“You can’t even compare the two,” I said.
“Of course I can. Let’s see. Oh, both Andrew and the university are in Boston,” she said.
“And I’m here.”
“Exactly. But think about what Andrew told you. The Treasured Chest can relocate anywhere, even Boston.”
“I’m not moving to Boston to run a strip club. I want to be a paralegal there. Who would hire me in that city after running that club?” I asked.
“You’re forgetting the part that it’s the name of the business only that needs to stay intact. Imagine what you could open The Treasured Chest as? Oh, how about an antique shop. I love going to those.”
“I don’t,” I stated firmly. “And I’m not moving to Boston. I don’t want to be there.” Anymore.
“If you ask me, you’re the one lying about what you want and your feelings. That’s worse than anything Andrew did. And trust me, Anne, it’s not healthy either. All you end up doing is living with regret,” she said.
Right now, I regretted telling any of this to Aunt Trixi. “Okay. I like him. And, yes, I’d like to be in Boston, instead of here in Bermoose. But we don’t always get what we want. You of all people should know that,” I sighed.
“You’re right. And that’s what gives me the right to tell you not to make the same mistakes I did. Carl and I wasted so many years never getting past something stupid. If we had, then maybe we would’ve gotten remarried.”
“Aunt Trixi, you and Uncle Carl loved each other very much. I hardly know Andrew.” That became evident when he finally told me the truth.
“You never know a person totally. Hell, you don’t ever really know yourself, either. All you can do is be open to what the other person brings to your life. If it’s negative, then walk away, but if find you’re more with that person, your hopes your dreams become theirs, then you’re with the right person and you should hold on to them tight. You will have found your soulmate.”
Soulmate? At one point I would’ve considered using that term regarding me and Andrew. But obviously, only one of us had those feelings.
Aunt Trixi made it sound so simple. But that wasn’t the case with Andrew and me. I’ve said things that I meant at the time. Granted, it was in the heat of the moment, but when I had told him I never wanted to hear from him again. Never wanted to see him again, it came from my core. I had been hurt. Hell, I still am.
Andrew doesn’t care. He hasn’t tried to reach out to me. And from what I knew, he wasn’t in Bermoose anymore anyway. He gave up on obtaining the club and left me behind, too. He has his life. I don’t belong in it.
“Can we please change the subject? I don’t want to talk about him. I have other things, like running a business, that I need to think about,” I said firmly. That was one thing that hadn’t changed. If I slack and The Treasured Chest goes in the red, I’m going to be stuck running it longer than a year. Is everyone forgetting why I am even in Bermoose? It’s not for me. It’s for them. If I had followed my heart, I would already be in Boston, and never met Andrew in the first place. And never falling in love with Andrew, and never felt the pain of it when it came to an end.
It felt like someone was holding my heart and squeezing so tight that it couldn’t beat.
Whoever said it was better to love and lost than never loved at all, must be a masochist because this kind of pain fucking sucks.
“I know one thing,”
“What is that?” she asked, afraid of what she was going to say.
“I’m hungry. Want to go get a bite to eat?”
Finally, you get it. My stomach was still twisted in knots, but I had to eat. I wouldn’t mind grabbing a half-gallon if moose tracks ice cream and a spoon and running back to my room. Gaining twenty pounds over this wasn’t going to help a thing. But real food would at least provide some much-needed energy before I go into work. God, I don’t want to go to the club tonight. Why do I have to be so…responsible? Why can’t I just crawl away and hide and lick my wounds I want to?
Trixi smiled and said, “I feel like a club sandwich. How about going to the diner on Main Street?”
“Really? Don’t you think they’ll all still be talking about me?” I asked.
“Then why not go and set the record straight? Tell them you’re not going anywhere and that Bermoose is your home for God knows how long, because you’re too scared to chase what you really want.”
I shot her a warning look. “I’m not going anywhere if you’re going to keep talking about Andrew.”
“I never said his name. You did,” she smiled. “Guess we know now what you really want.”
I rolled my eyes. Why did I say I missed having you home again?
I wanted to argue with her, but she was right. I wanted Andrew. But that didn’t change the fact that he never wanted me, and used me to get to my land.
I had to admit, I was happy that Andrew had looked deeper into the will. I had options now that I didn’t before. But that didn’t mean I could pull it off alone. And that’s exactly what I am. Alone.
Chapter Eighteen
Andrew
“I don’t give a fuck what I’ve lost for an investment,” I snarled. “I can sell the property I already acquired, or hell, I can donate it to Bermoose. This development is off the table. Now, is there something productive you wish to discuss, or can I head home?” I just got back to Boston a few hours ago. I never should’ve agreed to meet Phillip at the bar. All I wanted right now was to drink until I couldn’t think. Phillip was getting in the way of both.
I had plenty of alcohol at home, and right now, that’s where I wanted to be. My place was my solitude. And if I couldn’t be with Anne, I didn’t want anyone’s company. She’s told me where I stand. The doghouse would be a step up. I couldn’t get her cold eyes out of my mind. As soon as she learned what I’d done, a brick wall went up. Any feelings she may have held for me vanished.
“I’ve never seen you walk away from a deal before. And for the record, this is your third shot of tequila. You usually drink beer or bourbon. I take it you told Anne about what you were doing, and she wasn’t…receptive,” Phillip said.
“That’s an understatement. She hates me, and rightly so,” I said, downing another shot.
“You might want to go easy on those,” he suggested.
“What’s it to you? I’m calling a cab anyway.” That’s as responsible as I was prepared to be after the day I’d had. I’d been this angry before, but never at myself. Phillip warned me, but I didn’t listen. I thought Anne’s freedom to follow her dreams would be worth the price. Now I’m not so sure.
“Andrew, she might be angry now, but I’m sure given time, she will come to realize you were doing what you thought was best.”
“And what was that, Phillip? She believes I lied to her,” I barked.
“Which you did,” he stated.
“No. I…omitted a few things, but never have I lied to her,” I corrected.
“I’m sure that makes her feel so much better. Lying, or hiding. Gee, Andrew, do you know a single thing about women?”
I knew everything I needed to keep them at a distance. When it came to having a…relationship, well, I had no fucking clue. “I blame our parents for that.”
Phillip nodded. “I agree. They weren’t exactly ideal role models for a healthy and functional relationship.”
“You think? It’s why we’re all married to our careers. Wealth and success is all any of us strive for,” I growled. “Do you know she accused me of that and I couldn’t even deny it? How fucking sad is that?”
“Did you learn anything?”
I shot him a look, and I swear if we weren’t in a bar, I might just knock him on his arrogant ass.
“Yes. I learned that I’m an asshole and that she deserves much better than me,” I snarled. It was the truth. Anne was the sweetest, kindest person and I fucking hurt her.
“You’re not looking at the entire picture. I’m not saying you’re not an asshole, but based
on everything you told me, your intentions were good.”
“You’re just saying that because you and I are alike and you don’t want to admit you’re a piece of shit, too.”
Phillip chuckled. “Possibly. But for the record, I’m a much bigger asshole than you’ll ever be.”
“How so?” I asked.
“I would move forward with the deal. But obviously, you’re in love with this girl.”
“I never said that,” I snapped.
“Let’s see. You are walking away from a billion-dollar deal and sitting in a bar getting drunk. Sounds like love to me.”
I looked at him and said, “Maybe you’re right. You might be a bigger asshole than me.”
Phillip said, “Well, this asshole is cutting you off. Time for you to get your ass home. Whether you want to or not, you still have a business to run and a meeting in the morning.”
I had totally forgotten about that. “Might need to reschedule,” I said as I stood up. My head spun. That last shot had tipped the scale, and I was drunk.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to ride with you?”
“I don’t need a babysitter. I just need to…move on.” Tomorrow I would pick up the pieces and go back to my life as usual. An empty fucking life.
As I got into the taxi and gave the drive the address to my apartment, I looked out the window as we drove. Was it because I was drunk that Boston had seemed to have lost its luster or was it because Boston wasn’t where I wanted to be? Maybe I just need another shot of tequila.
I hadn’t even made it home and my phone rang. Damn it, Phillip. If you’re checking on me already, I’m blocking your number.
I pulled my cell phone out and saw it was Trixi. I wasn’t in the mood to hear a lecture from her. I declined the call and put the phone back in my pocket. Yeah, I know. I hurt her niece. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t. I fucked up.
I was back in my apartment. I didn’t even bother undressing before I flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes. Even drunk, I was haunted by what I’d lost.
My head pounded and my stomach twisted in a knot. The tequila was kicking my ass and the nausea won out. I bolted to the bathroom, and clung to the toilet, hurling. I’d never drunk enough to make myself sick like this. It was miserable.
When I was done, I threw cold water on my face and headed back to bed. I put my phone on silent and laid back down.
Anne. I’m sorry. All I wanted to do was show you how much I love you. Instead, I gave you reason to hate me.
Chapter Nineteen
Anne
My night was horrendous. Ted, the bouncer Andrew hired, worked out great. It meant I could hide in my office all night and do what? Think about Andrew.
I didn’t need more free time to do that. What I needed was to be so busy I didn’t even have time to pee.
There was a knock on my office door, and I said, “Come in.”
“Hello, Ms. Worth. Everyone is gone and the place is locked up tight. Are you ready for me to escort you to your vehicle?” Ted asked.
“That won’t be necessary,” I said.
“It’s part of my duties,” he replied.
“Did Andrew tell you I need watching? Because I can tell you I’ve been walking myself to my car since I was sixteen. I even open my own door. Go figure. I don’t need a man to take care of me. I can do it myself.” Even got a vibrator, so I don’t need him for that either.
But I still missed him. Even as frustrated and angry I was, I missed him.
“I have never spoken to Andrew Heart. I was sent by his brother Clark.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I mean, I assumed Andrew had hired you,” I stammered. “Let me grab my purse and I’ll meet you at the front door, if that’s okay?”
“Take your time,” he said, and left my office.
Ted really was the right man for the job, and surely didn’t deserve me biting his head off. He might think I’m crazy, but my emotions were a rollercoaster and I needed off. But there was no stopping it. One minute I was angry, the next crying and fighting the urge to reach out to him, and then empty, as though everything I was, he took when he left.
Grabbing my purse, I headed to meet Ted, who was waiting patiently at the door. As promised, he walked me to my car and waited until I pulled out of the parking lot. I looked in the rearview mirror, worried that he’d actually follow me all the way home. Thankfully, he didn’t. I hated being monitored or hovered over. I liked taking care of myself.
On the way home, a herd of deer bolted from between the trees and dashed in front of my car. I applied the brakes, dimmed my headlights, and rolled to a quiet stop so as not to startle them. In the dimness of my car’s fog lights, I watched as each deer made it safely across the street.
And that’s how you do it, Andrew.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the steering wheel. Was everything going to remind me of him? Was this a torment I’d be facing for the rest of my life?
I lifted my head and turned my headlights back on. The last thing I needed was some patrolman thinking something was wrong. They wouldn’t be able to help me. Not unless you can arrest him for breaking my heart.
I needed to go home and get some sleep. I was mentally and physically exhausted. But I had a feeling that sleep wouldn’t come easily. With any luck, Aunt Trixi wouldn’t be waiting up and I could slip into my room without any conversation at all.
I had no such luck. As soon as I walked into the cabin, she rushed over to me.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Just tired. Going to bed,” I said.
“You need to eat something. I called the club and Sugar said you spent your entire night locked away in your office.”
“I had work to do,” I said. Didn’t do any of it, but I had plenty to do.
“And now you have food to eat. I made your favorite,” she said.
I didn’t even know I had a favorite. “I’ll reheat it when I get up.”
“I called him!”
My heart stopped and I snapped, “You did what?”
“You heard me. I called Andrew,” Trixi said.
“Why on earth did you do that?” I asked angrily.
“Because I knew you wouldn’t.”
“That’s right. I wouldn’t. And you shouldn’t have,” I said firmly. “What did he say?”
Trixi said softly, “He didn’t answer.”
That figures. It was also proof that he didn’t want to hear from me. He’d been caught and called out. Evidently, his intentions weren’t as honorable as led me to believe. I was glad I told him to leave and to get out. I didn’t need to listen to any more of his lies.
“Aunt Trixi, I really am not hungry. I have to go lie down,” I said.
“But I’m leaving in the morning and thought we should talk.”
“I thought you were going to be staying a few more days. What’s the rush?” I asked.
“You know, when you find what you want, you have to act. Don’t hesitate or overthink it, otherwise you end up playing ping pong by yourself and going nowhere.”
I understood what she said, but why did she have to be so damn dramatic about it? Great, she knows what she wants. I do, too. I just can’t have any of it. If she had a smart remark for that, I wasn’t going to ask, because it’d probably take her an hour to tell me.
Leaning over, I gave her a hug. “I love you, Aunt Trixi. Have a safe trip. I promise I’ll come visit you.”
“You’d better.”
I headed to my room and closed the door. It was quiet and dark inside. I wasn’t planning on doing anything but lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling anyway.
As I laid there, I heard my cell phone buzz. Great. What is wrong now? If it was Aunt Trixi checking on me again, I was going to lose my mind. I picked it up, but the text wasn’t from her. Andrew. My heart stopped and I was afraid to open it. He’s probably just checking to see how Ted worked out. Or seeing if I want to sell the club yet.
There
really wasn’t any good reason for him to text or call me. Part of me wanted to toss my phone onto the nightstand and ignore it. But I had to know.
ANNE, I’M SORRY. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND INSTEAD, I MADE YOU HATE ME.
I read it several times over. He loves me? There was no way he was texting me this. I double-checked, and yes, it really came from his number. But if he loved me, why didn’t he talk to me about what he was doing? Why go behind my back? Maybe I didn’t want to move the club. Maybe I wanted to keep everything as it was.
That wasn’t true. He actually found what I was hoping and praying for. A way out. I want to take it, but…but…I’m scared.
I had the chance to have everything I want, and I was too damn chicken to act on it. Was Aunt Trixi right? Was I getting caught up in the same internal battle that always ended back at square one? Will I ever have a clear idea of what I want?
I read his message again and again. At least you’re not afraid to say what you mean. Even if you’re wrong. I don’t hate you, Andrew. I love you, too.
Well, I admitted it to myself. That was the first step. Part of me was tempted to respond and tell him I loved him, too. But those were just words. I needed to show him, like he’d tried showing me.
I put my phone down and laid back on the bed. He loves me.
It felt like a weight had been lifted from me and I could finally breathe again. I’m so glad he sent me that text. Not that I knew what our future held, but at least there was still a chance, even if it was a small one, that Andrew and I could start again.
I wanted to make it special, but I was going to need some help. Aunt Trixi would be more than willing, but I wanted to keep her out of it as much as possible. If things didn’t go as planned and he shot me down, I didn’t need anyone going ballistic on his ass. It would just mean that we had a chance and we…blew it. I’d have to walk away and accept it, somehow.
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