The doctor signed my chart and wrote down his instructions, said a few words to Susan, then left my room.
When the doctor was gone, I looked at Susan.
“Maybe if I start walking OK, we could go visit my friends,” I said. “Do you know what room they are in and how they are doing?”
“What friends would that be?” Susan asked.
“There were five of us together when the accident happened,” I replied. “I remember there were five of us together, but as hard as I try, I can’t remember anything about the accident.”
“I don’t know anything about your friends,” Susan said. “But if you can give me their names, I’ll see what I can find out about them. Do you remember their names?”
“Of course I remember their names,” I replied.
“Just testing you,” Susan smiled.
“Their names are Joe Bennet, Albert Thomas, Bud Frick and Mickey DeAngelo, but Mickey goes by the name of Wilson,” I replied. “I hope they are all OK.”
“When I go back out to the nurse’s station, I’ll see what I can find out for you,” Susan said. “As far as remembering anything about the accident, I’m sure you will start to remember in a day or two. Your memory and thought processes are doing far better than I expected at this point, so I’m sure it will all come back to you soon.”
“Thanks,” I replied.
“I’ll go locate a walker for you,” Susan said. “Would you like to try walking?”
“To tell you the truth, I’m hungry,” I replied. “When do I get something to eat?”
“When I go find a walker for you, I’ll see if I can get you some soup,” Susan smiled. “Just close your eyes and rest until I get back.”
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against my pillow. I heard Susan leave my room and heard the sound of her footsteps fade as she walked down the hallway.
My thoughts began to drift back to the last thing that I could remember, the night we were on duty at the bunker. I remembered the heat pocket drifting towards the bunker and then telling the guys to come into the bunker until the heat pocket would pass us by or dissipate. I then remembered seeing a fine mist coming under the door and into the bunker. That was all I could remember, no matter how hard I tried to remember what happened next, my memory of that night ended with seeing the mist entering the bunker.
Susan said there was an explosion, but I couldn’t remember anything about an explosion. I think I remember everything going dark, maybe I passed out. Maybe the heat pocket was made up of some kind of highly explosive gasses, I guess that would make sense. Maybe something, the electronic equipment possibly could have ignited the gas causing an explosion. But I didn’t seem to have any burns, I would think an explosion in the small confines of the bunker, that I would have suffered some severe burns.
I guess if my memory starts to come back I’ll remember what happened. I just hope the guys all came through the explosion as well as I did. I hope none of them were seriously injured.
Then I started to remember where Wilson and I were before we went on duty. Hopefully if our actions had raised any suspicion about someone sneaking into the command center, the explosion would have side-tracked any investigation into where we were that night. I’d hate to find out the day I was released from the hospital was also the day I got sent to the brig.
Even though my memory seemed fine to me, it would be a good idea for me to fake amnesia when it came to any questions about being in the command center. If they had been able to identify me on the security cameras but thought that I wasn’t able to remember a thing about what I might have seen, maybe they would just drop the whole thing.
I’ll have to remember to tell Wilson that he should fake amnesia about being in the hangar too. This accident could end up being a blessing in disguise.
Feeling pleased with myself, I just tried to relax while I waited for Susan to come back.
I had drifted off before Susan returned, but she woke me when she came back so that the chicken soup she had brought me wouldn’t get cold.
The soup tasted like I was eating a lobster dinner. I knew I was hungry, but when I put the first spoonful in my mouth, then I did an imitation of a starving dog wolfing down a bone before anyone could take it away from him.
Susan yelled at me to slow down or I would get sick, but I couldn’t help myself.
After I was done eating, I asked Susan if she had a chance to find what room my friends were in.
“I looked at the computer at the nurse’s station, but I didn’t see any record of anyone by the names you gave me of having been in the hospital,” Susan replied.
“That’s strange,” I replied. Then another thought crossed my mind, was I the only one to have survived the explosion?
I guess the horrified look on my face told Susan what I was thinking.
“I also make a call over to the morgue, but they told me there hasn’t been anyone over at the morgue for months,” she added. “I thought that would be your next question when I didn’t find any record of them here at the hospital.”
“Thanks,” I sighed with relief, “that thought did cross my mind. Did anyone try to visit me while I was unconscious?”
“I wouldn’t know anything about that,” Susan replied.
“Would you be able to get word to them that I’m OK and that it would be OK if they wanted to stop over for a visit?” I asked.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Susan smiled. “Now, are you ready to go for a walk?
“I thought you would never ask,” I smiled and tried to sit up unsuccessfully.
“Not as strong as you thought,” Susan grinned as she slid the walker close to my bed. “Let me help you, just take it easy because if you fall, I don’t think I’m strong enough to pick you up.”
Chapter 12
I slept very well last night and didn’t wake up once.
Yesterday I went for two walks around my bed, a combined total of about twenty feet. It was more difficult than I had expected, but Susan advised me that after a month of inactivity that my muscles would be weak for a few days.
I had more soup and some Jello for dinner, then I quickly fell asleep. The feeling of freedom, not being strapped down to the bed for a change, was refreshing.
Susan said that I had progressed well and that today we might try going for a walk down the hallway. I never thought that being told that I could go for a walk down the hallway in a hospital would make me feel so excited.
“Good morning,” smiled Susan as she walked into my room carrying a tray with a glass of juice and a small bowl of oatmeal on it. “Are you ready for your big adventure today?”
“I’ve been thinking about it all morning,” I replied.
“Good, but first you have to eat your breakfast,” Susan said.
“I’ve been thinking about that all morning too,” I replied.
“I’m sure you have,” Susan laughed.
After breakfast, Susan slid the walker over to my bed. This morning I was able to get out of bed and stand at the walker without any help.
Susan walked beside me as I moved slowly out of the room and down the hallway.
I could feel my muscles getting stronger as I walked and decided to extend my morning stroll further than intended. I made my way down to the end of the hall with the intention of getting down to the windows to get my first look outside in a long time.
The hallway felt chilly, I figured that my hospital gown was probably open in the back making my butt get cold, but I was too excited to be on my feet to worry about my modesty.
When I reached the windows at the end of the hall, I just stood, staring out the window looking confused.
Susan must have seen the confused look on my face, and she asked, “Something wrong?”
“I didn’t know that it snowed in the New Mexico desert,” I said.
Susan looked out the window, at the foot of snow that covered everything and smiled, “I don’t know about the New Mexico desert, but all t
his snow is normal for around here at this time of the year.”
“It is?” I asked as I watched the snow falling, adding a fresh layer to an already substantial amount of snow that covered the base.
“So far this year, I’d say we were lucky, we usually have twice as much snow as this by now,” Susan replied.
I stared in disbelief.
“Susan, where are we?” I asked.
“You don’t remember?” she asked as she looked at me curiously.
“Is this Roswell, New Mexico?” I asked.
Susan laughed, but stopped herself and looked at me closely to see if I was serious or not.
“No, this isn’t Roswell, New Mexico,” she replied. “You really don’t remember where you are?”
“I’m supposed to be in Roswell, if this isn’t Roswell, then seriously I don’t know where I am,” I replied.
“You’re at Buckley Air Force Base in Denver, Colorado,” Susan said, “You don’t remember?”
“Why am I here?” I asked. “Did they bring me here after the accident for treatment?”
“Mike, you were transferred here over six months ago,” Susan replied.
“What kind of accident did I have?” I asked.
“You were transferring missiles to the hangar housing the F-15 squadron when something exploded,” Susan replied. “You had been assigned to that job when you first arrived here and had been in charge of that job for six months. No one has been able to determine what happened, except they are sure it wasn’t your fault.”
“This can’t be right,” I said.
“Are you saying it was your fault?” Susan asked.
“No, not that. This,” I said pointing out the window, “this isn’t right. I was never assigned here. I was assigned to Roswell. I’m supposed to be in New Mexico.”
“I’m sure you are still confused after your accident,” Susan said. “I’m sure everything will come back to you in a few days.”
I wanted to shout at Susan and tell her that my memory was fine, well, mostly fine, I still couldn’t remember what happened in the bunker after I saw the mist coming in under the door, but everything else that had happened before that was perfectly clear.
I had to fight back the panic that had my stomach tied up in knots. All of this was wrong. All of this was very wrong.
I pulled myself together and tried to appear calm.
“Susan, did you notify my friends that I was able to have visitors?” I asked.
“I checked with the girl that works over at the Captain’s office,” Susan replied. “I’m sorry to tell you that she said there isn’t anyone stationed at the base by the names you gave me. In fact, she said there has never been anyone at this base by those names.”
“I’m confused,” I said. “None of this makes any sense. I was stationed in New Mexico with my friends, I was never supposed to be here. I don’t understand why this is happening, this is all wrong.”
“Mike, maybe we should get you back to bed,” Susan said. “You were involved in a very serious accident that has obviously affected your memory more than we first suspected. You need to rest. I know you are feeling confused, but your memory will come back to you in a few days with some rest. Everything will be clear again soon, then you won’t be confused anymore. Just give it some time and don’t be concerned about what you can’t remember, it will all come back to you.”
“I think I need to lie down,” I said.
“Good idea,” Susan said and helped me turn around and go back to my room.
She helped my get back in bed and asked if she could get me anything.
“Susan, do you still have the names of my friends?” I asked.
“Of course I do,” she replied.
“I know that you probably think I’m crazy and that I’m not able to remember anything, but would you do me a favor?” I asked.
“Sure,” Susan smiled.
“Do you know the girl in the Captains office very well?” I asked.
“We get together for drinks occasionally,” Susan replied.
“The names I gave you really are the names of my friends,” I said. “It might help me if you could find out where they are stationed. It might help me piece together where I’ve been and what has happened to me. It would mean a lot to me if you would do this.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Susan replied, then took out a needle and began to rub my arm with a cotton swab. “But now, I think you need to sleep, so I’m going to give you a shot to help you.”
“But I just woke up an hour ago,” I protested.
“Trust me,” Susan replied. “You need to get more rest to let your body recover.”
What could I do, I received my shot without any further complaints, then felt myself drifting back to sleep.
Chapter 13
I must have slept all day, but if I did, it wasn’t a restful sleep. I kept dreaming that someone was talking to me, telling me what I couldn’t remember.
My mind listened, but what I kept hearing didn’t make any sense. The voice kept telling me that I had been transferred here six months ago after spending the last two years in Afghanistan. I had never been in Afghanistan in my entire life. The voice also kept telling me that I had never been in Roswell, New Mexico. I also knew that wasn’t right.
It was as if the entire time I had been asleep that a voice kept bombarding my mind with information that I knew wasn’t right. Whatever it was, a nightmare or my mind healing and trying to relive the last year, I was exhausted when I woke up.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Susan watching me from her chair across the room.
“Did you have a good rest,” she smiled. “I was afraid you were going to sleep through dinner.”
“I still feel a little groggy,” I replied, raising my hands to rub my head which was throbbing.
“Maybe you will feel a little better after you eat,” Susan said. “Tonight, you get to eat some solid food, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
“That sounds good,” I replied.
“How are you feeling?” Susan asked. “You seemed confused and almost delirious this morning. You were starting to worry me.”
“I was?” I asked, deciding to play the amnesia card until I had time to think about what was happening to me. “I don’t remember much about this morning, I guess my memory is still not working right yet. Memories just seem to pop into my head then vanish, I’m not sure what is real or not anymore.”
I was sure my memory was fine, but I also felt that it was possible someone didn’t want me to remember something.
“Susan, one thing I do seem to remember was that you were going to check on my friends,” I said. “I don’t remember what you were going to find out for me, but maybe I’ll remember when you tell me what you found out.”
“You had asked me to find out where your friends were stationed,” Susan replied.
“Did you find out?” I asked.
“I did, but I’m not sure you are well enough to hear what I found out,” Susan replied.
“Maybe after you tell me where they are stationed, it will start filling in the missing pieces and my memory will come back faster,” I said. “I guess I will remember where they are stationed myself eventually, but if you could tell me I think it might help.”
“I guess you’re right,” Susan replied. “Let me start with what may be the most difficult for you to remember. Your friends Al and Bud died a few months ago.”
Al and Bud are dead?” I asked, “How?”
“They died in Afghanistan when their unit was ambushed in the mountains,” Susan replied. “You probably don’t remember, but you went to their service when their bodies were returned to the states.”
“No, I don’t remember anything about that,” I said. “What about my other friends?”
“Joe is stationed at a base in Georgia and no one is sure where Mickey is,” Susan continued. “The last anyone heard about Mickey, he was suspected of going AWOL from an assignment in Montana.�
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“Wilson went AWOL?” I asked.
“It appears so,” Susan replied. “I’m sorry I didn’t have better news for you. I felt bad telling you about your friends, but I think you were right, you would have remembered about them yourself soon enough. I hope this information helps you.”
“Thanks,” was all I could say.
The information was helpful, because it told me that either I had gone crazy, or the world around me had gone crazy. If I had to pick one of those two options, I would say that I was fine. Now I had to figure out why the rest of the world had gone crazy and why they were trying to convince me that I was the crazy one. I decided to keep my mouth shut and remember as little as possible, if anyone asked, and just try to make everyone happy. If someone was trying to make me remember what they wanted me to remember, and forget what they didn’t want me to remember, my only way out of this was to convince them they had been successful. And of course, I knew I couldn’t trust anyone.
Susan helped me to go for another walk after I finished my meatloaf and potatoes. I again saw things that didn’t make sense to me, but I was determined to be quiet and just observe and not to challenge anything.
The next few nights I kept having the feeling that someone was talking to me in my sleep. One morning when I was waking up, I saw Susan removing a speaker from next to my pillow and dropping it in her desk drawer.
I had heard that you could learn a second language, or study for an examine by listing to a recording of the information in your sleep. I was beginning to suspect that someone was trying to fill my mind with memories of events that I had never experienced, to replace the memories of my real experiences. But why?
The more I thought about what I suspected over the next few days, a thought hit me. Could Wilson and I have been identified on the security cameras at Roswell? Was this the military’s way of dealing with the situation, their way of shutting us up or discrediting anything we might say, by convincing us or anyone that might listen to us that we were crazy.
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