Mike said, “Would she like me to visit, do you think? Will she remember me?”
“Yes, visit her. Her family dumped her. She needs us all.”
***** ******
A nurse came into Lilly’s room to change her stab wound dressing and cleanse her back. “I heard you crying earlier, but your boyfriend was here.”
“Yes.” Lilly hated the invasion of privacy that came with being in a hospital.
“Your back is healing nicely. Only one long scrape left.”
“That’s good.”
“Do you need someone to talk to? Someone to help you through?”
“I have someone. Are you working tomorrow? How do they do holidays at the hospital?”
Lilly was falling asleep when she realized Ann and Colleen had never come. She thought she was all cried out, but she started again.
The next day Tony brought a turkey hero so he could eat his Thanksgiving feast with Lilly. She was on a soft diet and had ice cream, soup, custard, and a milkshake.
He teased, “They say when you start drinking your holiday meals, it’s a sure sign.”
“Where’d you get that overgrown sandwich anyway? Do you have to eat real food in front of me?”
He took out a little piece of turkey and tried to cut it finely with her spoon. She tried to chew without chewing and finally spit it into a napkin.
“Ummmm, that was good.” They both laughed.
A nurse came in to change the IV site. She said, “You’ll have to grow some new veins. We’ve just about exhausted all the possibilities in this arm and hand.”
Lilly asked, “How much longer for the IV?”
“You’re still getting antibiotics, plus you did an awful lot of bleeding. You need fluids to replace that, plus to help absorb the blood in your bruises. At least a few more days.”
Lilly was sitting by the window while the IV nurse worked.
“Finally,” she said as she restarted the IV, connected the new bottle, and stood up straight, knocking the old bottle off the bedside stand. It smashed.
Lilly jumped out of the chair, staring at the bottle then whipping around to the window.
The nurse said, “It’s OK. It’s only a glass bottle. You shouldn’t move around like that with your shoulder.”
Tony sat on the windowsill while Lilly sat in the chair and tried to regain her composure.
The IV nurse picked up her equipment and left saying, “Housekeeping will be here momentarily. Be careful.”
Tony asked Lilly quietly, “Would you like to talk to my uncle, the detective?”
She didn’t answer.
“Lilly, if you remember something, you have to tell the cops.”
“It’s nothing … I just remembered … Oh Jesus!” She couldn’t concentrate.
Tony waited, then said, “Lilly, whatever you remember isn’t going to change you.”
“It’s so foggy. I’m not even sure it’s not a dream.”
“What does he look like?” Tony asked.
She shook her head. “It’s only a fragment. I remember there was a window and thinking I could get out it.”
Tony thought a moment and then said, “Where were you when you thought it? Where was he?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.” She put her hand to her face.
“I’m sorry Babe. It’s OK. I shouldn’t badger you. It’s just that I want him so bad,” Tony whispered.
“I know. I don’t remember.”
He stood before her. “Get up.”
She stood uncertainly. He ducked under the IV line and sat down, pulling her gently onto his lap. He put his arm around her leaving her pinned shoulder free.
He said, “That’s nicer, huh?”
“You still love me. You really do.” She kissed his face and chin.
“Lil, if I was knocked out of circulation awhile, wouldn’t you still love me?” he simplified boyishly.
She nestled in and fell asleep. He reached for his math book with his foot, dragged it to himself, and began studying.
Colleen and Ann walked in.
“Hi,” Colleen said, looking at Lilly warily.
“Hello,” Tony answered.
Colleen tried explaining, “We didn’t know. We just found out. We both got home from school Tuesday and thought Lilly was playing in the band or out with you. My mother didn’t want to worry us at school.”
Ann added nervously, “I thought yesterday she was out with Hillary. It wasn’t until this morning we decided she was avoiding us and went to wake her. My mother was in the kitchen preparing the feast. We asked her about Lilly, and she said Lilly was in an accident.”
Colleen interrupted. “I asked if you were hurt too. Then Patrick came in and said it was no accident and told us.”
“I can’t believe it,” Ann said. “We’ve been partying and going places, and she’s been fighting for her life.”
Colleen laughed nervously. “You look hilarious. I mean, you’re studying.”
Tony said, “Hey, I caught up in all my classes. I’ve even finished two papers that aren’t due yet. She needs a lot of sleep, and I need to be with her.”
Ann, Colleen, and Tony compared college life. Lilly woke during a lull in the conversation.
She looked up at Tony. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
“That nap really wear you out Belle? Your sisters are here.”
Lilly glanced at them and without emotion said, “Hi Colleen, Ann. How’s school?”
“Lilly, I’m sorry,” Ann started but was cut off by a doctor who raced into the room.
“Miss O’Dwyer? I’m Dr. Greenblatt. I worked on your face.”
He studied her face, not seeming to notice she was on someone’s lap. “I’ll leave the nose dressing in place for now.”
He felt along her chin. “Yes, that is a problem. We’ll have to X-ray and see how badly it’s mending. I’ll probably have to rebreak your jaw and wire your teeth. I would have done that originally, but you were on a respirator, and we needed your mouth for tubes and suction. They couldn’t suction through your nose because it was injured too. There’s one thing about wiring your jaw. You’ll probably lose fifteen or twenty pounds. That could be a terrible problem in your case. We’ll have to get some weight on you. Of course, weighing you on a scale won’t be accurate because of the traction. We’ll figure something.”
He felt harder along her chin ignoring her wincing. “Do you still have many loose teeth?” She nodded.
“Hmmm.”
“Doc what are you doing here on Thanksgiving?” Lilly asked.
“Car accident.” He turned and smiled. They watched him leave.
Lilly said, “Was that guy speeding?”
“I guess.”
“Did he sound … I don’t know, happy about the car accident?” Lilly wondered.
“Not happy, maybe … gleeful?” Tony supplied. They both said “Scary, huh.”
She got up. “Help me to bed?”
He pushed her arm, while she pulled the IV. In bed, she pulled over her bed table and opened it to the mirror.
Tony sat on her bed. “Break your jaw again?”
Lilly studied her chin. “Is it that bad?”
Tony softly touched along it, “I can feel where one section is a little lower but I can’t see it. Maybe it would put pressure on your teeth.”
“They can’t break my face again.” Lilly lay down and started to doze.
Ann and Colleen were feeling ignored and uncomfortable. Tony saw Lilly was falling asleep and said, “Lilly, your sisters.”
“Oh, thank you for coming. Have a nice time at school.”
Colleen walked over to the bed. “Lilly we didn’t know. Mom’s not telling anyone. We didn’t know until today.”
Lilly said sarcastically, “Say hello to dear mother. Tell her I said Happy Thanksgiving.”
Tony walked out of the room. He walked to the end of the hall and waited about fifteen minutes. He came back and saw Lilly was asleep.
/>
“It’s better, I think,” Colleen said.
“She’s hurt inside,” Tony replied.
“How about you? This must have got you, too.”
Tony considered it. “I don’t know. I’m too close to see. The hardest part will be being normal again. I mean if we’re walking down the street and some guy says something to her, I’d be likely to punch him for talking to her. That’s nuts. I don’t want her to be afraid either. And I have a hell of a time being civil to your mother.”
Colleen said, “I remember the morning we got back from Ireland, finding you two in bed. I was mad at her. I thought she was too young. I was mad at you too. She said it was none of my business. I knew you weren’t exactly pure. I was afraid you were sleeping with her like any other girl, and she’d be pregnant, or heartbroken, or both.”
Tony smiled ruefully. “She’s on the pill.”
“What will this do to you?” Ann asked.
“I don’t know. She’s not ready physically or mentally for that sort of relationship. I don’t know if I am either. It’s weird. I haven’t thought of sex in days.”
The long weekend was spent in visits with her sisters, Hillary, assorted band members, Frank, Mike, and Eileen. Her mother came once for a few minutes. Lilly felt it was a self-imposed obligation for her, like attending morning Mass. She realized her mother hadn’t touched her and tried to make a game out of nearly touching or brushing against her.
Lilly found an ally among her physicians. She had heard a piano and had found out the playroom was equipped with one. She took to going down a few times a day and playing as much as she could adapt to right hand only. The head nurse on pediatrics objected, saying her music sounded angry and disturbing. She forbade her staff from bringing Lilly to the play room, saying a sixteen-year-old was too old to play in a playroom.
Dr. Feldman, her gynecologist, intervened. He visited Lilly frequently between deliveries or after morning rounds. Lilly told him she couldn’t get to the piano, and he assisted her with her IV and her “arm on a stick.” The head nurse came as soon as she heard the piano. Dr. Feldman pulled rank and wrote a physician’s order: May play piano twice daily for duration determined by patient and may play harmonica at any time between seven a.m. and eight p. m.
Two and a half weeks passed. Lilly’s bruises had faded for the most part, leaving remnants of yellowish green. Dr. Caper bustled in with two nurses in tow. He dismantled the traction and wrapped her arm tightly against her shoulder with ace bandages. He was going to talk with her, but he was paged, stat. A nurse came in to tell her Dr. Caper would return later. Hours passed, and she forgot.
Tito and Isabel visited that evening. It was their first visit, although they had sent flowers twice. It coincided with Bridget’s visit. It was the first time the parents had met. Bridget and the della Robbias looked each other over hard.
Tony and Lilly tried to carry the conversation. They were nervous about the meeting. Dr. Caper came in with his usual brisk manner.
“How does it feel?”
“Like I froze during the pledge of allegiance,” Lilly answered. “When can I go home?”
“The biggest barrier now is your weight. You lost about a quarter of your body mass. You are gaining now, but you have to weigh eighty pounds to leave. Perhaps we rushed you on solid food. Does it still hurt to chew?”
“A little.”
“We’ll start you on more frequent meals.”
“Are you going to wake me at two a. m. to eat?”
“No, but that reminds me.” Dr. Caper turned to Bridget. “You’ll have to arrange sitters for the duration of Lillian’s hospitalization.” He walked towards the door.
Bridget called, “Sitters? What are sitters?”
“Women who stay with patients who need extra attention.”
“Why?”
“Your daughter has a problem with nightmares. She wakes up screaming.” He left.
Bridget turned to Lilly. “Nightmares? What does he mean?”
Lilly would not look at her.
Bridget said sternly, “Lillian?” She waited. “You are so stubborn.” Bridget walked to the nurse’s station.
Lilly shrank in the bed feeling exposed. “I hate this place.”
A nurse’s aide walked in. “Evening nourishment. Tonight a milkshake. There’s eggnog for later. See you then, Lil.”
Tony said, “Eat.”
Bridget came back in and sat down glaring at Lilly. The della Robbias stood up.
Tito said to Lilly, “We’ll be seeing you soon.”
Isabel went over and kissed her check. “Come home soon, little flower.”
After they left, Lilly said to Tony, “Did your mother kiss me?”
“I thought I was seeing things.”
Bridget said, “Tony, I’d like to talk to Lillian.”
“Sure, Mrs. O’Dwyer.” He took his jacket, bent down to kiss Lilly, and left.
Bridget said, “The head nurse left a message that you wake up screaming every night. You are disturbing all the sick, frightened children.”
“It’s my plan to make them more miserable. Misery loves company,” Lilly said pointedly. “Don’t tell me there is no bogey man.”
Bridget crossed the room, then stopped suddenly. Lilly looked her in the face defiantly. Bridget shrank back. They both knew Bridget had almost slapped Lilly. They sat without speaking.
Bridget finally said, “While I was out, I called the sitting service. There’s no one available for tonight.”
“Good. There are some new children I haven’t had a chance to scare yet.”
Bridget did not how to bridge the spreading gap between them, Lilly not wanting to.
Toward the end of the week, a discharge date was set for Monday. Tony visited between his last class and work on Friday. He could hear a heated argument between Lilly and Bridget, so he dallied outside the door.
Lilly’s voice said, “Mom if I get out Monday and sleep Tuesday, it will be OK. I’ll go to school Wednesday. Christmas vacation starts Friday.
Bridget implored, “Lillian, can’t you wait until after Christmas? You still have a pin in your shoulder. What will you wear?’
Lilly ignored that. “If I can pick up school work, maybe I can catch up a little during Christmas.”
“Lillian you’ve already missed over a month of school. Do you think you’ll be able to catch up?”
“What do you want me to do? Sit in a closet cowering in shame? You said people are going to stare. Fine. Let them. If he couldn’t stop me, I’m sure not going to let some gawkers.”
“I think you are making a foolish mistake. You’re in a protective cocoon here, away from speculation and judgment. At Greeley, you’ll be amongst thousands of other teenagers, and like any other group, some will be very cruel.”
“Mom, I have to get back to being myself. If I wait until after vacation, will cruel people be any less cruel?’
“I don’t want you hurt any more than you already are,” Bridget said sadly.
Tony waited a few minutes and then walked into the room. Bridget left. He came to the windowsill where Lilly was sitting and hugged her.
“I’m so proud of you.”
“You heard? Sneak!” Tony kissed her. She ran her hand up and down his spine.
He left for work, jumping in his skin. Her face was all healed. She looked like herself, a little skinny, but she was gaining weight. Dr. Greenblatt had not rebroken her jaw.
Sometimes, he’d lie in bed and hear a housemate making love with his girlfriend and feel he couldn’t breathe. He thought of Lilly coming home. He didn’t want to put any pressure on her. The pin through her shoulder would be something to reckon with. It protruded about three inches on either side. The only thing he could come up with was her on top, which would be adventurous for someone as traumatized as she.
Tony had finals Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. He called every evening but didn’t see her until she had taken the step of going back to school. Lilly w
ent directly to the station from school. He was under a car, and she sat on the cement floor.
“How was your exam?”
He zipped out from under the car and saw her smiling brightly at him.
“Hello, Angel. How was school?”
“OK, I guess. Really good, actually. How was your exam?”
“Easy.”
“You always say that.”
“Tell me about school.”
“Well,” Lilly started. “Everyone stared and whispered, but I expected that ’cause back when the accident happened, everyone stared and whispered, and then when Brian died, everyone stared and whispered again.”
Tony nodded. “How was school work?’
“I’m lost. I mean L-O-S-T. I can’t remember what was going on in trigonometry or Spanish before. I couldn’t remember what my classes are or about half my teachers. I felt like a visitor from Mars.”
“What was so good?”
She looked at him, puzzled, and then answered, “I guess I expected it to be so horrendous that when it was only bad, it was good.”
“OK.” Tony saw the logic.
Lilly yawned, “I’m exhausted. I’m going home to sleep.”
“I’ll give you a ride.” Tony stood.
“It’s only a few blocks and your boss … ,” she said half-heartedly.
“If he doesn’t have a conniption, his day is ruined.”
“I’ll feel better when the pin is gone and I can wear clothes instead of grocery bags,” she muttered sleepily.
She barely made it to the house with her eyes open. They got out of the car and walked to the steps, and she turned to kiss him. The familiarity of the moment – her on the porch step, him on the walk – struck them both like an embrace from an old friend. They stood and smiled at each other. Colleen and Ann came out.
“Lilly, Tony. We got home an hour ago.”
“Hello, Goodbye,” Tony said. He started to turn back to his car. Lilly pulled his arm, put her arm around him, and kissed him. She then followed her sisters inside.
After a few minutes of questions and reassurances, Lilly said, “I’m going to bed for a little nap.”
She woke screaming at three in the morning. She opened her eyes to see her whole family standing in her room.
“What time is it? Three a.m.? Jeez some nap. I think I’ll eat something, take a bath, and go to bed.” She chose to ignore the stares and whispers.
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 19