by Anna Durand
He pulled me closer to tuck me under his arm. "Maybe I am ravenous, but it's your fault. I've never needed to make love to a woman this much before. Cannae get enough of you."
"Likewise. I'm addicted to the feel of you inside me."
"Thought it was the earth-shattering orgasms that had you hooked."
I slid my arm across his chest as I nestled my cheek against it. "That too. I've got it so bad, I'm giving serious thought to offering to try whisky again if you'll have sex with me right now."
"Are ye now." He chuckled. "Can't let ye suffer, can I?"
"It would be rude of you." His heartbeat thump-thumped under my ear, the rhythm of it soothing, even as the feel of his firm muscles awakened my body. "I've loved every minute with you."
He buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. "I loved every minute of it too. Plan to keep on loving every minute with you."
The puppies came barreling into the room and leaped onto the bed with us. Naturally, they both cuddled up to Aidan. The little turncoats.
A moment later, as my lids fluttered shut, a soft female voice inquired, "Want the door closed?"
I peeked through my lashes to find Jamie in the doorway, looking uncertain, as if she'd disturbed us in an intimate moment. In a way, she had. Aidan and I were curled up together on a bed — though fully clothed and half asleep.
He waved a hand at his sister. "Best shut it. Otherwise, the pups will paw at your door and whine until you let them in."
"Yeah," I said, " and then they'll assault you while you're vulnerable."
Flashing us a bright smile, Jamie laughed and said, "Good night."
We offered our good-nights to her, and she retreated, shutting the door with a soft click. Soon, Aidan was snoring beside me as I listened to the steady thumping of his heart slowed by slumber. Ensconced in his arms, I let my thoughts wander back through our days together, from the night we met to this day spent with his sister and my brother. Though we'd known each other barely more than a week, I'd spent more time with Aidan than I'd spent with anyone in a long time. I'd shared personal things with him. I'd laughed with him and slept with him and invited him into my life.
Crazy as it was, I felt like I knew him, like I could trust him. Hell, I'd told him I trusted him, and I meant it. I didn't know everything about him, but I'd met his cute little sister and overheard him talking to his bossy older brother, which made me feel like I'd met Lachlan as well.
A chill of doubt slithered through me, winding around my heart. How well did I really know Aidan? How well could I really know anyone? After two years of friendship with Rade, I'd believed I knew him and could trust him — yet after years of sticking to our agreement, he was determined to change the rules, which meant I'd misjudged him. Even my parents had kept major secrets from me, hiding their financial woes and leaving a giant mess for me to untangle after their deaths. For all I knew, Gavin and Tara kept devastating secrets too.
Shit. I couldn't do this. Couldn't keep second-guessing my instincts and suspecting everyone of having nefarious intentions. My parents didn't conceal things from me out of malice. They'd done it because they believed, wrongly, they were protecting me and Gavin. But then there was Rade.
And what about Aidan?
I raised my head to gaze at his sleeping face. My throat ached, constricted by an alien emotion, a kind of longing I'd never experienced before. A longing to believe in him. To trust him. I already did trust him, and it scared the hell out of me. I'd believed in one man who wanted to marry me, a man I thought cared about me as a friend. Here I was trusting another charming man intent on marrying me, a man who claimed not only that he would love me, but that I would fall for him. Did he want something from me, something as damning as a fraudulent marriage?
Watching him sleep, his lips forming a small smile, I couldn't believe it.
I pressed my cheek to Aidan's chest again and tried to banish those thoughts. They kept prowling the edges of my mind, keeping me awake until late into the night, when at last the weariness overtook me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The next afternoon, I walked into the house through the sliding doors to find Aidan lounging on the sofa, one ankle crossed over the opposite knee. He had one arm draped over the sofa's back. A slight smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he gazed at the TV. On the screen, a black-and-white movie played. The two stars, whose names I couldn't remember, spun around on a dance floor in perfect synchronization, seeming to float in each other's arms. Lovely music weaved a spell around them.
"Jamie and Gavin are taking the puppies for a walk," I said, coming up behind the sofa. My gaze flicked to the TV screen. "Do you like old movies?"
Aidan tilted his head up and back to look at me. "I like good movies. Don't care about the age."
"Me too. I like good movies, I mean."
He watched me for a moment, as if measuring me up, then rose from the sofa and strode around the sofa to me. Offering a hand palm up, he said, "Dance with me."
"Now? Here?"
"Yes, Calli, now. And here in the living room."
"Why?"
"You're here and I'm here and there's music." He waggled his fingers. "Give it a go. Please."
One thing I'd learned about myself of late? I couldn't resist a Scottish man pleading with me to do almost anything. It was probably just this Scottish man. Either way, I placed my hand in his.
He drew me to him, one hand on the small of my back and the other cupped around my hand, raising our melded hands the way people usually did when dancing. With that palm on my back, he urged me closer until our bodies were molded together, snug and intimate.
"The last time we danced," he said, "you wore a bonnie green dress. You're even sexier now, wearing everyday clothes and smelling of soap and honey."
"It's my shampoo."
He lifted me off my feet and twirled us in a circle.
As my feet touched down again, my heart did a ridiculous little stuttering thing. I swallowed, my gaze inexorably pulled to his. "Don't think this is regulation ballroom dancing."
"Forget regulations." He began to move his hips and feet, encouraging me to move with him. "We're moving together, that's all. Casual, not formal."
Stiff and awkward, I shuffled along with him as we made our way around the open expanse of floor behind the sofa. My feet bumped into his. A thread of anxiety inside me snapped taut and my muscles followed suit.
"Relax," Aidan said, his tone patient, his expression tinged with affectionate humor. "I want to dance with you, nothing else."
"Nothing else?" I felt one corner of my mouth crimp. "We've gone more than twenty-four hours without sex. How long can you hold out?"
He combed his fingers through my hair, his gaze warm and soft. "I like having you in my arms, with or without sex. So please, take that steel rod out of your spine and tell me what's bothering you."
"Sorry. Didn't mean to ruin the moment." I hauled in a deep breath and released it little by little, with no measurable effect on my nerves. "Hard to melt steel, though."
"Close your eyes."
I stared into his jewel irises, into the depths of their deep blue color. Part of me longed to relax and simply take pleasure in this moment, in the pleasure of being held by a sexy and oddly sweet man who made me feel… worthy.
Sighing, I shut my eyes and gave in to the rhythm of our movements, the soothing melody of the movie music, and the warmth of Aidan's body.
He started to hum softly.
Without examining the reasons why or considering the implications at all, I rested my cheek on his chest. My body went soft, pliant against his. He held our hands to his heart, near my face. I barely noticed when we stopped moving across the floor, our feet now stationary but our bodies moving as if we still glided over the wood beneath our feet. I nestled into him, slipping my hand out of his so I could wrap my arms around him, relishing the feel of his body and the beating of his heart.
&nb
sp; He combed a hand through my hair again, the touch feather-light and soothing.
A breathy moan whispered out of me. "You're so nice."
"Nice?" he said, faint laughter lightening his voice. "Thought I was wicked."
The sensations he evoked in me had my mind weakening, my will too, and I could no longer control the words tumbling from my lips. "You are wicked, but you're also nice. And sweet. You're all of it."
"Don't spread that rumor, please. I have a reputation to maintain."
I lifted my head, my chin propped on his chest. "I want to tell you everything, but there's a chance you could get in trouble if I do. Legal trouble. You might become an accessory or something."
"Tell me. You're worth any risk."
Nestling my cheek against his chest, squeezing my eyes shut, I explained the whole story to him.
"I told you the basics about Rade and me," I said. Though acid churned in my gut, I forged ahead anyway. "I mentioned how kind Rade was after my parents died. He offered to go with me to the funeral home, the probate lawyer's office, whatever. I was grateful for the offer, but I couldn't let him do it. He'd never met my parents and… well, I felt I needed to do it on my own. Still, he was there to keep me company and bring me food, little things like that. But when he proposed marriage, he offered me a kind of help I couldn't turn down. I should have, I realize that now. But I was grieving, and I made a horrible decision."
Aidan spread his hands over my lower back, stroking with his fingertips. "What sort of help?"
I took a deep breath. "Remember I said my parents had hidden their financial problems from me and Gavin? I'm sure they were embarrassed and thought they were protecting us, believed they'd get back on track and we'd never have to know. After they died, Gavin and I had to shell out our own money for the funeral expenses and neither of us had much to start with. What little was left of their estate went to paying their debts and we had to sell their house to pay off the mortgage, since neither of us could afford the monthly payments. I'd gotten student loans to pay for college and Gavin was fresh from the Marines, trying to find a job while recovering from the things he'd been through in Afghanistan. Our parents' deaths hit us both hard, but him more so than me. We were wrecked, emotionally and financially."
"Calli…" Aidan brushed wayward hairs from my forehead with his free hand, while his other hand remained entwined with mine. "I'm so sorry."
"Believe it or not, that isn't the worst part." I swallowed hard, my throat dry and tight. "Two months after my parents died, I had to cut back my college classes to part-time and get a job to stay afloat. This meant my student loans would become payable in six months' time. No way could I get back on my feet before that happened, and I couldn't afford the payments either."
"Your good friend intervened, I'm guessing. With an offer."
"Rade said he would pay off my student loans and give me the money to finish college. He knew I wanted to go to grad school to study library science, and he offered to pay for that as well. If I did him a favor."
Aidan's hands tensed on my back. We'd stopped moving our bodies, though we lingered in each other's arms.
"He'd help me out of my jam," I continued," if I helped him out of his. Rade's student visa was running out. He wanted to stay, he had plenty of money he inherited when his parents died. I could have my financial problems wiped out in one fell swoop — if I married him."
Aidan made a noise somewhere between a huff and a sigh. "He wanted you to marry him so he could stay in the country."
"Yes. A green card marriage, so to speak." I hugged him tighter, desperate to cling to his anchoring presence while I rocked on a sea of memories. "I was still reeling from my parents' deaths and Gavin was still a mess. I was frantic about the money problems. What Rade offered me sounded like a generous, compassionate offer. And when he told me about his parents, how they died and he was devastated, how he understood what I was feeling… I agreed to marry him."
Aidan swirled his palms over my back, the gesture calming and imbued with a gentle compassion.
"You have to be married for three years," I said, "before the non-citizen spouse can apply for citizenship. Rade swore once he got his citizenship, we'd wait six months for good measure and then get divorced. It's been five years. He got his citizenship a year ago."
Though Aidan said nothing, I saw the question on his face.
"Rade promised to file for divorce," I told him. "Kept saying he'd do it soon, he was busy, just be patient. Two months ago, I realized he'd never do it and I filed myself. Couldn't afford a lawyer, so I did it myself and paid all the fees. Then I had to pay a process server to deliver the papers to Rade, but he manages to always be gone when the server shows up at his house. I can't afford to pay the server anymore."
A scowl etched lines on Aidan's face. "Why won't this bod ceann let you go?"
I raised my head to look at him. "Bod ceann?"
"Dickhead."
I almost smiled — almost — but couldn't quite make my lips form it. "Rade claims he wants to have a real marriage, asked me to move in with him. After all these years of sticking to our agreement, suddenly he wants to change it. I don't understand. We lived separate lives by mutual agreement, I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him in those years. Sure, he sent me flowers and cards on my birthdays. I thought he was being polite, being a good friend and all. Now I'm not so sure, but I can't figure out what he wants."
"This has some bearing on why you don't want to love me, I gather. Confused about how, though."
I buried my face against his chest, inhaling the masculine scent of him. "Too many people have turned out to be the opposite of what I thought they were. My parents deceived me by not talking about their problems, leaving a mess when they died. Gavin and Tara married people who changed later on. And my husband is suddenly singing a different tune after years of promising to set me free."
Aidan rested his chin on top of my head. "All I want is you, however I can have you. And I willnae give up because one bastard has a hold on you."
"Rade's not a bastard. But you'd be better off going back to Chicago to find another American girl."
"Cannae." He exhaled, ruffling my hair and tickling my scalp. "I want you."
He wouldn't accept this. He wouldn't give up. And still, I could not make myself tell him to leave. Having him around gave me more than spicy interludes with a man who made me feel alive and sexy, it also gave me solace in ways I couldn't understand or explain. His sweetness, his earnest determination, his heady sexuality… How could I give up those things?
"You haven't wanted to tell me," he said gently, "but it would help to know what happened with your cousin and your brother. With their marriages."
"Tara's first husband had seemed like a decent guy, but he turned out to be emotionally abusive, putting her down all the time and making her feel worthless. She left him after fourteen months."
"And Gavin?"
I pulled away from Aidan, hugging myself. "His wife up and left one day for no good reason. Said she was bored and needed to find herself in New York. He was like a zombie for weeks after. Leanne seemed like a nice enough girl, but she betrayed Gavin."
Aidan settled his hands on my upper arms. "You worry I'm not what I seem. That later, after we're married, I'll change into a selfish prick or I'll keep important things from you."
I hunched my shoulders. "That's the problem. I can't know if what I see now is the real you. I've known you for twelve days, Aidan. Twelve days."
"Asked you to give me four weeks."
"Even that isn't enough. No amount of time will be enough."
His hands tightened on my arms, no more than a smidgen but enough to reveal his frustration. "You can never be certain of another person. I wish I could promise you nothing will ever change, but it would be a lie. I won't lie to you. All I can promise you is that I will do everything in my power to make you happy and keep you safe."
; I studied his face, anxious to find some kind of answer there, some kind of magic cure-all for my fears. He couldn't cure me. I had to do that myself and I had no frigging idea how to accomplish the feat.
He drew me a little closer, maintaining a gap of a few inches between our bodies. His hands moved up to my shoulders. "You can ask my sister what kind of man I am. Or call Lachlan and he'll tell you. If you need references outside the family, I can give you the names of a dozen people who'd be happy to tell you I'm not a bastard."
"That's not necessary." I shut my eyes for a moment, seeking a composure that eluded me. "The problem is inside me. In my head and my heart. There's nothing you can do to fix this."
"I know," he said, with a note of resignation in his voice.
When he pulled me into his arms again, I didn't fight it. Being close to him gave me more solace than I'd known in a very long time and I needed it today more than ever. With my head on his chest, I could almost forget why I was trying so hard not to love him.
He laid a hand on my head and began to caress my hair while his other hand cradled my back.
"You remind me of Rory in some ways," he said, "since he doesn't want to fall in love either. But I won't give up on you because you're afraid. I'll fight for you, Calli."
He would, I knew that. He'd fought for me since the night we met.
With his fingers stroking my hair and his strong hand on my back, I couldn't hold back the weariness anymore. It had seeped into me for days and days, triggered by the strain of keeping Aidan close while struggling against my growing feelings for him. Yes, I had feelings for him. I could admit that in the privacy of my thoughts, safe in the cocoon of his embrace. Should I give in to whatever was blossoming between us? Could I risk it?
My lids had grown heavy, too heavy to stay open. I peeked at Aidan through the ever-narrowing slit of my eyelids.
"Someone needs a nap," he announced, and swept me up in his arms to carry me down the hall to my bedroom.
Aidan set me on my feet, pulled back the covers, and picked me up again to deposit me on the mattress. He tucked the covers over me. "Should I undress you?"