“You hungry?” she asked over her shoulder as she led him out of the club into the night.
“I could eat, but it’s three in the morning,” he replied. “What do you have in mind?”
She just flashed him an enigmatic smile and took his hand to lead him down the sidewalk. “You’ll see.”
He hummed and tried not to freak out that they were holding hands.
They were holding. Hands.
Signal received.
Ben swallowed, suddenly nervous. “So, uh, how long have you been playing there?”
“Hmm?” She seemed a little distracted. “Oh, I don’t know. A couple years. I play at a few clubs around town when the spirit moves.” She smiled. “It’s fun, you know?”
“Well, you’re amazing,” he said, trying not to gush. “Seriously. You’re really good.”
Lilli blushed and looked down, swinging their hands a little. “Thanks.”
“I mean it,” he said. “Have you ever thought about singing professionally?”
She looked at him, confused. “I sing. I get paid. That is professionally, isn’t it?”
Ben opened his mouth to clarify, to tell her she needed an agent, that his dad’s firm had a whole entertainment division and he could help her connect with someone who could help her make it, really make it in the music business.
But Lilli let out a little squeal and dragged him down another alley. He stepped around a dumpster and they came to a stop next to a metal door.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
She didn’t answer, but knocked on the door. After a few minutes, it swung open, the light from inside accompanied by steamy heat and the scent of freshly baked bread. A beefy man with hairy forearms and thick eyebrows peered out, breaking into a smile when he spotted Lilli.
“You’re just in time to help with the bear claws,” he said. “Who’s your friend?”
“This is Ben,” she replied, as they walked into the large kitchen. “Ben, meet Arnie. I give his daughter piano lessons and he keeps me supplied with the best baked goods in the state.”
“Ha! You flatter me,” Arnie said, walking around a stainless steel table in the middle of the room to wash his hands. “I think I get the better end of the deal.”
He turned around, drying his hand on a towel hanging over shoulder. He gave Ben a once over. “You know your way around a kitchen?”
“Um,” Ben looked at the ingredients on the table, the bowls and pans. “Kind of?”
Lilli grinned. “Put him on nut duty,” she said, washing her own hands. “Everybody starts on nut duty,” she told Ben with a nod.
Ben washed his hands and Lilli walked through a doorway into the front part of the bakery. He could hear the whir of an espresso machine and he stood awkwardly in front of a bag of sliced almonds, waiting for instructions.
“So, you’re the boyfriend?” Arnie asked gruffly.
“What? Me?” Ben felt his face heat. “No, not the boyfriend. Just a friend, I think?”
“You don’t know who your friends are?” Arnie arched a skeptical brow.
“No. I mean, yes. Of course I do.”
“So is she or isn’t she?”
“Um. She is?”
“You don’t sound too sure about that.” Arnie leaned in, his bushy eyebrows in a straight line as he gave Ben a sharp look. “I suggest you get sure. That’s a special girl in there and she’s dealt with enough jerks to last a lifetime.”
“I don’t—”
Lilli chose that moment to breeze back into the kitchen, and Arnie quickly turned his attention back to the dough he’d been kneading.
“What’s going on?” she asked suspiciously.
“Not a thing,” Arnie replied.
Her eyes narrowed and she set her coffee down and, without warning, punched Arnie in the arm.
“Hey!” he exclaimed, rubbing his arm.
“Be nice,” she said.
“I was being nice!”
She glared at him for a moment more before handing Ben a paper cup.
“Latte okay?” she asked.
“Sure?” He shot a questioning glance at Arnie as he took the cup, but the baker ignored him, pounding on the dough. “Hey, this is good,” he said after swallowing a mouthful.
“I work here as a barista a couple days a week,” she explained, taking a sip of her own drink.
They formed an assembly line once the dough had been rolled out. Lilli spread the filling, Ben sprinkled on the almonds, then Arnie folded the dough, quickly slicing the bear claws into shape before placing them on a baking sheet and sliding them into the oven. When they were done, he put four of the piping hot pastries into a bag while Lilli refilled their coffee.
“Thanks for breakfast,” she said, kissing Arnie on the cheek. “I’ll be by Tuesday after school for Trudy’s lesson.”
He waved them off and even spared Ben a grudging smile as they headed out the alley door. The sky was beginning to lighten, streaks of pink along the horizon, and Lilli handed Ben a bear claw to munch on as they walked back to his car.
“I can’t believe I stayed out all night,” he said as they fastened their seatbelts.
“You asked what I do,” Lilli reminded him. “Now you know.”
Ben pulled away from the curb, heading toward Lilli’s apartment. “I meant what I said. You’re really talented.”
She smiled, hiding a yawn behind her hand. “Thanks.”
“I think you could go far.”
She hummed and leaned her head against the window.
“Seriously, Lilli, you could be a star.”
She shrugged. “Not my thing.”
Ben flipped on the turn signal and rounded the corner. “But you could play for arenas. Stadiums. I think you could make it big, Lilli.”
“Rich and famous?” Was there an edge to her voice? He was probably imagining things.
“Well, yeah.” She said nothing, her eyes focused out the passenger side window. “I could help, you know. My dad’s firm has an entertainment division. I could help you get an agent and a manager. You could do it, Lilli. You just have to believe in yourself.”
She faced him then, and Ben was shocked at how cold she looked. “I do believe in myself.”
“Well, then let me help you.”
“I don’t want your help, Ben.”
“But why—”
“I’m happy with my life the way it is,” she said. He definitely wasn’t imagining her irritated tone now.
But Ben couldn’t back down. He had to make Lilli realize how special she was. The opportunity she was ignoring.
“But you could have so much more,” he said, almost pleading. “No more piano bars and making coffee. No more swapping piano lessons for something to eat.”
She glared at him. “Do you have any idea how insulting you sound right now?”
Ben’s temper flared a bit. “I’m not trying to be insulting, I’m just trying—”
“I know exactly what you’re trying to do, Ben,” Lilli snapped. “Not everyone is out to be rich, you know? Not everyone puts money and so-called success above everything else.”
“It’s not about money. It’s about reaching your potential!”
Lilli laughed, but it was without humor. “My potential? Are you serious?”
“You have to think about your future, Lilli.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “My future is my business. Not yours.”
“I’m only trying to help.”
“Well, don’t.”
Ben flinched as if he’d been punched. “Okay. Got it.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
And that was it. He pulled over in front of her apartment building and Lilli grabbed her purse, throwing the door open in anger. She stopped before slamming it shut and poked her head back in.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem,” he said through gritted teeth.
She let out a heavy breath and opened her mouth
to say something, but then snapped it shut. “Bye, Ben.”
He didn’t even say goodbye. She shut the door and ran toward her apartment building without looking back.
Ben just watched her go.
The smack to the back of his head took Ben by surprise. “Hey!” He rubbed the spot, glaring at his sister.
“You’re an idiot,” she said, grabbing a handful of popcorn out of the bowl between them. They were sitting on the couch watching a movie after Ben had spent much of the day trying to catch up on his sleep. Ben had been quiet. Brooding, as Julie called it. He didn’t disagree. It took some prodding for Ben to tell her what had happened with Lilli.
She hadn’t taken it well.
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Ben said reproachfully.
“I am on your side,” she said through a mouthful. “But you’re an idiot.”
Ben sighed. She was right.
“I just wanted her to know I liked her,” he said. “That I believed in her.”
“Well, then maybe you tell her that,” Julie replied. “Instead of telling her she’s not good enough.”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“I know that.” His sister patted his arm, and Ben was pretty sure she was wiping butter off her fingers, but he didn’t mention it. “But you know who you sounded like, right?”
Ben did. He’d spouted the words without thinking, but when he reflected on them, he realized he’d heard them all of his life.
Fulfill your potential.
Think about your future.
Time is money, so don’t waste either one.
“Dad,” he said with a resigned groan.
“Dad,” she agreed.
The pressure he’d felt all his life had seeped into his bones, and changed the way he viewed the world. When had he become so jaded? When had he turned into his father, for heaven’s sake? When had he decided that he had the right to tell anyone how to live their life—especially when he was such a failure at living his own?
“I need to see her,” Ben said.
Julie grabbed another handful of popcorn. “Yeah, you do.”
That was easier said than done, however.
Ben went by her apartment, and after knocking on several wrong doors, finally found out from a suspicious elderly woman who threatened to call the cops if he did anything out of line, that Lilli lived next door. He knocked, under the woman’s protective glare, but Lilli wasn’t home. He tried several more times over the weekend, but she never answered.
Which left him standing outside Arnie’s bakery on Monday morning. It was crowded, and he couldn’t see who was behind the coffee counter when he peered through the windows. So, with a deep breath, he entered and got in line.
A few moments later, he heard it—a familiar voice singing along with a popular song on the radio as the customers clapped along to the beat. The whir of the espresso grinder cut on and off to accent the rhythm, then a long blast of the milk steamer filled in with a drum roll, making the customers laugh. Ben finally caught sight of Lilli as she put the cap on a paper cup and handed it over with a flourish and a final trilling note. Everyone applauded and she took a small bow behind the counter.
“She’s great, isn’t she?” the girl in front of him said, still clapping.
Ben smiled softly. “Yeah. Yeah, she is.”
Lilli still hadn’t spotted him, back at work behind the espresso machine as the line slowly moved forward. Ben’s stomach twisted with each step forward. What would he say? Would she even listen to him?
A teenage boy stood behind the register and looked at him expectantly as he got to the front of the line. “What can I get for you?”
“Um.” He cleared his throat. “Grande latte, I guess.”
He saw Lilli freeze out of the corner of his eye, her gaze shifting from the milk pitcher in her hands slowly—ever-so-slowly—to him.
The boy scribbled the order on the side of the cup. “Name?”
“Ben.” He looked at her then, and her gaze snapped back to the espresso machine.
Ben paid for the coffee and made his way to the pick-up station. He opened his mouth to say something—anything—to Lilli, but never got a chance.
“I’m taking my break,” she said loudly, wiping off the milk spout before she turned on her heel.
“Lilli . . .”
She ignored him and walked through the curtained doorway leading to the kitchen.
Ben cursed under his breath and rounded the counter to go after her.
“Hey! You’re not supposed to come back here.” The boy looked confused, unsure whether he should try and stop Ben or stay by the cash register. He needn’t have worried though. Arnie appeared in the doorway, blocking Ben’s path with his beefy arms crossed over his chest.
Ben looked the man in the eyes. “I need to talk to her.”
If anything, Arnie seemed to grow—to fill the space. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Please, I—I made a mistake.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I know. I—” Ben threw his hands up. “I know, okay. And I want to make it right, but I need to talk to her.” When Arnie’s eyes narrowed consideringly, Ben added, “Please.”
After a long moment, Arnie huffed a breath and moved to the side. Not enough so Ben could fit through comfortably, but he slid by anyway. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” Arnie said. “I’m still not convinced I shouldn’t throw you out on your ear.”
Ben cleared his throat. “Noted.”
There was no sign of Lilli in the empty kitchen, so Ben rushed through the door leading to the alley. It had started to rain, and it took a moment for him to spot her leaning against the wall under the eave next to the dumpster. He took a deep breath and approached her slowly.
“Lilli?”
She glared at him. The roof overhung enough to protect her from the worst of the rain, but her hair was damp anyway, drops flinging off when she shoved it back from her face.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “Don’t you have a debutante ball or Future Business Moguls of America meeting to get to?”
Ben wouldn’t take the bait. Not this time. “I came to say I’m sorry.”
She looked away, down at her feet.
“I had no right to judge you,” he said. “To push you to do anything you don’t want to do. To make you feel like you weren’t . . .”
“Good enough?” She lifted her chin.
He shook his head. “Absolutely perfect, just the way you are.”
Lilli huffed, but after a long moment her shoulders fell a little, the anger melting away. “I tried before, you know?”
Ben edged closer, until he stood almost toe-to-toe with her. Rain trickled down his neck, but he didn’t care. “Tried what?”
“To be a star,” she said with a shaky laugh. “I had an agent, a demo, the whole shebang. I signed with a label and everything.”
“What happened?”
She looked somewhere over his shoulder, lost in the memory. “I saw what happened when a dream becomes a business,” she said. “They told me what to sing, what was marketable, what I should wear, how I should do my hair.”
Ben smiled softly, but resisted the urge to tuck a stray lock behind her ear. “You don’t strike me as the kind of person who takes kindly to that.”
She snorted. “No, but I did it. I did everything they asked. And then one day I was on a stage singing a song I hated wearing a dress I hated and I just—” Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. “I just couldn’t do it. I walked off stage and I quit.”
“But you signed a contract.”
“Yeah, and they sued me,” she said, finally meeting his gaze with a wry smile. “Took everything I had. All my life savings, my car. Garnished my wages. A judge said I couldn’t record or perform for pay for ten years.”
Something clicked. “But tips don’t count.”
She nodded. “It’s a
gray area, but yeah.”
He shook his head. “I’m so sorry you went through that. And then I had to be such a . . .”
“Douche nozzle?” She said it with a smirk.
“Yeah.”
She shrugged. “It’s okay, how could you know?” Lilli caught his expression and frowned. “Don’t feel sorry for me.”
“I don’t.”
“I meant what I said,” she said firmly. “I love my life. I love performing, singing what I want to sing. I love making people happy. Teaching kids to play the piano. Singing in the bakery. I love it all. I wouldn’t trade it for a platinum album and a world tour.”
And suddenly, Ben got it. “You’re calling the shots.”
She smiled. “Exactly.”
Ben let out a loud sigh and leaned back against the wall next to her, looking out at the rain. “I wish I had your guts.”
“What do you mean?” she asked. “You have the world by the tail, right? Golden boy with a future so bright he’s gotta wear shades.”
His lips quirked. “Are you quoting eighties music to me?”
She nudged him with her elbow. “You recognized it. There may be hope for you yet.”
He jammed his hands in his pockets, but eased a little closer to Lilli, feeling their arms brush. “I don’t think I like the life I see ahead of me.”
Lilli was quiet for a long moment, the only sound the pitter patter of rain on the asphalt. She tipped her head and said quietly, “Then change it.”
He looked at her and suddenly, it seemed just that simple. “Maybe I will.”
She grinned. “Good.”
“I might need some help,” he said, finally reaching out to touch her cheek.
“Yeah?”
“I’m not sure how to go about it.” He pushed off the wall and moved to stand in front of her. He twisted a lock of her damp hair around his finger.
“Well, what do you love?” she asked.
He pondered it for a minute. “I love listening to you sing.”
She blushed, her lashes lowering. “You can do that anytime.”
He leaned in close, his lips close to her ear. “I love baking bear claws with you.”
Lilli laughed. “Arnie could always use the help.”
Drive Me Crazy Page 3