by Paul Vayro
Chapter Fourteen
The various concepts had convened on Noel Hill: the mound of earth that sat at the edge of Puddleton. Arriving at slightly differing times the three pairings sat at different stages of the ascent. Irony and Karma led the way, chatting incessantly. Fate, who had replaced his bandage with a barely noticeable plaster, and Fut, followed around forty feet behind whilst Coincidence and They assumed a position at the rear. Fate and Fut’s natural pace saw them catch Irony and Karma within a few minutes. As they came within social range Karma turned to hug Fate, a lunge he initially mistook for a right hook. Passing off his flinch he completed the clinch. Irony folded her arms and tutted.
“Morning, my sweet darling. What better way to start the day than with a stroll through nature?” Karma posed the question with a smile, looking deep in to Fate’s eyes. He forced all the love he could muster into his orbs. He liked Karma in this mood and was prepared to do or say anything to keep her that way.
Karma was attractive in both a classical and matter of fact sense. Her blonde hair invited intelligence based mockery, her flame riddled eyes threatened retaliation for any that showed up. Seemingly in her early twenties she was always slightly ahead of fashion, her appearance being a matter of pride. As her and Fate locked arms and walked ahead, Irony kicked the grass. Irony was pretty in a more understated manner, only her discontented expression detracted from her visual appeal. Giving the impression of a similar age to her friend she believed life was against her, and although she would try to keep up with Karma’s ‘of the moment’ image, she wasn’t overly interested and only joined in for something to talk about. Fut became Irony’s new walking and conversation partner.
“My lady, Irony; how’s life hanging from those pretty shoulders?”
“Are you asking how I am? Because you can just say that you know.” She took out her frustration at Fate, on Fut.
“I just open my mouth and let the words fall through the air, my apologies to your ears if they offend on their journey.” The pause for hugs and pleasantries had allowed Coincidence and They the chance to catch up too. Fut welcomed them, hoping it wouldn't be taken with the same level of insult Irony had assumed. “My gentle men, how’s the morning from your side of the pie?”
“Pretty tasty. Good morning Irony.” Coincidence answered first. He tried to tease a smile from the seething lady. There was something between the two but neither could be sure if it was hatred or love. Every meeting threatened to clarify their feelings, only to ultimately leave them both more confused than when they started.
Coincidence shared his brother’s propensity towards a standard appearance only with a longer face. He was slightly skinnier than Fate and sailed closer to the current trends. Although equally difficult to age he always looked a few years younger than his sibling.
“Morning Coincidence, morning They.” Irony sneered a greeting back. Her accompanying glance flitted between passion and turmoil.
“Morning all.” They waved his hand as his face pondered something different entirely.
They worked as a rumour spreader on Earth. Being such social animals humans continually search for conversation when placed together, however they’re not always equipped with the topics required to maintain tittle tattle. They worked to fill the world with pointless information and tales of vague interest that can be used to keep the social wheels turning. It also stopped everyone driving themselves insane wondering what was really going on with this whole life business.
Physically, They was a decent height but not overly so. His build was practical without need for comment. His hair would grow until it became a nuisance then be cut, leaving him always at some stage of the same cycle. Currently it was long enough to fall across his eyes, but controllable enough to be pushed away to allow vision. His dress sense attracted neither plaudits nor detractors, sitting in the middle of a fashion world he had no interest in. He gave the impression of being both a young looking thirty old and an old looking twenty year old at the same time.
“My man, They. Your face looks fuller than the sky on a stormy Tuesday. Care to rain those thoughts down?” Sensing Irony and Coincidence wished to walk together Fut engaged They and continued the amble up Noel hill, leaving the emotionally confused pair alone.
A painful silence descended on the couple. Coincidence rocked awkwardly on his heels as Irony gave him nothing but confusing glances. Eventually he spoke in the belief it couldn’t do any harm.
“You know what strikes me as the greatest irony, Irony?” Coincidence tried to look cheeky with an air of sincerity.
“I’m about to find out aren’t I?” The reply was frosty but not impervious to thawing.
Coincidence realised he had no idea how the next line would be taken. He took a deep breath and said it anyway. “That such a beautiful girl as you is still single?”
Irony stared at Coincidence, unsure whether she was the subject of mockery or just a terrible line. Coincidence continued to smile and nod, awaiting the verdict. Wishing to keep the upper hand, rather than leaving herself vulnerable, Irony reacted.
Coincidence looked up from the floor wondering why his face felt numb. Irony had already stormed past Fut and They causing the pair to turn back to pick up their friend.
“That woman can’t see a bit of honesty when it’s staring straight at her.” Coincidence dusted himself down as the side of his face turned red.
“Your face was as clear as the summer horizon when she looked to plant that slap.” Fut didn’t help.
“It’s all about toilet needs you know, women and their moods.” They began to speak. He had no intention of stopping whether anyone listened or not. “You see men can improvise a visit to the toilet in almost any situation whereas women require certain conditions. This ‘need’ means a woman must know at all times that a toilet or relevant facilities are at hand, or at least a short journey away. This anxiety that sits at the back of the mind, gnawing away without revealing its true nature, leads to a higher base level of stress than a man, meaning it takes less to send a lady in to a seemingly unjustified fit.”
“So you’re saying I got slapped because Irony’s worried there isn’t a toilet nearby?” Coincidence rubbed his face while the threesome walked.
“Irony doesn’t know why she’s worried, that’s the problem. All she knows is her subconscious is stressing about something, and as you’re stood in front of her it must be your fault. Look around us. There’s not even a bush she could nip behind if she suddenly needed to go.” They offered a wink that suggested his revelation had been proved. Fut and Coincidence didn’t know what to make of the idea so stayed silent and carried on with their mild ascent.
Around fifty metres from the summit the male trio found Fate, Karma and Irony staring upwards. Before they had chance to ask it became clear what had caught the waiting group's attention. A figure could be seen on top of Noel Hill, jogging on the spot. The running soon became press ups then squats, before it disappeared behind the bump. The concepts stood quietly. Irony gave Coincidence an apologetic look. She’d regretted the slap even before throwing it. He smiled back slightly fearful before speaking to the group. “Who invited her?”
“That’s not very nice.” Karma turned with a hint of venom in her voice.
“We’re all thinking it. Tell me you didn’t invite Motivation?” Coincidence turned to his brother Fate.
“I didn’t invite Motivation.”
“It’s not enough that you’ve upset one lady today. You want to make it two.” Irony defended Motivation, folding her arms vehemently as she did so. She wished to cover any weakness the smile she’d just given Coincidence may have indicated.
“I didn’t want to make it one.” Coincidence sensed he was about to be overwhelmed.
“She must want to help with the maintenance. Given the option of a day off or working I should have realised Motivation would work.” Fate thought out loud.
“Two things in two days the great Fate hasn’t seen comin
g. Somebody’s getting rusty.” Irony spoke to the air above her while twiddling with a button hole in her cardigan.
“Blame ain’t got no home in the land of answers. Solution not accusation is what we need.” Fut spoke to the group, whose only common bond appeared to be a growing irritation with each other.
“It’s okay. I’ll fix it.” Fate had a plan.
“I hope it’s a fast acting plan because here she comes.” Coincidence turned full circle in an effort to look busy as Motivation careered towards them. The group froze as she arrived and started hopping on the spot.
“Hi guys. I couldn’t wait for you lazy bones to make it to the top so I ran down here to get you. I’ve got lots of things we can do once we’re all up there. Come on guys. Who wants to start with a race? One, two, three, go.” Motivation bound back up Noel Hill as the concepts looked at each other. Nobody moved. Fate held his hands up and began walking as he spoke. “Honestly. I’ve got a plan. It’ll all work out fine.”
“Come on slow coaches.” Motivation cried down from near the top.
“It’s one of your plans that got us in to this.” Irony remained unforgiving.
“It was a simple oversight that I can fix easily.” Fate ran through several ideas in his head.
“We may as well just give up now if this is how it’s going to be.” Irony smothered herself in gloating pride.
“It will be fine.” Fate spoke through clenched teeth and sped up. He could only imagine how Irony was going to react to Brick and Spiritwind.
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