by Kate Stone
After they had ordered their food, Derek finally broached the topic whe’d been dreading. "So, tell me about you and James.”
Meghan sighed. The goofing off and small talk on the way to the restaurant didn't last; she should have known he would ask, and he had the right to ask. This was his project, after all. "It's a bit of a long story."
"You don't have to tell it if you don't want to," said Derek.
"No, it's okay. You deserve to know. Let me pour some more wine."
He laughed at that. "Good idea."
"So," she began once she refilled their glasses. "What do you want to know?"
"How long were you together?"
"Six months, give or take. We'd both been in A Midsummer Night's Dream last year - he was Oberon and I was Hermia."
"That's a decent amount of time," said Derek. "Have you talked much since it ended?"
Meghan shook her head. "This is actually the first I've seen of him. I guess I figured the drama program was big enough that we wouldn't cross paths again."
"Damn, that makes it awkward, then," Derek said. "Look, I know you said it was fine earlier, but if this is going to be weird for you, I can cast another Scott.”
"It's okay," Meghan told him. "Really."
"It's just that I care about you," Derek said, reaching across the table to take her hand. "I know that's kind of absurd, since it's only been a few days, but it's true."
"I feel the same way," said Meghan. "But you did well getting James for your film. He's an incredible actor. This isn't worth losing him over."
Derek sipped at his wine, watching her carefully over the rim of his glass. "Can I ask what happened between you two?"
"This is where it gets a bit complicated," Meghan replied. "And I guess this will tell you more about the actors in this school than you ever wanted to know, but it's important. As many people as there are here, the drama program is one of the most cliquey you'll ever find. And there's a reason for that - talent will only get you so far in Hollywood. At the end of the day it's about who you know."
"Networking," said Derek, nodding.
"Right."
"Well, one of the teachers in the drama program - Professor McGowan, have you heard of him?" Derek shook his head, and she continued. "He's the most important connection you can have. He's gotten people agents. The students he's recommended have gone on to act on Broadway, in TV shows, one even won an Emmy. I was in his Drama III class around the time I started dating James."
Derek raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.
Meghan took another sip of wine. "For a while it went really well. I felt lucky to even make it in to the class, you know? But then I realized how much of a hard-ass he was."
"You've got to earn those recommendations," said Derek knowingly.
Meghan nodded. "I guess I always thought of myself as a better actress than he made me feel. It was like everything I did had something wrong with it. He nitpicked everything. And the worst part was, that was what you were supposed to expect. There was no such thing as a compliment in his class." She sighed, shaking her head.
"The idea of anyone being nasty to you is unbelievable," said Derek.
"You're sweet," replied Meghan. "It got to me after a while. It sounds paranoid, but I almost felt like he was singling me out. But McGowan is a legend, and I knew if I could stick it out, he could help me get places. So I worked my ass off getting ready for his final. I started prepping right after midterms. I went in to get extra help, I rehearsed every day, I knew the script inside and out.
"When finals came around, and I performed the scene after all that time, he hated it. His list of problems with my acting was a mile long, and he wasn't nearly as harsh with the other people in the class. It was humiliating and I finally snapped."
"What happened?" asked Derek.
"I started arguing with him. I knew in my head it was a bad idea, but it was like a switch had gone off. I couldn't help it. I talked back to him, and the next thing I knew he wasn't only nitpicking. He was ripping me a new one in front of the whole class. He said I was too cocky, I'd never make it if I talked back to my director, and how my attitude was proof I would never amount to anything. He said he’d make sure I’d end up waiting tables in Skid Row once I graduated."
"God, Meghan, I'm so sorry," said Derek, leaning in. "I had no idea - Ashley never said anything about this."
"It's okay. She didn't want to embarrass me, I think. Everyone in the program knew I was that girl who got chewed out for talking back to Professor McGowan, and no one wanted to work with me anymore."
"For arguing with a professor? He sounds like a monster."
"This wasn't just any professor, Derek. I get why they didn't want to collaborate with me. This is our chance to make opportunities for ourselves, and no one wanted to blow it by working with someone like me, not even James."
Derek's green eyes grew wide. "He left you?”
"He had things going for him already. He didn't want to risk it all for some girl he'd only dated for a semester. Besides, he was McGowan's favorite student. I can understand why he made the choice that he did."
"But if that's why he broke up with you, then why join my film?" asked Derek.
"He must not have known I was in it," responded Meghan. "Or maybe this is a sign that things are finally turning around." She grinned. "You might be my good luck charm, Derek."
Derek leaned in farther and kissed her before saying, "Or maybe you're mine. I know one thing, though."
"What's that?"
"I wouldn't care if everyone in this school hated you. I'll stick with you no matter what."
"Does this mean we're officially a couple?" asked Meghan.
"Do you want to be?" he asked, caution in his voice.
Meghan nodded. "Yeah, Derek. I think I do."
Chapter 8
Go in for an audition and leave with a boyfriend, thought Meghan as she got ready for class the next morning.
Maybe it was a fling, but she doubted it. They'd crashed into each other, and she was going to run with it. If Ashley was okay with it, then it couldn't have worked out better. The only fly in the proverbial ointment was James. She hadn't expected to see him working on a first-year project again, especially with her. And Derek had raised a good point at their dinner together: why change his mind about acting with Meghan? There was also that look he had been giving her as they read their lines. She was usually pretty skilled at figuring out what was on his mind, but then again - he was an actor.
Nothing for it, she supposed, but to continue as they were. At least Derek hadn't been too taken aback when she explained their past.
Meghan was in the midst of brushing her teeth when she heard a knock at her door. She spat out her toothpaste and poked her head into Ashley's room, but her bed was empty. She must have already gone to class. It could be Derek, she supposed, mind already filling with possibilities. It would be hard not to be late for class if they kept at it like they had been the past few days, she thought as she pulled open the door.
James was standing there. "Meghan," he said, "can we talk? I hope I'm not interrupting something," James continued. "I guess - I mean, I know you weren't expecting me."
Meghan blinked. "No, I wasn't."
He ran a hand through his dark hair. "May I come in?" he asked. "I'd like to talk to you."
That look he'd had during rehearsal was on his face again, and it was this that made Meghan say, "Yeah, okay," and hold open the door.
James stepped tentatively into the room, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Is Ashley here?"
Meghan shook her head. "At class already."
"Oh. Okay." He looked around the room awkwardly, like he was struggling to find the right words. It reminded her of the time he'd first asked her out, and how much she'd liked the fact that he considered what he was going to say before he said it. What could be on his mind this time? "It's a little awkward being back here with you, to be honest," he confessed, rubbing the back of
his neck.
"You can say that again," she said with an awkward smile. "So what did you want to talk about, James?"
"I wanted to talk about that rehearsal," he said. "The one for Derek's film."
"Okay," she said. "Shoot." She felt her neck growing hot. Had he seen what was going on under the table?
"It's just that, as I was watching you act, it reminded me how good you are," said James. "I mean, I hate to admit that I had forgotten, but after everything that happened in Drama III." He shook his head. "Look, you were incredible, Meghan. That's the long and short of it. And seeing you perform back there made me realize that I made a mistake."
"Made a mistake? When?" Meghan asked.
"I shouldn't have been worried about dating you," replied James. "I shouldn't have ended it because of that final. The truth is you're a brilliant actress. And a good person. And I shouldn't have wasted the chance I had with you."
Her jaw could have hit the floor. Was he saying what she thought he was? "Well, I appreciate that, James," she said.
He was peering at her with his dark eyes. "I mean, I don't know what it was about you, but there was something about your performance yesterday that was just so raw. So human."
Oh my god, she thought. He thinks my reaction to getting fingered was part of my acting. Part of her wanted to burst out laughing. This was all so surreal. "Thank you," she said. "It means a lot to hear you say that."
"Does it?" asked James, taking a step closer to her.
Oh no.
"I know second chances don't come around often, but Meghan, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."
No. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. Last week she had still been licking her wounds from their breakup, still been scrambling to find someone in this school who would take her seriously. Now James Ridley wanted her back only days after she'd begun seeing Derek. She could feel a knot beginning to form in her stomach.
Meghan took a step back. "James, that's really sweet," she said. "But I'm not - I mean, Derek and I..."
He held up his hands. "It's okay. I get it. No hard feelings. But I still want to make it up to you. I was an idiot to ignore everything you have going for you. Look, I'm in McGowan's advanced acting workshop this semester, and he's accepting transfers. I'm going to talk to him and see if he'll let you in."
Meghan raised her eyebrows. "Are you serious? After the fight I had with him? James, that's never going to happen."
"Maybe," he acknowledged. "But I have some sway in that class. He likes me. I'm going to talk to him. You might not totally patch it over, but you deserve what he can get you. What I saw yesterday proved that to me."
"Wow. I, um," she was at a loss for words. Was he really going to try to get her back on McGowan's good side? Was any of this happening? "James, thank you."
"You're welcome," he said, and put a hand on her shoulder. His touch was sending all kinds of vague flickers down her arm, flickers she would have welcomed a few days ago. "And Meghan, I meant what I said about us. I know you need your space, and I completely understand if I blew it with you. But if you change your mind, you know how to reach me."
He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek, making adrenaline course through her. Then he straightened, went to the door, and, with one last crooked smile, left her dorm.
Meghan stood there for quite some time, unaware that she had started to chew her fingernails. Was there a state more surreal than a dream? Because if so, her life had just passed into it. The thought of Voted Most Likely to Win an Oscar James Ridley wanting her back was surreal enough, but McGowan giving her a second chance? What was happening to her? Slowly she went back to her room and finished packing her backpack. Better not to read too much into it, she supposed. If McGowan ever takes me back, I'll eat my shoe.
After the week you've had, said the little voice inside her, better start eating.
She was in the midst of a vocal exercise in her acting workshop when her professor pulled her aside to tell her that McGowan had asked to see her in his office. Most professors wouldn't drag students out of class to meet with them one-on-one, but even the other drama instructors knew that McGowan wasn't most professors. She shivered as she stepped out of the elevator and made her way through the halls to his office, although whether it was from fear or excitement she couldn't say. Had James actually done it? Then again, he could have summoned her to chew her out for trying to change his mind. Just try to stay cool this time, okay? she told herself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
With that, Meghan knocked on McGowan's office door. There was a moment of silence before that familiar voice told her to come in. He didn't look up as she entered his office, standing stick-straight in the corner and folding her hands awkwardly in front of her. "You can take a seat, Meghan," he said. "I'm just finishing some paperwork."
Feeling like a mouse caught in a trap, Meghan sat in the chair opposite him. He was as imposing as she remembered: tall, all sharp angles, still handsome even though he was pushing fifty.
McGowan shifted his papers to the side and looked at Meghan. "Do you know why I wanted to see you?" he asked finally.
Meghan began to speak, but her voice caught in her throat. She coughed and then tried again. "Is it something to do with James Ridley?"
McGowan nodded, surveying her over the top of his glasses. "James seems to think you deserve another chance in my class. What do you make of that?"
"I know we didn't end on the best terms," Meghan replied tentatively, "but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't appreciate it."
"I thought so. That's why I'm going to give you one."
Meghan opened her mouth and then closed it again, caught off guard. Finally she managed, "Just like that?"
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"After my final, you acted like I was the worst student you ever had," said Meghan. "I mean, you said my acting career was over. You said you would bury me. Why would you suddenly-" Easy, she told herself. Get a grip. She took a breath. “Look, I know I sassed you, and I am sorry about that. But the things you said to me - you made it sound like I might as well have dropped out then and there. That really messed me up."
She was already preparing for the worst. Why was it so hard for her to shut up around him? What came out of his mouth surprised her. "Do you know why I was always so hard on you, Meghan?"
She blinked. "No."
McGowan sat back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. "Because you are gifted." Stunned, she remained silent as he continued. "I know I was harsh with you. But I've been at this school for twenty years. I know talent when I see it. And I also know how to nurture it."
"But you -" she started.
"Do you think any of my most successful students had an easy time in my class?" He pressed on. "I just finished grading your friend James' midterm. Do you know what I gave him? B minus."
"Are you saying that was your way of pushing me to do better?"
"Nobody goes from good to great by having their ego stroked," said McGowan. "And you're good, Meghan. I pushed you because I want to make you great."
Meghan gaped at him. "But the final-"
He shook his head. “Forget about the final. I’m offering you a second chance to let me make you great.” McGowan leaned forward, giving her a pointed look. “And second chances don't come around often."
Those were the same words James had said this morning. Advanced acting with McGowan. Was this even possible? And if it was, could she survive another semester with this man?
Meghan sat up straight and met McGowan's eyes. "Okay, Professor. Let's do it."
Chapter 9
Meghan was cycling through more emotions than she could articulate as she stepped out of the elevator and into the corridor that led to Derek's room. Her conversation with Professor McGowan had stunned her and she was still reeling from his offer to take her back. And to think, he'd complimented her as well. This could change everything, if she managed to adjust her perspective on h
is criticism. Her heart began to race when she thought about the possibility of having him in her corner when she finished school. Part of her even felt guilty for mouthing off to him in the first place. All this was overshadowed by a creeping anxiety about how Derek would react when she told him she was going back to McGowan. He'd been sympathetic at dinner, but it had been a mistake to tell him about her history with the professor. How wishy-washy would this make her seem?
Hesitating for only a moment, Meghan knocked on his door. There was a sound of movement, and then Derek's head peered around the corner of the door. His hair was tousled, and the way his face lit up when he saw that it was her made her insides turn into a puddle. "Hey, stranger," he said.
"Hey," Meghan replied. "Can I come in?"
"Just a second," he said. "I need to get the right mood lighting."
She smiled in spite of herself. "Mood lighting?"
"You'll see." He disappeared behind the door for a moment, and through the crack she could see the lights in his room go out. Slowly he opened the door all the way, and Meghan's joking remark caught in her throat when he stepped aside to reveal what he had been working on.
The tiny amount of common area of the room had been transformed. He'd moved the table aside and moved it, along with both their mattresses, into the middle of the room. Pillows and blankets were strewn around the room, which was lit up by a constellation of lights that he had strung from the ceiling, along with a handful of candles on the bookshelf. Meghan smiled, eyes wide as she took in what he had set up.
"I thought we could have dinner here," Derek said as he came up behind her, his hand resting on her back. "I wanted to do something... I don't know, romantic."
"Damn, Derek, I thought we were going to study," Meghan said with a grin. "It's beautiful." She raised her eyebrows, turning to Derek. "But what about Greg?"
"At his girlfriend's again," he said gleefully. "We've got the place to ourselves."
"Lucky us," Meghan said, still taken aback by the gesture.