by Paul Vayro
Chapter Thirty Three
Danger peered out from the foliage she’d been hiding in for the last few hours. The bushes sat across the road from the entrance to the building site, and had served her well as an observation point. There was clearly something going on. Having scared away a group of aliens to see inside their box, she remained puzzled as to why they were carrying tea and coffee around a frozen planet. Had Fate decided to include her in his plan then maybe she’d know, but it seemed she wasn’t good enough for them. Well if they didn’t want her help they were welcome to her hindrance.
As nothing from Earth was moving, Danger had been forced to turn to the Jefferians for weapons, and scouring one of their craft she had found the perfect terror hidden deep within its bowels. A monster so fearsome it would give Dracula shingles.
The entire group emerged from the building site, crossing the boundary Danger had been pacing earlier in the day. Her patience was about to pay off. She’d been watching the various outings the smaller groups had made, but had wanted to wreak her retribution on them all at once. The soon to be victims stopped to form a loose circle of discussion. Danger giggled mischievously at the thought of Fate’s face when he saw her vengeance. Realising they may hear she covered her mouth and sank further in to the bushel, cuddling her bear for good luck.
“And you definitely couldn’t materialise inside the anchor room and knock everyone out?” Brick asked Fate one last time.
“No. We can’t get that involved. We can offer tips but we can’t do the mission for you.” Fate did his best to sound authoritative rather than tired of repeating himself.
“Lucky for you we have a back up plan.” Brick winked and pointed to his friend. Fate failed to see how this was lucky for them. Spiritwind wondered where the ‘we’ part of the sentence had come from. It was his idea. The looks from the rest of the concepts made it clear they just wanted to hear it, whatever it was.
Spiritwind cleared his throat and began. “We shall split in to two teams, the classic two pronged attack. Team A…”
“…Or Toasted Rhino” Brick tried to introduce his tougher sounding pseudonym for the team. Nobody responded with anything but impatience.
Spiritwind continued with a smirk “Team A shall consist of me, Brick, They, Coincidence and Zarg. No offence is intended to Fate and Fut. We enjoyed our first outing thoroughly but decisions have to be made and sometimes we must risk emotions.”
“If offence was my date I wouldn’t know where to take her.” Fut understood.
“Whatever feels right is right.” Fate remained pragmatic.
“Thank you for your understanding. Team B will be Fate, Fut, Karma and Irony. Team A…”
“Toasted Rhino.” Brick murmured under his breath.
“…will head back to Zarg’s ship, sneak on board, and locate the anchor room. At which point Zarg will reveal the key to his peoples' boredom. We shall then improvise the best way to use this information and thus save the world. It doesn’t require any special equipment to create boredom in your fellow aliens does it?” Spiritwind thought of a potential hurdle.
“No.” Zarg’s face didn’t have the required muscles to look confused and offended at once.
“Only checking; we don’t want to get to the anchor room and find out it’s the sound of a drill grating on a Buffalo skull.”
“What will Team B do?” Irony huffed her question; fully expecting to have a problem with the answer.
“You shall approach the craft in an arc, all the time searching for further clues and anything to aid the mission as a whole. Once we are in a position to strike we will call you to materialise on board.” Spiritwind smiled in an effort to sweeten the quickly improvised plan.
“So we just hang around until you’re ready?” Irony folded her arms. Partly in disgust, and partly in pleasure at Spiritwind making the problem she intended to have, so obvious.
“Everybody knows in situations like this you need two teams. Inevitably you will play an important role in our eventual success, but it will not be planned and thus I cannot give you a goal any more specific than to head for the ship.” Spiritwind’s answer left Irony without riposte. Her sigh and disappointed glance to the sky signalled the end of her defiance. She just wanted to get going. It was a mood that could be felt by all involved. The circle loosened further as the teams separated and prepared to set off. Brick had one final thing to say. His silence had gone on too long.
“Does anyone have a rousing monologue they wish to share before we set off?” Nobody responded with anything but ambivalence. “Then does anyone object to me stepping in with one? Good.”
Brick cleared his throat and straightened his back. He waited for quiet before beginning. “We may hail from different homes, but today we stand as one to defend a common place. A place that offers shelter from the harsh universe, a place that nurtures friendships and allows our lives to go about their daily ways, a place that reaches in to our minds and souls and teases emotion from within so that we may fully experience the gift of life, a place that will remain ours until the fight within our hearts has been extinguished.” Brick puffed out his chest and bit his lip, fighting back tears that would never surface. “I for one wait for the day we can stand together once more with the agony of war behind us, and the road of peace stretching beyond the horizon, offering us a brighter forever.” The silence went on long enough to presume he’d finished. Unsure how to react, Team B nodded a confused agreement and sidled off towards the general arc they’d been asked to follow. Brick continued to battle his emotions until Spiritwind approached his friend.
“Have you been reading poetry again?” The bald layabout bit the head off a jelly baby.
“Can a man not express his soul without being accused of reading a book?” Brick’s exasperation returned.
“A man can. I’m not sure about you though. Should we set off?” Spiritwind rallied Team A in to action as Brick tried to work out if he’d been insulted. By the time he decided he had, Team A were halfway down the road. By the time Brick caught up he was thinking about something entirely different, something he couldn’t help but voice.
“It seems an incredible ‘coincidence’ that the ship containing the time anchor happened to be parked within walking distance of the home of the only two humans left unfrozen?”
“Coincidence is the greatest weapon any hero possesses.” Coincidence answered as the amble maintained itself. “They’d be nowhere without bumping in to the right people at the right time, stumbling upon information, fitting the outfits of disabled guards, knowing the controls to acquired ships, the list goes on.”
“So this is your doing?” Brick sought the cause.
“Nothing to do with me, Fate ran this project in private. If you’re destined for heroics you generate your own aura of coincidence and luck. It comes as part of the package.”
“There’s a package?” Brick’s eyes lit up as he scratched his leg. An itch had decided to strike.
“I’ve said too much. You’ll get ahead of yourselves. Some things are best found out when ready.” Coincidence gestured he wouldn’t tell any more.
“You sound like your brother. Take that however you like.” Brick continued to scratch his leg.
“Itchy leg?” They noticed Brick’s discomfort. Zarg strolled, happily taking in the conversation around him.
“Like you wouldn’t believe; I suppose you have a theory for it.” Brick’s tetchiness stemmed from his leg. Unfortunately it spilled over to his tone.
“Well….”
“It’s alright I know why it’s itchy. I can’t wash it due to a very irritating shower that goes cold every time I try to clean it.” He scratched furiously, hopping along rather than stopping. Coincidence could tell the conversation was heading towards nonsense and took over security duty, which meant listening for approaching aliens.
“Oh. Do you know why your shower does this?” They spotted an opening.
“If I did I wouldn’t be scratchi
ng me leg. I’d be showing everyone how clean and fresh it was. Do you know?”
“I have an idea.” They removed his gaze from the sky and peered cheekily from beneath his eyebrows.
“Then fire away.” Brick lessened the scratching as his mind found something else to occupy it.
“It could be to do with moments.” Nobody asked the inevitable question. They went straight in for the explanation. “Much of the universe is governed by moments: experiences and situations that attach themselves to hosts in order to be expressed. For instance, a tripping over moment would position itself near a raised paving stone and await a stream of victims. A hugging moment may hang around hospital corridors, and so on.”
“Sounds suspiciously like words theory to me.” Brick didn’t wish to be duped without at least raising a mild protest.
“I don’t create the workings of the universe, I only report them. Once it finds one successful method of distribution, why not repeat it?”
“So do we have a dirty leg moment in the bathroom?” Brick moved away from complete doubt, but was still nowhere near convinced.
“No, they aren’t so specific. Do you suffer from this misfortune?” They queried Spiritwind.
“Only via the hilarity of hearing him crash to the floor every time he falls out of the shower in shock.”
“Why do you fall out of the shower?” They dug further.
“Because it never fails to shock me when it happens. My subsequent leap leaves me rolling around the floor wrapped in the shower curtain.” Spiritwind sniggered at the mere thought.
“So you try to ignore the fact the shower is about to fire a jet of cold air?”
“Of course. I believe I’ve already mentioned my habit of ignoring problems.”
“It sounds like you have a shocked and surprised moment hanging around the bathroom.” They beamed at his answer.
“So why’s it picking on me?” Brick took the revelation personally.
“Because you’re letting it. By ignoring the problem you make yourself susceptible to being surprised. Spiritwind can’t be shocked by something he is watching out for and so doesn’t suffer. You have to accept the problem and face it in order for it to get bored and go away.”
“Oh…..” Brick’s sentence was cut short by the intrusion of an all encompassing sound. An immense cackle rolled down the street. It would win the vocal section of any evil witch contest for both volume and menacing intent. After the third cackle the word ‘Jack’ filled the air, spoken in perfect Queen’s English and reminiscent of the lady herself.
“What was that?” It had to be asked by somebody, and Spiritwind could see no reason why it shouldn’t be him. Brick was still stuck on moments. Zarg stared back, suffering from a shaking and incredibly scared moment.
“It’s…….it’s…….a…a….cac…….cacklejack!” Another round of four cackles to one jack, rolled towards them.
“Any suggestions?” Spiritwind turned back to find Zarg no longer in place. The little alien was twenty feet away waddling quicker than physics would claim possible. “That’s a suggestion of sorts.”
The group followed Zarg’s lead and chased after him down a residential street. Brick and Spiritwind caught the alien quickly and picked him up, one arm each. Zarg’s legs continued their running motion as the trio sprinted together. They and Coincidence jogged effortlessly ahead, knowing full well they could disappear if things went too wrong. Spotting a half open front door, Coincidence signalled towards a garden up ahead. He ushered everyone through the open gate before following.
The owner of the property stood frozen in the front garden, inspecting a plant. A wasp hung near his right ear, a fact his eyes had noticed and begun the process of appearing worried. The time beam had struck before the change of expression had been completed, leaving his forehead and eyes concerned but his mouth in the process of yawning. Brick couldn’t help but be intrigued as they nipped past and through the gap in the front door.
As everyone gathered in the hallway the mood calmed, partly through the elimination of immediate danger and partly through the peach colour scheme the owners had decided on.
Danger giggled uncontrollably as she watched the fleeing team of five. Her plan was working to perfection. She congratulated herself and Mr Bear for their ingenuity, and awaited further entertainment.
“You can put me down now. And thank you.” Zarg remained suspended between the heroic duo.
“Of course.”
“Not a problem.” The two Earthlings obliged. Everyone waited to catch their breath, except Zarg who dived beneath a small table used to keep the phone within easy grabbing height.
“So what’s a…..a…..cacklejack?” Brick thought an answer may speed up his recovery.
“It’s a kind of spider.” Zarg stared at the door in terror.
“We……we……ran that fast to get away from a spider?” Brick vowed to get fitter.
“It’s a very scary spider.” Zarg defended his reaction.
“How scary?” Spiritwind required specifics.
“About twenty/thirty feet scary.”
“That is scary.” Spiritwind concurred.
“With wings.” Zarg added the punch-line. Only gasps of fear showed their appreciation.
“Who gives a thirty foot spider wings?” Brick hid in fundamental annoyance.
“Could be worse, could be a flying shark.” Spiritwind sought a bright side.
“Could give the jellyfish back its wings.” They divulged a further tale. “Terribly vindictive animal, used to fly through the forests stinging everything for miles. They took them off it in the end along with all its other bones, and dumped it in the sea.” There was no easy way to join in with such a comment so nobody tried. Coincidence probed for further information.
“Is this cacklejack thing from your home planet?”
“Yes.” Zarg continued to cower beneath the table.
“Why did you bring one of them?” Brick probed the obvious.
“We didn’t do it on purpose. It must have gone to sleep in a corner somewhere.”
“Let’s discuss that later.” Coincidence took the role of the responsible one. “More importantly, how do you deal with cacklejacks at home?”
“We stay indoors.” Zarg refused to move his gaze from the doorway.
“And that helps?” Coincidence didn’t see how.
“They’re not the brightest animal. They often trap themselves in their own webs.”
“What do you do to them once they’re trapped?”
“We point and laugh at them and hope they stay away out of sheer embarrassment.”
“Does that even work in theory?” Brick couldn’t help but comment.
“We only tend to see them sporadically, but that could be because…..” Zarg didn’t want to say it. The raised eyes let him know he was duty bound to continue. “You know my understanding of sound dynamics?” Everybody gestured they did. “The cacklejack has an even better understanding of light. Meaning they can make themselves look however they wish.” Zarg ducked as punctuation.
“How much better?” Coincidence allowed a worry moment upon his face.
“It could be the hat stand and we wouldn’t have a clue.” All suspicion focused on the hat stand as panic engulfed the hallway. Brick weighed up a nearby umbrella as a weapon before realising the spider could just as easily be that.
“I meant it could be in theory. It couldn’t wander in the door without us seeing it. I thought I was the one who didn’t understand the subtleties of your communication.” Zarg curled up as another series of cackles emanated from outside. The ‘jack’ part of the cry carried particular menace.
“Ninety percent of tonal techniques become obsolete in the face of panic. We revert to simplistic communication under stress.” Brick explained as the peach wallpaper began to soothe once more. “What do we do?”
“I know what I’m going to do.” Spiritwind had noticed the kitchen. “I’m going to make a nice, bacon but
ty, a cup of tea, and work out what to do next. Anyone care to join me?” It sounded like the greatest idea since the rock was replaced with a pillow.
“Now that’s thinking.” They followed without hesitation.
“Shut the door, Brick.” Spiritwind continued to plan.
“How? The world’s frozen.” Brick was hoping the owners had both mayonnaise and ketchup.
“I don’t know. If only you had a glove designed to overcome such a frozen state.” The mockery was delivered to expert standards as Spiritwind turned back from the kitchen. Coincidence followed They, Zarg continued to stare at the door. Spiritwind leaned across and switched Brick’s glove on once more.
“You’ll have to show me how to do that at some point. I may be alone and need to turn it on.”
“Then panic will offer the solution.” Spiritwind left Brick to close the door, coaxing Zarg out of hiding on his way back to his favourite part of any house. The little alien backed his way into the kitchen, maintaining eye contact with the gap.
Brick busied himself pushing the door shut, peering through as it closed. He noticed several aliens waddling aimlessly in frightened disarray. The amateur hero considered inviting them in before realising that was neither protocol nor a good idea. He closed the wooden barrier, safe in the knowledge he was starting to get the hang of this hero thing.
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