7:32 p.m.
Which direction had I come from? And where had the two twisty trees gone? My heart was beating faster and my palms were sweaty as I stomped through the forest. “Brooks,” I shouted, more nervous because I’d lost my way. He’d find me, though. He’s coming. I kept walking. Was I going deeper into the forest? Farther from the trees? How could I tell? I couldn’t find my way. Where were the trees?
7:59 p.m.
The water.
I’d find the water where the boys went fishing. Maybe that’s where Brooks would be. But which way was the water? I started running. I ran and ran, hoping I’d see the water swaying back and forth, reminding me of where I was and how I’d get home, or how I’d find Brooks. Maybe he had gotten lost, too. Maybe he was alone, and scared, and sweaty. Maybe he was searching for me, too. I had to find him, because I knew I’d be okay when we were standing near one another.
8:13 p.m.
The water.
I found it.
I found the ripples, and stones, and calm sounds.
I found the water, and I found him.
“Don’t walk away, please, Julia. Listen to me.”
Brooks?
No.
Not him.
Someone else, who wasn’t alone. A man was there with another. A woman. She kept telling him no, saying she couldn’t be with him anymore, and he didn’t like that.
“We have a life together, Julia. We have a family.”
“Will you listen? I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
“Is this about that guy from work?”
The woman rolled her eyes. “Don’t start this again. This is what I’m talking about. You have all these anger issues. I can’t keep our son around that. We can’t keep doing this.”
He raked his hands through his hair. “You’re fucking him, aren’t you? You’re fucking the guy from work.” Before she could respond, he grew more and more upset, his chest puffing in and out.
The man was someone who made my breaths harder to swallow, and my fear more fearful. I had been less afraid when I’d stood alone by the wrong twisty trees. I should’ve stayed by the wrong trees.
He screamed at her, his voice cracking. “You fucking whore!” he shouted, slapping her hard across the face. She stumbled backward and whimpered, her hand flying to her cheek. “I gave you everything. We had a life together. I just took over the business. We were getting on our feet. What about our son? What about our family?” He slapped her again and again. “We had a life!” He shoved her to the ground and his eyes popped out of his head, as if he was crazy—disturbed.
My throat tightened as my eyes stared across the way, where the man who reminded me of the dark sky wrapped his hands around the woman’s neck. “You can’t leave me,” he said, almost begging her as he choked and shook her. She screamed, clawing at his hands. He shook her. She screamed, trying to gasp for air. He shook her. She screamed, and I felt his hands.
It felt as if his hands were around me. Choking me. Shaking me. Dragging me.
My fingers wrapped around my neck and I begged for air, knowing that if I felt like I couldn’t breathe, the woman was hurting even more.
Then the evil man started dragging her body toward the water.
In that moment I knew who he was.
The devil.
The devil pulled the woman’s body toward the water and shoved her head beneath its waves.
And I stopped breathing.
He drowned her.
He drowned her.
The devil drowned a woman on the bank of Harper Creek.
I knew she was dead. She fought back as the devil kept holding her head beneath the water. The devil held her at the edge of the lake and kept shoving her head under the water.
The woman fought at first, clawing her fingers at him, trying her best to attack the devil. The woman’s body pushed against his, but each time the devil brought the woman’s head back from under the lake, her mouth inhaled and exhaled, choking on water, struggling to breathe. The devil pulled her deeper into the waters, splashing loudly. The water was up to the devil’s neck, and I couldn’t even see the woman anymore.
“Don’t leave me,” he begged her, pleaded. “Don’t leave me, Julia.”
I should’ve stopped looking.
I couldn’t stop looking.
She was fully submerged, and all I saw was the devil’s darkness.
He pulled the limp woman from the water, back to the shore, and he wouldn’t stop talking to her. “How could you? How could you do this to us?” He reached for the woman’s left hand and removed the wedding band from her finger. He slid it onto his own finger.
He killed the woman.
He killed her.
I saw it, too—the realization of his actions, him realizing what he had done. He started to shake the woman, her body limp. “Julia,” he whimpered. “Julia, wake up.” He fell to the ground beside her and shook her, trying to bring her back, but he couldn’t. He sobbed over her body. “Please, come back.”
I stepped backward and broke a branch.
He looked up.
He killed that woman, and he was looking at me.
Don’t look at me.
My hands clamped up, my mind spun. I stumbled backward, breaking each and every branch my flip-flops hit along the way. My back slammed against the closest tree trunk as the devil’s chocolate brown eyes danced across my body. A petrified look swam in his eyes, and he dropped the lady. “Hey!” he shouted, looking at me. “Hey, what are you doing?” He moved in closer to me.
His feet dragged my way, his clothing dripping wet.
Don’t wander off on your own, Maggie May. Do you understand? You mustn’t wander off without your sister.
Mama’s words kept circling in my mind. He grew closer and closer, and I screeched, turning away from him. I started running as fast as I could, flying through the branches, feeling my heart pounding against my chest.
His footsteps grew louder, but I couldn’t look back. He was running after me. Closer, closer, closer. Run, Maggie. Faster, faster, faster. Run!
A sharp yank to my dress sent me backward, the poppy in my hair flying to the forest floor. His fingers were wrapped around my dress and he tossed me to the ground. My breaths weaved in and out and I screamed as he tackled my body, placing all of his weight on top of me, his filthy hands covering my mouth, muting my shouts.
I kicked and screamed, screamed and kicked. He was going to kill me.
He’d kill me.
No, please.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I struggled.
“You weren’t supposed to be here,” he hissed, starting to sob. “You weren’t supposed to see that. It was a mistake. I didn’t mean to…”
No!
He placed a hand around my neck, choking me, making it harder and harder to breathe. He cried. He cried so much. He cried and apologized. He apologized for hurting me, apologized for pushing a few fingers into the side of my neck, making it harder and harder for me to find my next breaths. He told me he loved her, told me love did it to him, to her. He swore he’d never hurt her. He promised he wouldn’t hurt the woman he already killed.
“You weren’t supposed to be here, but now you are,” he said, lowering his face down to me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He smelled like tobacco and licorice, and his forearm had a big tattoo of two praying hands with a person’s name beneath it. “How did you get here?” he asked.
His mouth was inches away from mine, and he shook his head as I parted my mouth to scream for Brooks, praying for him to hear me, to find me. He placed his finger against my mouth, then pushed his lips against his fingers, too, and made a quiet shushing sound.
“Shh,” he whispered. My eyes were wide with fear. “Please, don’t yell. It was an accident.” He moved his lips to my forehead and pressed his mouth against my skin. “Shh,” he said again. His lips traveled to my earlobe and I felt his mouth touching me before he hissed one last time. “Shh…”
<
br /> I lost myself.
He stole me from myself in that moment.
I felt dirty.
I felt used.
I felt trapped.
“Maggie May! Where are you?” Brooks hollered, his voice breaking the devil from his thoughts.
He pushed himself away from me and took off in a sprint.
I stumbled to stand and didn’t bother to dust off the dirt, leaves, and sticks tangled all over me. I was wet. His wet clothes had soaked me, and I had wet myself, too. I struggled, but I ran. I ran. I ran as fast as I could toward the sound of Brooks’ voice. The louder his sounds grew, the more my heart raced.
“I mean, geez, Maggie! I went with the stupid purple tie because you were so against the mud tie, and then you stand me up! I can’t believe this!”
When my eyes saw his back, he was kicking around the grass and muttering to himself.
Brooks.
When he turned to face me, any irritation he felt disappeared and was replaced with heavy intense concern. As I ran toward him, I tripped over my own feet and his arms reached out, catching me.
“Whoa, Maggie, what’s going on?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but all I heard in my head was the sound of the devil shushing me, pressing his skin against my skin, pressing his finger against my lips. Against my forehead. Against my earlobes. Against me. He was going to kill me.
There was a rustling behind us and I jumped, my eyes wide as I pushed myself against Brooks hard, clamoring for protection.
“Maggie, it’s fine. It’s just a squirrel. What freaked you out? What happened to you?” No words could leave me. My fingers grasped Brooks’ shirt, pulling him closer to me. He didn’t ask any questions, but he did hold me tight. “It’s okay, Maggie. You’re okay.”
I sobbed into his t-shirt, and he just held on tighter.
4
Maggie
I blinked.
The lights were already bright, and the nurse kept shining her flashlight into my eyes. Into my nose. Into my ears. Into my mouth.
I blinked.
Daddy had tears in his eyes, but they weren’t falling. He leaned against the wall, his hand in a fist, his fist resting against his mouth, his mouth speaking no words.
Blink.
Mama cried when the nurse mentioned an SAK. I didn’t know what it was, but it made Mama sob.
Blink.
The nurse swabbed me all over. My lips, my cheeks, my thighs, my…
Blink.
She combed through my hair. Leaves fell out. She found blood. Daddy began to cry softly.
Blink.
She cut my dress and shook it out. There was dirt. My dress was dirty. I was dirty. Everywhere. My poppy was gone. Where had my poppy flower gone? She picked at my nails. My nail polish was ruined. My nails were ruined. I was ruined.
Blink.
They carried me to the car. I crawled into a ball. The streetlights flashed reds and greens. The yellows blurred. I saw his face in my mind.
Blink.
Calvin and Cheryl were on the porch when I got home. They didn’t speak. I didn’t either.
Blink.
Mama and Daddy took me to their bedroom, and I cried into their sheets, shaking, feeling dirty, broken, used. Scared. So scared.
Shh…
Shh…
Did the nurse get it? Did she get his taste on my lips? Did she get his skin on my skin? Did she…?
Blink.
I shut my eyes. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to blink anymore. I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to see, but, I still saw. I saw him. I felt him. I tasted him.
Everything grew darker.
Everything became shadows.
Everything went black.
5
Maggie
Mama kept pacing around her and Daddy’s bedroom, twisting her hands. I sat on the edge of their mattress, listening to her high heels tap against the hardwood floor. The bed felt like sitting on a pile of a million feathers, and it was almost impossible to not melt into the softness. I felt tired, too, so it was a bad combination. My eyes fought to stay open, though lately dreams seemed better than staying awake. The only problem with dreams was that sometimes they became nightmares, and nightmares were what I’d been drowning in lately.
“You haven’t spoken in days, Maggie May,” Mama scolded. “Not one single word. Your father and I are terrified.” Her butterscotch-colored hair hung past her shoulders, and she kept combing it behind her ears. When she wasn’t moving her hair, her manicured nails danced against her forearms, digging into her skin. Worry attacked her spirit as she kept a quick pace. I wished Daddy were home and not off at work. He was normally able to keep Mama from having her panics.
“What happened out there, Maggie?” she asked. “What were you doing out in those woods? Your father and I told you… We asked you not to wander off.”
My fingers dug into the side of the mattress and my head stayed lowered.
“It was past your curfew,” she whispered, a tremble in her voice. “And I begged you to be home when the streetlights came on, didn’t I?” She began to stutter, which was weird because Mama was always so composed and well-spoken. “I to-told you yo-you shouldn’t be out at night, Maggie May.”
My lips parted to speak again, but no words came out. Mama turned my way and bit her bottom lip. Her arms crossed and she tucked her hands beneath her underarms before walking in my direction. I broke my stare away from her. “Look at me, Maggie,” she ordered.
I shook my head.
A few tears fell down my cheeks and my body shook.
“Maggie May, when I tell you to look at me, you must listen!” Her voice was laced with panic, almost as if she was fearful that her little girl was gone and would never come back.
Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’d fallen so deep into the back of my mind that I’d never have to remember what it was like to feel, to hurt, to break, to breathe. My eyes hurt from being awake for so long, but that hurt was nowhere near the ache in my chest. In my ears, I could still hear the screams of the person being attacked. In my head, I could still see her fighting for her life, and in my heart, I could still feel the monster against my soul.
A few tears fell down my cheeks and my body shook.
“Oh, honey,” Mama cried. Her fingers slipped beneath my chin and she tilted my head up. “Word by word, tell me what happened. What happened to you in those woods?”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Calvin and Brooks in the hallway, listening in on the conversation between Mama and me. They were leaning against the wall, staring at us. Brooks' eyes looked sadder than I thought eyes could’ve ever looked. Calvin’s fingers were folded tightly into fists, which he tapped repeatedly against the wall behind him. Mama followed my stare, and when she saw the boys, they hurried away. I was certain they hadn’t gone far, though. Those two boys hadn’t left my side for the past few days.
Cheryl was the opposite, though. She seemed afraid to come near me. She acted as if I had some kind of disease and she’d catch it if she looked my way. I had heard her crying the other night because she had to miss her dance recital. It was my fault, because our parents didn’t want to leave my side.
“Maggie May,” Mama whispered.
I turned my head away from her, and she sighed once more.
“Please, Maggie. Speak. I don’t know how to help you if you won’t tell me what happened.” She kept begging and begging me to say something to her, but I couldn’t. My throat was dry. I needed ice water, maybe. I needed something to loosen me up, something to make words fly from between my lips, but I couldn’t move. “I don’t understand! I don’t understand why you won’t speak to me. You need to tell me, baby, because my mind is thinking the worst things. Did someone hurt you? Did someone…” She couldn’t say the words, but I knew what she was asking me. “You just tell me what happened, even if someone hurt you, honey. I won’t judge you, I swear. Mama just wants to know if someone hurt y
ou.” She swallowed hard. “You can nod your head if someone hurt you, honey. You can tell me,” she whispered. “Remember when we spoke about being safe? And how people weren’t allowed to touch you, and if they did, you’d have to tell your father and me? Did that happen? I mean, I know the doctors checked, but those tests…they take time. Did somebody…” Her words faltered once more.
I lowered my head. The stranger hadn’t physically raped me, and I knew that was what she was asking. Even so, truth be told, he had raped me in almost every other way possible. He had raped my innocence.
My youth.
My voice.
He had stolen so much of me away when I’d witnessed his act of horror and when he’d tried to end me. He had stolen so much of my soul.
I shook my head no for Mama, though. He hadn’t physically raped me.
Mama let out a sigh of relief before she broke down into uncontrollable sobs. Her hands covered her face as she violently shook, and her words were tough to understand. “Why won’t you speak?” she asked.
Because I have nothing left to say.
“I think that’s enough for now, Katie,” a voice said.
I looked up to see Daddy standing in the doorway, staring at Mama and me. He must’ve come home early from work to take care of her. Mama always did better when he was around.
She walked over to him, and within seconds, Daddy’s arms were wrapped around her tiny frame. He whispered something into her ear, and it seemed to be the right words, because Mama’s crying came to a halt, and she nodded in agreement with Daddy’s soft voice.
After a few minutes, she said she needed air and headed out of the room.
Daddy stepped over to me, kneeled down, and gave me his best crooked smile. “Maggie May?”
Yes, Daddy?
“The world keeps spinning because your heartbeats exist,” he promised. His nose brushed against mine, giving me his Eskimo kisses. “And everything’s gonna be okay. You know why?”
I shook my head, and he continued.
“Because none of us are ever alone. You’ve got a family that loves you and will be there for you always. Okay, sport?”
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