by Daya Daniels
Tenley
HE EMERGES FROM THE trees and I stumble back forcing the smile on my face to cease.
I get the feeling he’s been watching me for a while from the look on his face.
A little breath leaves him.
I hate that he looks so fucking gorgeous wearing nothing but a ratty T-shirt and shorts. His long dark hair is tied up on the top of his head in a messy man-bun, his beard is trimmed enough, and his blue eyes are bright but as sad as they usually look. My eyes drift down to his bare feet and I groan because those look good too.
Ugh.
He rubs his jaw. “You’ve been spending a lot of time here.”
I look around at all the pink bromeliads and avoid his eyes.
“I hate that you won’t look at me.” His deep voice fills the air.
Because you disgust me right now.
“I hate that this has to be so complicated.”
The love I have for this baby overrides any existing complications in this world.
I say nothing.
“I want children, Tenley, I do, but…” He scrubs his face with a hand and huffs.
One more tear falls and before he says another stupid word, it’s my mission to make one thing clear.
I find the courage to look at him for a little longer. “I’m happy, Brooks. In all the misery around here, finally, I get to experience a little bit of happiness.”
His Adam’s apple bobs with the large swallow he takes. “I know.” He fiddles with his hands and stares at them for a long time. “I know you are, Tenley, and the thing is…” He hesitates to say more. “The thing is…I think I’m happy too.” He smiles.
Pardon me?
Before I get to ask the question, he pulls me into his embrace and wraps his arms around me.
The affection I swear extracts any worry I have about all of this right from my gut.
He places a kiss to the top of my head and then to my lips. “I’m sorry, Tenley.”
I bury my face in his firm chest, breathing him in.
“I’m happy too and I don’t ever want you to question that.” He takes my face in his hands and presses another kiss to my lips. “Do you forgive me for being a massive asshole?”
I nod a few times and his thumb wipes away my falling tear.
Then I get another kiss.
Soon, I’m nipping and moaning against his lips when he consumes my mouth with his own.
With a hand planted on my lower back, he shifts and eases me down to the grass beneath our feet. He hovers above me, gazing down at me with an expression I can’t quite decipher and then his thick fingers are crawling up my thigh, pushing my dress up to my waist and caressing my skin.
I gaze into his blues. “I want to make love to you, Tenley.”
My eager lips brush over his. “So make love to me…”
I’m gifted with a handsome smile from him which stretches from ear to ear. After he pulls me into another vicious kiss, then, he does.
Tenley
NINE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO days…
The air is cool today and the fog is low. It swallows this island whole.
This cozy house this morning is quiet.
Peni is still asleep. So is Brooks.
I fiddle with the purple orchids which rest in a vase in the middle of the kitchen table. An exhale leaves me right before I spin around, pad across the room, crawl back into bed, and settle beneath the covers.
There are hardly ever mornings like this…when we sleep in.
Much of the time Brooks is up early and is usually gone and headed off to work on the boat. I often head over to the garden. Or, I stay in and teach Peni until midday. Only on the days when the fog is thick like it is right now do we stay inside, where it’s safe.
In the time since my belly has grown to the size it is now, the fog has been coming our way more often. Neither of us is sure why. We just accept what comes our way…
I shift onto my side and gaze out the window.
The baby moves…Every squirm reminds me it’s there and a part of me.
Last night, for the first time, the baby had the hiccups. Peni and I rested in bed and stared at my belly as it moved in rhythm with the baby’s hiccups. Peni placed her palm to my belly and fell out in laughter every-single-time it had happened. One of her favorite pastimes now is watching my belly. She is completely enamored and a little bit baffled that there’s a little human who’s alive in there. Or rather, someone…And before she goes off to sleep every night, Peni must hug the baby. Usually she uses that opportunity to kiss the baby too before I tuck her into bed. It’s completely adorable.
Breathing, I stare up at the ceiling.
A large palm settles on my stomach and then I shift to find myself staring into bright blue eyes.
“Good morning.” Brooks smiles.
“Good morning.”
He rests on his elbow and stares at my large belly, examining it almost as if he still can’t believe it’s the way it is. I can no longer stand on my feet all day without getting tired. It’s difficult to breathe sometimes. I pee nonstop. And now, I can’t even fit into the dresses which Peighton had owned, even the stretchy ones which are made of gauze. I’m big and ready to burst.
The tiny crib Brooks had carved out of teak rests in the corner of the room. It’s complete with the designs of stars and hearts and clouds etched into the surface of it and it even rocks. I’ve already decorated it and have filled it with a yellow Fennel blanket that’s still thankfully in its vacuum-sealed package.
Brooks had taken time away from working on the boat each day to make it and had presented it as a surprise one morning after breakfast. I cried at the sight of it and then I couldn’t stop smiling.
“Did you decide on a name?” I follow his hand that rises and falls over the bump softly.
“Did you?” He arches a brow.
“I did.”
“Well, let’s have it then.” His hand freezes. “A kick.” He laughs. “Or maybe a punch…”
I chuckle.
Brooks makes funny faces before he puts his lips to my stomach. “I can’t wait to see you.” His beautiful eyes hold my gaze for so long in a way that I need. “Your mommy can’t wait to see you too. And we can’t forget Peni. She’s dying to meet you as well. We love you already even though we haven’t seen you yet. And believe it or not…” Brooks’ expression is soft, so fucking soft. “I want to be a father. I want to be a dad. I’ve always wanted to be a dad. I can’t wait to meet you.” He plants one more kiss there then one to my lips.
“What is it then?” I giggle. “You know…the name?”
Brooks grins. “Mitch Lawrence.”
My face scrunches then I bark out a laugh and almost choke. “Mitch?”
“Yeah, Mitch.” Brooks’ nose wrinkles. “I like Mitch.”
“I don’t.” My tone is super flat.
“My grandfather’s name was Mitch.”
“I still don’t like it.” I don’t blink.
He gives me major eyeroll. “Well, what did you pick then?”
I exhale softly. “If it’s a girl, I’ve decided to go with Lola Grace.”
Brooks’ eyes twinkle. “I like that, Tenley, I really do.”
“Good.” I place my hand on Brooks’ cheek. “I know you loved your grandpa, and I’m sure he was a really nice man and all, but we can’t name this baby Mitch. It’s an old man’s name. I can think of nothing weirder than a baby with an old man’s name.” I giggle.
Brooks’ chest shakes with laughter. “I happen to like Mitch.”
I hold his gaze and decide he’s completely serious. “Okay then, if that is the name you want, then we’ll go with Mitch. Maybe it’ll grow on me.”
Brooks shifts beneath the covers, finds another lazy pose and drags his thick finger along my skin. “I think it’s a girl anyways.”
“I think you’re hoping it’s a girl.”
He lifts a shoulder. “Maybe.” His fingers rake through my hair. “I ju
st want your wish to come true, Tenley, that is all, because you deserve it.” He smiles. “You deserve to be a mother.”
Brooks
MY EYES ARE STUCK on hers and my hand glides over her swollen belly, back and forth over the warm taut flesh and I truly wonder what’s in there—girl or boy. Honestly, I don’t think it even matters. As long as Tenley is happy, I don’t think I’m bothered about anything else in the world.
She smiles and I take notice of her puffy cheeks since she’s put on a little weight. Still, she looks perfect beneath the morning light even though it’s an endless gray.
A bump happens beneath my hand.
Tenley’s eyes flicker with awareness.
Another one occurs, practically kicking my hand off Tenley’s belly.
I scrunch my face. “Does that hurt?” I laugh.
“No.” She giggles. “The baby is running out of space.” She gazes at her stomach for a moment. “I’m excited about that. It means we’ll be able to see the baby soon.”
“I know.” My exhale is big. “Soon.”
Tenley’s fingers crawl over Captain Alcott’s diary which rests between us.
I’d fallen asleep last night while reading it—the book it seems like I’ve been reading forever. The pages in the middle of it are as thin as tissue paper and the ink is blotted in some places making the words difficult to read but I push on and have the intention of finishing it someday soon.
“May I?” Tenley’s amber eyes are soft as she plucks the book up between her fingers and cracks it open to the page I’d finished on which is bookmarked. Tenley’s smile lingers for a long while as she glances over it. “This guy was such a romantic…”
I roll my eyes so hard they almost get stuck in the back of my head. “Yeah, I know.”
Giggling, she starts to read.
“December 2, 1893.
“Peighton is with child.
“I fell to her knees and kissed her belly like a man who had just been injected with so much happiness. She cried. I wept too. Then I pulled her into my embrace and promised her forever and my heart, as if she didn’t have it already. After dinner, as I sat beneath the moonlight and the stars which were blotted out by the clouds, I watched her sleep. Soft breaths left her while I imagined her belly swelling with a growing child inside her.
“A breath of pride leaves me as I write these words.
“In another life, I would likely be sailing the high seas, maybe off the coast of India or some other ungodly place. But our destiny has marooned us here together. At first, I believed that this island was sending imminent death our way. However, now my thoughts hold true that this island has given us LIFE.
“Captain Ian Alcott.”
Tenley shuts the book and exhales, and just for a moment, I can feel it in my spleen that she’s envious of that, how that day had gone for Peighton way back then, when she’d discovered she was pregnant, and the joy which I had robbed her of.
Her eyes grow watery, and before she can turn away from me, I clutch her chin.
“I can only give you pieces of me, Tenley.”
She slow-blinks, bottom lip trembles, disappointment mars her pretty features.
I brush my lips against hers.
Because I am half a man…with a shoeless foot in one world and with the other in another.
“And you can only give me pieces of you.” My words practically beg her to understand. “Yet, this baby is whole…made of half of you…and half of me.” I smile. “And even if everything is fucked up, Tenley. This one thing in our lives is perfect.”
Tenley
BREATHE IN…BREATHE OUT…
I change positions and roll onto my knees.
This house is so hot, or, I’m running a fever. The tub of once tepid water which rests in the middle of the room on the floor is now cold since I’d been sitting in it since the sun had set so warm and beautiful over this island.
Now, the crickets chirp.
Peni sits in the windowsill, observing the scene in front of her, gnawing on her fingertips.
After gripping me, Brooks wipes his sweaty face. “Tenley, please!” He had been urging me to sit still, over and over, attempting to make every spot I had settled in as comfortable as possible.
I must look like a madwoman right now darting around this room, naked and sweating, crouching and kneeling and dipping down into squats whenever the mood hits me.
A candle flickers on the table in a corner of the room which sends a calming vanilla scent my way. But there is no calm here. Only mayhem. So much heat.
Brooks takes my hand in his. “Let’s try th-th-this, Tenley.” He encourages me to move in the direction of the bathtub, but my feet won’t go. They drag and drag and drag. He catches me as I almost fall when another contraction slams into me, sending a sharp pain through my entire body that slices just a little through my soul as it does.
I scream!
I drop down to my knees in agony when another contraction slams into me from all sides. Brooks holds me, face whiter than I’ve ever seen it and blue eyes humungous as he descends when I do. Rocking backward and forward with the hope it will fend off the pain, I plant my forehead to the cool wood and push.
Another scream rips from me.
Another contraction.
I growl with the effort and push.
“Okay, okay, Tenley, stop, stop, stop.” Brooks sops up the sweat from my skin.
A high-pitched breath leaves me. My heart beats a million miles per hour. And the pain is unimaginable. But I endure it. I have plans to see this through to the end.
I rock nonstop, moaning and blubbering.
A complete fucking mess!
“Okay.” Brooks counts. “One, two, three.”
I push. I pussssh. I pussssh. I pusssssh.
Sucking in a big breath of air, I’m panting at the same rhythm as Brooks. My eyes are wild as they search his face and I find fear there even when he attempts to force all the muscles in it to relax.
“Is this how it’s supposed to happen, Brooks?”
He almost answers me then he doesn’t.
I moan in agony, clutching my belly and breathe through the contractions which feel as though they will never end. “Is this how it’s supposed to happen, Brooks?”
He swallows hard. “You’re doing fine, Tenley.”
An ungodly yell leaves me when I rock forward…
How much more of this can I take?
Gritting my teeth, I bear down and pussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh.
Nothing happens.
I’m heaving for breath as I stand and rush across the room.
“Tenley, fuck! NO!” Brooks snatches the knife from me before I can send the tip of the blade across my belly, slice myself wide open, and set this baby free! “What the fuck are you doing?”
The knife falls to the floor right when I almost do but Brooks swoops me up and off my feet and carries me to the bed. I writhe in pain, covered in sweat, legs wide open not caring a fuck about how I look right now.
“Come on, Tenley, we can do this.”
They’re words of hope, said perfectly, yet they do nothing for me right now.
I’m exhausted.
I don’t have a clock, but I imagine we’ve been at this for hours. My legs are close to giving out. I’m past the point of being delirious and my tears flow endlessly with my sobs to accompany them.
Brooks settles next to me. “We can do this, Tenley.” His eyes are full of tears.
I nod.
He helps to push my knees back as far as they can go.
I suppose he must’ve seen this trick on some birthing show on TV back home.
“This will help.” He wipes my face with the cloth again and peers into my eyes with a hard stare. “I need you to calm down, Ten. We’re going to count and then I want you to push.” He pulls my hand into a firm grip and positions himself in front of me. “Everything will be fine.”
Brooks
THE ROOM FINAL
LY SETTLES beneath calm.
Tenley howls.
She pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes.
She’s past the point of exhaustion.
Frankly, I would’ve quit by now.
But there’s no quitting this game.
The pain which sends her screaming settles in my chest and makes it difficult to breathe. I can do nothing besides sit here and count and breathe with her feeling like a useless fool.
Her fingertips dig into my hand.
And just when she sobs once more, a tear slips from my eyes, one I’ve been holding back since I had laid her on this bed.
I brush her hair away from her face.
“Is this supposed to happen like this, Brooks?”
My brows knot as I observe her, and I don’t answer the question because I don’t think I can manage to say the words. I’ve never experienced this before so I’m as wet behind the ears about the functions of pregnancy and childbirth as she is. I should’ve taken a fucking class! It’d be useful right about now.
Tenley moans.
“Push, Ten.” I palm her forehead and then breathe with her.
A path widens and then I see the baby’s head.
“Ten.”
“Yes.”
“I see the baby’s head.”
She laughs through her tears.
It’s all she needs to drive the effort forward.
I crouch between her thighs in awe of everything in front of me.
“Push, Ten.” I laugh.
She bears down, and with one, two, three more pushes a tiny body slips out from her and into my hands like the delicate gift it is leaving them warm and wet with blood.
“Brooks, what is it?” Tenley laughs a breathy laugh. “Is it a boy or a girl?”
“A girl.”
“Oh, a girl.” Tenley smiles endlessly. “Lola, Brooks, we’ll name her Lola.”
I’m frozen staring at the tiny baby in my hands but I’ve stopped breathing. The world has stopped turning. Life as I’ve known it has come to a crashing fucking halt.