“Yeah, well, maybe you don’t know everything, Jack.”
Jack leaned in, his own grief evident. “I know one thing. A woman who hits every wish on your list doesn’t come along every day. And when you find her, you have to hold on. ’Cause if you don’t...” Jack’s voice cracked.
Too late, Sara realized it was coming up on the anniversary of his wife’s death. Matt must have realized it, too.
“You’re right,” Matt said quietly, lifting a palm. “I’m an ass.”
“No. I’m sorry.” Jack scrubbed a hand over his face. “I shouldn’t be pushing you. I just hate to see anyone else give up what they could have, while they still have a chance.”
Aware she’d been eavesdropping for far too long, Sara stepped back, looked down. Swiftly became aware the little girls that had been surrounding her were gone...and that she was holding an empty leash.
She gasped.
Then turned in the direction of another trio of excited squeals.
There was Champ, nosing happily along the cement, with the girls accompanying him. And he was almost to the sidewalk that fronted the parking lot! Cars were turning in...backing out.
“Stop!” Sara shouted, fisting the leash and breaking into a run.
Spying what was going on, Jack hopped the waist-high fence.
Her heart pounding, Sara caught up with the puppy and Jack’s youngest child. Her arms spread wide, she scooped both of them into the safety of her arms, then for good measure snapped the leash on Champ. Jack lassoed his two older daughters. Matt was suddenly there, too, Charley still cradled safely against his broad chest.
To Sara’s immense relief, everyone was all right.
“You girls know better,” Jack scolded.
The hell of it was, so did Sara.
Chapter Twelve
“You can take a breath now,” Matt said to Sara, several hours later. They’d brought home takeout for dinner, and he’d stayed to help her for a while after that. Charley was upstairs, in bed, fast asleep for the night, and an exhausted Champ was curled up in the back of his crate, snoozing, too.
“Maybe even try to relax?” He flashed her a sexy half smile, even as worry darkened his eyes.
Sara only wished she could but try as she might she could not seem to let go of the near accident.
She lifted the ice pop mold out of the dishwasher. “I keep seeing it, over and over in my mind,” she confessed. She carefully poured diluted fruit juice into each cup of the mold, then slid a pacifier-style holder into each slot.
She slanted a glance over her shoulder at Matt, then headed for the fridge. He opened the door to the freezer compartment for her.
“It all happened so fast,” she lamented softly, setting the tray on a shelf.
She shut the door and turned back to Matt.
Unbidden, an image of Champ headed merrily for the parking lot, Jack’s three little girls tagging innocently along beside him, flashed in her mind. And her heart once again filled with terror.
What if she hadn’t happened to become aware at that precise instant?
Not looked up and seen...
A huge tragedy could have ensued.
And it would have been all her fault for being momentarily inattentive.
Without warning, her eyes filled and her throat ached. “Oh, Matt,” she whispered shakily, putting her hands over her face, as the overwhelming guilt she’d been holding back all afternoon came rushing to the fore.
He moved closer, his understanding, intuitive nature and strong male presence like a port in the storm. He wrapped his arms around her. Moving one hand over her spine, threading the other through her hair, the action as comforting as his presence.
And yet the horrifying images inside her head, the emotion building inside her, did not subside. She gulped around her tears, shaking her head, aware she felt nearly as grief-stricken and guilty now as she had when she’d sent Anthony out on that completely unnecessary errand, only to have him die... “A split second later and...”
He held her closer still, bending down to press his cheek against the top of her head. “But it didn’t happen, darlin’,” he pointed out gruffly, wrapping his arms tighter around her.
Sara shuddered, tears still sliding down her face, even as she soaked up his warmth and his strength.
Was this how distressed he’d felt when Mutt was killed? And if so, how had he gotten over it?
All she knew for certain was that in the midst of the calamity he’d stayed really chill, and he was just as calm now. Laudably so. Despite his worry over her.
And while the intellectual part of her admired his unflappable attitude and his ability to simply take the near-catastrophe in stride, her intuitive side worried he might be shutting down emotionally again, the way he had been when they’d first started hanging out.
And that would not be good.
Not at all.
Matt frowned as his cell phone dinged.
Reluctantly, he let go of her and pulled the phone from his pocket. Seeing who it was from, he relaxed and moved to show her, too.
On screen, there was a text message with photo from Jack. Matt clicked over to the attached photo, smiling fondly. “Looks like the girls sent you an apology drawing.”
Sara moved in close to see, her shoulder nudging the solid, warm musculature of Matt’s chest. The artwork slash note was really cute. With a lot of grass, a puppy on a leash and a stick figure with Sara’s name underneath. There were also hearts and flowers, and a big “We R So Soree!” printed across the top.
The message from Jack said, Sara: Chloe understands that although she likes to unhook things a lot, she cannot ever unsnap a puppy’s leash from its collar again. (In case you can’t figure out the spelling, they are so sorry, and so am I.) Thanks again for helping to save the day. Have a great evening.
Sara sighed. “Well, at least your big brother seems to have forgiven my inattention,” she said.
“Now,” Matt countered, with a wry smile, “all you have to do is forgive yourself.”
Easier said than done, Sara thought.
Although, both men were right. She couldn’t keep dwelling on past mistakes. Any more than she could dwell on Anthony’s death. All she could do was behave a lot more responsibly in the future.
She went back to the rest of her evening chores: washing Charley’s teething rings, putting them back in the freezer to chill, along with the homemade iced fruit pops, and emptying the dishwasher. As she did so, she spied the cartons, too. “You know we never did have that ice cream,” she said, bringing out the two striped cartons.
Matt’s eyes glinted. “I think I could handle that.”
“Butter pecan or coconut almond?”
Matt set his phone aside and lounged against the counter, settling in comfortably and keeping her company, the way he had before they’d decided to put on the brakes. With a warm smile, he teased, “How about a little of both?”
“Sounds good.” Sara scooped ice cream into two bowls.
It felt so right, having him with her. She knew she could get used to it. Was that what Matt’s family was seeing, too? she wondered, as they sat down at the island, side by side, and began to eat. Why they were matchmaking and pushing her in his direction and vice versa?
Maybe this was something she and Matt did need to frankly discuss if they wanted to avoid awkward encounters in the future. She took a deep breath and turned to face him once again, her bent knees nearly brushing his. “Listen,” she said, her spoon idling halfway to her lips, “about what Jack said to you about me...”
Still savoring the bite in his mouth, he grinned. “You were eavesdropping, then.”
She heaved a sigh of relief at the realization he was amused instead of annoyed by her interest. “Yes,” she said, trying not to blush. “I am deeply ashamed to admit that I was.
”
His brow furrowed. “Just out of curiosity...why were you so interested in what Jack was saying?”
Ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, Sara shrugged. Not about to admit how important it was to her, to be accepted as a suitable friend or companion by Matt’s family.
“Because I had initially heard enough to know Jack was talking about me and you.”
Needing to know more about what Matt was thinking and feeling, too, she forced herself to go on. “I also knew he was jumping to some pretty outrageous conclusions.” Like in some way she and Matt were meant to be, the way Jack and Gayle had been.
An intimate silence fell.
“Yeah, well...” Matt shrugged, not the least bit surprised by his older brother’s outburst. “He’s still pretty angry about losing his wife in childbirth.” Matt’s voice dropped a sympathetic notch. “Having to raise Chloe from day one without her mom. And deal with Nicole and Lindsay’s grief.”
Sara reflected on the unbearable tragedy. “I can’t even imagine how hard that has been for him.”
With a commiserating nod, Matt finished the rest of his dessert and put his dish aside. Understanding lit his gray-blue eyes. “Sometimes he’s okay. He just sort of soldiers on and keeps everything in perspective.” Matt exhaled. “At other times, like this afternoon, when he thinks that someone is not appreciating what they have, while they have it...” Matt’s lips thinned “...he loses it and lets them have it.”
Sara understood that kind of irrational jealousy and resentment. She’d suffered flashes of it herself, when in the early throes of her grief over her husband’s death.
Matt rubbed at the taut muscles on the back of his neck. “The only problem is, of course,” he observed, in a low, matter-of-fact tone, “that not everyone has the kind of love Jack shared with Gayle.”
Was Matt talking about himself now? Sara wondered. The fact he had never loved anyone the way Jack had loved his late wife?
Hard to tell.
What she could absolutely discern was that Matt was conflicted about his past, his present and his future, just as she was.
Maybe because whether he wanted to admit it or not, the near miss of an accident with his nieces—and Champ—that day had inadvertently brought up his issues with Mutt, too. Although, no one on the scene at the Dairy Barn, aside from her and Matt, had known about that tragedy.
Deciding it would help them both to relax even further, she stood and beckoned him toward the adjacent living room.
Leaving him to follow at will, she said over her shoulder, “We’ve talked a lot about me. Not much about you.” She sat down, patting the place beside her on the sofa.
As the silence stretched out, the tension between them increased.
“How are you doing?” she prodded.
He came only so far as the edge of the rug in the conversation area. Stood, legs braced slightly apart, thumbs hooked through the loops on either side of his fly.
“What do you mean?” he asked, as if it were no big deal.
Sara waited for him to join her on the sofa.
When he didn’t, she pointed out, “You were pretty cheerful when we set out to celebrate Charley’s first tooth today. Since Champ was inadvertently let loose...not as cheerful.”
His gaze narrowed. “Maybe I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Like what...?” she pressed.
“Like, you really don’t have to rescue me.”
The fact she was able to get under his skin so easily, meant he was feeling something. Determined to find out what, she murmured, “I know.”
He gave her a deeply irritated look that said, Do you?
Feeling a little like she’d just grabbed a lion by the tail, she rose and crossed to his side. As she inhaled the musky scent of him, her heart did a funny little twist in her chest. “You can still lean on me, the way I’ve been leaning on you the past few weeks.”
His expression didn’t change in the slightest. Yet he exuded testosterone with every slow, even breath.
“I don’t need to lean on you.”
And isn’t that just the problem. Sara sighed, lamenting the fact this was not the first time she’d found herself in this situation, although she desperately wanted it to be the last.
Heat bloomed in her cheeks. Achingly aware of just how much she was coming to care for him, not just as a friend, but as the most important man in her life, she said softly, “You could if you wanted.”
He looked at her for a long moment. “And if I don’t...?” he asked.
Sara tamped down the fantasies their previous lovemaking sessions had inspired.
She shrugged, not sure whether to be relieved he was keeping the brakes on the chemistry between them. Or hurt that he wasn’t as interested in getting to intimately understand each other as she was.
“Then we don’t really have a relationship that is at all equal.”
He met her gaze, his eyes dark and heated. “And that’s a problem because...?”
“Lopsided friendships never work,” she explained, her voice every bit as exasperated as his had been. “At least not long term. And right now,” she huffed, wishing she didn’t want to kiss him again so very much, “I seem to be doing all the taking, while you’re doing all the giving.”
And that was unfair.
He put a hand around her waist and tugged her against him. Then he leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Maybe I like it that way.”
The unyielding imprint of his tall, strong body had her nipples tingling and pressing against her shirt. “Yeah, well, cowboy, maybe I don’t.”
He met her gaze in a way that made all rational thinking cease.
She thought about making love with him.
Holding him through the night.
Waking up together.
And most important, getting closer emotionally.
She had the strong impression he knew what she was beginning to want. And yearned for it, too. But for reasons she couldn’t understand, wasn’t about to let either of them have it.
He cleared his throat. To her frustration, every barrier that had ever been around his heart, seemed to be firmly back in place. “I probably should be heading home.”
Suddenly, that was the last thing Sara wanted. Sensing she wasn’t the only one who needed more love and attention in her life, she moved closer still.
This was one of those watershed moments.
“What if I want you to stay, Matt?” she asked, daring to put her own feelings on the line, to admit she wanted to feel incredibly close to him again. The way they felt when they were making love. She paused to look him in the eye. Asked softly, “What, then?”
* * *
Matt let his gaze drift over her, taking in every sweet, supple inch. She was so beautiful, so bright and intuitive and incredibly feminine. Had she not been in such a vulnerable state...
But she was.
And, having been raised a gentleman, he could not take advantage of that.
“Probably not a good idea,” he said gruffly. Especially when he wanted to make love to her again as much as he did.
The fire of indignation lit her jade eyes. She stepped back, all cordial Texas grace. “Why not?”
He searched for some inner nobility that would give her all she needed—and nothing to later regret. Ignoring the way-too-innocent sparkle in her eyes, he tightened his fingers over hers and leaned in close enough to inhale the fragrance of her skin and hair. Then he let his gaze move wistfully from the playful curve of her lips, back to her eyes. “Because I don’t trust myself not to kiss you again,” he said, unable to help but admire how pretty and sassy she looked, with her pink cheeks and tousled hair.
Reluctantly, he let her go, stepped back. “And since we agreed to stay in the ‘just friends’ zone from here on out...”
Sh
e reached up to remove the clip from her hair and set it aside. He watched the wavy golden-blond mass fall loose and free to her shoulders once again.
Her lusciously soft lower lip shot out. “What if that, too, was a mistake?”
With Herculean effort, he resisted the urge to pull her right back into his arms. “Look, Sara, I get that you had an incredibly upsetting experience today and you’re still shaken up.” Just as he was. “You probably still have a lot of adrenaline running through you. But now isn’t the time to leap recklessly into something you will later regret.”
Sara scowled, her frustration with the situation apparent. “Making love with you is not what I’ve been regretting, Matt.” She looked him straight in the eye. “Pushing you away, trying to put our relationship into some preconceived, predetermined box with boundaries that don’t even make any sense, is what I’ve been regretting.”
She was making a powerful argument. And if she hadn’t been so susceptible... He swallowed. “You deserve to be married again.”
“And I’ve told you that I don’t want that!”
Maybe not now. He was pretty sure that would change when she got over the loss of her late husband.
“Charley needs—”
Sara went up on tiptoe. Cut him off with a finger pressed against his lips. “Charley needs people around him who love him and care for him,” she asserted in a low, determined tone. “He needs strong, male role models in his life.” She encircled her arms about his neck, fitting her soft, supple body against the length of his. “You fill both those needs.”
Feeling himself grow instantly hard, it was all Matt could do not to groan. Summoning up every bit of chivalry he had, he unhooked her arms and set her aside. “And I’d like to do so in the future.”
She smiled, not the least bit dissuaded. “Great. Charley and I want the same.” She reached down to take off her boots.
Mouth dry, he watched her begin to unbutton her blouse. “It’s not that simple, Sara.”
Passion gleamed in her pretty eyes. She stripped off her shirt. Reached for the zipper on her jeans. “Why isn’t it?”
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