by Riley London
“Because not everything is about you, Celeste Venoix.” Charlie smirked again, before moving closer to my side. “And once you get a chance, a real chance to actually save the world, I know that you’ll do the right thing. You’re an angel. It’s just part of your DNA.”
“Whatever.” I playfully kissed Charlie on his forehead, before reaching for another slice of pizza.
Misery.
I woke up from my dream in absolute misery. It was the umpteenth time that I’d dreamt about Charlie, our memories playing behind the darkness of my eyes. I was grateful that this one wasn’t as painful as the ones before, the ones where he’d told me he loved me for the first time, or the ones where we’d make love after I’d returned from a dangerous fight or a risky mission.
The hole in my heart hadn’t felt as huge as when it’d first been born inside of me, so that seemed like a good thing, even though my world still seemed muggy and wrong. But the longer I continued like this, the worse I felt all around. I barely made it to my classes with Mr. Toorin, showing up just a minute or two before he started and leaving as soon as he dismissed us for the day, not stopping to chat with any of my other classmates.
I wasn’t seeing too much of Benjamin and Zachary either. I knew that they wanted to speak to me, but whenever either one of them came to the dorm room, I’d find an excuse to leave or head right for the training room.
I didn’t want to talk about it. Honestly, I didn’t even know if I could.
I was worried that if I did bring it up again, at least out loud, that the same darkness would return, flowing through my veins as if it always belonged to me. I didn’t want to get kicked out of the academy, not now, not when I was still waiting for Charlie to come back to me.
Charlie.
The misery started all over again, even as I heard the door to my dorm room quickly open and shut.
“Celeste?” Zachary whispered in the night of the room, the only light trickling in from the moon outside my window.
“What do you want, Zach?” I asked, my voice coming out raspy and weak. “I’m not in the mood for a lot of conversation.”
“I just…” Zachary stammered for a moment, before he continued. “Celeste, I just want you to know that I understand what you’re going through.”
“…Okay. Thank you for letting me know.”
“No, Celeste. I’m serious.” Zachary then sat down on my bed, right beside my chest. His green eyes soon peered into mine, and he had an unreadable expression on his face. “I know what you’re going through right now, better than anyone else as this fucking school. You think you’re the only person to ever lose someone?”
“I know I’m not the only person to ever lose someone.”
“Yeah, but do you think you’re the only person to ever lose someone to a demon?” Zachary kept his gaze locked on mine. “I told you about my parents, Celeste. What happened after they were possessed. What I had to do.”
Shit.
Right.
The last time I’d lost Charlie, Zachary had told me about how he’d had to kill his own parents to stop them from harming innocent children, to keep his classmates safe. I hadn’t thought much about it since then, due to my life becoming a whirlwind of hunting demons and trying to keep my batshit crazy sister from ruining everything I cared about. Plus, there was the matter of the Council keeping me under observation, something that I knew was happening but just didn’t have the energy to keep up with the issue.
I’d barely had the energy for anything more.
“I know what it’s like to choose, Celeste.” Zachary sighed. “I know what it’s like to feel like your life is completely fucking you over, but there’s nothing you can do about it. I know what it’s like to be the better person and have that blow up in your face, having that destroy everything you love.”
Zachary continued. “And that’s what I think happened with Charlie.”
“Wait, what?” I sat up in bed, getting closer to Zachary’s face. “Are you actually trying to defend Charlie to me right now?”
“I think Charlie did what he felt he had to do,” Zachary replied. “And while we may not understand that choice in the moment, I trust the guy. Don’t you? Do you really think he would’ve chosen to stay away from you, if it wasn’t for a good reason?”
“Charlie doesn’t have a soul.”
“What?”
“Or maybe he does. I don’t know. But something about his soul is just…rotten,” I tried to explain. “Mammon told me that when Charlie dies, when he really dies, he’s not going to Heaven and he’s not going to Hell. He’s not going anywhere. He’s just going to exist in limbo, for the rest of forever.”
I felt myself getting choked up as I continued. “And it’s all my fault. Whatever I did to Charlie, to bring him back…the first time. I should’ve left him how I found him. When I found him dead by the side of the road, with that knife wound in his chest…that should’ve been it. Why did I have to touch him? Why did I have to bring him back?”
“Celeste—”
“I didn’t know what I was doing, Zach. When I brought him back, I didn’t know. I didn’t know that it was me. Whatever I did, I must’ve done it wrong.” My breaths came quicker and quicker as the anxiety pulsed under my skin. “And now? Now, he’s going to die. Even with our soul-bond, I feel like they’re going to find a way to kill him, those fucking demons. And he’s not going to go anywhere when he dies. And it’s all my fault. It’s all my—”
My words were cut off by the feel of Zachary’s lips pressing into mine. He bent his head down towards my own as he whispered his next phrase. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this shit. Sometimes life just deals us a shitty hand, but we still have to play it.”
“What happens if I don’t want to play anymore?” I asked. “What happens if I’m ready to just get up from the table? First, I lost Garry. And then, Charlie. Who next? You? Benjamin, too? What am I supposed to do when they take everyone, everything away from me?”
“You’re supposed to fight. What else do you think you’ve been training for?”
“How am I supposed to fight them? Whenever I come face to face with a Prince of Hell, it nearly kills me.” I sniffled, tears seemingly appearing out of nowhere on my face. “I’m not strong enough to go against them, Zach. I’m not strong enough for any of this.”
“Not yet.” Zachary pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest. “But you will be.”
Chapter 5
“Look at this.” Benjamin held a book so close to my face that I couldn’t read the page.
I was seated right next to him in the academy’s library, even though I still felt like shit. My late night talk with Zachary had convinced me to at least try, although each day felt harder than the last.
The hole in my heart was still there. My body still missed Charlie’s touch.
But I was determined to put on a brave face, even when I felt like I was falling apart. “Uh, can you zoom out a little, Benjie? I can’t even see what you’re trying to show me right now.”
“Oh. Sorry. I must have gotten too excited,” Benjie replied, before he moved the book a few inches away from my face. “Look again.”
“What am I looking at?” I squinted at the painting. It looked like an angel with giant white wings, and a glowing sword in his hand. He was beautiful, even though he had a serious expression on his face, as if the entire world was on his shoulders.
“Michael,” Benjamin explained. “You’re looking at Michael.”
“Right…” I nodded, a little embarrassed that I’d blanked on what the actual founder of the Angel Academy looked like. Surprisingly, his portraits weren’t plastered all over the hallways here or anything, since he was supposedly not that kind of guy. He was humble, only interested in doing what was best for the greater good, what was best in God’s eyes.
I still couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was apparently meant to be his succes
sor. I wouldn’t say that I was a bad person, but I was nowhere near as good of a person as Michael was. I struggled, even now, with the concept of losing the people I cared about on the behalf of the souls of strangers and I didn’t feel like the choice was getting any easier by the day.
How could I ever be anything like Michael?
“Why are you showing me a painting of Michael?” I asked as I continued to ponder the question in my head.
“Because I think I’ve figured out the problem.” Benjamin smiled. “Zachary told me that you were upset about your previous encounters with the Princes of Hell, how you felt that you were unable to defeat them in battle.”
“It’s less of a feeling and more of a reality.”
“Yes, well, I have a suspicion that it doesn’t matter how much you train, Celeste. It doesn’t even matter how much you call on God’s gift. The Princes of Hell have only been defeated once before and they were defeated with this.” Benjamin tapped on the center of the page, right where Michael’s sword was drawn in the air.
“Michael’s sword?” I asked. “Are you saying that I need to get Michael’s sword so I can fight the Princes of Hell?”
“Yes,” Benjamin answered. “I believe that once you’re able to acquire the sword, then you will finally be able to defeat the princes.”
“Is Michael’s sword in the artifact room or something?” I rose up from my seat at the table. “Can we go get it right now?”
“Ah, well. Therein lies the problem.” Benjamin frowned.
“What is it?”
“No one quite knows where Michael’s sword is,” Benjamin replied. “It’s been lost for what may be centuries, ever since his last battle.”
“His last battle?”
“Yes. It was the same sword used to defeat your father.”
“Oh.” I offered Benjamin a knowing smirk. “Then, that’s who has it.”
“Your father?” Benjamin didn’t seem to believe me. “You think your father has the sword? But why would he keep—”
“Ehh. I know a few things about my father now, Benjie,” I continued. “And he’s definitely the kind of guy who’d keep something like that tucked far, far away from the rest of the world. If that’s what Michael used against him and the princes, then he’s holding onto it. He wouldn’t want the sword to be used against him again.”
“But how can we know for sure?” Benjamin asked. “Is there a way for you to contact your father without passing through Hell?”
“Why wouldn’t I want to pass through Hell?” I answered. “You think I don’t want to see my family again?”
“Sorry. You’re right. It’s just that angels typically dread the thought of coming into contact with anything demonic.” Benjamin’s voice was low.
“That’d be pretty hard for me to avoid, Benjie, considering that I’m half-demon myself.”
“I know…but…” Benjamin’s words trailed off, before he looked me in the eye. “Celeste. I’m worried about you.”
“Why are you worried about me? I’m fine.” I shrugged. “Never been better, honestly.”
“Please, Celeste. We both know that’s not true.” Benjamin shifted away from his seat too, before taking a step closer to me. “And I’m worried that your emotional state combined with your God-given gifts could lead to something awful, the kind of something that would definitely get you noticed by the Council and have to force Zachary’s hand. He’s still the one in charge of whether you live or die. You remember that, don’t you?”
“Emotional state? Something awful? Are you talking about what happened at the building?” I replied. “That was a one-time thing, Benjie. I promise. I’m never going to do anything like that again.”
“I don’t know if you’re the one who gets to decide that,” Benjamin murmured. “Just be careful, Celeste. Zachary has been through enough in his lifetime. He’s had to hurt people he’s cared about before, and I fear that if he had to hurt you, too…I don’t know if he could ever come back from that.”
“Benjie—”
“The more you’re around demonic energy, the easier it gets,” Benjamin said. “I just don’t want you to be—”
“Anything like my mother?” I looked back at Benjamin. “You know she isn’t some evil witch queen, right? She’s actually pretty nice. Nothing like the way she’s been painted in the history books we read for Mr. Toorin’s class.”
“Your mother did some awful things.” Benjamin sighed. “She felled Adam and Eve—”
“Adam and Eve felled themselves.” I cut off Benjamin’s words, my tone sharp and cold. “And it’s always so much easier to blame a woman, isn’t it? God forbid anyone ever take responsibility for themselves.”
“Celeste, I’m just trying to—”
“I’ll talk to you later, Benjie.” I grabbed my backpack off the library table as I headed for the door. “Thanks for helping me out with the sword stuff.”
“Anytime, Celeste. Anytime.” I heard Benjamin’s reply, all soft and sad as I continued my way down the hall.
Chapter 6
“Welcome home, my love!” My mother wrapped her arms around me as soon as I stepped into her home. “I’ve missed you more than air.”
“Is that our beautiful daughter? Come to visit us again?” Lucifer grinned, walking over towards me too. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder as he spoke. “Welcome home, my angel.”
The way my father said the word “angel” let me know that he was being sarcastic about the title. I lightly chuckled at the joke, moving away from my mom’s embrace.
“What brings you down to see us again so soon?” Lucifer asked. “Has the academy finally cast you aside?”
“They haven’t killed you, have they?” Lilith’s eyes widened. “Have they sent my daughter back to me as nothing more than a soul?”
“No.” I reassured my mother with a smile. “The academy hasn’t kicked me out. Yet. And I’m not just a soul either.”
“Then why have you come, daughter?”
“I came for Michael’s sword.”
“Ah, is that all you’ve come for?” My father smirked, shaking his head. “I’m afraid that is one thing I cannot give you, my sweet.”
“But you have it, don’t you?” I asked.
“Of course, I am in possession of the weapon that once pierced my side and destroyed the hopes and dreams of my nation.” My father’s tone was somber. “I would never let it fall into another angel’s hands ever again. If God wishes to wage war against me in the future, He will have to forge another weapon in his armory.”
“Yeah, war. That’s kind of why I need it,” I explained. “I’m sure you two are well aware of the Princes of Hell and all the bullshit—”
“Language,” my mother warned.
“Sorry, mom.” I paused. “And all the…stuff…that they’re planning to go through with on the surface. If they have their way, the surface will be ravaged with sin and humanity is basically done for.”
“Why do I care about the surface?” my father scoffed. “That is not my domain.”
“Because they’re not just after the surface, and you know that too. They already took your throne from you, dad,” I continued. “And you and I both know that they’re not going to stop there. They’ll take everything. They’ll ruin everything. And once they get to a certain point, once they anger Heaven itself—”
“Total destruction,” Lilith finished my thoughts for me.
She turned towards my father with a frantic expression on her face. “Our daughter speaks the truth, Lucifer. If the Princes of Hell are not reined in by their ambition, then they will be the end of us all. They’re not like you. They never possessed your vision. They don’t know how to be happy with the ruling of one kingdom, when their eyes desire it all.”
“Maybe.” My father sighed. “Maybe the Princes of Hell will bring about the end of all our worlds. But that is still not my concern, not until it’s at my front door. And by then, I will be the one to strike it down.”
>
“Dad. Please,” I begged, trying my best to hold back fresh tears that had formed in my eyes. “Please. I need the sword. I have to be able to take on the princes.”
“What has you so upset, child?” My mother placed a cool hand against my cheek. “I can see your tears, Celeste…what harm has been done to your heart?”
“They took Charlie,” I admitted. “The Princes of Hell convinced Charlie to join their side, to be a pawn for them in their war. They promised him that afterwards they’d have a place for him in the afterlife.”
“Wouldn’t he have a place, regardless?” my father asked. “Don’t all humans either go to Heaven or Hell?”
“No. He…he didn’t have a soul.” I sighed. “Because of me. I brought him back to life—”
“You brought another back to life?” My mother’s eyes lit up with surprise. “Oh, Celeste. Your powers amaze me more and more.”
“I didn’t do it right though, Mom,” I explained. “Whatever I did, it got rid of Charlie’s soul, I think, and now he’ll be stuck in limbo if something happens to him. I just want to get him back from the princes. I just want to keep him safe.”
“Do you love him?” My father shot me an inquisitive look.
“Yes.” I nodded. “I love Charlie. Very much.”
“Ah, then you should’ve led with that, my daughter.” Lucifer smirked. “I know a thing or two about risking everything for the sake of your heart.”
“Yes. I know a thing or two about that, as well.” My mother smirked right back at him. “Lucifer, go and fetch our daughter the sword. She needs to be on her way to save the one she loves.”
The one I love.
I didn’t have the time or inclination to explain to my parents that Charlie was just one of the men that I was in love with, one of the three that held my heart. Instead, I waited as my father walked off towards the back of his home. In the meantime, I kept up a breezy conversation with my mother about what she’d been up to, the kind of spells she’d been working on and how much nicer things had seemed in Hell once the princes were on the surface.