With a hushed voice and craned neck, she continues, “What’s it going to be? Are you delivering the last push or not? Because I don’t think you’ll get another shot like this one, which I made so easy for you.”
Just wanting to love her, and the way we are right now, desperate for the other, reinforces my desire for something beautiful after all the ugliness we both have witnessed. I pick her up in my arms, and she nestles herself to me while I carry her to my bed.
“Don’t you see it, Bria? With you here with me, you have broken me, baby. With your touch, with your kiss, and with your tears. But even if I make love to you, I can’t promise you more.” I dip my head, and our eyes lock while she caresses my jaw.
“If this is all we’ll ever have again, it makes it even more worth giving in.”
She answers, and it’s as if she handed me the keys to paradise. Only the moon illuminates the room as I settle her on her feet beside the bed. I unzip her sheath dress with trembling fingers, and when it’s off, she remains in her nude lace bra and thong. Bria sways from one foot to the other with her fingers clasped together in front of her. My eyes wander over every inch of her smooth skin and halt on her chest, the lines of the same tattoo inked on mine glancing back at me. I reach out to touch it, but she flinches and takes a step back. “Don’t touch it, please. Don’t kiss it, either. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
I don’t know why she’s so adamant about it, but I have no time to figure it out. I rip my shirt off so she can detect the same pattern engraved on my skin. As she stares at my tattoo, a gasp flees her mouth, and her hand flies to her chest. The realization hits us both with full force—we will never be rid of each other. We will always somehow be stuck in this hell-like purgatory. My patience evaporates after hours of denying what it craves, and I lunge to her as I kiss and caress her, avoiding the area around between her breasts. She unbuckles me and peels off both my pants and black boxers, freeing my erection that presses against her soft stomach. It will have to wait as I’m not finished exploring her delectable body after such a long time. It’s been years of deprivation and longing.
I unhook her bra with one snap of my thumb and forefinger and take one pebbled nipple in my mouth, biting and licking as my thumb twitches the other in teasing strokes. As I expect, she moans. “Please, Damien.”
I smile and keep tormenting her with my tongue and fingers until she’s a mindless mess of bodily sensations. I slide my hand down and begin to circle the little bud she’s desperate for me to touch. In a breathy voice, with a wanton expression plastered on her face, and clutching my shoulders, she gasps, “You don’t play fair.”
“I never said I would. I love the way you respond to my touch, baby. Tell me, what do you need most?”
“You, Damien. Only you.”
“But you have me, Bria. What else? Have you forgotten how we used to play?”
I keep pushing her because I know the outcome will be worth the teasing.
“You . . . you . . . just . . . enjoy . . . too . . . much . . . to . . . drive . . . me . . . mad. Touch me, where I need you to touch me.” Her voice throbs with every new moan she delights me with as I keep a fast rhythm only to halt. Her eyes slice me with annoyance. I flash her a charming smile and slip off her thong, trailing kisses all over her silky legs. I lift her leg and place it on my shoulder, my tongue sliding up her thigh near her wet sex as she digs her nails in my arms. She has no idea how much her reaction heats my blood.
“What, baby? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, you are so cruel.”
A smile spreads in the corners of my mouth. “Then say it.”
“Put your mouth on me already.”
She grips my hair and yanks it back. My eyes catch her black pupils enveloping the hazel color surrounding them, and my lust skyrockets.
I feast on her like a starved man, licking and nipping at her sensitive flesh as she trembles in a frenzy. Her sweet release explodes on my tongue as she shatters in pieces around me. But I’m not done, so I curl my fingers in and out of her, one and then two until they’re slick with her wetness.
“I can’t take it anymore.”
Her knees wobble, and I grip her thighs.
“I know you can come for me again. Scream my name to the sky, baby!” A few minutes later, this is what she does as her tightness sucks at my fingers. My insides roar in satisfaction when she comes again.
“I need to get inside you. Now, right fucking now.”
Raw lust has me speed up faster than a Formula One race car driver.
I grab her, and she lets a squeal out as I throw her on the bed. She opens her legs for me, and with one jerk of my hips, I thrust inside her. Bria hisses, and her tight pussy screws with my brain. I am home, is the only thought running through my head as I pull and slide back inch by amazing inch inside her. I seal my eyes in pure abandon as maddening pleasure courses through my veins.
She moans, and her nails bite into my skin.
Our eyes connect, we have accomplished only one thing with our lovemaking session—ruining each other all over again—but it doesn’t halt us from chasing the high we both desire.
Bria shifts us, and my back hits the mattress as she climbs on top of me. Displayed like this, with her round breasts bouncing in front of me, is a fantasy come true. She rides me into mindlessness while my hands grip her waist. I buckle and shoot my release, and she collapses on my chest, both of us panting.
After we settle back down, I claim her twice more, trying to satisfy my growing hunger. Every time we find another pleasure peak, our releases crush us with even more force than the last time. I don’t stop in my pursuit of branding her and ruining her for any other man. I’m reduced to a savage, and she tames me by embracing me whole while not even considering the use of protection as I come inside her.
I don’t want to imagine what’s going on in her mind if she thinks I do this with every woman. This is what she’s always done to me—she shuts off my analytical brain. I forget everything around me, not even caring about using a condom, my number one rule when it comes to sex.
But we had both agreed when we began to make love for her to take the pill, nothing else between us. And this was lovemaking, not sex. I could differentiate it by now.
Her finger digs between my brows as she eyes me, tilting her head. “What are you thinking?” She lets out a sigh. “I’m safe, and clean. So there’s nothing to worry about.”
“It’s too late for such thoughts anyway. I thought you might have a problem with it.”
She raises an eyebrow, her voice filled with anguish, and it pulls at my heart. “Because of your past, Damien? I know you wouldn’t put me in danger deliberately, so relax. We’ve just made love, and here we are arguing again.”
I cup her face in my hands, my eyes boring into hers. “Only with you do I let my guard down. I have made love only to you and only with you. Everything else is just sex, protected sex that always includes a condom. Understand?”
She nods and asks through sucking on her lower lip, “What if I weren’t on the pill anymore?” My heart speeds up in my chest, but what strikes me is I would like that. I have to be the sickest man on this planet.
“If you were to get pregnant, I would be thrilled because then I would at least have a part of my dream come true . . . you being the mother of my baby.”
“You’re not funny.”
“Maybe because I am deadly serious. But you are on the pill. Aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am.”
“Well, of course, you are.” The moment my acid answer rushes out, I could punch myself.
“Why are you angry with me now?”
“Fuck me if I know.”
Deep down, I know why I’m upset, and shock knots me up to admit the truth to myself. In some twisted way, if she got pregnant, I would have found in me the capacity to forgive her and build a family together. I wouldn’t have cared if it’s the most dysfunctional family in the world because at
least we would have one. I can work with that. A baby could punch my ego in the gut, and I could have the love of my life again.
“We just made love. Give us another reprieve before we let whatever we have here crumble at our feet.”
“I only see one solution to our problem,” I reply with a poker face.
“And that would be . . .?” She bats her lashes, and I wish to freeze time, just to be with her like this, forever us.
“I must have you again,” I say and flash her my most charming smile.
“What are you?” she asks, trying to suppress a smile.
“I am insatiable, and at this moment, high on you.” I pin her down with our hands laced together as I sink in and out of her until I fill her again.
Brushing my hair, she says, “I need to shower.”
“I like you smelling of me, so we won’t take a shower.”
“Who said you’re invited?”
She baits me. How I’ve missed the banter between us.
I give her a pointed look. “As if you could or want to stop me, but nice try, though.” I bolt toward the bathroom and return with a wet towel. Bria props on her elbows and runs her tongue around her lips, eyes glowing with appreciation at what I assume is my ripped, naked body. Modesty is not one of my strengths. The long warming up and training hours have paid off in her absence. It doesn’t occur to me until now, but here with her, I enjoy the validation I receive from her sizing me up and her gulping. All the sparring with my trainer, Mark, helped to ease the frustration and pent-up energy. At least physically, it came with a bonus.
“Like what you see?” I tease. Her response is to toss a pillow at my head. I duck, and it only grazes my shoulder as I shake my head at her. I nudge behind her legs and clean her up as she giggles and shields her face with her hands.
Afterward, she hops into my arms. “It was amazing. I will cherish it to my last breath.”
I pat her small nose and kiss the tip of it. “It was my final gift and goodbye, Bria.”
Her shoulders slump. “I wish we could stay here forever.”
That dreamy, hopeful voice undoes me. Yes, keep me here with you, and carry on your voodoo on me, Bria!
“Baby, you know it’s impossible. I can’t forget in the long run. The reason that divided us will always linger between us.”
I lift her chin as she sighs, “And the years we’ve spent apart.”
“And everything that happened in between.”
“We’re impossible. We can put it how we want it, yet it is what it is, and somehow it’s just sad.”
I answer with a cracked voice, “The story of our lives. Being in purgatory, it seems we’re incapable of leaving, although the door is wide open.”
Her teary eyes pin me on the spot. “I like it there. There I’m not alone, and you are with me.”
“This is not what I wished to give us, Bria.”
“Leave me then and lock the door behind you.”
My head and shoulders drop. “I can’t . . . I never could.”
“Damien?”
“Hmm . . .”
Bria cradles my face, and her mouth whispers on mine as I shudder at her promise. “I will always be there, remember it—”
“Why tell me not to leave you but imply you will?”
My hands fly to her as I bend her neck so she can answer by looking me in the eyes. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Stay with me, Bria . . .”
Her eyes well up, and my hands drop to my side.
“I am, physically or not, forever. You don’t see it because you keep your eyes shut.”
I tilt my head to the side and answer, “What’s there to see, if not the shadow of your absence?”
She places a tender kiss on the corner of my lips. “You still have to tell me the other three memories.”
“In a bit. Let’s rest for a while, okay?”
I tumble onto the bed, taking her with me. She cuddles against me as I press her to my side, and as I’m drifting to sleep, I confess, “You are the only one I’ve ever truly loved.”
And before sleep overtakes me, I hear her whispering to me, “You are the only one I’ve ever loved at all.”
“The most beautiful lie of them all, Bria.”
“The truest truth I’ve ever spoken, Damien.”
DAMIEN
I wake up in a dark room, and Bria is drawing circles on my chest with her index finger.
“Did I wake you up?” she asks, her sweet voice warming me from the inside.
“No, baby.”
Her lips curve into a smile, and then she kisses my left shoulder. She looks carefree on her belly with her legs crossed in the air.
“And I think I owe you the last three memories.”
“I wonder if they can top the ones you’ve already told me.” Her eyes light up, and she rests her head in her palm.
I’d give her everything to keep seeing her like this—mine. At my admission, panic constricts my chest, and I shove the thought away.
“Number three on my list is our first drive together when we came home from the picnic on my eighteenth birthday after I passed my driving test. And you organized my party that evening. Our mothers let you plan everything. I think they were just afraid of you, though. You transformed into the Hulk when you couldn’t get what you wanted.”
“I was spoiled, wasn’t I?” When I nod, a small smile lifts the corners of her mouth.
“Perhaps a bit.” I guess I am a moron, but even now, I love to watch her smile.
“It was the best birthday party, though, wasn’t it?” She peeks at me through curled lashes with curious eyes.
“It was perfect. And the best part was?”
“You getting a car?”
I shake my head, then cup her face and peck her on the lips. “No, Bria, me having you deliver the keys to my black Jaguar F-TYPE R Coupe was the highlight of the night, but the part I enjoyed most was when we were alone for our first drive. Just when I thought all the surprises were over, you put Lake Cauma in the navigation system.”
Sadness swims in her eyes, and when her head sinks, misery crushes my insides.
“This whole night messes with me in a way I thought was not even possible anymore.”
“I know, baby. It’s the same for me. I’ve got you, and I will hold you until we say goodbye.”
Her sigh tears at my heart.
“The matter-of-fact way you mention we have a deadline tells me this whole time it was me who needed some sort of closure, not you.” Then, she stirs away, exposing her back to me, shutting herself off.
I glance at the ceiling, and desperation crawls inside me. Some sick and obsessive part of me longs to have Bria back. I know I could love her again as I’ve never stopped, not even for a second. It appears I’m as good at fooling myself as I am her. As I battle with myself, she transforms into ice again.
A cold and distant voice yanks me from my thoughts. “Continue with the story. I just want this to be over with and go home.”
Neither her crisp voice nor her urgency smashes me. It is the word home that wrecks me. A home with another man, a home we don’t share. A home we never got the chance to build, a home where she is living a life without me. Why the fuck does she still feel like home to me when I have her in my arms? When we kissed and made love, it felt like home. I have to remind myself it’s for the best. I don’t want her anymore, and the stupid voice inside me screams liar!
I pull myself together and continue the memory, “The whole weekend had a special ring to it . . . wolves howling in the distance, mountains towering over the picturesque landscape, us cuddling under the duvet, and the forest as wide and thick as you could see.”
“We spent the days wandering along the forest and playing in the lagoon. My stomach hurt from laughing so much, and our lips were always swollen.”
I seal my eyes and dive into the visual. “In your white swimsuit in the clear water and with the sun caressing your face, you were a vision of beauty. Eve
ry time you glanced at me, frenzy stirred. We were so in love, Bria . . .”
I’m incapable of not leaning toward her and I press my face in the curve of her neck as my arms wrap around her.
She squeezes me to her and reminisces, “I would fidget on the shore until you scooped me in your arms. As you submerged us in the water, I clung to you. It’s only with you I’ve ever felt so protected, and only in your arms did I feel at home. I lived for the moments we spent together and for your embraces and kisses.”
Oh baby, me too.
“You planned a candlelight dinner for the evening, and we fed each other.”
As it happened yesterday, I remember everything and realize she irreparably screwed me. I burrow my head in her neck as I groan while she caresses my back and goes on. “We were planning and dreaming of our future together. You said you were certain your love for me would never end. I would always be your number one priority, and you would always put me first, that you could make it through anything as long as I was by your side. And as for me, I couldn’t wait to become Mrs. du Sky.”
“We did have it all planned out.”
I lose myself in her enchanting eyes while she caresses my face sending thrills to my toes. She has to be a witch.
“We were so eager to be married then,” she says, and her lips arch into a broken smile.
I twirl a strand of her hair. It has always helped to ease me. “Maybe it was too much, and no one should ever be able to feel such love. Perhaps we humans aren’t allowed to find perfection in love, but to love the imperfection instead. Our own fallibility causes our downfall. We are shaped by flaws combined with mistakes and seasoned with bad decisions made in the blink of an eye, and these all lead to becoming shells of human beings. Imperfection may want perfection, but what would the two give birth to?”
This woman . . . I could poke my eyes out. The way her widened eyes shine with sincerity dots my vision. Inside I snap and roar. Has her brain short-circuited to spew such nonsense?
“To life, Bria. Fuck perfection! I never wanted it! Everything I ever wanted was you, you and you loving me,” I shout, frustration taking its toll on me.
Shattered Love : A Billionaire Romance (Forever Us Book 1) Page 15