Carter drops the towel and a small gasp escapes my lips. He freezes and I hide, standing dead still. Eventually I hear his footsteps moving away and I take another peek. Damn, his ass is fucking magnificent. I blush and take my time admiring his body. I’ll need to find a way to get out of here. Carter has been in a weird mood lately and I’m dead if he catches me now. He’ll make me freaking eat the cockroaches. I pat myself down and close my eyes in despair. I left my damn phone in the living room, so Kate can’t even come to the rescue.
Carter walks back towards me and my heart hammers in my chest. He pulls the curtains away abruptly, exposing me. I stare at him with wide eyes and a guilty expression on my face. Carter looks at me intensely, his expression wavering between lust and anger. It’s not often that I can’t read him, but tonight I truly don’t know what he’s thinking.
My eyes involuntarily wander down his body and I bite down on my lip. He’s put on boxer shorts, but nothing else. He’s hard and his boxers aren’t hiding it well at all. He sees me staring and places a finger underneath my chin to lift my gaze back up.
“My eyes are up here, Minx,” he murmurs, his voice low and dangerous. I’m breathing hard and only barely manage to hold his gaze.
“What are you doing here, Emilia?”
I hesitate and glance at his bed guiltily. His eyes involuntarily follow my gaze. Carter chuckles. “Hmm, here for a sleepover maybe? I wonder what your little boyfriend will think of that…”
I blink, startled. Landon. How the hell did I just complete forget about Landon? I look away embarrassedly. Ever since Carter came back, he’s been all I can think about. I’ve barely even spoken to Landon in days now.
“What kind of mischief did you get up to, huh? We’re not kids anymore, Emilia. Enough with this now.”
I stare at him, speechless. Enough? Pulling pranks on each other has always been our thing. I can’t imagine a world in which we didn’t do that. Carter closes the distance between us and my hands find their way around his neck. They move entirely of their own volition.
I feel something poking me in my stomach but I don’t dare to look down. He’s hard. It feels like a steel pipe is pushed up against me, and I instantly remember what it’s like to have him inside me. Landon and I haven’t done much more than make out. He’s been pushing for more and his hands have started to wander, but I’m not ready – I’m not comfortable enough with him. Having Carter this close to me feel entirely different though. My entire body tenses with anticipation. I’m trembling and getting wet from just having him close.
“Tell me, Minx. Why did you sneak into my room? Looking for something your boyfriend can’t give you?”
Carter pushes his hips against me and my lips fall open. He grins when I fail to hide the lust I’m feeling. His forehead drops to mine and his hands wrap around my waist. He pulls me into him roughly, my breasts crashing against his chest.
I automatically arch my back, my eyes dropping to his lips. Carter grins but there’s no amusement in his eyes. His eyes trail down my body and he hooks my leg up. I automatically wrap it around his hip. My skirt rides up and Carter runs a finger over my soaking wet panties.
“Hmm, you’re still getting so wet for me, Minx. Tell me, do you get this wet for Landon? Does he fuck you the way I do? Has he had you in your bed? In our treehouse?”
His finger slips past my underwear and into me. I moan when he rubs against my clit and my entire body trembles with need. I’m seconds away from coming already. It’s been too long. This is exactly why things never went any further with Landon, because I don’t feel the same desperation to be with him.
Carter chuckles and pushes me further and further, until I’m about to burst. Right before I come he pulls away, leaving me hanging. I whimper and look up at him pleadingly, but his expression hardens.
“No more petty little games, Minx. We’re done. We’re not children anymore, Emilia. Enough now. You’re dating someone. How would Landon feel if he knew you were sneaking into my bedroom at night? How would he feel if he saw us right now?”
I gulp. I know he’s right, but I don’t know if I could stop if I tried. Messing with Carter comes so naturally to me… it’s the way we communicate. If he were to just stop, it’d feel like he stopped caring about me.
“You’re my little sister’s best friend, Emilia. I’m merely your neighbor and perhaps a family friend. Let’s start acting like it.”
Carter pulls away from me and walks to his bedroom door. He holds it open for me and closes it as soon as I walk out.
Chapter 44
Carter
I feel like a fucking fool. I wish I’d never come back for Christmas. Just seeing Emilia fucking hurts. Thankfully I haven’t had to see her with Landon since that first day, but just knowing she is someone else’s tears me apart.
She clearly didn’t give a shit about me if it only took her three months to get over me and start dating someone else. I practically begged her to be my girlfriend twice, and I pursued her for an entire year. Yet Landon and she started dating within three months. It’s obvious I’ve just been an idiot. I thought she was genuinely worried about her friendship with Kate, but now I’m wondering if that might just have been an excuse. Maybe she just didn’t know how to tell me that she didn’t have any feelings for me. Maybe to her, I was nothing more than a friend with benefits, while I thought she was the love of my life.
Emilia walks into the house and freezes when she sees me. Things are so awkward between us now. Maybe she was right all along. She and I never should’ve gotten together. Rather than joining Kate and me on the sofa like she usually would’ve done, she disappears into the kitchen instead.
“She’s been weird since you got back,” Kate tells me. She glances at me suspiciously and I look away.
“We just kind of grew apart while I was gone. I haven’t really spoken to her in months now.” Just admitting that much hurts, but it’s true. We said we’d move on, and we have. I’m not sure how long it’ll take us to get back to normal. I’m not sure we ever will.
Kate nods and it annoys me that she looks somewhat pleased. “I actually kind of thought she had a thing for you, you know. I’m glad she doesn’t. Can you imagine how messed up things would get if you two dated and broke up?”
I nod absentmindedly. If only she knew the half of it. “Why did you think she had a thing for me?” I ask, unable to curb my curiosity.
Kate looks at me in disbelief. “Dude, are you blind? The way she used to look at you sometimes was just straight up indecent. It was so awkward. I was terrified she’d seduce you or something, like all my other friends. I love you both too much to let that happen. You’d be a disaster together.”
Her words grate on me. I just can’t understand why she hates the idea of us so much. “Unlike her and London?”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s Landon. Landon, and yeah. They’re so cute together. He freaking adores her. I feel like she only sorta liked you because no one else ever had a chance to approach her. You were kind of her only choice. And the way you two argue and mess with each other is insane. I can’t even imagine how awful you two would be together if you ever dated. God, can you imagine just how devastated Mom would be if you broke up and Emilia stopped coming over? We both know Emilia is secretly her favorite child. And, you know, forget about you breaking up – just your arguments would affect everyone so much. I’d hate it, and I know Mom would too.”
I don’t even know what to say to that, not that it matters at this point. “Either way, she and I are just friends, if that. I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Kate nods and sighs in relief. “Thank God for that. I’m so relieved she’s dating Landon now. You two were just a disaster in the making.”
I nod, trying my best to ignore the dull ache in my chest. Is it true? Did Emilia only want me because she didn’t have anyone else to choose from? Is it because I kept everyone else away from her? I’m not too sure. I didn’t treat her that much differently to how I t
reated Kate, and Kate still managed to go on a bunch of dates, some of which I’m sure were with my own best friend.
Emilia walks into the living room and smiles at me tightly before sitting down next to Kate. She’s wearing a short dress that rides up when she sits down, and I’m instantly reminded of the way I pinned her against my window a few days ago. I was furious and I wanted her so badly. I shouldn’t have touched her the way I did, but hell, she shouldn’t have responded the way she did. She was soaking wet. Just three more seconds and she’d have come all over my fingers.
“Okay, so, The Grinch or Home Alone?” Kate asks. Emilia grins and I know this is going to take forever, because she loves both of them wholeheartedly. The way she smiles makes my heart feel funny. When did I even fall for her? I can’t pinpoint a moment from after which I thought of her as mine. I think I might very well always have been in love with Emilia Parker.
I sigh and walk away. There’s no way I can get through an evening of watching movies with her, pretending nothing is wrong, when not a single thing in my world feels right. I walk into my bedroom and stare out my window. How many times have we exchanged messages through our windows? How many times have I sat here watching her instead of doing my homework?
The door behind me opens and Emilia walks in. She pauses and leans against my closed door. I frown and turn to look at her.
“Hey,” she says.
“Hey,” I reply. Emilia has never been awkward or polite with me, not even once. It’s weird that we’re acting like we’re strangers.
“Can we talk?” she asks. I nod and she walks to my bed. She sits down and clearly expects me to come sit down next to her, but instead I walk towards my desk chair.
“You’ve been weird,” Emilia says. I look at her, unsure how to even reply to that. “Weird how?” I ask. Emilia shrugs, as though she can’t quite pinpoint it either.
“I asked you to be my girlfriend, and you said no. We both moved on. You moved on quicker than I did, but whatever. We’re back to what we used to be, aren’t we? Just friends, or something like that.”
Emilia shakes her head. “But we’re not, Carter. We aren’t friends. You’re just avoiding me and you won’t speak to me. Even pranks are off the table now,” she says, her voice breaking.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what you want from me, Emilia. When I offered you the world, it was too much. Now that I’m treating you the way you asked me to, it isn’t enough. Nothing will ever please you, and I’m done trying. Let’s just treat each other civilly in front of our families and let’s just let things be. Maybe we’ll find a way to go back to what we were before, maybe we won’t.”
She gulps and looks at me, tears gathering in her eyes. I look away. I can’t stand to see the pain in her expression, but I know I need a clean break.
“That would be okay with you?” she asks, her voice wobbly. “If you and I were nothing more than strangers, would that be okay with you?”
No. It wouldn’t be. But it’ll have to be. “Yes,” I say. Emilia nods and turns to walk out. Every fiber of my being is yelling for me to follow her, but I know I can’t. Emilia has made her choice and it’s time I accept that. She and I will never be together, and I need to learn to be okay with that. Not every story has a happy ending, and I guess ours is just one of those.
The end, for now.
45 Sneak Peak of Chaos (Mayhem book #2)
Emilia
I’m trembling as Kate and I walk up to the apartment that Carter and Asher share. My hands are clammy and my heart is hammering in my chest.
Carter and I haven’t had a single real conversation in the last year and a half. Every time he came home he went out of his way to avoid me. If he was ever forced to speak to me he’d treat me with such indifference that I’d barely recognize him. Ever since the first time he came home he and I have slowly but surely become strangers. Carter now treats me with the same cold politeness that he used to reserve for Kate’s other friends. It’s like he and I were never friends. Like we weren’t so much more than that. I’m terrified of seeing him again. I’m terrified of him pushing me away even further.
I’ve been in a weird state of denial, telling myself that we’re only distant because he’s been so far away, but soon I’ll be out of excuses. I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with the guy he’s become. Carter and I used to be so close, but now I barely know him. All I know is whatever I hear from Kate and Helen, combined with what I see on social media and on the news. He’s a rising football star and based on the photos I’ve seen online, well loved by the girls at USC. While I logically know he isn’t the guy I used to know, my heart refuses to accept it. In the few interviews he’s done on his private life he made it clear that he doesn’t believe in love at all and that he greatly enjoys his bachelor lifestyle. The Carter I used to know wasn’t like that. He might not ever have said it, but I’m pretty sure he used to love me as much as I loved him.
The door opens and Asher appears, his eyes lingering on Kate. I know the two of them have been seeing each other on and off again — neither one of them able to stay away, though they both keep trying. All the while they’ve done their best to keep it from Carter, promising each other to keep it quiet until they finally decide to make things official, which has yet to happen. For Kate, Carter’s graduation party was the start of something new. It was the night she and Asher finally gave in and acted on their feelings, setting in motion the months of push and pull they’ve gone through. For me it was the end of the best thing I ever had. The night I spent with Carter was the last night we had together.
Asher pulls Kate towards him and hugs her tightly, his face buried in her hair. When they’re still wrapped up in each other minutes later I clear my throat awkwardly. Asher blinks and looks at me, confused. Yep. He didn’t even see me standing here. He blushes and steps back to let us in.
“Hey, Emilia,” he murmurs. I roll my eyes and push past him. If they’re going to be this obvious about their affection for each other then they might as well not even try to keep it from Carter. They’re hardly very subtle. For just a split second I wonder what things might have been like if Carter and I started dating two years ago. Would we have made it? Would Helen and Kate have gotten over it? Would he be welcoming me the way Asher is welcoming Kate? My heart aches at the mere thought of all the would-haves and could-haves.
“Make yourself at home,” Asher tells us. Kate and I follow him in curiously. The apartment looks so normal. It doesn’t at all look like the bachelor pad I was expecting. It’s just a regular two-bedroom apartment with mostly neutral colored furniture. It isn’t even remotely messy. The boys can do with a bit of color, but they certainly haven’t done a bad job.
We pause in front of Carter’s bedroom and Kate sighs. “Is he still asleep?” she asks, her mood souring. I check my watch and bite down on my lip. It’s nine am on a Sunday, but he knew we’d get here today. I might not have spoken to him much, but I know Kate has.
Kate rolls her eyes and opens his bedroom door. I hesitate before following her in. Will he at all be happy to see me? Will he be upset if we wake him up? Things haven’t been the same between us in months now, but I’m hoping we can at least become friends again now that we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.
It’s pitch dark when we walk in and Kate slams her hand against the light switch angrily. Carter’s room is bathed in light and he groans. My eyes roam over his room in surprise. His floor is scattered with clothes and other mess. Carter was never super tidy, but he was certainly never this messy either.
Carter sits up and runs a hand through his hair, an annoyed expression on his face. The sheets fall to his waist and my eyes fall to his body. It looks like he’s naked and the sheets only barely cover him. He looks mad as hell to have been woken up, but his anger drains away once his eyes land on us. He looks at Asher first, and then at Kate.
“Kate,” he says, his voice rough and sleepy. His eyes linger on me for just a few second
s, his expression entirely unreadable. I can’t figure out if he’s even remotely happy to see me. He dismisses me easily and looks back at Kate. “When did you get here?” he asks. He grabs his jeans from the floor and pulls them on underneath the covers before standing up.
My heart aches at how easily he ignores me. He’s focused entirely on Kate and it’s like I’m not even here. He hasn’t so much as smiled at me.
“A few minutes ago,” Kate says. She crosses her arms over each other and glares at him. “I told you Milly and I would get here today. Why are you still in bed?”
I look up at him as discreetly as I can. He looks bigger. More muscular and rugged. I’m hit with a familiar sense of longing. My eyes roam over his body hungrily and my gaze freezes on his lower abdomen. He’s got more than a few little kiss marks on his skin and I suddenly feel sick. I bite down on my lip harshly to keep my emotions in check. It feels like someone has stabbed me in the heart and then twisted the knife. It’s been over a year since Carter and I ended things, so why do I still feel this way? I look away, frozen in place.
I breathe in as deeply as I can, my breath hitching. It really hurts. He warned me that he’d move on, but I guess I was just in denial. Carter has done his best to hide his sex life from Kate and me. I always knew, but knowing isn’t the same as seeing. I take a step back and rub my chest as though that’ll soothe my aching heart.
“I thought Asher told you that our orientation is tomorrow. I literally called you last night to make sure you’d be up in time. I can’t believe you’re still in bed,” she says, snapping at him.
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