She nodded. “We should take this inside.” Her throat was raw, and cracked on the words.
He led her in and latched the door behind them. When he reached for her again, she stepped out of his grasp.
He frowned. “Let me tell you my side of things, please?”
“Did you have a good reason?” Every word rasped from her throat like sandpaper over a raw wound.
“Yes.”
Max couldn’t do this tonight; her brain wouldn’t handle it. She couldn’t forgive him, either. The comfort of his embrace was incredible, but too much of her recoiled over knowing what he’d done. She shook her head and turned away. “I’m tired. Tell me in the morning.”
“Max...”
She collapsed on her bed, still in her clothes, and stared at the wall. It was easier than thinking about the day. The events. Any of it.
Her eyes were too weary to work anymore, but sleep didn’t grace her. She heard Taylor shuffle around. The squeak of the second mattress. The swish of fabric, of plastic on plastic—his ear buds maybe. And what felt like hours later, the light snore that meant he’d drifted off.
They’d figure this out; she just didn’t know how. Gray knocked on her eyelids, the dark giving way to dawn, before sleep overtook her.
Her dreams were the worst she remembered in ages. This time, she ran alone. From Adam and from Taylor.
Chapter Five
Someone nearby was trying hard to be quiet. That was the first thing Max registered, as consciousness crashed around her. She forced her eyes open. Fortunately, whatever was making the noise saved her from the nightmares.
Taylor was rifling through his bags. She watched, as he examined the contents of one and then moved to the next.
The emotions from the day before didn’t evaporate while she slept. She was rested and coherent, and he owed her answers. “What are you looking for?” she asked.
He jumped and whirled to face her. Dark shadows lined a face paler than she was used to. The corner of his mouth tugged up for a brief moment, before his frown appeared again. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I was trying to remember which bag the medicine was in.”
She sat up. “My backpack. Front pocket.” She rolled her neck, but it didn’t work out the kinks. “And don’t worry about it. Consciousness is better than the alternative right now.”
He shook a couple of pills from a bottle she didn’t see, swallowed them dry, then perched on the edge of her mattress. “I’m sorrier than you know that I didn’t tell you who hired us. It was a mistake, and one I can’t undo. Let me explain before you decide you’re done with me?”
Done with me. Hearing it out loud gave the idea more tangibility than it had in her head at any point. “I’m not done with you, but yeah, you have some talking to do.”
His hand shook when he raked his fingers through his hair. “I wanted to. Every time it came up, I almost said something. But he—Adam—told me that first day that the job was off if I said anything to you. That if you knew, he’d stop keeping our identities a secret.”
The doctor’s words from last night bounced through her thoughts. He said he wasn’t sure why Taylor kept Adam’s identity a secret.
Because Adam played mind games. He’d been fucking with her head since their first encounter online. Hell—since the raid. He probably even made up that stupid pregnancy story to push Max and Taylor apart. The possibility didn’t stop her from saying, “You could have found a way.”
Taylor moved nearer. She didn’t pull away, and his frown faded. “And you should have told me we were on a tight deadline to get out of town, and—” He clenched his jaw. “I’m sorry, that’s not fair.”
“I had a good reason.” She let her irritation pour into the retort. This wasn’t about what she did. “And you weren’t exactly helpful in the club, when I told you I saw him. You didn’t just lie to me; you fucking gaslighted me. What was in it, for you to keep quiet?”
“Adam promised he could keep us hidden. Said, if he tracked us down, it was only a matter of time before someone else figured it out. We’re a name in corporate espionage, even if no one knows your face. He pointed out that being infamous made us a tempting target. He promised me he’d keep you safe.”
She wanted to forgive him. “How do you know he was telling the truth? He’s a Null, right? How do you know he meant any of what he said in that room?”
“I don’t. There’s zero way for me to guarantee it. But he had a Psy and an Ee guard, and they believed him. Not as in heard what he said and didn’t disagree, but there was zero flinch from their emotions. As far as they were concerned, his promise was law.”
It didn’t alleviate the feeling of betrayal, but it helped take the edge off. “We can’t trust him. He’s been screwing with me—and you—from the start.”
“I get that. And I’m sorry. If I’d seen an alternative, I would have taken it.” He slid his fingers across the blanket and underneath, where hers rested on her knee.
She squeezed and let his hand stay where it was.
“I was in a room, being read. I had a millisecond to decide what to do,” he said. “And I figured, if he’d found us, and we had no idea we were being watched, the safest place for us to hide was in plain sight. I didn’t know what else to do. He consults for The Church, and he’s on the board of directors for the largest pharmaceutical company in the country. I was supposed to call his bluff?”
“You’re telling me now. Why?” In all the years she and Taylor had known each other, this was the first time he’d kept something from her, and his reasons were as good as the paranoia that kept her mouth shut over the past week.
He scooted closer on the mattress. It took restraint not to curl up in his arms, and forget the whole thing. That wouldn’t solve anything. Taylor met her gaze for the first time since she woke up. “You figured it out, so it’s not like I get to be valiant, but I’m glad you did. We’ll unravel this together.” A somber note lingered in his voice
“You’re right.”
“We have less than a month before we’re out of here. No more secrets.” He said it as if there were no question that they’d be able to afford to skip town.
“No more secrets.”
“Good.” He traced her knuckles. Relief fluttered inside, though there was no more foundation for hope than there had been before.
He grabbed his handheld from behind him, swiped the screen, and typed something on the mini keyboard. “You should know this too. I wanted to save it for your birthday, but we need it now. So happy early birthday.” He handed her the device.
Her brain was too frazzled, for her to guess what he was up to. “What am I going to do with your handheld?”
“Look at the screen.”
It was his bank account. His balance was thousands higher than it should be. She looked between it and him. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s why I was doing odd jobs.” He gave her a tiny smile. “We’re pinching pennies, and you need a new handheld, and you wouldn’t buy one for yourself. But this getting-out-of-the-country thing... It’s more of a priority. This should help.”
A layer of tension stripped away, making her feel lighter. It wasn’t a big dent in how much they needed, but it was another job they could be picky about. “Thanks.”
He knelt and pulled his hand from hers. “There’s one more thing. Since... honesty and all.”
She frowned, and the evaporating doubt returned. Could she handle one more thing? “What is it?”
He rested his hands on her cheeks. There was a rare intensity in his eyes. Could he see what was in her heart, if he looked hard enough? The heat of his palms seared her skin. Her pulse increased, and it wasn’t all from nervousness.
He crashed his mouth to hers, hungry and demanding. A moan tore from her throat, before she registered what was happening. The kiss was better than in the club, and it chased her thoughts away. She and Taylor were the only things in the room. The low hum of his groans, his taste, his touch...
>
He tangled his fingers in her hair and pressed closer. She’d never been kissed like this before. It stole her breath and made her head feel like it was floating away. Reason slowly leaked in, mingling with the hammering of her heart against her ribcage. What was this? Amazing, for sure, but where had it come from?
She didn’t know who pulled away first. Or maybe they both needed to catch their breath. “I love you.” His gaze burned into her.
The words tumbled in her head but didn’t stick. Of course he loved her. It was why they worked well together—they were family. Friends of the closest sort. Love came with that.
He furrowed his brow. “Say something?”
He meant as more than a friend. Her irritation returned, carried on a wave of frustration she knew was irrational but couldn’t stop. She crawled away from him. “You don’t get to do that.” The words tumbled out. “You don’t get to spring something like that on me. That’s not who we are. It’s never been who we are.”
He frowned. “It’s exactly who we are. I’m not springing anything on you. It’s been there for years. Maybe longer. I’ve been trying to show you. Everyone around us sees it. Anyone who’s scanned me in a raid knows it’s true. Do you think we could pull off the adoring-couple routine otherwise?”
She wanted to hear this, but at the same time, it shattered her world. “Good for them. I don’t know it. What if it’s not true? What if the only reason you think you love me is because I’m the one person you can touch without your brain short circuiting? That’s hardly grounds for a long-term romance.”
His hurt gaze bored holes into her soul. She itched to take the it back, but now that it was out there, she realized her biggest fear was that the only reason he kept her around was that her being Null was good for his sanity. She looked away first, a large lump growing in her throat.
“Do you really believe that?” His voice barely reached her, over the whir of the air conditioner.
“Maybe.” Her anger had slipped away and was replaced with doubt and hope. She liked the way love sounded. But even when they were just friends, the thought of losing him terrified her. If she admitted this, she’d never let him go. Weren’t they already at that point?
The mattress shifted, and Taylor touched her knees with his. He lifted her chin. The conflict on his face matched what boiled inside her. “Max, you don’t have to tell me you feel the same”—a tremor ran through his voice—“but I promise I don’t love you because your emotions are a blank wall to me. It’s because of who you are—your compassion, your intelligence, your gorgeous amazing body and delicious lips...”
She gave a tiny laugh. Damn it. She didn’t want to fall into this. Into him. “You’re sure it’s not only because I’m accessible?”
He knotted a fist in her hair and tugged her head. She thought she was prepared for the kiss this time. She was wrong. It seared through every nerve ending, lighting her desire and making her fingers tingle and her chest ache with want. He sought out her tongue with his. She wanted to climb into this feeling and live in it.
When he broke the kiss, he kept his hand on the back of her head, holding her captive and forcing her to keep her attention on him. “It’s not because you’re accessible. Or Null. Or any of that bullshit. I love you.” Power lined his voice.
Her heart skipped. She didn’t have a retort. Instead, she returned his kiss. His groan mingled with her whimper. He nudged her onto the bed, only breaking contact with her lips to position himself above her. She scraped her nails down his neck and dove into every sensation.
She wanted this. Admitting it to herself snapped the sluicegate on a dam of emotions. God damn it, she wanted him. Not just right now—though the tingle over her body needed everything his kisses promised—but always and forever.
MAX LAY ON HER BED, her naked body pressed against Taylor’s, blankets kicked to the floor and pillows scattered everywhere. Sex had never been like that. Not with Taylor, not with anyone. She rested her head on his chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart.
She splayed her hand on his sternum, to feel the same patter against her palm. When he took her hand, she smiled against his skin.
“You really are amazing.” His voice vibrated through her. He trailed his fingers through her hair. “I wish I hadn’t waited so long to tell you.”
“I know now. That’s what matters.” Two hours ago, she never would have guessed this was them. The crush on him she obliterated almost a decade ago, for survival’s sake, had rushed to the surface with no effort.
Silence blanketed them again. The steady beat of his heart combined with the warmth of his body and dragged her eyelids shut.
The pattern changed. His pulse went from calm to frantic in an instant. Her smile grew, and a tease about going again so soon flew to her lips.
He grunted and tightened his fingers around hers until her knuckles ached.
Euphoria wavered, and she sat up.
His face was pinched in pain.
“Taylor?” She tried to be kind about pulling away. “You’re hurting me. What’s wrong?”
He untangled his fingers from hers and grabbed her wrist. “Don’t make me let go.” His voice was strained.
Whatever this was, she didn’t want it. “Look at me.”
He turned wide eyes on hers. “It won’t stop. There’s so much... everything. Make them go away. Too much anger and hate and lust and—” He clamped his jaw shut, and a groan tore between clenched teeth.
She hadn’t seen him do this in years. Something broke down his mental restraints and made it difficult for him to block out the emotions of everyone around him. Last time this happened was when a drunk man in a bar kissed him. The guy was all sorts of chaotic, and it almost tore Taylor apart. But it wasn’t this bad then, was it?
“Eyes here.” Max placed her free hand on his cheek, holding his head in place. She needed to be the blank spot in the rainbow of noise. Something silent, for him to hone in on. “Focus on me.” She forgot they were naked. Helping him bring this under control was the only priority.
“I’m trying.” He stared at her and through her, each word spoken as if it took all his will. “I can’t. It won’t stop.”
“It will. You have to concentrate.” As she spoke the reassurance, a new doubt entered her mind. She couldn’t entertain it, though. She refused to think about the fact that he might be infected. “Watch me. Zoom in. No one else is out there. It’s just me.” She tried to make the words sound firm and commanding, while her concern grew. Please don’t let this be P-72.
Chapter Six
Max struggled to keep Taylor’s focus on her and repeated every mantra they’d ever used to help him find his center. Minutes bled into an hour, and then two, and his cries became more frequent, instead of diminishing. If she had a way to sedate him, she would, but she didn’t dare leave him long to locate a strong enough drug to accomplish that.
This was definitely more destructive than anything he’d been through before. She’d never seen him take as much as half an hour to rebuild the walls around his mind. Now, he was getting worse with every second.
If it wasn’t P-72, it was something with identical symptoms. So much for the disease being a rumor. She would have laughed at her naïve hope, if her insides weren’t rearranging themselves with worry and welling panic.
She needed to do something, and since his condition wasn’t improving, she didn’t know if a solution could wait. Lists of contacts ran through her head, but it wasn’t like anyone had an official cure for P-72. Taking Taylor to a hospital would expose him as an Ee, and trying to get him out of town could destroy him if the emotions of other people shredded his mind before she and he got away from the crowds.
Fuck. Her gaze landed on her handheld, resting dismantled against the far wall. It always saved her in the past. As she stared at it and tried to ignore the ache in her hand from Taylor’s grip, a new thought flitted into her head.
The doctor. Adam.
She coul
dn’t. But she didn’t have a choice. She warred with herself, throwing up a billion arguments why this was a bad idea, but she couldn’t hesitate this time. She reached for Taylor’s phone, and he squeezed harder.
“What are you...?” His raspy question trailed off, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
“Getting help.” She didn’t know that it would work, but she had no other options. And if rumors about their employer were true, there was only one company out there who knew how to treat P-72. Side-effects be damned. They had to be better than watching Taylor’s mind being picked apart piece by piece, and not being able to stop it.
“No.” Taylor’s protest grew into another yell.
Someone pounded on the wall and screamed a demand to keep it down.
Taylor curled in on himself, never letting go of her.
If she had to go down this road, she’d be smart about it. She scrolled through his phone, found the number she was looking for, and dialed.
“Hello?” Adam’s pleasant tenor rolled over the phone line.
The greeting summoned every nightmare she’d had for the past few weeks. She ignored her revulsion and forced out, “You promised Taylor you’d keep us safe. Did you mean it?” She should be polite, since she was about to ask a favor, but this man had been screwing with her head, she didn’t want to be reaching out to him, and time was critical.
“Evelyn. I was hoping you’d forgive me, for keeping secrets from you. I didn’t anticipate a phone call, though.”
Evelyn. No one knew that name. She had it changed years ago. Legally, even, not through a series of hacking tricks. As far as the world knew, she was never Evelyn. Hang up. Find another way. But there wasn’t one. She swallowed her mounting fear. “Did you mean it?”
“I promised I’d keep you safe. I’ve never meant anything more.”
She couldn’t force her vocal chords to work. A howl tore through the room, and Taylor squeezed her hand so hard, her fingertips grew cold.
“That doesn’t sound good.” Was the concern in Adam’s voice genuine?
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