by Daya Daniels
I hesitate. “Why didn’t you ever do anything with your degree, Tenley?”
She huffs a breath, sits back, and regards me. “Well, this may not make any sense to you or even sound believable. I’m smart. I know that much. But I never wanted to be an engineer, Brooks. I was never even serious about mapping out my career. After James and I got married, he sort of took those reins in that department and just did whatever.” She bites into her bottom lip. “I’ve never been ambitious. On some particularly shitty days, I feel rotten about that, but hey, that’s just me. So that’s sort of why Fennel is so important to me now.”
“I understand.” I twist my mouth. “You still believe you have nothing to prove though?”
Her lips part but she hesitates to speak. “I’d like to believe I don’t.”
“So, everything you do you do for yourself?”
“Yes.”
I grunt.
She says nothing more.
“Everyone has something to prove to the world, Tenley. I think you’re just convincing yourself that you don’t.”
“Maybe.” She smiles. “But that’s okay. As I’ve said before…we all like to convince ourselves of something, right? Lie to ourselves. Twist reality to suit us. Make excuses. Justify everything. We all do it, don’t we?”
“I suppose.”
I stare at the board between us that’s now covered in letters, one space left.
We both hold a letter in our hands.
“You go.” I gesture with a palm.
“No, you.”
“Please, Tenley. Place the letter down.”
She huffs.
I do the same.
It’s a stare-off.
Then, our fingers collide. Her eyes find mine. I retreat, taking my palm away from the board. She sets the letter into place and pulls her hand away to reveal she’s put together the word: BEAGLE.
I slant my head to the side regarding it, and smile.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I laugh. “It’s just interesting.”
“Because?”
“Have you ever heard of the HMS Beagle?”
She searches the ceiling then her eyes meet mine. “No, I don’t think so.”
I stretch out on the floor. “Well, Charles Darwin…”
Tenley chuckles. “Honestly, I wondered if you’d ever talk about him. I’ve always seen you reading that book of his.” She fiddles with her hands.
“It’s a ship that traveled all around the world and surveyed the coast of South America which allowed Darwin to explore the continent and surrounding islands including the Galápagos. He observed animals, plants, and geology and collected thousands of specimens. He told the world that his trip aboard the HMS Beagle was one of the most important events in his life. That trip is what gave him the seeds to all the theories he’d later spend the rest of his life probing.”
She spears her wild hair with her fingers. “Why are you so drawn to it? I mean if you’ve read it a million times already then why do you keep reading it?”
I bite my lip. “No one has ever asked me that, Tenley.” I laugh.
And I’ve never even asked myself…
“I guess I have questions. Each time I finish it, I only have more issues, so I read it again to find the answers. We always have questions, Tenley. It’s what keeps us curious about the world and everything in it. If we ever stop asking ourselves questions, I think that’s when it’s time to worry.”
She picks at one of the floorboards. “What’s one of your questions?”
“Does evolution prove that there is no God?”
“I don’t know.”
Neither do I.
“And I guess our presence here on earth, or simply right here is to make sure we don’t go extinct.”
“Extinct.” Skepticism wrinkles her brow.
“Yes, extinct.”
And the five major causes of extinction are: habitat loss, an introduced species, pollution, population growth, and overconsumption.
“We won’t go extinct, Brooks.”
I grin.
You bet your sweet ass we won’t.
Tenley
I’M LOSING WEIGHT…
Actually, I think we both are. We’re more muscular and lean now thanks to a steady diet of fish, vegetables, and fruit.
I run a hand over my shin, examining it.
Brooks is still talking about Charles Darwin’s adventures….
My eyes land on the leather-bound book which pokes out of his back pocket and I can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t shared it with me along with its contents. It’s no secret he sneaks off to read it whenever he gets the chance. I guess it’s a favorite pastime of his during his moments of peace.
I jut my chin in the direction of it. “What is that?”
He pauses. “A book I found.”
I send him a hard look.
We don’t keep secrets about the things we find here, ever, so I’m completely amiss as to why he hasn’t told me about this. I’ve waited and I’ve been patient but now it’s been long enough.
I sit further forward. “Whose book is it?”
He smirks, reaches back, and pulls it from his pocket. “It belonged to Captain Ian Alcott.”
“The man who lived here?”
Brooks had told me bits and pieces about the captain’s story—the shipwreck, this house, but he hadn’t given any details about the in-between.
“Yes…the man who lived here.”
I grab for it.
Brooks snatches it away. “I’m sorry for not telling you about it.”
I only blink.
He exhales. “I’ve been reading it, but I don’t think you should read it?”
“Why not?”
“You just shouldn’t.” With the terse shake of his head, he turns away from me, then stands. The book has found its way back in his pocket.
“I’ve read the books on the shelf time and time over already. It would be nice to have something new to read, Brooks.”
“No.”
I push up to my feet and march in his direction. “Why are you so possessive over it?”
His blue eyes narrow. “I found it, Tenley. And that means it’s mine.”
Is he serious?
I reach an arm around him, attempting to pull it from his pocket.
“What are you doing?” He blocks my attempt.
I lunge for it again and again until he’s stumbling backward, shifting from left to right and right to left. He pulls it from his pocket and holds his hand high, so high I can’t reach it even if I jump.
This asshole.
“Give it to me, Brooks!”
He laughs.
I shove him in the chest hard, but the push barely moves him.
“No.” He tips his head in my direction. “I told you it’s mine.” He backs away.
I jump for the book and then my fingers curl in his T-shirt.
Soon, I’m sweating and panting for air with the struggle.
“Hey, Ten!” His eyes bulge out and his lips curl up into a satisfactory smile. “If you want it, you’re going to have to fight me for it.”
Why do I feel like I’m back in high school?
This is silly.
We’re adults!
But he’s enjoying this…He’s teasing me…Because I’m shorter and he’s stronger.
Well.
He stumbles backward with the skylarking and then his thighs hit the back of the bed.
I take the opportunity and push him.
Laughing, he falls over the edge and to the floor with a deafening commotion.
With my hands on my hips, I regard him, annoyed. He’s a big twisted pile of limbs and a tattered shirt. He’s fallen but he still has the goddamn book in his hands. And he’s still laughing.
Feeling pissy, I rush across the room, blow out all the candles, and then I crawl into bed.
I don’t know how long the silence lasts for.
“Are you still mad at me?” Brooks’ voice
echoes from the floor where he’s still lying.
“Yes.”
A loud breath leaves him and then a giggle which he quickly stifles. But then it turns in to full-blown laughter again. With a growl, I snatch the pillow up and toss it at him. He laughs more. Then, I’m crawling across the bed at breakneck speed. Brooks’ eyes go wide beneath the moonlight and then I pounce, screaming and clawing at him like a madwoman, searching for the book.
His fingers curl around my forearms and in some wicked WWF-style move, I’m twisted up in a knot and held in place. I kick my legs, but he secures them with his own until I can’t move. His size eclipses mine until I’m wrapped up in his arms and completely blanketed by him.
His nose is pressed into my hair and against my nape and his warm breaths ghost my skin.
Hearts pounding.
Sweating.
Breathing like beasts.
I give up.
Fuck the book. It isn’t worth the fight…
He holds my gaze. “We should get to bed.”
“Yes, we should. I, um, have a lot of work to do tomorrow.”
Slowly, he lifts his weight off me. “Yes, me too.”
I practically sprint for the bed and slide under the covers. Immediately, I turn away from him and make myself more comfortable.
“Tenley.”
“Yeah.”
“Can you take it easy on the talking-in-your-sleep thing tonight?”
I cringe. “Yeah, sure.” I finally face him, surprised to find his screw-face expression.
Anger.
Annoyance.
Discomfort even maybe.
He huffs. “Okay, good, because I don’t think I can listen to another night of oohs and aahs.”
Pardon me.
Brooks
THE NEXT MORNING…
How could the universe be so cruel?
I mean, really, haven’t I already been sent a big enough shit-ton of crap!
It’s early in the morning, too early for this.
I’d already spent a few hours chopping at that teak tree and had decided that now it was time for a well-earned break. Only I have nothing to enjoy the break with, since I’m standing here with a head that feels like it’s about to explode. I wipe the sweat from my brow. “Tenley!” My heart thumps wildly in my chest as I stomp around, searching every nook and cranny. I yank out drawers. Rip open cupboards. Plant my chest to the floor to search under the bed.
Nothing.
“Tenley!” My fingers skitter over the top of the dresser. My temperature skyrockets!
I yank everything out.
Tenley flies into the house, her arms extended and her light-brown eyes wild. “What is it?”
Finally, I find the box and lift it toward the sky because it’s precious. “My cigarettes…” I almost cry.
“What about them, Brooks?”
I turn the box upside down and nothing comes out, just air, lots of despair. “They’re gone.”
Tenley’s hand finds her mouth before she giggles.
I glare at her. “My cigarettes are gone…”
She shakes her head, still chuckling. “I’m sorry.”
Peni creeps into the house, chewing.
Tenley crouches down next to her. “Peni, what are you eating?” She holds out her hand.
I march toward them, shoulders stiff and head aching.
“Give it to me, girl. Come on, Peni.” Tenley encourages Peni to give up the secret.
Slowly, Peni bares her now slimy brown teeth and then a big glob of nicotine rolls from her mouth and into Tenley’s hand.
“Oh, girl.” Tenley chuckles.
“Fuck.” I massage my temples and step away from them, needing some space. “Peni. Peni. Peni.” I walk in circles, frustrated and depressed.
Tenley makes a face. “I think we’ve just found your cigarettes, Brooks.”
No shit…
Tenley
MY SANDALS TREAD OVER the greenest grass. I run my hands over my shoulders and peer up at the blue sky above. The birds fly overhead and the white clouds drift west. The ocean crashes against the rocks in the distance. It’s beautiful. This entire place is spectacular. After walking a short distance, I stop and peer out at the ocean, nothing but blue for miles where the sea meets the horizon.
No ships.
No airplanes.
Nothing.
Just us, here, same as it’s always been since we tripped and fell on this floating mass of land in the middle of the sea.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
Brooks works…
I set off again, trudging through the tall grass then stepping onto the path that I know so well now I could maneuver along it in the darkness if I ever had to. The sand slips between my toes and the heat from the ground warms the soles of my feet. I cross my arms across my chest and approach.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
I step closer and regard the progress made with the work of a determined man and a single axe. The teak tree had fallen long ago. Now, it’s one massive log which is being chiseled into a shape.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
Brooks’ axe-holding hand comes down over and over on the wood, taking chunks away from it.
I edge closer and find shade beneath another teak tree. There’s an entire forest of them here. The hut nearby has sort of become Brooks’ home away from home. It’s a one-room hideaway he’d built. A place he comes to often…maybe to get away from me…and spends time alone. It’s quiet here and near the cliffs on the more elevated side of the island which provide a spectacular view.
My index finger finds its way into my mouth. I gnaw on it out of habit, I think.
Brooks has put on more muscle. He’s bigger. He’s covered in sweat. He’s shirtless too. And wearing a pair of ratty shorts. Powerful thighs. Shapely calves. Good feet. No tats surprisingly. His back glistens against the sun, and with each motion of his arm every single muscle in his body contorts and flexes with the movement. A line of perspiration drips down his neck. It moves ever so slowly over his pecs and then over the carved muscles in his stomach.
His hair is pulled back from his face, and without him telling me, I realize he’s recently trimmed his beard—maybe this morning when I was asleep. I trace the protruding veins in his forearms. They crawl along his skin, each one filled with strength and the hot blood fueling his effort right now.
I lower my eyes, shaking the visions away, but when I look up, they’re still there and coming at me live and direct.
Gosh.
He grunts with his effort and hisses when he misses a mark he set out.
A breath leaves me long and soul-cleansing when I look away and then my eyes are back on him. It’s the same image...
So cruel. So confusing. So perfect.
God, I miss James.
It’s a face I haven’t seen in a year. At each moment when his name pops into my mind, my eyes fall shut and I imagine his features—his handsome smile, his voice. At first the images were vivid, but as of lately I find myself trying harder and harder to recall the line of his jaw. And what his fingers felt like whenever they were on my flesh. And then the little things like how he liked his coffee. Was it two sugars and no milk? Or milk and one sugar? Goddamn it. Aren’t these the details which never go away?
I cried the last time I sat and thought about James, angry at myself because I couldn’t remember all the details. I was losing him. Or maybe I was losing myself. Because-I-am-lost.
Stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere with a man who is just as bitter about it as I am.
I stare at the sand, examining the particles—scattered.
I can relate…
If Brooks knows I’m lingering just behind him, he doesn’t hint to it.
I almost speak but then close my lips just as a swift salty breeze washes by.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
With a clenched jaw, he slices into the wood with the axe.
I push up on my tippy-toes. “I’m s-s-sorry about your cigare
ttes.”
No, I’m not.
No flinch. No jump. No jerk of his head my way. He only grunts and continues working.
So, he already knew I was standing here…
“Peni gets into mischief sometimes.” I force a smile. “She doesn’t mean anything by it.”
“She shouldn’t be poking in my stuff, Tenley. She’s a smart girl so I have a feeling she knew she was doing something bad. Or maybe she thought she was doing a good thing since we all know you hate the fact that I smoke.”
I so do.
His blues stay on me for just a second before his jaw clenches and he’s back to the log, chopping into it like he hates it with every fiber of his being.
“She’s just a monkey.” I drag my fingers through my hair, pulling it all to the side.
“Yeah.” Brooks laughs. “She’s just a monkey.” He lifts a board and walks around the log. “A very smart monkey who seems to know for some reason that cigarettes are bad for humans. So, her solution was to eat them.”
I exhale. “I’m sorry.”
“Tenley, it’s fine.”
He’s angry. He’s really angry. Maybe the cigarettes were the only cure for it…
“Well, Peni and I are going to go searching for crabs. Do you feel like crabs for dinner?”
At that he pauses and stands tall. “I don’t want you out on those rocks alone, Tenley.”
The rocks, not high but sharp. They decorate the edges of this island and are one of my favorite places to go. When the tide goes out, they reveal all the colorful life that lives beneath the sea half the time. The clams, mussels, and oysters are revealed to the sun for a few hours before they disappear once more. The crabs are abundant there. Big. Plump. And with the sharpest claws. They’re devilish creatures to catch, but once I have them in a net and set them over fire for dinner, they’re delectable and so worth the trouble I’ve had to go through to catch them.
Besides, they’re Brooks’ new favorite food, even though he’s yet to admit it. So, I figure to make up for cigarettes, I’ll nab some crabs and make a special dinner. Call it restitution.
“The tide is out. We have a few hours to burn. And honestly, I’m kind of bored.”
His gaze softens. “Okay, but no acrobatic moves. If you can’t reach it, leave it, please.”
“Yeah.”