by E. L Barry
The time passes far too slowly.
I can’t bear to be apart for much longer.
Your radiance lights up the room.
It is pale here without you.
I need your warmth beside me.
Always yours,
Albere
Stunned, Josie read it again and again. Louise was her mum’s name, but who was Albere?
There was no date or indication of when it was written.
An old love note from before my mother met my father? Josie thought. Or was she separated from father for some time. There is no way mum would have had an affair, or was there a chance she did? No!
Josie stood up abruptly telling herself that there was no way that her mum would have betrayed her father. As she paced the living room, Josie wondered what to do next.
Could there be anything else in the flat? Hidden things for her to find?
Josie climbed on the stool again and took a closer look at the books on the top shelf. She didn’t know what she was looking for, but she trusted her instincts. If there was anything there, she would recognise it.
“What’s that?”
Stepping down and shuffling the stool over with her foot, she climbed back up and reached for another book. Make Your Own Luck, it said. Right next to it was No More Tears. As she pulled them both down another book dropped to the floor and opened.
I can’t make this up! she thought in disbelief as she sat on the floor staring at the page it had opened on.
Staring up at her was a photograph of her mum with a man and a baby in his arms. Josie had never seen this photograph before. There was no date on the picture and turning it over, in the same cursive writing as the note it read, “Summer in Venice with our beautiful J, born in May”.
The phone rang and interrupted Josie’s thoughts. She had forgotten the time and it was getting late.
Who is calling at this hour? she wondered. Reaching into her bag, she saw the now familiar withheld number message.
Far too distracted with what she had just found and not in the mood for the ‘ring, answer, silence’ charade, she turned her phone to silent, wandered to the side of the bed and plugged it in. She took a deep breath.
“Now what?” She got herself a large glass of white wine and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps.
This is going to be a long night, she thought as she climbed back up to the shelves and took each book down and thumbed through the pages to see what else she might find.
Nearly two hours later, after another glass of wine, Josie was exasperated and surrounded by books stacked all over the living room.
“Nothing! Absolutely nothing!”
Frustrated that she had wasted so much time, eaten way more crisps than she should have done, and tipsy from the wine, she pushed out her legs knocking over the stool.
“Uh-oh,” she said, as she realised what was going to happen next. She watched in disbelief as the pile of books that had been stacked behind the stool toppled and crashed into the base of the window seat.
Josie tried to get up and catch them, but it was no use because as she stumbled, she knocked another pile in the same direction.
Josie burst into tears.
Why me? She raised her hands and looked at the ceiling. What have I done to deserve this? My life is a mess and I have no idea what is going on. Is this some cruel joke?
She sat back down, tucked her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms round herself, holding tightly as her tears fell softly down her cheeks and dripped on to her trousers.
Who was Albere? Was ‘J’ for Josie?
The pictures and letters were in books that only Josie knew were catch phrases that her mum had referred to from her childhood. Only Josie would recognise them and discover what was hidden inside. This was all far too much of a coincidence.
It reminded her of the film where the hero had an envelope of items that he would need at particular points in time.
When he was trying to escape, he had already seen the future and knew in advance what he needed.
Josie knew that was impossible, but she was definitely getting a sense that she was being led down a path, like steppingstones across a pond. The question was who was laying the path and why? Josie had calmed down by now and wiped her eyes.
Surrounded by books and weak from crying she decided to leave tidying up until the morning. Sleep was magic and she knew that she would feel better after getting some rest.
Lying under the covers, Josie could feel the chill of the sheets as her body heat worked to warm them up. Moonlight shone through the edge of the curtains, which reminded her that the world was so much bigger than she was. Taking a deep breath, Josie closed her eyes and tried to think of anything other than how she felt, but she found herself crying again. It was as if her heart hurt deep within her. She felt so alone and as unsure of her future as she was confused about her past.
Will I ever know the truth? I have to try! I have to try! I have to try… Josie thought over and over again until at some point she stopped thinking and fell asleep.
Josie was right that the sleep would do her good. She had woken up with a slight headache, but it was probably from drinking more wine than usual.
She winced in embarrassment when she took the bag to the bin and reminded herself to drink an extra glass of water before she left for the library later.
Josie had her date with Nicholas that night too and she was looking forward to getting dressed up and being distracted from the seriousness of the previous night. She smiled as she hoped the restaurant was informal enough that they could sit next to each other. She enjoyed being next to him and the way it made her feel all girly inside. All a bit star struck and not quite herself, Josie resolved to be a bit more serious and concentrate more on the real-life possibilities as well as having fun. She didn’t want to lead Nicholas on after all – she wasn’t that kind of person.
Before Josie left to walk to the library, she found her umbrella and chose her warmer, waterproof jacket. The weather, although cold, had turned wet overnight and she could see the clouds were still looming ominously.
Better to be prepared for every eventuality, she thought, as she locked the flat and went downstairs. Josie was apprehensive as she left and tried not to second-guess things like; should she follow her usual routine, change it up, wear different clothes, etc.
She bought her favourite drink from the café. She was lucky that the rain held off long enough so she could drink it without juggling the umbrella in the other hand.
Her oversized bag had enough room for the books that she planned to borrow as a cover for going to the talk at the library. Josie hadn’t been sure what to do with the letter and photograph so had decided to put them back where she found them.
She didn’t know what else she could have done, but she knew that taking them with her would be riskier if she was being followed.
As Josie approached the library, she was reminded how much she loved towns, cities and the buildings that make them unique. The library was nestled in between two modern buildings. It could have looked out of place, but whoever the architect was had made it look like it belonged there.
Josie had never been a fan of history at school. Only when it came to her own particular questions, her curiosity was raised and she would find herself browsing for hours in books and online.
She guessed that the library building had survived a war and that the other buildings either side had been damaged and needed to be rebuilt.
Either that, or as she had seen in other cities, there were historical buildings that had been moved brick by brick to save them from demolition.
The ceilings were high and wall-to-wall bookshelves filled every available space.
The ladders on rails that circled round the top of the shelves were more for decoration nowadays, but Josie knew that one of the librarians was specially trained to use them – but only if it was essential.
Even though Josie had been to the library plenty of times, it still took he
r breath away as she walked in. She felt like she had walked into a different era. It was mesmerising.
Keeping to her plan of behaving as normal, she wandered over to the non-fiction section to find the ‘P’ for property and ‘A’ for architecture.
As she went, she looked out the corner of her eye to see if she could spot where the talk was going to take place.
Josie planned to find it and then work out a natural way to get over there just as it started and pretend that she just noticed it in passing. If it was near the teashop or the librarians, she had a better chance of having a reason to go there. If not, she would have to be creative.
Chapter 17
The talk was taking place near the café, according to the sign Josie passed as she came to the section she was looking for.
Ah yes, she remembered there was a separate area where the children’s story room was. It’ll be where they have the book club each week too, she recalled. She was relieved that it was a closed room, so unless someone followed her in, they wouldn’t be able to see or hear what was happening.
With ten minutes or so to go until the talk started, she had to time it perfectly to pass by and go in as if it was a spur of the moment decision. If she could stay near the back, she wouldn’t draw too much attention to herself. She hoped it wouldn’t be too busy.
Finding two books that she was vaguely interested in, she took them to be checked out. She didn’t want to be caught at the end and not be able to leave straight away, but she had timed it perfectly and there was no queue.
Putting the books in her bag, Josie thanked the librarian and strolled back towards the teashop as if she was intending to stay for a drink.
“Josie,” a familiar voice said behind her, but it still made her jump and turn around.
He apologised, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.”
“It’s okay, Gareth,” Josie almost squeaked as she tried to relax her shoulders quickly.
Gareth replied, “I’m here for the ancestry talk. How about you?”
“Oh, I’ve just got some reading to do for work.”
“Why don’t you switch off from work for a bit and come and join me? You never know, you may find out that you’re royalty or have a spy in your family!” he joked.
Josie laughed, if only he knew! and then replied. “Sure, why not!”
“Great, it’s about time you did something fun for a change.”
Josie and Gareth smiled at each other, and Josie was grateful for his company as they made their way to the room together.
They settled on two seats midway and to the side of the room. Josie had a clear view of the door so she could see who came in and didn’t feel too close to the front. Gareth seemed happy with her choice.
“Is this the same spot you would choose in the cinema too?” he asked with a smile.
“Ha ha, that’s a whole different debate…”
“Oh really, are you one of those who can only sit in the middle of the row and the middle of the room?” he teased.
“Well of course, why would you sit at the back and get distracted by everyone in front, not be able to see the screen close enough and then have to get up if people want to get in and out?” she replied informatively.
“What about the people behind throwing popcorn at your head?” he enquired.
Josie laughed, “What cinema do you go to?” She continued, “Are you the kind of person who eats popcorn, sweets and fizzy drinks?”
“Now we’re getting to the important part. Are you one of those people who brings their own?”
Josie taunted, “You didn’t answer the question…. I asked you first. And what makes you think it was about the cost? What about the rustling and slurping and munching and…?”
Gareth burst out laughing, making the others in the room look over. Josie put her hand over her mouth to try to stifle her laugh.
They were rescued by the speaker, who, having appeared at the front, tested the microphone. Gareth and Josie couldn’t look at each other for a few minutes as they calmed their laughter and settled down to listen, like schoolchildren who had just been told off for not paying attention.
After an hour of a quite traditional lecture on the history of ancestry and the different methods of research, Josie found the topic interesting and surprisingly enjoyable. Being with Gareth helped, as she didn’t feel alone like she had done for the last couple of days, and he was really fun company.
Maybe this is how Kim feels when he goes to see her? A pang of jealousy and concern hit her all at the same time.
Is Kim okay? I really must ask him if she is. We’re having fun and she is alone now and probably still scared. I really like spending time with Gareth, but should I be here if they are more than friends now? I don’t want to be the other woman, even though it’s just a talk at the library. Does this count as meeting up as friends instead of colleagues? Have I broken my nothing personal with people at work rule…? Josie was brought back to listening as Gareth gently elbowed her and whispered, “Jo.”
Josie looked up and could see that the slide had moved on to a group activity and the two people in front of them were turning their chairs around to join them.
Oh no, Josie thought, group work and now I have to talk to people! So much for being anonymous!
Despite the voices raging in her head telling her to stay quiet, Josie brightened her smile and, being as friendly as she could, introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Josie.”
Gareth followed suit as everyone introduced themselves and started discussing their family trees with as much information as they knew. They were all there for the same reason – curiosity. The sisters wanted to know if the stories they had been told about their grandparents were true. Gareth wanted to know what his great-great grandparents did for a living. Josie told everyone that she wanted to know if any of her family had travelled.
It wasn’t entirely the truth, but it was enough to be able to look at the international aspect of where her mum may have travelled, and if there was any other connection to what she already knew. The rest she thought she might find out along the way as part of the process.
Their group got on well for the next half an hour and had fun looking at different names, maps and records. Josie could see why Gareth was popular at work as he was a really good listener and connected on a real level and in a fun way.
The sisters were smiling and talking to him constantly. Josie could have felt like a spare part in the group except that on occasion she noticed that Gareth looked at her asked her questions to bring her back into the conversation, making sure she was never left out. Josie liked that.
Everyone in the room was brought back together for a review and then they could have a quick refreshment break before going on to the final session of questions and answers.
“Would you like a drink?” Gareth asked Josie.
“Yes please, I’m going to have a coffee, but I’ll come and get it with you,” she replied.
“Okay,” he smiled as he turned to the sisters and offered them one too. They declined, so Gareth started making his way to the teashop. Just as Josie was standing up to go and join him, the speaker came over to her. The sisters had now turned their chairs around and were chatting and talking to the group in front.
“May I speak with you a minute?” the speaker asked softly.
Josie looked around to check that it was her being spoken to. It was. Josie sat back down and responded quietly, “Okay.”
“I overheard in your group that you were looking for names that were connected to Josie Jackson. Can I ask if you are Josie May Jackson?”
Josie must have looked shocked as the speaker placed her hand on her arm and continued. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
Josie found her voice, “No, no, sorry. How could you know that?”
“I knew your mum. You look just like her.”
Josie thought as fast as she could. How is this even possible? I don’t remember this woman from my mum’s fu
neral or her wake afterwards. She couldn’t be a family friend otherwise, I would have met her growing up. Who is this woman and how on earth did she know my middle name? Can I trust her? I came here to find out the truth and now is the time to find out more. Josie took a deep breath.
“Yes, I’m Josie. How did you know my mum?”
“I met Louise when we were at university. She was studying maths and physics while I was studying history and we were in the same accommodation for the first year. We got on really well and ended up sharing a house for the two years after that. She stayed on to do her master’s while I decided to go travelling. We kept in touch for a few years but somewhere along the way life took over and we lived our own lives. I’d heard an update or two through the reunion that she had got married and had a baby.”
“I’m not so sure it was my mum as I don’t think she was interested in science,” Josie commented.
“Your mum was a member of the Science Society and she and your dad were inseparable since the day they met. He was interested in cars and sports and every girl wanted to be with him, but he only ever had eyes for your mum. She was stunning with what she wore and how she carried herself. Whenever she walked into a room, it lit up. Like you today, I could sense you before I saw you. You’ve got what she has, as well as the gentleness and strength from your father. You look just like Albere…”
“Wait, Albere?” Josie interrupted.
“Yes, Louise and Albere got married, and I was devastated when I learnt that your mum had passed away. He must be heartbroken. How is he doing?” she asked with care.
“Sorry, I think you’re mistaken as my father isn’t called Albere and my mum was definitely a fashion designer, not a scientist.”
“No, I’m sure of it. Your mum made her own clothes at university and became a designer later on so that still fits. You have Albere’s eyes, and they were so in love, and his surname is Jackson so it must be him.”
Josie felt anger rise within her as she spoke.
“No! You’re wrong. My father isn’t called Albere.”