“Hey, sorry. I know I’m probably not supposed to talk to you, but I just wanted to say what you just did was brave. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what you went through your whole life. I’m so sorry for what happened to you.”
“You have no reason to be sorry. You’re not your father’s mistakes,” I told him.
He nodded understandingly. “I know, I know. But still. Your life was stolen from you. And my mom…” He snickered nervously. “I thought she walked out on us. I spent all my life confused and hating her, because every memory I had of her was filled with love. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why she’d leave.”
“If she had a choice, she would’ve never left your side,” Mama chimed in. “Trust me, I know.”
Michael thanked my mom and started to walk off until he heard me calling after him.
“She didn’t suffer,” I lied. “It was fast, painless. It was over in seconds. Your mom didn’t suffer.”
His shoulders appeared less heavy as I spoke to him. “Thank you, Maggie. Thank you for that.”
After years of not speaking, I understood the importance of words. How they had the power to hurt individuals, yet they also had the power to heal if used correctly. For the rest of my life I’d try my best to use my words carefully.
They had the power to change lives.
The next day I headed over to Mrs. Boone’s house with tea and turkey sandwiches. She rolled her eyes when she made her way to the door and then invited me inside to eat.
“I saw you on the news yesterday,” Mrs. Boone said. “You could’ve used a bit more makeup. You were on television, not at some pajama party, Maggie.”
I smirked. “Next time.”
“Next time…” Mrs. Boone huffed, shaking her head. “I’d think you were kidding, but you and your boyfriend might be the most dramatic people I’ve ever met, so I wouldn’t put it past you for there to be a next time,” she said, drinking her tea. “And you are awful at picking out tea. This is disgusting.”
I laughed. “Now you know how I’ve felt all these years.”
She looked up from her cup, and her hands began to shake. “Your voice isn’t as ugly as I thought it’d be.” She smiled and nodded her head, pleased. A semi-compliment from my favorite frenemy was the best. She picked up her sandwich and took a bite. “I knew you would talk someday. I knew you’d be able to do it.”
The two of us talked for hours about anything and everything that came to mind. We laughed together, which was the best feeling ever. When it began to get late, Mrs. Boone used her walker to get to the front foyer. Whenever her nurse tried to help her, she told her to piss off. Which in Mrs. Boone’s world meant, ‘thank you.’
“Well, you take care, Maggie May, and take a break from tragedy, all right? It’s time for you to go and live the life you deserve with that boy who looks at you all googly-eyed. But don’t be afraid to stop by any time you need a break from your adventures for some tea.” Her eyes met mine, and she gave me the sweetest grin I’d ever seen. “Or you know, just to talk to an old friend.”
“I will do.” I smiled. “I love you, Mrs. Boone.”
She rolled her eyes, wiped away a falling tear, and replied, “Yeah. Whatever.”
Which in Mrs. Boone’s world meant, ‘I love you, too.’
As I crossed the street, I noticed all of my family members sitting on the front lawn, staring up at the house. “What’s going on?” I asked, walking over to them. Cheryl was resting her head on Calvin’s shoulder, and Daddy’s arms were wrapped around Mama. I sat down beside my siblings and stared up.
“We’re saying goodbye,” Daddy said.
“What?” I shook my head. “You’re selling it?”
He nodded. “We all think it’s time. This home has been a place of new beginnings for us, of laughter, of love.”
“But also of a lot of pain,” Mama said, giving me a small smile. “And we think it’s time to start again. To find new places, new sights. It’s time for us all to let go of the past and find our future.”
I didn’t argue with them, because it felt way past due, but still there was a sadness that came with the idea of letting go of the house that saved me from myself.
The house sold in fifty-five days after it was listed on the market. Brooks and his band went off to Los Angeles to start rebuilding their music, and I promised I’d meet him out there once everything was in order with the house.
On the final day of our move, the sky was dark and rain fell over Harper County. Two U-Haul trucks were parked in our driveway, and we’d been loading up the trucks for hours. When the last box was packed, I asked my parents for a few minutes to say goodbye.
My once packed room was emptied of all of the history. My hand fell over my heart as I listened to the raindrops pound against the windowsill. I wasn’t certain how to begin to say goodbye. The ache in my chest was reminding me of all the moments those walls brought me. It was the first place I learned what family meant; it was the first place I fell in love, and no matter where life took me, that yellow bricked house would always be home.
I was on the verge of tears when I heard my favorite five words. “You okay today, Maggie May?”
“You’re supposed to be in LA,” I said, smiling as I turned to see Brooks standing there with his hands behind his back. His hair and clothes were soaking wet from the rain, and he had the biggest smile on his lips. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, you didn’t really think I’d miss saying goodbye to the house that gave me you, did you? Plus”—he stepped into my room, brought his hands from behind his back, and held up the dry-erase board with his words written in permanent marker—“I made a promise to a girl a few years back, and I think it’s time we cashed in on it. I want to show you the world, Maggie May. I want to take you on the biggest adventure of your life.”
I smiled, walking over to him. What he didn’t know was that he was the biggest adventure of my life. He was my favorite journey, my anchor that always led me home. He placed the board on the floor and took my hands into his.
“I’m ready for that. I’m ready for our lives together, Brooks. I want you, and only you, for the rest of my life. I’m ready to let go of this place now.”
He smiled. “Are you sure?” He glanced around the emptied space.
I curved into his body as he held me close.
I bit my bottom lip. “Maybe five more minutes,” I whispered.
He kissed my forehead, and softly spoke. “Let’s make it ten.”
When it came time to leave, Brooks grabbed the dry-erase board and held my hand as we walked out of the house. The rain was still falling heavily, and I started to hurry toward the car, but Brooks made me stop. “Maggie, wait! I forgot to tell you the only requirement to my promise of helping you complete your to-do list.”
“And what’s that?”
He flipped the board over, and I read the words.
Marry me.
“What?” I chuckled nervously.
“Marry me,” he repeated. Water crystals dripped down his nose and slid to the ground.
“When?” I asked.
“Tomorrow,” he replied.
“Brooks.” I laughed taking his hands into mine.
“And the day after that. And the day after that one, and the one after that, too. Every day, Maggie May. I want you to marry me every single day for the rest of our lives.” He pulled me closer to his body and the chilled rain somehow felt warmer in that moment. In that moment we became one unit in the pouring rain. His skin on my skin, his heart beating with mine, our souls linked together from that day forth. He grazed his lips against mine, and softly spoke. “Say yes?”
I squeezed his hands twice.
And we kissed beneath the rain.
That was it.
That was the big moment. That was what my father always told me would someday happen. Brooks was the moment I’d been waiting for all my life.
This time is forever.
Epil
ogue
Maggie
Ten Years Later
“It’s too loud,” Haley shouted from the front row of the arena. She’d just turned six two weeks prior, and it was her first time seeing The Crooks live in concert. Brooks and the guys were celebrating their twentieth anniversary in the arena center fifteen minutes away from our house, and Haley asked if it could be her birthday present.
“It’s not too loud, you’re just a baby,” Noah mocked his younger sister.
“No, it’s a bit loud,” I replied. I reached into my purse and pulled out a pair of pink soundproofing headphones, and placed them on my daughter’s ears. “Better?” I asked.
She smiled wide and nodded. “Better.”
As the lights began to fade, Haley and Noah both started jumping up and down. When the band entered the stage, the kids seemed seconds away from losing their minds. Their eyes were wide with wonderment as they stared up at their papa.
Their hero. My love.
“Hey, Wisconsin,” Brooks said, wrapping his right hand around the microphone. “If you have ever been to one of The Crooks concerts, you know that we’ve never opened a show with a speech, but tonight is a bit different. Tonight marks the twentieth anniversary of the band, and tonight we are back in our home state to celebrate. So the guys and I thought it would be best to dedicate this show to the one person who made our dream come true all those years ago. There once was a girl who uploaded a few videos online, and she was the reason The Crooks were discovered. Hell, she even named the band.”
“We love you, Maggie!” the twins shouted in unison.
“Love you, sister,” Calvin said, smiling my way.
“They’re talking to you, Mama!” Haley said, amazed.
I kissed her forehead. “I know, baby. They are pretty amazing, aren’t they?”
She sighed, stars in her eyes. “Yeah, Mama. Daddy’s amazing.”
“So the first song isn’t a song by The Crooks, but it only seems fitting to perform this hit on a night dedicated to my heart, my soul, and my best friend,” Brooks explained. “This is an oldie, but a goodie, and I welcome you all to sing along. This is “Maggie May,” by the amazing Rod Stewart.”
Calvin started playing the introduction on the guitar, and within seconds Brooks wrapped his hands around the microphone and began singing directly to me. The kids kept cheering, shouting his name over and over again.
“I’m gonna be a rock star, just like Daddy,” Noah shouted, jumping up and down.
The show was amazing as always. After the final performance, Brooks said, “Thanks to everyone for coming. We are The Crooks, and we are so damn happy you allowed us to steal your hearts tonight.”
Brooks
“Daddy, I thought you were really good tonight!” Haley said, yawning. She had those same blue eyes as her mama and the same beautiful smile which made me bend to her every need. Her arms were wrapped around my neck as I carried her to her bedroom. Even though I’d toured the whole wide world and seen so many sights, there was nothing better than being home with my loves.
“Yeah? You think so?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I think Mama sings better than you, but still, you were good.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, is that so? You think Mama’s a better singer?” I laid her in her bed and began tickling her. “Say I’m the better singer! Say it!”
“Daddy!” She giggled. “Okay, okay. You’re the better singer! You’re the better singer!”
I laughed and kissed her forehead. “That’s what I thought.”
“Daddy?” Haley asked.
“Yes?”
“Secret time?”
I nodded. “Secret time.”
She moved in closer, pulling me in for a secret, and whispered, “I lied about you being a better singer.”
The tickle war began again and continued until we were both out of breath. I picked up the cat roaming around the room and placed him at the edge of Haley’s bed where he slept each night. “Okay, it’s time for you both to get some rest.” I kissed her nose. “And, Haley?”
“Yes, Daddy?”
“The world keeps spinning because your heartbeats exist.”
I headed out of her bedroom after turning on her nightlight, and when I stepped into the hallway I saw Maggie coming from Noah’s room. We smiled at one another and walked downstairs together.
“Is Skippy in there with him?” I asked.
She nodded. “And Jam is with Haley?”
“Yup.”
When Maggie walked into the living room, I went over to the light switch and dimmed the lights. She smiled my way, bit her bottom lip, and moved over to the jukebox that Mrs. Boone had given us years ago as a wedding gift. She picked her favorite track—our song.
As the music began playing I took Maggie’s hands and pulled her closer to me. Our lips brushed against one another, and I gave her a light kiss before whispering, “Dance with me?”
She always said yes.
Moments.
Humans always remember the moments.
We recall the steps that led us to where we were meant to be. The words that inspired or crushed us. The incidents that scarred us and swallowed us whole. I’ve had many moments in my lifetime, moments that changed me, challenged me, moments that scared me and engulfed me. However, the biggest ones—the most heartbreaking and breathtaking ones—all included her.
It all ended with two kids, a dog named Skippy, a cat named Jam, and a woman who always loved me.
A Note from the Author
Okay, okay, I know I just told a story, but I’d like to tell another one right now. Don’t worry, it’s shorter. Nowhere near eighty-thousand words. This one’s a bit more real, and a bit more personal, but here goes. The Silent Waters was a tough book for me to write. Unlike Maggie May, I wasn’t mute as a child, yet I hardly spoke. In elementary school, I was super talkative. By third grade I was outgoing, and wild. I loved people, and they seemed to like me, too. Except for one girl, let’s call her Kelly. Kelly and I rode the school bus together, and one day Kelly said she was going to be eight feet tall some day!
Eight feet tall! Could you imagine?
“That’s so tall,” I replied. “You’d be bigger than the whole world!” I exclaimed.
Kelly’s eyes narrowed. “What did you just say?”
“I said you’ll be bigger than the whole world!”
“Did you just call me a hoe?” she snapped, angered. Her anger threw me off—what had I said? What did I do wrong?
You see, I had a speech impediment. There were certain letters I couldn’t pronounce, and certain words came out of my mouth which didn’t sound like the words I held in my head. Still to this day, there are things I can’t pronounce correctly when I get nervous. It’s pretty embarrassing how fast this twenty-nine-year-old can feel like that third grader again in a blink of an eye.
I said whole—she heard hoe.
And she never let me forget it.
I didn’t even know what a hoe was. I was in the third grade. I pretty much only knew what Boy Meets World taught me, and Cory never said the word hoe to Topanga.
Kelly didn’t forget it, though. She made my life a living hell, talking about my speech, bullying me on the school bus, and pinching my ears saying, “I want to see how red the Cherry’s ears can get!” It was crazy how fast other kids joined in on mocking my words. It was awful. I’d go home crying, and my mom didn’t know how to fix it, other than marching to the school district and going Mom-mode demanding things be changed. P.S. It worked. (Thanks, Mama!)
But by that point, I already changed.
I lost my voice.
I became super self-aware of the words I used, therefore I hardly used any. I was a freak, a weirdo who couldn’t speak correctly. My voice wasn’t worthy of being heard.
In middle school, I was voted the quietest girl in the yearbook. When we had to read out loud in class, I remember having panic attacks and shaking. When I knew we were going to be reading ou
t loud, I stayed home sick. If I couldn’t stay home, I’d go to the nurse’s office after splashing hot water on my forehead to fake a fever. If I did have to read out loud, I’d think about it for days and weeks after the fact, imagining the words I pronounced wrong, and the classmates who probably laughed at me.
I was shy to the point where teachers questioned if I had a learning disorder. My mother was told I’d never be able to communicate in a normal fashion due to my shyness and my speech, but she said she couldn’t afford to believe that. You see, I was so talkative at home. My home was my safe haven. Those walls were where my voice was heard. It was the only place I could be myself after spending eight hours in a school building trying my hardest to not be me.
My older sister, Tiffani, doesn’t know it, but she helped me find my voice. She was this amazing cheerleader who was popular and fun, and I looked up to her so much. One day, she told me I should try out for the wrestling cheerleading squad—yes, that’s a thing.
I tried out, and I made the team.
I was able to stand in crowds, and even though I was terrified of what people thought of me, I still gave it my all. I started talking more in school. I started laughing more, too. Putting myself out there was the best thing in the world. One day, during my senior year of high school, a boy turned around in his seat and said to me, “I liked you better when you didn’t talk.”
For a split second I wanted to retreat back to my mute cave, but instead I thought, ‘Be strong like Tiffani.’ So, I replied, “That’s funny, because I never liked you.”
Sass. I discovered sass.
My voice had sassiness sometimes! Which, later in life would probably get me in trouble, but that’s another story.
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