?’ she cried over and over again.
‘She tried to help Ida. Bertha must have thought she’d get her out before the fire took hold, but the stair caught and they couldn’t escape,’ Lexie explained. Her heart was burning with rage. There should not have been bars across those windows and there should have been some other escape route as well as the main stair. Bertha and Ida were trapped and killed because of lack of concern for the safety of the work force at places like Coffin Mill.
* * *
On behalf of the union Lexie demanded a meeting with the management of Coffin Mill. White-faced and strained, she demanded, ‘What compensation are you going to pay for this?’
The chief manager was strained too and he was short in his reply. ‘We’re not responsible. The woman who went in for her purse should have known better and so should Bertha Davidson. Their deaths are not the mill’s fault. We’ve got more to bother us. The whole place will have to be rebuilt.’
Lexie bent towards the speaker and hissed, ‘You’d put bars on those windows. They couldn’t climb out.’
He looked shifty. ‘The windows were barred to keep out burglars. We’re not the only mill with barred windows.’
‘I’m going to take out a case against you,’ she told him bleakly.
‘I don’t think you’ll win,’ was his reply.
* * *
For the first time in her life, Rosie stopped going to work and sat in her flat day after day staring into space. Not Lexie, not Maggy, not the ministrations and sympathy of her many friends could rouse her. In despair, Maggy wrote to Johnny.
Rosie’s mourning was shared by Lexie. Her grief was so deep that it almost paralysed her. She lay in bed, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling, and would not reply when Ninian spoke to her. He became exasperated with her and they quarrelled violently. One day he came home to find she had moved out of their flat.
She went to live with Rosie again. They wept together then and talked about Bertha. She and Lexie had been close intimates, as close as sisters, and though their meetings since she went to live with Ninian had been less frequent, the girls’ affection for each other was undiminished.
She had been living with Rosie for three days when Ninian appeared at the door and asked her to return to him.
She shook her head. ‘I can’t. I’m staying here.’
‘But not permanently, surely?’
She nodded again. ‘Permanently. Things weren’t really working between us, were they?’
He was surprised. ‘But I love you, Lexie. I thought you loved me.’
Her eyes were dark-circled and full of grief. ‘I do. But the way we are living upsets me. I know you’ve been seeing other women. When you go to London alone, I know when you’ve been unfaithful to me.’
He threw up his hands. ‘What do you mean, unfaithful? We agreed that we’re both free agents. You can have other lovers if you want. We talked about it.’
She said, ‘I know. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. I’m staying with Rosie now because she needs me. Please go away, Ninian.’
He was furious and seized her by the arm. ‘I love you, Lexie. You can’t leave me.’
‘Do you love me enough to marry me? Do you love me enough to promise never to take up with another woman?’ she asked and saw him hesitate. With a little push she headed him towards the door and he grew even angrier.
‘If you send me away I’ll go to Spain. I’ll go and fight with the International Brigade. You’ll never see me again.’
She opened the door without speaking and he went out on to the landing, still shouting. She was crying when she closed the door.
* * *
When Lizzie read in the evening newspaper that Bertha Davidson had died in the fire at Coffin Mill her first reaction was to go to Rosie’s flat, but second thoughts stopped her. She was afraid of the reception she would find there.
She sent a huge wreath of flowers to the funeral but did not attend herself, yet all the time her conscience worried her. Bertha was her brother’s daughter. Though she did not know the girl well, she was a relative. Eventually, after worrying about it for some time, she asked Charlie to take her to see Rosie.
He stopped the huge car at the tenement doorway and said to his mother, ‘Wait here. I’ll go up and see if there’s anyone at home. You don’t want to climb those stairs if you don’t need to.’
He ran swiftly up the four flights and at the top was surprised to find Lexie sitting in the open doorway nursing a cup of tea in her hands. She looked ravaged. She told him Rosie was not at home and when she heard Lizzie was waiting in the car, she said, ‘Rosie wouldn’t want to see her anyway. She’s bitter about everybody and everything.’
She said the management of Coffin Mill had refused to pay any compensation for the deaths of the two women in the fire and though she did not care about the money for her own sake, Rosie was furious that Ida’s family were refused help. Her tirades against the bosses were unending, and Lizzie had come in for her share of vituperation.
‘I thought as much. That’s why I came up first,’ said Charlie. ‘I’ll take my mother home.’
Lexie rose to her feet. ‘No, wait. I’ll come down to see her. I’ve not had a chance to make things up with her. I’d like to now. It seems so silly to go on feuding…’
She combed her hair, pulled a hat on to her head and then noticed Charlie’s face when he saw her coming out of the flat. His eyes were fixed on the hat.
‘Oh, I forgot,’ she said and went back in to replace it with another. The hat she’d been wearing was bright green.
Lizzie made room for her on the deeply upholstered back seat of the car.
‘I came to say how sorry I am about Bertha,’ she started at the same time as Lexie was saying, ‘I’m so sorry about Goldie Johanson…’ Then the two women looked at each other, sobbed and reached out to hold hands.
* * *
The contrast between Tay Lodge and the tenements where she had been living for so long struck Lexie forcibly as she walked over the parquet-floored hall towards Lizzie’s drawing room. The pretty, useless things that had cost a fortune were all still there. The crystal Cartier clock ticked away on the mantelshelf and bowls of potpourri scented the air.
Only Lizzie was changed. She had aged considerably and when they reached the haven of her home, she sank into the silken cushions with a sigh and a cough. Lexie had heard women coughing like that before, but they were living in hovels.
They talked of trivialities and did not touch on the past. Then Lizzie started to tell Lexie about Olivia.
‘I’m so glad I’ve a granddaughter. When I look back on my life it seems that I’ve never had much to do with any women except Maggy. It’s always been men. I don’t seem to know how to get along with women. Look how Rosie hates me. I’m going to really try with Olivia. Do you have women friends, Lexie?’
The red-haired girl looked down at her tea cup. ‘Bertha was my closest friend. I miss her terribly.’
Lizzie leaned over and said, ‘How’s Ninian Sutherland? Are you still together?’
‘No. He’s gone to Spain to fight.’
Lizzie did not need to ask on which side. ‘He’ll be all right. He’s a survivor,’ she said.
Lexie shook her head. ‘I won’t know
even if he doesn’t. He’s not written. I sent him away.’
A silence hung heavily between them and Lizzie found herself at a loss for words. Soon Lexie rose to go home. While Charlie drove her back to the flat she reflected that though little of consequence had been said between her and Lizzie, they had succeeded in opening up a small gap in the wall that divided them.
* * *
Lexie received an invitation to the christening of Lizzie’s six-month-old granddaughter in the spring of 1937.
The ceremony was conducted in Tay Lodge and the baby was anointed from an enormous silver bowl by the minister of the Steeple Church. The gathering which stood to toast the child in champagne looked prosperous in their expensive clothes. Alex and Alice were there with their little son but Alex’s wife avoided Charlie, who was looking more raffish than ever. Sailing on the edge of legality and respectability suited him. His bookmaking enterprise was thriving and he went to race meetings all over Scotland. The board that was stuck up beside his stance on the rails bore the slogan ‘Bet with the Boss’.
Jane was exquisite, dressed like a Hollywood star and a silent one at that, for she spoke but rarely and then only in reply to direct questions. It was clear that she and Lizzie did not understand each other and the mother surrendered the lace-wrapped baby to its grandmother grudgingly. Lizzie however did not seem to notice this reluctance and held the child to her heart, beaming with delight. She looked better and more animated at the christening than she had been for a long time and moved frequently around the crowd of guests, without coughing or having to rest.
She insisted on having a family photograph taken in the fitful sunshine of the garden. They lined up – Charlie, Jane, Maggy and Lexie. Lizzie sat in their midst with the baby in her arms as if it were her own.
Before Lexie left, her half sister held her hand and said, ‘You look tired, my dear. Have you heard anything from Spain?’
Lexie shook her head. ‘No, the news is bad though. Some people I know have men fighting alongside Ninian and they say conditions are terrible. The International Brigade’s suffered a lot of casualties.’
Lizzie consoled her, ‘He’ll write to you. I remember seeing you together. There was something real between you. He’ll write.’
Her intuition proved correct. A few days later Lexie received a letter from Ninian. His words were loving but there was no mention of their quarrel – he seemed to be trying to pretend it had never happened. As she read the letter she felt he was afraid he would be killed before he made peace between them.
That afternoon Maggy came toiling up the stairs to the flat. ‘Lizzie wants you to visit her again, Lexie,’ she said. ‘She’s something she wants to say to you.’
The christening had sapped Lizzie’s energy. She could hardly summon up the strength to rise from her chair when Lexie entered the room but her brain was sharp and her eyes eager. ‘I’ve been reading in the newspapers about this war in Spain,’ she said, indicating sheets of newsprint at her feet.
Lexie bent to pick them up. ‘I know. It’s awful. I heard yesterday that half of the thirty men who went out to fight from Dundee are dead already. They’re fighting against Moors. Someone told me that they’re savages. They disembowel prisoners.’
Lizzie shuddered. ‘I didn’t read that. Anyway, you shouldn’t believe those kind of stories. Where’s Ninian fighting? Have you any idea?’
Lexie took his letter from her pocket and said, ‘He’s at Jarama. This came from him.’
Lizzie turned to a map on the front page of her newspaper. ‘Jarama. Here it is.’ Her finger pointed it out and her eyes looked up at Lexie as she asked, ‘Are there any women out there?’
‘Of course. Plenty of them.’
‘I mean fighting like the men.’
‘There are some. They drive ambulances and make food or nurse the wounded.’
‘I thought with your ideals that you’d want to go.’
Lexie frowned. ‘I did think about it but I’ve no passport and not enough money left. Anyway the authorities are watching the ports to make sure people don’t go over. This government’s on the side of Franco.’
Lizzie said, ‘Get a passport and I’ll give you the money to go. But something tells me you’d better hurry.’
‘Why should you do that? You don’t approve of what we believe in.’
‘No I don’t, but I approve of Ninian Sutherland and though you might not believe this, I approve of you. In a way you’ve done the same as I have. I took on a man’s world and made a success. You’ve taken up a different cause and you’ve done well. I hear them talking about the girl in the green hat and I know who she is. We may be on opposite sides, Lexie, but I’m not so stupid that I don’t appreciate my opposition.’
‘I’ve not done well. I’ve failed. Nothing’s better for the working people.’
‘That’s not your fault. You tried but what you didn’t realize is that the only thing that causes change is demand. The mills are picking up again. Soon there’ll be plenty of work because they say there’s going to be another war.’ Lizzie did not sound jubilant at the prospect.
Lexie said with surprise, ‘I thought you’d be pleased about another war.’
‘I’ve too many bad memories of the last one. But don’t let’s quarrel. Will you go to Spain?’ said Lizzie.
Lexie did not decide immediately but went home and asked Rosie’s advice.
Her first question was, ‘Do you love him?’
‘Very much. I’ve been in misery since he went away. I miss him so badly.’
‘Then take Green Tree’s money. She’s plenty anyway.’
‘I don’t want to sponge. I’ll pay it all back,’ said Lexie.
‘Please yoursel’,’ shrugged Rosie, ‘but you’d better go as soon as you can.’
It was obvious that she too thought Ninian would not survive the fighting.
When Lexie told her half sister that she had decided to accept the offer of money to go to Spain, Lizzie beamed. ‘I wish I could go myself. It sounds like an adventure. I’ve wasted so much time, never going anywhere… Once I went to Paris, you know, with Goldie. It was wonderful.’
‘You should go again. Come with me while I’m on the way to Spain.’
Lizzie shook her head. ‘No, not without Goldie.’
‘You miss him,’ sympathized Lexie.
Lizzie sighed. ‘It’s not just that. I’m very worried about how I feel. When Goldie was alive I worried about loving him and Sam too, but since Goldie’s died, that worry’s become much worse. Which of them did I love best, I wonder?’
Lexie asked, ‘Do you have to love one more than the other?’
Lizzie shook her head. ‘No. It’s not like that. I suppose the way I loved them was different. It was very physical with Sam and with Goldie too in the beginning, but he and I had time to grow into each other, like two trees that are twisted together. You know what I mean? He was part of my life. Sam only came and went and there was such excitement when he was at home. Goldie was always there even if we weren’t married to each other.’
‘You were lucky to have him,’ said Lexie.
‘I know that. But since he died I’ve been going to church a lot and I’ve been thinking about what’s said there. The promise of meeting your loved ones worries me. Who will I meet, Lexie? Will it be Sam or Goldie? Who did I love the most? If I think it’s Goldie, I feel so guilty about Sam…’
The words poured from her and it was obvious that she was voicing a concern that had plagued her for a long time.
Lexie said soothingly, ‘You mustn’t worry about it. I don’t believe in most of the things ministers preach about anyway but I’m sure that love is something universal and it’s not measured out like lengths of cloth. If you believe in life after death, you’ll meet the people who mattered most in your life.’
‘You’re very sensible, Lexie,’ was Lizzie’s reply, but her face was still concerned.
Chapter 33
Maggy was sent to the flat
in the Hilltown with a bundle of bank notes which she handed over to Lexie. ‘They’re from Lizzie. She said you’d know what to do with them.’
Rosie was at home when the money arrived and stared in disbelief while Lexie counted it out on the kitchen table. ‘One thousand pounds! Has Green Tree taken leave of her senses? What’s the catch?’
‘I don’t think there is one,’ mused Lexie, fanning the money out on the table. ‘She’s a lot softer somehow… She really seemed to want me to go to Spain and find Ninian.’
‘I think you’d better go down to that hoose of hers and make sure she means it. If you go off wi’ her money, she might put the polis on you.’
‘Oh, Rosie, you’re so suspicious. But I will make sure she means it. I’ll go there now.’
Lizzie was feeling better and had been out to her mill for the first time in months. The rapidly filling order books and the enthusiasm that greeted her return cheered her even more and she was beaming when Lexie arrived.
‘Of course I mean it. You’d better go as quickly as you can. It’s going to take quite a time to get to Spain. I’ve just one thing to ask – write to me when you’re away.’
‘Of course I will. You’ve been very kind. I never expected it.’
Lizzie laughed. ‘I didn’t either, but during these long weeks when I’ve been ill, I’ve done a lot of thinking. You’re the only member of my family left except for Charlie and Olivia. It struck me that I never really made an effort to know you—’
‘I’ll pay you back,’ said Lexie awkwardly.
‘I don’t want paying back. I just want to hear what happens to you. Don’t disappear. We’re sisters after all…’
She deliberately avoided saying half sisters. It sounded so grudging, as if the relationship were hardly acknowledged. Lexie kissed her. ‘We’re sisters,’ she said.
* * *
Mistress of Green Tree Mill Page 37