Matt chuckled. This was a little easier to talk about. “Let’s just say she’s persistent,” he teased.
Garrett wrapped his arm around his wife’s shoulder, as their five-year-old son, Max, and his little brother, Harry, played peekaboo around their parents’ legs. “The mark of a good woman.” He bussed his wife’s head. “She never gives up.”
Hope leaned her head on Garrett’s shoulder. “Not when it comes to love, anyway.”
The problem was, Sara wasn’t in love with him, Matt thought. The only thing she saw him as was a good friend and part-time lover, and although both of them had started out wanting nothing more than that, he was beginning to think they’d been wrong to limit themselves. If they ever wanted to have what Hope and Garrett Lockhart and some of his happily married siblings had, anyway.
And speaking of brothers...
Bess Monroe, Jack and his three little girls came up to join them. “Where’s Sara?” they asked in unison.
Matt inclined his head. “Upstairs in one of the meeting rooms on the second floor, convening with all the rest of the dogs in Champ’s litter.”
Matt looked at Jack and Bess. Was it his imagination or did the two of them have something going on? Besides the decades-long friendship they claimed? His brother had interfered in his love life. Maybe it was time he did the same. “What are you-all doing here together?”
Bess smiled, as Charley’s shoe once again went sailing. She knelt to pick it up and handed it to Matt, then nodded at Jack and his daughters. “They’re my plus four,” she bragged. “Saved me from needing an actual date.”
“And—” Jack looked at his daughters fondly “—they wanted to see Champ and make sure he was still all right, after that unfortunate incident at the Dairy Barn.”
Matt pointed them in the right direction. And then pretended to need to find a quiet place, to change Charley’s diaper and feed him his bottle.
And so it went for the rest of the day.
Charley kept kicking off the one shoe and stayed mostly with Matt, while Sara went back and forth, talking to everyone she’d been working with in the puppy raising program for the last two years, and helping out with the replenishment of the buffet.
Matt stayed on the sidelines as much as possible, glad he had Charley to both distract and run interference for him.
“You didn’t get to do as much socializing as I did,” Sara lamented much later, when they drove home.
Relieved the event was over, Matt exhaled. “Actually, Charley attracted plenty of people. All of whom wanted to tell me just how cute he was.”
Sara grinned with maternal pride. “He is that.”
The advantage of carrying around a baby had also prevented him from paying direct attention to any of the service dogs. It had still been hard being at the reunion, though, Matt reflected tensely. Because everywhere he had gone, there had been an active or retired military person and a service dog, reminding him once again of what he really didn’t want to remember.
* * *
“Hard to believe Charley is still wide-awake at nine o’clock at night,” Matt said.
“Probably has something to do with all that time he spent sleeping on your chest today, at the reunion,” Sara mused, bringing in two mugs of coffee for the adults. Hers had cream, no sugar. Matt’s was plain, just the way he liked it. Which was no surprise. She did everything just the way he liked it.
She settled next to him on the floor, turning toward him in a drift of lilac perfume. Pretty color highlighted the delicate planes of her cheeks. “You could have put him down, you know, let him sleep in his stroller.”
“I know.” It had been comforting, having Charley cuddled up against him. While at the same time experiencing what it would feel like if Charley were actually his son.
She looked at him over the rim of her mug, enthusiasm still glittering in her eyes. “What did you think about the event?”
That it had gone on way, way too long. For him, anyway. For everyone else it had concluded far too soon.
He took a sip of his coffee, and found it as perfectly brewed as always. “It’s a good organization.”
Her soft, bare lips formed a sexy smile. “Thinking of joining it?”
Given the way he was feeling right now? No. He also knew what Sara hoped to hear. And for reasons he couldn’t begin to decipher, he did not want to disappoint her. “Maybe later,” he hedged. That was, if his plan to keep desensitizing himself to dogs worked as he hoped.
Determined to steer the conversation away from the stuff that still haunted him, he returned his full attention to Charley, who was still stretched out on the play rug between them. Head up, his tummy flat on the floor, he was trying to pull himself forward by moving his arms. Unfortunately, he did not have the strength for his weight.
Matt smiled tenderly. He shifted the toy Charley had his eye on a little closer. Charley reacted by bouncing up and down, the movement just enough to allow him to capture the stuffed ducky.
He chuckled. “Got to hand it to the little fella. He’s still trying to figure things out.”
Sara sighed with maternal frustration.
Matt knew she wanted to solve all her son’s problems for him. Rather than let him work this out for himself.
“I’ve been trying to show him how to crawl,” Sara said.
“Oh yeah?” Matt waggled his brows, attempting to tease her into relaxing about her son’s lack of progress on the physical agility front. He nudged her bent knee playfully with his. “Want to try teaching me?”
She returned his look with mock indignation. “No.”
He chuckled, playing along with her stern reproach.
Sara watched her son roll right back over on his tummy and begin the search for a way to crawl again.
She took a deep breath, continued bringing him up to date. “I’ve stretched out right beside him and got up on all fours, and rocked back and forth, just as he is now, and then demonstrated it to him by moving one arm and leg forward slowly, and then the other.”
Interesting.
And something he really would not have thought of doing himself.
But then, he’d been brought up to be a McCabe man and McCabe men solved their own problems.
“And what does he do?” Matt asked.
Listening to the adult conversation, Charley lifted his belly up off the floor, and began rocking back and forth in earnest.
Sara ran her hands through the silky strands of her hair. “Usually he just plops down and looks at me as if to say, What in the world are you doing, Mom? And then he rolls around to get whatever he wants.”
Matt shrugged. “Well, as long as he’s mobile.”
Sara’s lower lip shot out in frustration. “It’s important he achieves this milestone.”
“Even if he’s not quite ready?” Matt said, as Charley planted both hands and feet on the floor, and then lifted his tummy and bottom as high as he possibly could, a move that put his body into an inverted U. As usual, he got stuck in that position, and let out a frustrated scream.
Sara reached over to help her son get unstuck and fall gently back into a seated position. “I honestly think he’d be happier if he could get around.” She handed Charley a small stuffed blue bunny.
He lifted it to his mouth, and chewed on a corner earnestly.
Matt looked around. With all the dog paraphernalia gone, the living area seemed oddly barren. He soothed Sara as best he could. “Well, it won’t be as hard for you to work on this with Charley, now that Champ isn’t here.”
Sara immediately teared up. She looked like she had lost her best friend.
“Sorry,” Matt said hastily.
Shaking her head in abject misery, she rose, ducked into the nearby powder room and shut the door behind her.
Matt looked at Charley. Glad he was too young to understan
d that Sara was crying. He leaned forward conspiratorially. “I know your mommy says it’s too much but we may have to get her a puppy of her very own—to keep.”
Sara came back out of the bathroom, her spine stiff with indignation. She glared at Matt. “Don’t you dare.”
He was about to ask why not, when she lifted a silencing palm.
“I have to get over the loss first,” she explained firmly. “And then, and only then, will I consider what else might be in our future.”
* * *
Sara used the time upstairs, getting Charley ready for bed and tucked in, to further compose herself. When she came back down, to her surprise, Matt had put their coffee mugs in the dishwasher. His hat, rain jacket and cell phone were nearby.
“You’re getting ready to leave?” she asked in surprise, aware she had been acting a little hormonal.
Or maybe just grief-stricken.
She really had gotten used to having the little puppy around. Even though she had known all along she would not be able to keep him.
He shrugged, his emotions as tightly wrapped up as hers had been vividly on display. “I figured it’s been a really long day.”
She caught his arm before he could move past her, her fingers closing over the swell of his bicep. She knew she’d been crabby. She also knew he’d been sort of withdrawn and brooding all day.
She’d thought maybe it was because there were so many dogs and military people at the reunion picnic. That it had been hard for him to be around that. Now she wondered if more was bothering him.
“I still have energy,” she said. When it looked like he was going to protest, she lifted her palm in the age-old sign of peace. “You look like you do, too.” She paused to look him in the eye, figuring if she couldn’t help her son learn to crawl, she could at least encourage Matt to open up to her about what was bothering him. “So what’s really going on here, Matt?”
He held her eyes with his mesmerizing gaze, making her feel all hot and bothered. “You want me to be blunt?”
She checked her need to throw herself into his arms and kiss him until all her excess emotions fled. His body language and curt tone made it clear he was not in the mood for romance.
“Of course.”
He stuck his thumbs through the loops on either side of his fly and rocked back on his heels. “The reason I’ve been here almost every day the last month is now residing elsewhere with Alyssa Barnes.”
She studied him in consternation. “Meaning what? I’d have to get another puppy for me to take care of in order to keep you dropping by on a regular basis?”
Frustration tautened the handsome planes of his face. Abruptly, he looked like he didn’t know what to make of the new phase of their relationship, either.
With a sigh, he resumed his usual easygoing manner. “I love Charley. You know that.” His gaze gentled. “I love hanging out with you, too.”
“Love hanging out with” was not the same as love. At least not the kind she wanted, deep down. But maybe he was right. Maybe, like Charley’s crawling, their relationship would continue to develop in its own way, its own time. If she didn’t push. She jerked in a bolstering breath. “Then why not just build on that?” she asked softly.
A contemplative silence fell. Leaving her feeling like there was still so much she didn’t know about him. Might never know, if it were up to him.
His gaze drifted over her, lingering on her lips before returning to her eyes. “You want to keep seeing each other as much as we have been?”
Sara nodded. “I want to keep making love with you, too.”
He groaned, then, looking more conflicted than ever, said, “Sara... I know we said we’d just keep things casual and figure out what to do one day at a time...without making demands on each other. But maybe, given how upset you are at having to give up Champ, even though you knew all along this was coming...”
His words sounded perilously like a breakup speech.
Distraught to find herself close to losing even more in the space of one day, and all because he couldn’t handle the loss they’d both been braced for any more than she could, she said, “I know you tried to keep your distance from Champ, and in a way, you did, but your heart aches, too, Matt. Don’t deny it.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face, abruptly looking as miserable and distraught as she felt. “Not trying to,” he said gruffly.
She held out her hands imploringly. “Then what are you trying to do?” she asked, tears blurring her vision.
His expression immediately contrite, he moved farther away from her. “What I’ve been trying to do for weeks now. Look out for you and your needs,” he said, his voice turning even raspier.
She knew he thought disappearing to deal with his grief would somehow spare her, the way he’d tried to spare his family after the attack on the compound. But it wouldn’t. Not now, when the only two people in the world who knew exactly what they were feeling was themselves.
She studied him, her heart racing. “You want to be gallant? You want to care for me?”
Frustration warred with the exasperation on his face. “You know I do.”
In a panic, fearing she would lose him, too, Sara moved in and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Then kiss me, Matt,” she whispered, lifting her lips to his. “Just kiss me.”
And so he did.
* * *
Matt had never imagined he would be in a position to use the chemistry he had with Sara to gain entry to her heart. But their situation was so complicated he had no choice but to use whatever advantage he had to get close to her. To let her know he wanted her in his life, not as some occasional lover and casual friend, but as a real viable part of his everyday existence.
He wanted her to be able to come to him, as easily as he had been coming to see her the past month. He wanted to share her worries and her triumphs regarding Charley. Be there every evening for dinner, and be able to go home after to his place and know she not only understood, but was okay with it.
So when she took his hand and led him upstairs to her bed, he went. Kissing her the entire way.
And when she started to disrobe, he helped her. Just as she helped him.
Naked, he pulled her to the edge of the bed, knelt on the floor in front of her and nudged her thighs apart. She gasped and caught his head as he found her. Satisfaction roaring through him, he breathed in her sweet, musky scent and explored the silky heat, the taut pearly bud.
And still he ravished her, again and again, until she was calling his name and coming apart in his hands. Loving the no-holds-barred way she surrendered herself to him, he moved up again. Kissed her fiercely, deeply. Taking her the way she demanded to be taken, completely, irrevocably. Until there was no doubt she knew how much he wanted her. There was no stopping the building sensation. And she was clamped around him, urging him on to a soul-shattering climax, and then slowly, sweetly back down again.
For long moments after, they clung to each other. He savored the feel of her wrapped up in this arms, cognizant of just how fragile the moment was. Because he knew he was going to have to get up, get dressed and go home, if he didn’t want to fall asleep.
And he would leave.
Eventually.
Once they’d both had their fill.
Right now, he needed and wanted to hold her, just a while longer.
Chapter Fourteen
Sara woke to the sound of a loud gasp and guttural moan, followed by a piercing “No” and the most primal scream of terror and agony she’d ever heard. She bolted upright at the same time as Matt, who was wild-eyed and sweating, swung both arms up to shield his face and reeled backward.
Swearing, he lunged forward, at least so far as the covers tangled around them would allow. Then let out another chilling shout of anguish. “Mutt! Oh my God!” His voice broke as tears streamed down his face. “Mutt!”
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Before she knew it, Sara was crying, too.
Desperate to end his nightmare, she grabbed Matt’s arms, attempting to wake him. At the same time, Charley started to cry in the nursery down the hall.
“Matt!” She shook his shoulders, harder now.
Still in the midst of his night terror, he threw her off.
Torn between her need to minister to Matt and comfort her son, Sara bolted from the bed. She grabbed her robe and raced down the hall, shrugging it on as she moved, listening to the heartbreaking sounds of her son’s sobs, and the diminishing cries of Matt.
Her heart pounding, she switched on the nursery light and moved to her distraught son’s side. “It’s all right, baby, I’m here,” she soothed, as she picked up her wailing infant and held him to her. She swept her hand reassuringly down his back. “Hush now, baby, Mommy’s here. It was just a bad dream.”
Charley burrowed his wet face into her shoulder. She sat down with him in the glider, and still crooning gently, began to rock back and forth .
Charley drew a shaky breath and snuggled even nearer, not crying now, but clinging to her as if his life depended on it.
She sang his favorite lullaby, felt him relax even more, as Matt’s chaotic voice faded and the upstairs fell completely silent once again.
Eventually, Sara realized Charley was once again sound asleep.
Carefully, she eased him back into his crib. Stood there a moment, her hand resting lightly on his chest. She felt his breathing, deep and even. Relieved his own upset had been so short-lived, she turned and crept out of the nursery, walked down the hall into the master suite.
The king-size bed was empty.
Matt was dressing quietly in the moonlight. Head bowed, broad shoulders hunched forward in defeat, he looked as completely destroyed inside as she suddenly felt.
Not sure how to comfort him, she walked in. Her emotions in turmoil, she took a stabilizing breath. “You’re awake.”
He offered a terse nod in response, then boots in hand, headed past her without a word down the stairs.
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