Chapter Five
I pulled my hair up with a silver clip and adjusted my dark green dress. Something about buying a black dress just to wear to a funeral just didn’t seem like it made sense. Besides, I'd heard that it wasn't even a thing to wear black anymore as long as no one was in like bright yellow or red or something. So, I stuck to a wrap dress that I had from high school graduation. The fact that it still fit proved to me just how little I had changed since then. It was just another sign of how stuck I was compared to my friends, and the fact that I was now actually alone didn’t help me. I had even told Rachel I was helping her pack her bags and driving her to the airport after the funeral. I must have been some kind of masochist.
I took a deep breath and walked out into the chapel where the memorial was being held. The caskets were waiting outside at the burial site. The memorial was just going to give people a chance to say a few words about my parents whose pictures were up by the podium.
I saw many sympathetic eyes turn on me as I made my way to my seat at the front where immediate family was supposed to sit. Since I was pretty much it, I had asked my father's siblings to sit with me as well as my mother's younger sister. While the chapel was decently full with people most were either long time family friends or cousins. My father was the only one of his siblings to have a child. My mother's sister had her three children with her, though, ranging from 11 to 19. It was good not to be alone, but it felt strange considering I hadn't seen any of them in several years.
The memorial started, and to be honest, it was hard for me to pay attention while people went up to the podium and told their favorite stories about my parents or said how much they would miss them. It was the only way I could get through was let it go by in a blur. Finally, it was my turn to step up to the podium and say what I needed to say.
My knees were shaking, and the room was so silent as I took the steps up towards the podium and lowered the microphone. "Hi, everyone," I said nervously, not sure if I should smile or what. "I want to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate the lives of my parents. They meant a lot to many of you and the world to me. Their loss was so sudden; I still don't know what to make of it, to be honest with you. I'm just trying to get through all of this. So, I'm sorry if I don't say the right thing up here. But what I remember most about them is their love for each other and how it never faded. They were actually on their way to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary when the accident happened, and I remember when my father told my mother he was going to take her on a trip. She was so excited; they both were. It was like watching two teenagers falling in love. They still were so excited to be together and knew how to have fun and laugh. I hope that one day I can learn from them and maybe have something similar with someone. I wish that to all of you as well. And while I miss them dearly, I am very glad that they are together because I couldn't imagine it being any other way."
I nodded and walked off stage, placing my hand on my stomach to help slow my breathing. I did the best I could, and that was better than I had expected.
Music began to play, ushering people out to the grave site, though many people began to come up to me and give their condolences. I smiled and nodded and shook hands as I moved through the sea of people.
But as I got to the back of the chapel I noticed an unfamiliar but handsome man amongst the guests. I wondered if he could be someone that married into the family or someone's date. He had gorgeous silky slicked back dark hair and tantalizing eyes. His suit looked much more expensive than anyone in town would ever dare to wear or purchase. And there was something almost taboo or devilish about him. I wasn't even sure what it was or why I was thinking about how handsome someone was at my parents' funeral, but I felt like I should ask how he knew the family.
"Umm, hi," I walked up to him and said awkwardly. He grinned at me in an almost impish way only adding to his handsome and mysterious demeanor. "I'm sorry, but I just didn’t recognize you, and I was wondering if you were here with someone and maybe I missed it."
"Oh, how rude of me," he said, holding out his hand to shake. "My name is Jonathan. I'm not here with anyone. I actually knew your parents a little through some business dealings and mutual contacts." I narrowed my eyes at him and shook his hand. His skin was soft, telling me he obviously didn't do any work with his hands. I honestly couldn't think of how such a man would know my parents. Plus, he was being very vague about how he knew them. The whole thing was just odd. But I also didn't feel like grilling anyone in that environment.
"You did pretty well up there. If it were me, I probably would have fallen apart or just refused to speak at all," he added after I pulled my hand away. I smiled at him to let him know that was appreciated. It was nice to know that I didn't make a fool out of myself.
"Thank you for that. I'm glad I at least put on a good face. I was so sure I was going to embarrass myself. Hey, I need to head to the graveside service. I'm assuming I'll see there. But if I don't, thank you so much for coming. I'm sure it meant a lot to them," I said cautiously, sneaking past him to the door.
"No problem, but don't feel like you have to put on a face. Everyone knows you should be grieving," he called to me as I stepped out into the fading light outside.
When I got to their grave site, I saw that the caskets were already prepared to be lowered. The service was simple; just a prayer and some family putting trinkets or flowers on the caskets. Some people dabbed at their eyes while some totally lost it. I stayed silent as I fell apart on the inside while Rachel stood by my side and held my hand. Again, she became my rock. Maybe one day I would be able to do something great for her and make it up to her, but I hoped it wasn't because she lost her parents. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Even though I should have been focused on the service and saying goodbye to my parents, the thought of Jonathan kept coming back to my mind. It kept bothering me like a fly or something buzzing by my head. He had looked so rich, way too rich to have been close enough to my parents to know who they were and that they were gone.
Even more disturbing was the fact that I found him to be handsome. I usually wasn't one to be boy crazy or anything, but there I was at my parents’ funeral thinking about some man I didn't even know. Maybe it was the mystery of it all or that it was a good distraction from the pain.
As everyone left the grave site and parted ways, at least for the time being, I decided to let the thought go. I hadn't seen him in the crowd after that, and I was almost certain I would never see him again. It shouldn't have been something I was concerned about. I needed to get back to the ranch because I knew some of the family would be there. I didn't know when it became a tradition to cook or give food to the grieving family member, but I was pretty sure that was the plan. I had cleaned out the fridge in preparation, knowing everyone would at least be dropping off some sort of casserole or potato salad.
As I climbed into the passenger seat of Rachel's car, I finally saw him again. He was on his cell phone and several yards away, but he looked right at me and waved. I wasn't sure if it was a nice to meet you and goodbye sort of thing; or I want to talk to you again thing. But it didn't matter because I doubted he would be a guest at the ranch since he wasn't family. It was mostly going to be my aunts, uncles and a couple of cousins, and even they were only staying for a couple of hours. They were all eager to get back to their lives somewhere else. Like many they weren't fans of rural Texas the way I was. They all lived farther north.
"Who's that?" Rachel asked in a soothing voice, the same one she'd been using with me for days. I could tell she thought I was fragile like an old piece of glass that might just shatter any moment. She was probably right.
"I don't really know. He says his name is Jonathan. He said he knew my parents a little but didn't give a whole lot of detail on how. Isn't that weird?" I asked passively.
"Well, it could have been someone they knew when you were away at college. I do know he's pretty cute though," Rachel said offhandedly, though I knew what
she was getting at. Before she found Mr. Right, she used boys as a fun distraction. She probably figured I could do the same. But I just wasn't that type.
"Well, it doesn't really matter. I'll probably never see the guy again, right?" It was a mostly rhetorical question, but she answered me anyway.
"You're probably right. It's a shame, though. He looked pretty wealthy, and he had a great smile." I shook my head, not understanding how she judged people. But I was amused by it. It was better than being miserable and keeping my mind on the losses I had faced.
We joked like that about normal things all the way home. It was nice, like old times for a little bit even though she was about to go halfway across the world from me. It was great to know we could still be that close and know each other so well; a comfort in my world of darkness.
A knock came at the door, and I wondered who it might be. All my family had cleared out of the house and it was around nine at night. Nobody had stayed around too long, which actually turned out to be a comforting thing. It was more exhausting than I had expected to entertain family. I guessed it was just because I was so used to being isolated; an only child whose parents' families and lives were in a way a mystery or at least something pushed back in my mind. They had kept in touch through e-mails, phone calls and Facebook instead of actually being present. It made no sense to suddenly start being together.
When I opened the door I was surprised to see Lauren standing there. I had told her and Miles about my parents the day before when I could handle giving them the news. Miles was already in Dallas and hard to reach while Lauren had been staying on the coast with her family. I hadn't expected to see her.
"Well, are you going to let me in?" she asked with mock anger. I opened the door wide, and she flew at me with a hug. "I couldn't just leave you hanging even if it meant driving a couple of hours to get here. Plus, I wanted to see if I could help Rachel pack. Or even help you polish off some of that great food I know you don't have room for."
Her humor was another relief, and she was unfortunately correct. Two large bowls sat on the kitchen counter because there was nowhere to keep them. I shut the door and led her into the living room where Rachel was bringing her stuff out to re-pack. She had pretty much pulled it all out while staying with me. She was one of those girls who had a wardrobe change at least three times a day.
The two girls also hugged before they both sat on the floor and began packing. I went into the kitchen to fill a bow with some macaroni salad for Lauren. "Thank you, dear," she said as I handed it to her along with a spoon. She was using a fake Australian accent to be funny.
We spent a good hour laughing with each other and packing, but it had to end too soon. We all walked out and packed the back of Rachel’s pickup with her luggage and squeezed in it together. And I took off towards the airport while the other two girls blasted music and began to sing along. I was driving what was soon to be my truck because Rachel couldn’t take it with her, so she gave it to me to use since my parents’ car was totaled.
I let the simple banter fill my head as we took the two hour long drive to the airport where we would be saying goodbye to our friend for a long time. Once she was in New York I knew she wouldn’t be looking to come back to Guerra any time soon no matter what she said. The ending of so many eras were coming my way, and it frightened me. In the light of day the next morning, I was going to be completely alone for the first time in my life. How was I going to handle that?
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