By day he frequents her office, the single place on campus providing that balance between attention and escape necessary to concentrate. Over decades, Botkin has perfected her digs. A heavy oak panel obscures the pea-green steam pipes, and lace curtains, white embroidery on white, meliorate the industrial frosted glass. University-issue khaki bookcases against one wall house journal indexes, meticulously aligned, going back into forties antiquity. Across from these shelves stands another case, a varnished turn-of-the-century hardwood masterpiece. It holds editions of Werfel, Mann, Musil, essays by Benjamin and Adorno, and other suspect tomes from the soft sciences. The spines alone qualify some as minor triumphs of decorative art. Ressler likes to heft these, examine the marbled paper. He is entranced, too, by other items on the shelf: molding Furtwängler platters older than he is, pressed, to his delight, on one side only. “So did this man collaborate?”
Botkin smiles sadly. “Half the NSF collaborated.”
The lid of her centenarian rolltop desk, long stuck closed, renders the piece ornamental. Dr. Botkin now employs it only for stacking; piles of print, heaps of paper of all religious persuasions, welded into inseparable masses, ski down the desktop slope into further piles scattered about the floor. And yet, the room is meticulous, tidy. A Viennese overstuffed chair, faded but impeccable, flanges in ornate wings at the top; armrests flourish fruits and vines, and the stitchery on the back, though ghostly now, still shows the trace of a pastoral scene. The right armrest bears stains smelling of anisette, temporary storage spot for candy when the bone-handled phone demands answering. Botkin sits there for hours while Ressler lies flat out on a tooled Moroccan leather couch, as if for regression analysis. Botkin abstractly considers the skin on the back of her hand, which has gone slack and no longer snaps back when pinched. “And what is our lesson for today?”
Ressler, prostrate, grins at the ceiling. “The surface shape of the split helix. Its transcription to RNA. Energy considerations against assembling protein chain directly on the strand. The possibility of the peptide chain peeling from the RNA surface as it forms.”
“If you insist,” she sighs. But her imagination has come alive after a dormant winter. She once more reads voraciously, devising tests, learning, freeing herself from dead preconceptions, leaping for the first time since the war.
The room, curtained for minimum sunlight, smells of tea, rose water, hair oil, napthalene—nonspecific aromas of the past. Its scent encapsulates a forgotten ghetto—Danzig, perhaps, or Prague, though it would take a hopelessly sensitive nose to tell. Ressler can concentrate here. What’s more, he can think out loud. Botkin has the intellectual chops to keep him honest. Something about the place makes it perfect for guided associating. Oriental richness, dark and full, despite a paucity of decorations. Only two ornaments grace the walls, two framed photographic prints, one of Mahler and one of the chemist Kekulé. The latter dreamt one night of a snake rolling its tail in its mouth, and woke with the structure of the benzene ring. The former composed, in already antiquated idiom, a staggeringly beautiful song cycle on the death of a child from scarlet fever, losing his own to the disease shortly thereafter. The two contemporaries hang side by side, a semblance of a shrine. Near them, mounted under glass, hangs a tiny, inexplicable object that could only be a gold filling.
Gradually Ressler ventures farther afield. Dan Woytowich has him over for a nervous evening. The group’s classical geneticist, Woytowich has spent his professional life raising fish and plotting their susceptibility to disease against their number of stripes. Full of promise once, by all accounts. No one knows exactly what happened. Recently, alarmed by the advanced hour and suddenly aware that his generational studies have been all talk and no action, Woyty has married a grad student in English literature half his age, a woman both stripeless and disease-free. Despite the late discovery that he would even now like to father a real family, Woyty’s only child to date is wife Renée’s emerging dissertation.
Renée describes her project in detail, after the get-acquainted conversation falls into autism: “You know Ben Jonson? O Rare Ben Jonson?” Ressler nods before she starts singing “Drink to Me Only”. “Someone once told Jonson that Shakespeare never blotted a line. Jonson replied, ‘Would that he had blotted a thousand’.” Renée explains; Ressler drifts, loses the thread. Something to do with her determining exactly which thousand lines Jonson wanted Shakespeare to blot.
Woytowich is reluctant to talk shop. Stuart could learn endless classical genetics from the man; he slighted macroheredity in school, in the heat of molecular excitement. But Woyty just sits taciturn throughout the evening. When Ressler catches Dan looking at his watch, he apologizes for overstaying and gets up to go. “Oh, no,” Woyty laughs anxiously. “’Tain’t that. Only … would you mind very much if we …?” He gestures embarrassedly at the color set, one of the first quarter million to grace an American home. “It’s news time.”
Ressler defers with pleasure. He watches attentively, not the new technology or today’s current events, but the behavior of his colleague, a genuine habitué of headlines. Woyty sighs. “I’m absolutely dependent. Jesus; even quiz shows bind me for hours. But the news; God. I’m terrified of missing something. Ever since Khrushchev did his CBS interview … Christ Almighty. The news is the most gratifying thing life has to offer. Think of it; we can know within hours, things all over the globe actually happening now.”
They watch in silence, the first comfortable moment all evening. The danger of the nightly You Are There. Partly developmental, like the soaps: today’s police action is tomorrow’s outbreak, so stay tuned. Only the stories change faster and more wildly than soaps. “Catch the broadcast about the Saigon stabbing of the Canadian armistice supervisor?” Woytowich asks during the commercial. “A real whodunit. But what happens next? Always the question. Catch Diem’s visit, the great scenes of Dwight personally meeting the man at D.C. airport? Bloody hell, you know? Gets to be a problem. I mean, I could sit until the world ends before they give the wrap-up.”
At the next break, fearing for the man’s well-being, Ressler tries to change the topic. He describes his last twenty-four-hour shift manning the rate experiment, the isotope readings on his cultures. But the elder partner is unseducible. “Ain’t that the kicker? They fail to tell you in Bio 110 just how much science amounts to jacking a knob every hour for three years and jotting it down in a journal. You ought to look into one of those portables. Pick one up on payments. Put it in your office. Go anywhere with one. Never have to miss an update.”
“There’s always the next day’s newspapers, Dan.”
“Not the same, reading about Yemen after the fact. Like listening to a tape of a ballgame. What difference does it make if Mays gets a clutch hit when the affair’s a done deed? Give me live broadcast, the announcer muffing his words, the station disclaiming the views of third parties. Give me simultaneous report.” That’s it, the reason Woytowich has sunk into information dependence: if he hears an event while it’s still going on, he has an infinitesimal chance to alter the outcome. Not to watch tonight’s segment, even to entertain a junior researcher, is to commit a sin of omission. He’s Horace Wells all over again, the man who, altruistically pursuing proper anesthetic dosages, discovered, instead, addiction and squalor.
Summer’s almost gone, winter’s coming on when K-53-C gets its first knock on the door. Given his utter anonymity, Ressler assumes some terrible mistake. It’s the NSA, confusing him with some other Stuart Ressler of the same name, or Veep Dick Nixon on search-and-destroy committee work. What’s he done recently to run afoul of the authorities? Growing radioactive microorganisms without a permit.
The visitor is Tooney Blake. Although they’ve worked in proximity all summer, the two men are still strangers. Blake is a solid biochemist who has taken up partition chromatography, a six-year-old technique that, given patience and precision, reveals the amino acid sequence in a protein. He has never voiced anything but irrefutable clarities at the Blue Sk
y sessions. Neither brilliant nor erratic, Blake is the sort of steady lexicographer Ressler will need to pull off any coup de grâce. Here Tooney stands, inexplicably in the doorway on the last Friday evening ever in August ’57. He has his arm around an attractive woman in her mid-thirties. Ressler can only greet the couple warmly, as if they’ve been expected.
“You know my lovely wife Eva.” Ressler wobbles his neck. “You’ve met,” Blake insists. “Ulrich’s. Stuart, you’ll never believe this. We just discovered it ourselves, in fact. We live under the same damn roof.”
Ressler is lost in the vistas of figurative speech. Eva explains, “You know, K-53-A? The other end of the triplex?”
Blake takes up the slack. “Luck of the draw, huh? So Evie and I found this here bottle …” He holds it up, as if the label might persuade the fellow to let them in.
Stuart pulls himself together. “I’m afraid I haven’t bought a welcome mat yet, so you’ll have to take my word for it.” This the Blakes’ do, with easy style.
Within minutes, Tooney has the Summer Slumber Party on the player, watching in fascination as Eva does a wonderful one-step imitation of Olga, the plastic spindle ballerina. In no time, the two of them have done Stuart’s week of dirty dishes, singing descant to those teenage death songs the whole while, even getting the boy to kick in on the choruses. They graduate to the Wagner excerpts. “Ah, the hero’s motif,” Tooney says, “just the tune to welcome young geniuses to town.” Ressler reads the text on his tennis shoes. Inspired by the musical Siegfried line, the Blakes crack open the Riesling. Tooney proposes a toast: “May your stay here be filled with significant insights.”
Noticing the empty space in the living room where a sofa should be, Eva protests. “You poor boy. Have you been sitting on the floor all this time? We’ve an extra one, don’t we, Toon?” Shame-faced at being caught with more sofas than her share. “Don’t say anything! It’s yours on permanent loan.”
Pointless for him to protest. Something in Eva’s extreme generosity toward a total stranger—pointless, pathetically trusting—moves him to accept. Before he knows what’s happening, the three of them dash down the barrack row and begin moving furniture in the Blakes’ parlor. “Shhh,” they giggle. “Don’t wake the kid.” They spring the spare sofa, trundle it across the lawns of K-53 in the middle of the night, laughing hilariously and daring all Stadium Terrace to mistake them for sofa burglars.
As they lever the beast through his door, Ressler realizes he will be twenty-six in a few days, too old for discoveries of consequence. He has done nothing to advance the project, to locate the approach that will systematically decipher nucleic acid. The three of them, gasping for breath, position the sofa to fill up as much empty space as possible and then plunk themselves down on it, exhausted. A failure, he is forced back on the compromise of companionship.
They find a deck of cards hiding in the crack between the back and cushions. “Little Margaret’s been playing hide-the-folks’-stuff again.” Tooney and Eva teach him to play pinochle, a game whose payoff matrices would soon addict him but for one shortcoming: the play of the cards contains no progression, no development. Each hand, no matter the outcome, leaves the play of the next unchanged.
Eva, giddy with wine and aces around, waxes astonished over the playing cards. “These things are amazing. Glossy, washable, every one different. There’s a miracle for you. What are these made out of? Not paper, surely. Soybeans? You scientists are always making things out of soybeans.”
Ressler cannot resist these two. He talks with Tooney, the only other human capable of conversing about RNA templates while the Valkyries skip their way up the slopes of Valhalla. Eva fascinates Ressler as well. Undeniably attractive, Eva possesses skills that can only be called freakish. The three of them sit outside in Ressler’s favorite spot; the Blakes instantly adapt to the lawn-chair routine. The couple drink their wine and Ressler his tomato juice, with just a smidgin—make that two-thirds of a dollop—of wine at Eva’s insistence. On the lawn, Blake pressures his wife to roll out her mental arsenal.
He asks Ressler to supply two pieces of paper and two pens. “Now, talk to her about anything you want, and I’ll do the same.” Ressler describes an article on partial overlap he has just read. At the same time, Blake babbles in her other ear about the weather, Wagner, how fine a neighbor they’ve discovered. Eva, a pen per hand, takes simultaneous dictation on separate sheets, without garbling a word. Right-ear stream with left hand and vice versa. Knocked out already, Ressler learns there is more. “Give her a sentence,” Blake urges. “Nice and long.” Ressler reaches back, performs a mental feat of his own, and pulls up from God knows where a favorite quote. Flaubert, from days when he could still afford belles lettres: “Some fatal attraction draws me into the abyss of thought, down into those innermost recesses which never cease to fascinate the strong.”
Without a pause, Eva responds, “Strong the fascinate to cease never which recesses innermost …”. It takes him a moment to figure out what is going on. The whole stream, backwards.
Unbelievable. A living palindromist. “We could use you in codon transcription.” For all they know, the gene might be read in either direction, both at once, for that matter. Who knows what golden patterns this woman could mine?
Eva laughs, fetchingly shy again after her bravura feat. “I’ve already got a job.”
“Who could possibly make proper use of you?”
Tooney breaks out laughing. Eva joins him, managing to explain, “I work for the Civil Service. Processing job applications. You two think you have a coding problem on your hands. You ought to see ours.”
“Let ’er rip,” Blake chuckles. “What’s the code for ‘Changed Jobs’?”
“Let’s see … Applicant Changed Jobs—five point seven E.”
“How about ‘Retired’?”
“Easy one. That’d be five point eight I.”
“Now then. How about illness?”
“Terminal?”
“Heck, why not. Live it up.”
“Name your disease.”
“Try cancer.”
“More specific, please.”
“Leukemia.”
“We give that a six point six Q.”
“Q? How in hell do they get Q from ‘leukemia’?”
“My dear husband. There is no wherefore to the Service.”
“Radiation sickness?”
“Still in committee. We lump that into seven point oh, your basic ‘Deceased’.” The Blakes break off their vaudeville, noticing the unintended effect on the audience. Ressler has gone silent, the glow of the corner streetlight unmistakably glinting off his ambushed cheeks. He feels, for the first time, his mother’s status, something in the 6.6 range. She died three years back, while he was in grad school. The details of the woman’s decline are intact in memory; only the nightmare of not being able to name what was happening remained lost until this evening, the evening the U.S. fires its first rocket-powered atomic warhead due west of this improvised lawn party, in the empty sands of Nevada.
Only five months between diagnosis and death. He took a leave from studies to go home and sit with her through a pain that she preferred to the alternative bouts of annihilating fatigue. His role was to sit and assure her of the great strides medicine was making at that moment. He would tell her, day after day, as her hips wasted to grotesque ripples, that the most important thing was to fight the malignancy and live for the outside shot. Mind as medicine: no other course. Deny the numbers. Cancer lives for the onset of common sense. Reconcile yourself to it, and it wins.
A nursing more for his sake than the dying woman’s, obsessed, all the way up to the final metastasis, with proving that mental function did not altogether dissipate, was not dispersed by illness and treatment. That she was preserved inside somewhere. “Read anything today, Mom?” he would lead. “Well, yes I have,” she would answer, with a weak smile hinting at the miracle of deception. He never asked for specifics.
He do
es not hear the Blakes stop their routine. He is elsewhere, thinking how he used to sit with her on the front porch, just like this, late in the evening, not daring to hold her hand, while she said unexplainable things about the effects of her illness on perception. “Who would believe what this place sounds like? I had no idea nature made so much noise.”
She talked for the first time about her father, the third child from the right in front of the shaft entrance in a famous photo of child mine workers. Now Ressler has never harbored closet Lamarckism; social traumas experienced by the forefathers are not visited upon the sons: But his grandfather’s life underground left its imprint—the dream of meliorism that child laborers impart rose up from his mother’s lungs on the warm tufts of her disease. Suffering, her last looks said to him, must be the precursor to greater things. Every rung goes higher and higher.
She died ten days after his return to school. In a misguided final tribute to her son, she left her body to “medical science,” meaning, Stuart knew, that third-year premeds lopped her organs off in anatomy lab. Because he never saw her body again, she did not die until this evening, when Evie Blake assigns her a number. He always knew the world would one day be like this: a night of no temperature, sitting outside with no one there any longer to call him in. Free to sit forever in the company of strangers, in the belly of a cold, formless waiting.
The Blakes, seeing they have accidentally sent their host off alone, call it a night and take their leave back to K-53-A. But they read him wrong. Ressler comes back to the lawn party, wanting them to resume the careless evening, extend it, stretch out the mixed blessing of companionship until morning. But searching, he cannot find the pointer to the words “Don’t go yet.” The Blakes disappear, waving, across the lawn. He cannot even find those two syllables for a departing greeting. Minutes later he remembers it: “Good night.” Come back. Good night.
The Gold Bug Variations Page 14