by Anna Paige
Her orgasm would be surging forward now and in that final moment before she began to buck against her own hand, her mouth would fall open and she’d quietly gasp, “Ash, oh God, Ash. You’re making me come.”
And in that moment, she wasn’t the only one.
Blair
“Fuck yeah, Blair. Take it all.” He would mutter quietly through clenched teeth as he pumped his dick and imagined I was sucking him off. He would picture forcing himself all the way down my throat, gagging me and depriving me of air, all the while convinced I would love it.
And he would be right.
He’d feather his fingers over his cock again, slowing as he imagined changing positions so he could slide it deep inside me, fucking me hard until I was screaming his name.
And I would probably do that, too.
“You feel so damn good.” He would grind out as his hips came up over and over and his hand tightened around his shaft. “I’m almost there. Baby, come for me. Come with me. Now!”
The first hot spurt hit his belly and . . .
The first wave of my orgasm crashed over me so hard I had to clamp my mouth shut to keep from screaming his name, but tiny little whimpers still managed to escape. I slowed my motions as the tsunami of pleasure ebbed to a trickle, finally withdrawing my hand from between my legs and lying there fighting to catch my breath.
I wanted to feel ashamed of what I’d just done, especially knowing what I did about him and Marin, but all I felt was a much-needed surge of relief.
As I righted my clothes and lay back in the bed, I could have sworn I felt the weight of his arm across my belly, as if even from across town he was holding me to him and offering comfort.
Ashton
When I’d showered away the mess and crawled back into bed, I lay there for a long time marveling at how clearly I could swear I smelled her shampoo, the sandalwood and vanilla concoction that’d been seared into my memory.
It was comforting and disconcerting at the same time.
I may never get close enough to her to catch a whiff of that scent again, and that broke my fucking heart.
Restlessness set in for a while but eventually, I turned to my side and tugged my spare pillow to my chest the same way I’d held her close in Beck’s bed. The smell of her was stronger than ever, the phantom heat of her there beside me as I drifted off with my needs momentarily satisfied and my heart torn between anger and adoration.
Blair
Monday morning, I woke up in my own bed, the sun streaming through the curtains the way it always had, the sound of cars passing on the street the same as it always was, and the smell of coffee greeting me in that same old way.
But it was different.
All of it.
Because I was different.
I didn’t want to be.
I just was.
I was different because instead of thinking about coffee and brunch with Charli, like we agreed to the night before, pushing our normal Sunday to Monday because of the . . . drama, I was thinking about arraignments and bail and, more than anything else, I was thinking of how alone Ash must have felt last night.
How abandoned.
That pissed off voice inside called me an idiot, a doormat, and worse, but I couldn’t help how I felt. I couldn’t help the fact I’d woken up thinking about him, the same way I went to sleep thinking about him.
You did a lot more than that thinking about him, didn’t you? And it was hardly the first time.
My cheeks heated at the memory of what I’d done under the covers last night, but I shook it off, my worry overriding my shame.
I didn’t want him to be hurt any more than I wanted to be hurt. Shutting him out had been childish, ignoring him at the police station had been petty, and not reaching out last night to at least let him know where we were was borderline mean.
He didn’t have much of a family, especially now that his stepdad had moved out; just his mom and us, as odd a family as we were. And last night, we’d abandoned him.
“Blair?” There was a soft knock at my bedroom door. “You up?”
“Yeah, come on in,” I told Charli.
She slipped into the room, barely making a sound as she carefully shut the door and came over to crawl under the covers. “Coffee’s brewing. I forgot to set the timer last night. Beck’s still sleeping, so I thought now would be a good time to check on you.” She fluffed the pillow and sat with it between her back and the headboard, watching me as I pulled myself up into the same position beside her. “How’d you sleep?”
I scrubbed a hand over my face and tried to tame my hair with my fingers. “Like shit, but I kind of expected that. How about you?”
She shrugged. “Not that bad, actually, but that’s because every time I woke up in a panic, I could hear your brother snoring from the living room. Kinda felt like there was a bear guarding the door, know what I mean?”
I snorted and she let out a giggle.
After a moment, her smile slid away, and she patted my arm. “Did you sleep poorly because of what happened at the beach or because of Ash?”
“Both, but mostly Ash. Tommy can’t hurt me for at least another day. Ash already did.”
“I’ll crush his nuts for this, Blair. I swear I will.” She was balling the comforter in her fist as she talked. “Fucking two-faced, whoring sack of dog shit. He had you walking around with stars in your eyes, totally smitten and finally freaking admitting you were into him. He filled your head with all those lies only hours after he’d been looking to hook up with Marin.”
My chest hurt, my eyes burned, and I was intrigued by the idea of crushing his nuts, but something hit me before I could tell Charli I had first dibs on squashing his dangly bits. “Wait, what do you mean finally admitting I was into him?”
“Oh, Blair, let’s be real here. That little game you two have been playing all these years was the longest foreplay session in history. You both got off on it entirely too much for it to be anything else.”
“We got on each other’s nerves, so we started picking on each other, making snide comments and belittling each other at every opportunity because it was a way to declare our thinly disguised hatred without having to come right out and say it.”
“Honey, it was never hatred. Stop lying to yourself. It’s always been the two of you crushing on each other. The more grown up equivalent of teasing and chasing each other on the playground. Only thing missing was him tugging your pigtails.” She snorted softly. “It’s so freaking obvious it’s a wonder your brother hasn’t noticed over the years. Or maybe he’s the reason you guys are the way you are, pushing each other away because you’re both scared of what he’d think. Or you’re just plain scared, period. The two of you cut each other down to keep distance between you because if you gave in, you probably would have screwed each other to fucking death years ago. It’s like tilting the lid on a boiling pot so it allows some of the steam to escape.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re lying. To me and to yourself.”
“Even if I did want him all this time, and I’m not saying I did, don’t you think his manwhoring puts a kink in any plans to pursue anything real with him?”
“Not everyone swears off sex after one crappy lay like you did.”
“Charli, don’t start,” I cautioned, not wanting to discuss it. She was being dramatic, and we both knew it. I hadn’t sworn off anything. I’d just been selective, so I didn’t find myself in the same situation again.
Ash might have gotten close, but he didn’t get me into bed with his bullshit like Cliff had. I could take comfort in that at least.
“Well, just saying. You can’t hold his past against him.”
“How about his present? How about him looking for someone else to bang just hours—maybe less—before lying his ass off and declaring his feelings for me? You don’t think I should hold that against him?”
“Oh, no. He’d be squarely on my shit list for that if I were you.”
; “Then why are we even discussing this?”
“Because he didn’t hook up with her. All we know is he was looking for her. And it was Cody talking, so he may have exaggerated the nature of Ash’s interest.”
“Right, because when a half-drunk single guy is searching for one specific hot, single girl at a party it’s usually so they can go off somewhere and pray.”
After a snicker of amusement, she nodded in agreement. “Okay, so it looks really bad.”
“No, it looks like typical Ash. And typical Ash is not a guy I want to let into my life any further than he already is. I can’t choose my brother’s friends, so I have to make peace with him being around, but I’ll be damned if I give him the chance to play me again.”
Beck tapped on the door a minute later and I called out for him to come in.
He poked his head inside and smiled when his eyes landed on us both. “Thought she snored, Blair-bear.”
Charli gave him a cool look. “I didn’t sleep in here. But I should have since the god-awful snoring coming from the living room kept me up half the night.”
“I don’t snore.”
She snorted, smirking. “Then there was a fucking bear shacked up with you out there.”
“You two bicker just like me and . . .” I stopped short of saying his name and shook my head, not finishing the sentence. “I think you both need coffee. You’re a couple of grumps this morning.”
I threw the covers back and climbed out of bed, turning to Charli as I did. “Might as well stop your squabbling, since Beck’s probably coming to brunch with us today.”
“Actually, I thought I’d let you two have some time alone, unless you feel like you need me to go.”
“I don’t know if we need you to go, but I for one would like it if you went.”
“Me too,” Charli agreed.
He smiled at us both. “Okay, brunch with the girls it is. I need to run back to the house for a few minutes this morning, then I can meet you there, if that’s okay.”
“Sure,” I told him. “What, did you forget something at Mom and Dad’s?”
“Sort of. Mom made me promise to take one of those giant roasts out of the freezer this morning and put it in the fridge so it can slow thaw and be ready to cook Thursday when they get back. If I don’t do it now, I’ll forget. That’s actually what woke me. She made me set a damn reminder on my phone.”
I chuckled, following him and Charli out of the room. “Sounds like Mom. She has a system. She can tell you down to the minute how long it takes to do anything food related.”
“I told her if the refrigerator wasn’t set damn near at freezing, it wouldn’t take three days to thaw something in it.”
“Wasting your breath, Beck.”
“Tell me about it.” He stood aside while Charli and I poured our coffee.
When I was done adding sugar and cream to mine, I grabbed a travel mug out of the cabinet and poured him a cup to take with him. I added one sugar and a tiny drop of milk before handing it over. “I have a feeling it’s cold out there this morning.” I gave a little shudder as I drank from my mug. “It’s got to be since it’s actually a little chilly in here.”
“Want me to turn the heat on?”
I shook my head. “Nah, it’ll warm up as the day goes on. Besides, I despise that burning smell that comes with the first use of the season. So gross.”
Charli muttered something in agreement and stared into her coffee cup like she wanted to climb in and take a swim.
“You okay there?” I asked her, bemused.
“I’m just so happy this isn’t decaf.” She actually sighed like she was catching feelings for a freaking cup of coffee. “That decaf stuff at your mom’s the other night was an abomination.”
“Hey, I only gave you what you asked for,” Beck cut in.
“That’s what she said,” Charli deadpanned without missing a beat, still staring into her cup.
I almost snorted coffee out my nose, and my brother barked out a laugh that made poor Charli jump.
He patted her arm fondly, kissed me on the head, and grabbed his keys off the counter. “Blair-bear, text me where we’re meeting and what time I need to be there. I’ll see you girls in a bit.”
“Will do.”
He stopped before he opened the front door, looking back at me and Charli as we headed for the couch. “Unless you’d rather I drove us to brunch?”
“No way. I miss my car. Haven’t driven her in three days. We’ll see you in a bit.”
“Okay. Come lock the deadbolt behind me and you call me if you change your mind or if you just feel like you need me here. I can be back in a flash.”
“We’ll be fine. Thanks, Beck.”
He winked and slipped out the door as I walked over to flip the latch on the deadbolt. It probably wasn’t necessary, but I knew he was standing in the hall waiting for the click before he left.
I didn’t tell him near enough, but he was kind of the best big brother a girl could ask for.
Blair
I don’t know what possessed me to drive by Ash’s mom’s place on the way to brunch. It was at least five miles out of the way, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to check on him without necessarily talking to him.
For her part, Charli said nothing about the detour. She gave me a smile and nod as I turned onto the street Mrs. Hunter’s house was on and said, “Whatever you need to do to feel better.”
“Part of me feels like an asshole for abandoning him last night. One of us should have at least told him where we were.”
“And if he’d showed up at our place?”
“He wouldn’t have.” It wasn’t like it was a mystery where we could have gone. He knew, of course he knew, but he didn’t come over, which meant our not so subtle hint was received.
“You don’t know that. It’s better that he was left to stew in his own lying juices for a while.”
“Still, I keep thinking about him all alone on my parents’ porch as it hit him that he’d been ditched.”
Charli didn’t answer and when I glanced over at her to say something else, to defend myself somehow for being such a soft touch, she was frowning through the windshield. “Um, Blair. I don’t think he was all alone for long. Look whose car is in his driveway.”
I jerked my attention forward as we crept down the narrow street, the twenty-five mile an hour speed limit making it feel like slow motion as I scanned the driveways ahead and spotted Ash’s truck. Parked right next to it was Marin’s black Civic. If there was any doubt that it was her car, the scripted initial stickers in the back glass cleared it up in a hurry.
Any empathy I’d felt for him dissolved in an acidic wash of pure rage.
“Motherfucker,” Charli muttered, one hand on the door like she was considering jumping from the car to go make good on her promise to crush his nuts.
I bit down hard, my jaw popping with the force of it as I shook my head. “No, I’m glad I saw it. It gave me exactly what I needed to get past this. No more feeling bad for him. Now, my anger is one hundred percent pure and that’s what’ll keep him the fuck out of my head for good.” We were passing the house now and I spared it the barest of glances, feeling the last little spark of concern fizzle out and die in my chest.
I made it to the end of the block and turned right, headed back toward town. When we’d put enough distance between us and his house, I turned to Charli and said in a voice completely devoid of emotion, “Do you understand now why I haven’t dated? Because this is how it ends up for me. I trust the wrong men for whatever reason and that means I can’t trust myself either. This weekend has been a complete clusterfuck, but maybe it will serve a purpose if seeing all of this finally convinces you of what I’ve known all along; I’m better off alone.”
“Blair—”
I shook my head. “I mean it, Charli. No more nagging me to go out, no more setting me up, and not one more mention of his name or so help me, I will move out of the apartment and back in with my fol
ks.”
“You’d really move out?”
“You’re goddamn right I would.” I hated the tremble in my voice, but I couldn’t seem to get it under control. “I don’t need you pushing me. I need you supporting me. Even if you disagree with my choices, you have got to respect that they’re my choices. It’s my life. Please, Charli.” I was on the verge of tears and that was not how I wanted to look walking into the restaurant, especially with Beck waiting for us and his uncanny ability to pick up on my moods.
How would I explain this?
Charli sounded tearful as she said, “You’re right. I’m sorry I pushed you, and I’m sorry my pushing you to go out with Tommy set all of this shit into motion. If I’d just kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened, not even the thing with . . . you know who.”
“Maybe, maybe not. It’s Ash. I’m sure he would have tried his little ploy eventually.” I parked the car around the side of the restaurant and unbuckled my seat belt, turning to look at her more fully. “Either way, I’m not blaming you for any of this. I’m just asking that you see this weekend as I do; a reminder of why I choose not to date. Too many psychos and liars.”
“And you’re so good-hearted you don’t see that in them until it’s too late,” she adds, seeming to finally get it. Sort of.
“Gullible, naive, whatever, but yeah, basically that’s it. It’s like I put off a vibe that repels the good guys and the piece of shit guys lock onto.”
We exited the car and met at the front bumper, locking arms as we walked toward the entrance. Beck’s truck—a slightly lifted, newer version of Ash’s—was parked in the far corner of the lot, so I knew he was probably watching us walk up through the window. “Let’s not mention any of this to my brother. I think he’s into Marin and if he knew we spotted her car there this morning, it would only add to the tension between him and Ash. Let Ash tell him, if he has the balls.”
“I’m telling you, all you had to do was let me out of the car earlier and his balls would be a thing of the past by now.”