by Sheila Riley
A heave of nausea spurred Anna to jump from her bed. Throwing her head over a white basin on the dresser, she retched until her ribs ached.
‘You have to face facts. Ned has left you a legacy.’ Millie and Ellie smiled to each other as Anna’s face lost all its colour.
‘I will have to tell Matron,’ Anna said. ‘I wanted to wait, until I was sure.’
‘It only takes a heartbeat for new life to form, you should know that.’
‘We get back to Liverpool soon,’ Anna sighed wearily, telling Ellie, ‘I’m being sent home on medical grounds.’
‘If you’re not careful, you will be in danger of keeling over before then.’ Ellie’s concern made her overprotective and annoyed Anna. She was miserable. Everything she ate ended up over the side of the ship. She needed to keep busy. Sam was on the mend and being fussed over by Millie. She felt redundant.
Anna lifted her head but said nothing as another sea swell threatened to upend her stomach. Being at sea was not the best place to be when she was suffering like this.
‘Oh Anna, it sounds harsh, I know, but you really have to pull yourself together for the sake of the child if nothing else.’
Without warning, Anna was on her feet, her eyes full of rage and indignation.
‘How dare you tell me how to behave, Ellie. My husband, the man I loved with every fibre of my being, is missing, believed dead. I will never be able to replace him.’
‘And I lost two good friends, Daisy and Rupert,’ Ellie’s words were steel tipped, as if she was doing her best to keep her temper in check. ‘Don’t you think it counts for something that you have hope. You will have something to show for your love.’ She got up, covered the deckchair and quietly walked away.
Suddenly contrite, Anna slumped. She had been so wrapped up in her own misery, she did not worry about what Ellie had gone through and she felt thoroughly ashamed of her outburst. She had never spoken to anybody like that before, let alone her best friend. It was not in her nature to be cruel. Ellie was like a sister, whom she loved dearly.
‘Oh Ellie,’ Anna cried as she followed her to the galley. ‘I’m really sorry, forgive me?’ Anna could see by Ellie’s red-rimmed eyes she had made her cry and she threw her arms round her best friend’s shoulders.
‘Don’t be daft.’ Ellie sniffed ‘It’s the strain of this awful, bloody war; ignore me.’ She also gave Anna a much-needed hug. ‘There. All better. Forgotten.’
When, finally, Anna blew her nose and took a deep breath, she realised she had to take Ellie’s advice and pull herself together. She could not possibly make everybody else as miserable as she was.
‘If you fancy a cry, you have one,’ Ellie said, ‘but don’t cry over the patients, it gives the wrong impression. And it wets their bandages.’
They both giggled and sniffed into their hankies. Before long they were almost hysterical with laughter, and no matter how hard Anna tried, she could not stop.
‘Come on, Nurse, let us all in on the joke,’ called an injured serviceman, looking over the top of his paper from his bunk, as they took hot cocoa down the ward.
Anna and Ellie sobered slightly.
‘Now you can begin to heal,’ Ellie said with a smile.
‘I imagine the process is going to be a bit slow,’ said Anna. A whole lifetime maybe. Straightening, she smoothed down her apron.
‘That’s the ticket,’ Ellie said. ‘Now go and swill your face, you look far too shiny. Oh, and Matron wants to see you.’
‘We dock at Liverpool tomorrow. Do you have any plans?’ Matron said, while Anna stood in front of her desk. Her hands fluttering to the stiff collar and cuffs, nervously smoothing her pristine apron.
‘I will go home and see my family, Matron.’ Anna said knowing she could not serve any longer. Being a married woman and especially now she was expecting.
‘Very good, Sister. I am so sorry to lose you, but your discharge papers are ready.’
Then, to her surprise, Matron came round the desk, her face wreathed in smiles. She took something from a box. It was a medal, Anna realised.
‘With recognition from the war office for the sterling work you have done in the service of your country,’ Matron said as she pinned it to her apron.
Anna’s eyes filled with tears again. This was all too much to bear.
‘I didn’t do anything, really.’
‘You have given more than you could ever know, Sister Kincaid, and we are all enormously proud of you.’ Matron called her by Ned’s name, and it sounded right. Anna wondered, would she ever be able to share this honour with him? ‘There is something else,’ Matron went to the other side of her desk and took out another box from her desk drawer, handing it to Anna to open.
‘It is certainly a day for surprises,’ Anna said, opening the box. And her heart jumped. when she drew out a beautiful silver filigree picture frame containing the only photograph of herself and Ned on their wedding day. She had forgotten they had even had it taken. ‘Oh Matron, it is perfect.’ In the photograph she was looking up at Ned and he had such adoration in his eyes. The love shone from both of them, his arms wrapping round her. So obviously in love. Anna could hardly see it for the blinding tears and Matron offered her a clean handkerchief. ‘Even the medal can’t beat this,’ Anna said with such heartfelt gratitude. This was the best present she had ever been given. ‘Thank you so very, very much,’ Anna’s watery smile could not dim the light in her eyes. ‘I couldn’t wish for anything better. I will treasure it always.’
Dazed, but happy, Anna decided she would not send a wire to Aunt Ruby, letting her know she was arriving home. She would only fuss and bring half of Ashland Hall with her.
‘Anna are you busy?’ Sam was sitting in a wheelchair getting some much longed-for fresh air when Anna left Matron’s office. He looked to his older sister who had spent long hours by his bed filling him in on all those years he had been away.
‘Never too busy for you, Sam,’ Anna beamed, proud of her younger brother who had bravely fought for weeks to regain his strength. When he left Liverpool, he was a fresh-faced boy, now he was a grown man with a full beard and moustache. ‘Is something the matter?’
‘Not at all, just the opposite in fact,’ Sam answered, his smile showing perfect straight white teeth, a sign he had been well cared for in Canada. ‘I wanted to tell you first.’ He wheeled the chair forward, and put his hand on her arm, something he never would have done years ago. ‘I’m on the mend thanks to the expert care I’ve received on board,’ he said lightly, ‘and Matron said I could have a job at The First Western if I want it.’
‘What about Millie?’ Anna asked, knowing the Canadian nurse was besotted with her brother.
‘That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.’ He lowered his eyes to the floor and Anna had an inkling of what he was about to say. If Millie’s love for him was so obvious, it cut both ways, because the young nurse could not walk along the corridor without his eyes following her every move. She doubted Sam was going to let Millie go back to Canada alone.
‘You want to marry Millie?’ Anna said, and Sam gave her that bashful grin she remembered so well. She flung her arms round her brother, and she gave a small squeal of delight.
‘Well,’ said Sam, ‘I have to ask her first, but I’m sure she will say yes.’
‘Big head,’ Anna teased, knowing any girl would be lucky to get her handsome brother. Then she was quiet for a moment. ‘But you must be sure, you must be…’
‘Strong enough to offer a girl a good future?’ Sam asked, then he nodded. ‘Believe me, I am strong enough for both of us.’
‘I do believe you are, my boy,’ Anna laughed. When she found him drowning in the mud-filled shell-hole at Passchendaele, she would not have bet on his chances of surviving the night. But he was growing stronger by the day with the loving care of a Canadian nurse.
‘There is just one other thing,’ Sam said, his voice hesitant. He was on the mend, but he would need months of recup
eration. Somewhere that was clean and wholesome, not full of smoke and smog.
‘I was just thinking,’ Anna interrupted, ‘I would love to see the place where you grew up, do you think you and Millie would invite me over to Canada one day?’
‘You mean…’ Sam’s eyes were wide with surprise, ‘you wouldn’t mind if I lived in Canada?’
‘Of course, I’ll mind.’ Anna smiled; she would be sorry to see her brother go again. But this time it was his choice, and they would be in regular contact. He had already told her he wanted to become a doctor, and with Millie’s father’s help he would do that. If he stayed in Liverpool what chance would he have? He would end up working on the docks. ‘However, I would mind it even more if you did not follow your heart – and there is always that invitation I was unashamedly hinting at.’
‘Anna, you truly are an angel.’ Sam could not be happier.
‘I’ve snapped the button off this skirt and we dock soon.’ Anna cried, distressed that her button had come off at the worst possible moment. Anna was trying to keep her feelings of excitement in check. She hated ‘goodbyes’ and wished she could have left the ship during the night when everybody was asleep.
‘Here, try this one,’ said Ellie, holding out a slightly larger, ankle-length khaki skirt.
‘I can’t wear your skirt!’
‘It’s either that or sew the button back on.’
‘There isn’t time,’ Anna said. We have to get the stretchers and the wheelchairs ready to disembark.’
‘Well,’ Anna continued, taking her dove grey dress from her locker, ‘they say that exchange is no robbery, so you can have this, I know you’ve always liked it.’
‘But, Anna, it’s your wedding dress,’ Ellie was already holding it up to her slim frame and admiring her image in the long mirror.
‘I’ve got my picture and I have grown a little thicker round the waist. You have it.’
‘Thank you very much,’ said Ellie. ‘It goes lovely with that beautiful pink silk scarf.’
‘And you can have the scarf, too,’ Anna laughed, knowing their banter delayed the time when the ship’s company would say goodbye.
‘It’s a grand sight,’ Anna whispered as the ship sailed past Formby Point and along The River Mersey heading towards Princes Dock. Her eyes wide with unshed tears when she saw The Liver birds coming into view, and her heart swelled. Since its completion and crowned by a pair of clock towers mariners could tell the time as their ships passed along the river. Legend had it that while one giant Liver bird looked out over the city to protect its people, the other bird looked out to sea watching the sailors coming safely into port.
Now that the time had come, Anna felt nervous. She did not want to leave the ship. The questions. The explanations. She had it all to come from Aunt Ruby. ‘I should escort Sam,’ Anna felt guilty she had not been with him when he left England.
‘You have brought him back home, now you must rest,’ Ellie said. ‘Anyway, once he’s had a thorough check-up at The First Western, he will be coming back to Ashland Hall to recuperate.’
‘Then he will be off to Canada for a new life with his beloved Millie.’ Anna smiled, and Ellie gave her a reassuring hug. She would be due some leave soon and would join Anna at Ashland Hall. Life would never be quite the same again, for any of them.
Later Anna was trying her best not to get tears all over her brother’s shoulder, but it was hopeless. She was not particularly good at saying goodbye.
‘We’ll be home before you know it.’ Sam said as Millie guided the wheelchair down the gangplank and into the waiting ambulance heading for The First Western, the Canadian hospital at Fazakerley.
‘You’d better be,’ said Anna before turning to leave.
‘And don’t do anything daft, like going straight back to work when you get back to Ashland Hall,’ Ellie told Anna. ‘You’ve got other things to think about now.’ She looked pointedly at Anna’s abdomen and they both gave a false laugh.
And No matter how much she told herself she would not look back; she could not resist.
Her heart in pieces, Anna disembarked from Gigantic as a vicious wind whipped up the River Mersey and took her breath away. Shivering, her khaki jacket gave little protection, as she touched terra-firma at Princes Dock. The jetty was crammed with jostling crowds, eager to catch sight of the great liner, bringing England’s heroes home. Decked out in the neutral colours of mercy, white against the silver-grey sky, the red cross of Geneva was proudly vivid in the middle of her hull. But as the Gigantic’s tumultuous arrival signalled the end to her own hostilities Anna struggled to push the terrible images of war from her mind. She wiped away a tear, before turning to walk away.
Edging past the slow disembarkation of stretcher cases, hampered by huge crowds desperately waiting for the sight of injured loved ones, her tired eyes caught sight of a boy no older than Sam had been when he was taken from her.
‘Carry yer bag to the taxi rank, Miss?’ Anna recognised the keenness of a young lad, whose cap was far too big for his head but almost hid the lean look of hunger, and she decided not to take the overhead railway today.
‘I’ll take a hansom.’ She handed him her valise that contained her one precious photograph. Nodding to his naked feet, slapping the cobbled sets, Anna said: ‘It can’t be easy lugging cases in your bare smacks,’ using the local vernacular, ‘haven’t you got boots?’
‘Family ter feed, Miss,’ he panted whilst keeping up with her brisk strides. ‘Boots don’t come cheap, empty bellies and plates need filling.’
Anna suspected she had embarrassed the boy. This little chap had seen many a clean plate, and she had known men, not much older, who would not see another. She was glad of the life in him.
Anna slipped a florin into his grubby hand, watching his eyes light up. He knocked back his cap.
‘Strike me,’ he said, flicking the precious coin into the cold November air. ‘It’s not every day you meet a real angel.’ Then solemnly he lowered his voice and whispered: ‘This is much ’preciated, Miss…’ He hesitated before continuing. ‘My ould fella caught the business end of a toffee-apple at the Somme… I’m the bread-winner now.’
‘Good on yer, lad,’ Anna said proudly, watching him swipe his dripping nose with the cuff of a threadbare sleeve. Sadly, she had seen the devastation trench mortar bombs caused a body.
Managing a sympathetic smile, knowing a proud little fellow like him would not welcome her pity, she did not ask any more questions.
He tugged the peak of the cap that had probably belonged to his father, before disappearing into the crowd, to earn another bob. His eagerness to fend for his family brought back memories, long-buried recollections of her brother and her beloved husband, stories that she would pass on to her own child one day.
Her hands rested on her lap as the carriage pulled away, and Anna got herself into a comfortable position for the journey ahead, whilst the rhythmic sway lulled her.
Looking out of the small window, gazing up to the stone-coloured sky, where a light mist mingled with the smoke from many chimneys, Anna took in familiar landscapes. To the right, the back-to-back soot-covered terraced homes, with alehouses on every street corner, ribbed the backbone of the dock road. To her left, the docks: Canada, Brocklebank, Langton, Alexandra… The bleak, colossal warehouses and timber yards; forbidden playgrounds of her brothers… Her poor brothers… Maybe it was a blessing they did not grow to see the carnage she and Sam had witnessed.
Anna shivered, as the freezing smoke-filled air, heavy with the tang of lumber from distant lands enveloped her. And her thoughts drifted to another time… Another place. Thinking of the little chap, she wondered where life would take him, knowing there were heroes at home, too…
37
November 1918
‘Germany is crushed,’ Sam said, having stayed on to help at the First Western hospital until the cessation of hostilities, and a hearty cheer went up in the long ward where three rows of iron beds held rec
overing servicemen. ‘Rumour has it, morale is so low their soldiers are giving themselves up.’
‘Has it been worth it?’ A groggy voice came out of a completely bandaged head.
‘It’s not my place to say, soldier,’ Sam answered. All he and his colleagues could do was patch the heroes up and hope for the best. Not that any of them saw themselves as heroes, himself included.
‘It was such a pointless war,’ said the man with the bandaged head and Sam nodded. He supposed it was to some people. Yet, to his way of thinking, that view was a slur on the memory of the brave men – and women – who had fought and died in the name of victory. Like hundreds of thousands, he had not come out of the war unscathed either.
In the quiet hours, doing his rounds, Sam tried not to dwell on the young girl in a jaunty tam-o’-shanter hat, wearing a coat that was too big for her slight frame. A girl who sang like a nightingale and had the world at her feet. Daisy Flynn might not have had much, but she had a heart as big as Canada. A heart that was crushed. His throat tightened, and he gave a small, throat-clearing cough.
‘Not long now,’ he said, ‘we’ll have you all back at Ashland Hall this afternoon.’
‘Anna, are you ready?’ Ruby asked, holding the telegram.
‘Of course, I am,’ Anna said even though the twinges she felt in her stomach were driving her mad. She would not miss this particular homecoming. Even if it meant she was to give birth at the station, she would be there. It had been her dream for so long, she could hardly bear it.
‘We’ll miss the arrival,’ Ruby cried.
‘Oh, don’t fuss, Aunt Ruby,’ Anna said as a twinge of pain shot through her side.
Doctor Bea who had recently arrived back to Ashland Hall advised Anna to lie down and take things easy and Anna had told the over-protective doctor that she, too, had dealt with lionhearted casualties abroad under the hailstorm of bombs and bullets and a few twinges were not going to slow her down.