I'm Pretty Sure You're Gonna Miss Me Ronin McKinsey

by M. J. Padgett

  “Who screwed you over?” I teased. It was meant to be a light and funny question, something to break the tension and force a laugh, but it fell flat. Instead, he explained his position.

  “No one really screwed me over. Let’s just say I wanted something that someone else got instead, and I spent a lot of time being angry about it. Then one day, I realized I had to move on, or I would always be stuck in this miserable place, watching from afar while some other guy had everything I wanted.”

  Well, when you finally got Daniel to open up, his high IQ and quirky behavior melded into the background, and a real, human boy emerged.

  “I’m sorry, Daniel. I’m sure that was a rough time. For what it’s worth, she was crazy if she chose someone else over you.”

  His head raised to make eye contact with me. “Yeah?”

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  “She didn’t even notice I existed, so it’s not like she chose him over me so much as... I don’t know, I guess she overlooked another option,” he said.

  “How so?” I asked, intrigued. I wasn’t sure how much I could get him to spill, but every word was like a deep-dive into his mind. I found myself savoring the moment, losing myself in the heartfelt conversation—then he went and broke it.

  “Oh, look at the time—”

  I lunged forward as if I could somehow catch the lost moment. “No, Daniel! Not today, you don’t. This friendship is a two-way street. If you dig into my life, then you have to give me something in return, and I don’t mean telling me you’re too smart for your britches!”

  “Is that how this works? I’ve been doing friendship all wrong, too,” he said, his grin growing.

  “Daniel Starnes,” I said with my hand on my hip.

  “Okay, okay. She broke my heart, but she never even knew I existed, Peaches. Are you happy now? I tried to get her attention. I really did, like a thousand times, but she never saw me. She fell for some other guy, and if she’d ripped my heart out and danced on it, it wouldn’t have hurt as much as watching her walk into the sunset with him. Do you know why?”

  I shook my head, unable to form an actual word. He was still hurt by it, whether he chose to admit it or not, and it sort of made me want to find this girl and rip her throat out.

  “Because he never deserved her, and now I’m watching my best friend make the same stupid mistake of pining after someone who isn’t coming back. Ronin walked away Peaches. Accept it and move on.”

  All I heard was what he called me—his best friend.

  “Your best friend?” I asked.

  “Yeah, that’s you, Peaches. You’re the idiot best friend who’s gonna get hurt.”

  “I’m your best friend?” I asked, pointing to myself.

  “Well, I don’t have any other friends, so don’t feel too special.” He grabbed me by the wrist and helped me the rest of the way up from the floor. “Let’s go.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked as he slipped his shoes on.

  “Fire and Ice.”

  “No, I don’t want to go there, Daniel. I can’t.” No way, no how was I going there. Ronin was probably there with Sara right that second.

  “Do you like the place? Do you like eating cake and ice cream, Peaches?” Daniel met me in the middle of the room, his eyebrows arched as he waited for my reply.

  I sighed. “I do, but—”

  “Well, Ronin doesn’t get to keep it in the divorce, not if you don’t let him have it. I’m going, are you going with me?” He walked to his door, waiting for me in the doorway. It was the crossroads again. A choice to be made. I could wallow in misery, or I could start spackling. Ice cream was an excellent way to start spackling.

  I took his outstretched hand. “I’m in. Feed me all the ice creams, Daniel.”

  Chapter Eight

  AS FAR AS BAD IDEAS went, Daniel’s idea to go to Fire and Ice was probably the worst, but I was already two scoops into my chocolate ice cream when Ronin walked in. There was no going back. It was the last stand, as Daniel had said seven times on the way there. Ronin was with a group, Sara and Tee included, and he saw me the second he walked in the door. Sara was too busy stinking up the place with her strawberry scented body lotion to notice me, but Ronin did.

  Daniel wanted to sit in the corner booth, the one I always shared with Ronin, to really stick it to him where it would hurt, but I didn’t want to. One might think it was because I didn’t want to tarnish the memories I had made with Ronin in that corner booth, but in truth, it felt more like tarnishing the friendship I was building with Daniel. Tee saw me sitting along the wall, chocolate ice cream melting on my spoon as I debated taking a bite or running into the bathroom like a baby.

  He broke from the group and came to our table. “Hey, Hazel, how’s it goin’?”

  “Uh... good?” I ate the ice cream, so I would have a moment to come up with something more intelligent to say.

  “Daniel, right?” Tee asked Daniel, then pointed to a chair asking permission to sit.

  “Yeah, the one and only. Well, there are those other two Daniels, but they’re freshman.” Daniel shrugged, and Tee laughed. He pulled out the chair and sat when no one told him not to, and I caught Ronin staring at us again. Or maybe he was trying to figure out why his best friend was sitting with his ex-girlfriend and her... whatever he thought Daniel was.

  “Cool, so I’ve been wondering how you’re doing? The last time we talked...” he trailed off when Daniel wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer.

  “I’m fine, Tee, really. I was sort of a mess before, but things are okay.” The ease with which I delivered the lie was astounding, even to me. “Daniel’s been great.”

  Tee glanced at Daniel, a little concern on his face, but it was fleeting. Daniel smiled at him as he rubbed my arm. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear that. Listen, I’ve gotta get back to the guys, but maybe we can catch up sometime?” Tee asked.

  “Sure, I guess so.” I couldn’t figure out why Ronin’s best friend would want to catch up with his ex, but maybe Tee had been truthful when he said I was his friend too?

  “Maybe we could catch a movie or something? You know, like, maybe a double-date or something?” he asked, pushing in his chair with awkward slowness, stalling. As far as I knew, Tee was single. I was sure he wasn’t asking me out, not with Daniel essentially staking a flag on my head and calling me his.

  “Okay...” I said, confused.

  Tee sighed, and his shoulders slouched. “Okay, I’m trying to ask you if it’s okay to ask your sister out. I really like her, but I didn’t want to make things weird for you.” He tapped his fingers on the back of the chair, all the while Ronin watched from afar. Sara was annoyed. She kept trying to get Ronin’s attention, but his gaze was settled on the three of us.

  “Oh,” I said, taken by surprise. “I think that’s okay. I mean, it’s not like you’re bringing Ronin along,” I said. Daniel snickered beside me, reminding me I should probably make sure he was okay with pretending to be my boyfriend in front of my sister and Tee.

  “Would that be okay with you, Daniel?” I asked with as breezy a tone as possible. Just another day making plans with friends, Hazel. You can do this.

  “Sure, babe. Whatever you want.” Daniel continued to eat his cake with very little interest in what Tee and I discussed but kept his arm protectively around me.

  “Are you sure? Because you’re my friend, and I don’t want things to be any more difficult for you than they already are,” Tee insisted.

  “She’s good. She’s got me. Ronin’s old news. We’re free tonight if you want,” Daniel said, wiping chocolate frosting from his face.

  Tee waited for my reaction before speaking. “Sure, it’s good. If you want, I can ask Rose to join us and set you up. Unless, of course, you’d like to ask her out yourself?”

  “Uh... No, it’s fine. I’ll just give her a call. Thanks, Hazel, for being so cool about this,” Tee said, but he was watching Daniel the whole time.

  “Any t
ime. I’m sure Rose will be excited about it,” I said. I had no idea whether she would or not, but I didn’t know what else to say. At that point, all I could do was hope she liked him enough to go on a date with him, and that she would keep her mouth shut about the deal I had with Daniel.

  Tee nodded then went to join his group again, and all the while, Ronin watched. He whispered to Tee, who turned around and looked back at us, then shook his head yes and sat down beside Tanner.

  “Wait for it,” Daniel said. “I’ll bet you another bowl of ice cream.”

  “What?” I asked. “What are we betting on?”

  “I’m going to the bathroom, and I guarantee he’s over here before the door shuts behind me.”

  “Wait, no, don’t leave me here!” It was too late. Daniel was already out of the booth and headed toward the bathroom. Just as he predicted, Ronin slid from Sara’s grip and moseyed over to my table as casually as possible. He pretended to be scouring the cases for a tasty treat, but he should have known me better than that. I knew him. He always ordered the same thing—always.

  “Hi, Hazel,” Ronin said, casually and halfway watching the bathroom door. I lifted my head from my ice cream, which was more of a soup than anything at that point.

  “Oh, hi, Ronin.” I busied myself with wiping up dribbles from the table, and the hundreds of crumbs Daniel dropped while eating his cake.

  “You look nice,” Ronin said, shuffling his feet. Small talk, excellent.

  “Thanks, you too.” I crossed my arms in front of me, a defensive maneuver I was sure he picked up, but I had to either cross my arms or strangle him. Only one didn’t land me in jail.

  “Um, listen, I wanted to tell you... I... I really miss you, and I’m sorry for—”

  “Ronin! What are you doing?” Sara yelled across the shop. “Are you getting my ice cream?”

  “In a minute!” Ronin yelled back with a frustrated groan. He gave his attention back to me and said, “I wanted to apologize for the way we broke up. It was—”

  “Humiliating? Embarrassing? Mortifying? I could go on if you like.” I found a little backbone, where I didn’t know—maybe the same place I found my pride—but once I found it, I decided to use some of it.

  “I know, really, it was awful. I was so sticky—”

  “I meant for me, Ronin, not for you.” I tossed the napkin on the table and stood to face him. “If you wanted to break up, fine, but the way you did it was uncalled for, and I have nothing else to say to you.” What was I doing? There he was, pouring his heart out, and I stomped it to bits! The moment I was waiting for was right there in front of me!

  “That’s what I meant, Hazel. It was awful the way I treated you, and I’m genuinely sorry. I miss you, and I was hoping we could talk? I’d like to be able to be in the same place as you and not feel this giant elephant sitting on my chest.” He didn’t say he wanted to get back together, but he also didn’t say he didn’t want to. I was so confused.

  “Talk about what?” I asked.

  “Us, how this is going to work. We have mutual friends, Hazel, and—”

  “We have one mutual friend, and he seems fine with juggling us the way we are now,” I said. Tee watched the conversation unfold, but the rest didn’t have a care in the world. Ronin could keep the others. I’d make new, better friends—save Tee, who was possibly the sweetest person on the planet.

  “Okay, then, just us. We were friends once, and I’m not sure what happened,” Ronin said.

  His voice wore me down, gentle and apologetic, and I found myself agreeing to talk. “Fine, call me tomorrow after lunch.”

  He smiled, the one I knew meant he was delighted. “Really? Okay, great. Tomorrow after lunch.”

  “Ronin!”

  “I’m coming!” he yelled back at my former friend, whose panties were all in a tizzy. It was impossible to wipe the satisfied smirk off my face, and I had a good feeling it was equally impossible for Sara to hide her anger.

  Ronin started to back away just as Daniel came back from the restroom. Daniel slid into the booth beside me with his goofy smile. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah, I was just talking to Ronin, but I’m ready.”

  Daniel sat beside me, questioningly, waiting patiently for me to give him a clue as to what he should be doing while we both sat in front of Ronin. Well, that was easy to answer. He should be kissing me, of course.

  I leaned forward a fraction of an inch, and Daniel closed the gap. It was short and sweet, but it sent a message. I was with someone else. I was no longer with Ronin McKinsey. The thing is, I was so focused on that small, sweet kiss, I never noticed Ronin storm out of Fire and Ice like his pants were literally on fire. Not until Daniel said something.

  “That hit him in the ouchy spot, I think. Nice job, Peaches.”

  “Huh?” I glanced around, still lost in the euphoria of the kiss, and noticed Ronin was missing. “Oh... Mission accomplished, I guess.”

  “Are you okay?” Daniel narrowed his eyes and leaned his head down a bit to get a better view of my face.

  Was I okay? I wasn’t sure, and being unsure made me feel weaker than ever. I felt tears stinging my face, but I didn’t understand why. Ronin said he missed me, he wanted to talk to me—those should have been good things that made me happy, yet I felt worse than I had the day he broke up with me. My emotions were all over the place, and I couldn’t see which end was up.

  “Peaches?” Daniel brushed his fingers over mine, bringing me back to reality. I brushed it off as quickly as I could.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m all good. Why don’t we go back to my house and annoy my sister?” I offered.

  “Sure, I have a lot of annoying to do since my sister is out of town, so I guess I could use it up on your sister,” he said, shrugging as if it was all the same to him. Any sister would do.

  And that’s precisely what he did. He meddled with Rose’s things, making comments about the science project that still grew on the plate, poking her in the ribs when she least expected it, trying to read her journal—all manner of things I imagined a big brother would do to annoy the snot out of his sister on purpose. Eventually, Rose threw us out of her room.

  We settled in my room for a while, but when I left for five seconds and returned, Daniel was gone. I found him sitting on our kitchen island, hands flailing around and mouth moving a mile a minute. My mother would periodically stuff a cookie in his mouth so she could speak, but the second he was finished chewing, he was at it again.

  “So, I said, ‘Hazel, it’s just a bear,’ but she insists there’s a tiny old man stuck inside.” I heard him say, and decided it was time to intervene before my mother put me in an institution.

  “I think you have that story backward,” I said, snatching my mother’s homemade chocolate chip cookie from his hand.

  “Hey! I was gonna eat that,” he said with a pout. My mother handed him more cookies with a sly smile, one that said she knew there was something more than friendship going on, but she couldn’t have been more off-base.

  “I like this one. Let’s keep him,” Mom said then turned her attention back to her cookie baking.

  “He’s not a stray dog, Mom.” I hopped up on the island beside Daniel, and she immediately went bonkers.

  “Off the counter!” she yelled, whacking at me with her spatula.

  “He’s on the counter!” I said.

  “I like him,” she said, patting his knee. “You drive me nuts six and a half days a week. Start listening to me when I tell you about my day, and I might let you sit on the counter.”

  Daniel smiled, cookie crumbs falling from his face. The little brat. I was suddenly grateful I didn’t have a brother. It was clear my mother wasn’t letting him leave the kitchen any time soon. It was also painfully clear that I was not smart enough to understand their conversation about why Pluto should or should not be a planet, so I found my way back to my sister’s bedroom.

  “Daniel leave?” Rose asked, a somewhat hopeful tone to her voice.r />
  “No, I think Mom’s gonna adopt him,” I said, flopping on the bed beside Dizzy. She was staring up at the ceiling at something, and the second I looked, it splatted on my face. “Ahh!” I yelled.

  “Calm down, it’s just a splat ball,” Dizzy said, peeling the slimy ball off my face. She tossed it up to the ceiling again, it splatted and stuck, then slowly peeled away a little at a time. “So, lover boy is impressing Mama Simmons, that’s good.”

  I rolled my eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend. Seriously, get off that. Oh, hey Rose, did Tee call you today?” I sat up in the bed in time to see Rose stiffen. Her head slowly turned toward me.

  “Why? Did he say he was calling? Did you talk to him? Did he ask about me? What did he—”

  “Whoa, are you telling me you like him, and you haven’t told me?” I asked, a little hurt, but mostly excited. A guilty look passed over her face, and Dizzy sat up beside me.

  “She wasn’t sure how you’d take it, him being idiot’s best friend and all,” Dizzy said, a question in her voice. She was also worried, but I was genuinely happy for my sister. Tee was a great guy, and Rose deserved a great guy.

  “Ooh, are we having girl talk?” Daniel threw himself on the bed so hard I slid off the edge, but Dizzy managed to hold on. She shot him a warning look. If he started the whole brother bit again, he was out. Not just out, but out-out. She’d toss him on the street in a nanosecond.

  “Yes, and you’re not a girl, so—” Rose started.

  “But I was there when Tee asked Hazel if he could ask you out, so technically—”

  “Daniel!” I shouted. “Way to ruin it for her!”

  Rose jumped Daniel like a lion on a steak. “What did he say about me? Do you think he really likes me? You’re a guy, you would know, right? Tell me!” Dizzy peeled Rose from Daniel, whose eyes were the size of saucers.